Title: Without Regret, with Hope
Author: Kerttu
Pairing: Sands/El
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: As if anyone could own these guys!
Summary: Post-movie
AN: The mistakes that remain are all mine. Bows to Maureen for ideas of smut (Did you think THIS would happen because of your Braille comment?).
El loves Sands when the man sleeps.
The smaller frame of the ex-Agent does not show then the dangerous being inside. He is a warm body by the Mariachi's side, his face relaxed and open, beautiful only in the way a Saint can be, all white angles and dark shadows in harmony.
This man can lean into soft caresses, rub sensuously against El's body like an attention seeking cat and lavish gentle kisses on the neck, lips dancing like butterflies.
In reality nothing like that happens.
Sands never admits how much he loves The's warm breath against his skin. He demands his satisfaction and then turns away, falling asleep on the pillow under which there is always a loaded gun.
El lets him do this because he sleeps with a round in the chamber as well and he understands.
Sands also refuses to learn Braille because 'I have you, El!' and El reads to him and sometimes, very rarely when Sands has had a really lousy day, the American curls by his side and does not shrug off El's arm when he is carefully dragged to lean onto El's shoulder.
El hopes that some day Sands will be the one to turn to him while they are sitting on a sofa like that, El reading a crappy sci-fi novel and Sands correcting his pronunciation. That Sands will lean over and kiss him on the mouth and give into caresses and will allow El to whisper sweet nothings into to his ear.
El misses romance that would give him something to make songs about but for now he lives for the quiet moments of Sands' sleep and reluctant surrender of necessary comforting human contact.
Sands makes El's hair stand on end when he is awake but El stays.
El might love Sands when the man sleeps but he definitely wants the man when he is awake. And as surprising as it is but Sands wants him back.
So El keeps love for dreams and lust at hand and shares his life with a madman.