Demons
Why Wilson is still House's friend. He's more selfish than anyone knows.
James Wilson is a good man. He has what is arguably one of the worst jobs in the world, trying to ease the pain of the terminally ill, making friends he knows are going to die far too soon. And he is a good man because he has been doing his job the same way for a very long time, when others would be broken and beaten and given up. He has seen his colleagues, and has heard them whisper among themselves theories about how he does it.
He fakes it all. Every smile and hug and handshake. No one could do what he does and still be so sane. They say
He likes death, likes getting to know people who're going to die. I bet he thinks he's sending them off with messages to Death or something. Crazy bastard. They say
They wonder how he does it, and he'll never tell them. Because it's a secret he's not even sure he wants to know himself.
James Wilson is an evil, selfish man.
He starts his day in the hospital, goes around to all his patients. Maybe one has slipped away in the night, maybe one is going ot live a few days longer than expected. He talks with them, smiles at them, learns their stories and swears to himself he will keep their memories alive. He has been to so many funerals. And slowly, his smiles turn more faked, his assuring words more forced. At a slow, measurable pace, James Wilson's heart breaks for these dying men and women, whose own bodies have betrayed them.
Then, when there is not a single muscle of truth moving his mouth into a friendly grin, he goes to see House.
House is the reason Wilson is not bat-shit crazy. Not for his friendship, or for some sort of kindness the man might show his best and only friend. No, all Wilson has to do is stand and watch.
Half an hour with House gives him the will to get through the day.
Because all Wilson has to do is watch this broken man with ancient eyes. He sees House, utterly alone in his mind, fighting a war he can never win. He sees House driving people away for no reason other than that his demons are fighting well this day and he hates it when people see them. He sees House putting down person after person, emulating his personal war in the real world. And he sees House trying to drown the weariness of battle in his work.
And then all he has to do is think, This will be me when I give up.
Because Wilson hates who House is to other people, Wilson hates the demons House thinks he has to fight alone, and how House doesn't know he's already lost because it's another demon that won't let him ask for help. He hates House for fighting a useless battle, and loves him for it too. Because just seeing his pointless war gives Wilson the strength to go on.
James Wilson is an evil, selfish man. He uses the man who thinks he's a friend, and he can't even bring himself to feel regret for it.
This came to me out of nowhere while I was in the car, and I was like, 'Shit, must write before brain deletes!' Because that's how my brain works. I didn't write it in time, unfortunately, but the idea was still there. So this isn't as good as it could have been if I had some sort of direct access between Word and my brain, but I don't think they have that technology yet. Damn. Anyway, hope you liked it.