Disclaimer:Does anyone else think that disclaimers are as annoying as hell? D: I think you guys know by know that I don't own Luigi, Pavi, or any other Repo! Character. They belong to Terrance Zdunich and Darren Smith. I just like to put them in cracktastic situations.
… I also don't own ICEEs. Everyone knows that the Coca Cola company would like to sue me or anyone for just mentioning their products. Also, I came up with the title for the movie. I hope that doesn't exist, either. ._.;
"Fratello! Tengo un idea!"
"…"
Luigi Largo lowered the newspaper that he so rarely read. Well, he had to keep informed every now and then. He arched a brow, pursing his lips as if to say something. Anger and annoyance flickered through his eyes. His jaw clenched as he rolled up the paper, ready to use it on his brother like a misbehaved canine. Oh yes, it was just your typical day at the Largo household. Venting his frustration, Luigi promptly fwacked Pavi upside the head.
"Ow-a!" Pavi pouted, grabbing his head. No pun intended, but of course.
"That's Spanish, not the half-assed 'Italiano' that you speak or struggle to speak, douche bag. Get your languages straight, Gaylord.," Luigi simply rolled his eyes. Speaking of Gaylord, that's an actual name. …Why? Just why?
"But-a…" The younger male sniffled, "The Pavi has an idea-uh."
"Quick! Hurry. Tell me before it goes away." We all know that would happen. Luigi thought with a smirk.
Pavi made a "D:" face at Luigi's snide remark. The older brother proceeded to repeatedly smack the younger with the same newspaper. It would have been even more comical had they magically became chibis. Pavi dropped to the ground, rolling away to evade more attack. The younger responded, "How about we-a go to the-a movies? There's-a nothing to-a do and-a we could-a see something-ah scary!"
'Scary'? Luigi snorted at the very thought. Luigi didn't do 'scary'. Innuendo intended, of course. Luigi fucking Largo wasn't afraid of anything for that matter. Fear simply wasn't a part of his overall genetic makeup. Pavi, on the other hand… He mused the idea of Pavi watching a horror movie. He knew it wouldn't end well, which made it all the better on the murderer's behalf.
"Fine. Let's go. We'll see that horror movie called Swamp Killers or whatever the hell it's called."
Pavi clapped his hands together in joy, amused as he flashed a rather toothy grin. They didn't need to tell their father since he was at a local fundraiser. It's not like he cared, anyway. Amber was busy doing who knows what and she always slaughtered fun. Yeah, she killed fun. The Largo fratelli hopped into the limousine, driving off towards their destination. The chauffeur glanced in his rearview mirror. Worry creased his brows. I wonder now what mayhem will ensue…
"…"
"…"
"He's touching me."
"…"
"Stop fucking touching me!"
"Molest-a, molesta!"
Hey, that rhymed with 'fiesta' and 'siesta'.
"What are you? The god damned pedo bear?
Luigi roughly punched Pavi in the arm, causing him to yelp. At last, ten minutes later, they finally arrived. The two walked up to the bored cashier at the ticket booth. Her hands propped up her head, resting underneath her chin, as the men stood in front of her. Oh great. It's the Largo brothers. Better tread carefully or else I'll be raped and murdered, she grimly thought with an ounce of sarcasm. Luigi ordered, "Two tickets to see Swamp Killers, Lady." Meanwhile, Pavi kept ogling her… It was the beginning to freak the poor girl out.
"That'll be $19.50, please."
The older male swore under his breath, "You guys really do charge an arm and a leg." Rage glinted in his eyes. Ah, well… That was just the movies for you. Aside from the fact that they're, y'know, RICH,the girl reflected. Well, we all knew that Luigi was a cheap bastard like his father. He paid whilst she handed him the tickets in return. Luigi dragged Pavi towards the food stand, "C'mon. No face stealing or screwing today. Or flirting." Paviche began to protest, but cut off to see the sharp edge of Luigi's blade.
"Whatever you-a say, Fratello. Oh-a! Let's-a buy the-a MEGA Tub of-a popcorn! And-a gummy bears! And-a ICEEs!" Yes, MEGA had to be said in caps lock. It enhanced the intense quality of the word.
"Fine. Whatever. We'll be your ultra popcorn as long as it makes you shut the fuck up during the movie," Luigi grumbled.
"Ohaydere. What can I get you two? Mhm. Okay. Okie dokey. That'll be thirty buckaroos from you two love birds."
Oh jeez. That man did NOT just say that, did he? Well, the cashier was poorly mistaken and terribly misinformed. Instead of paying, Luigi stabbed him repeatedly. Stab, stab, stabbity stab stab. Somehow, no blood managed to stain his suit. Talk about skills. Pavi grabbed the cherry-flavored ICEEs whilst Luigi took the gummy bears and popcorn. It was like juggling, balancing all the food plus the tickets in their grasp. The popcorn was… HUGE. Their eyes bulged at the sheer sight of it.
"…Freakin' idiot. How the hell're we supposed to finish this? It's not human."
"…Papa could."
Luigi merely stared at his younger brother, saying nothing. Just because- Well, he wasn't going to get into that. They both (as you are, dear reader) were thinking the same thing: Diabeetus.We all know that Rotti is the reincarnation of that man from those particular commercials. Neither of them were going to admit that, however. They grabbed their seats in a pleasant spot in the middle. There were only a few people in the theatre, surprisingly. That was fine by them. Commercials began to play on the large screen. They both twitched. People went to the movies in order to escape television.
That was America for you.
As the actual previews began to roll, people began to file in. Out of all of the seats, they sat in the ones closest to the Largo fratelli. Theaters are huge for a reason. (Shovel is just venting her pet peeves at the movies.) Anyway, Swamp Killersbegan to play on the screen. They mindlessly munched on popcorn before beginning a gummy bear eating contest. That led them to violently choking. Luigi slapped Pavi on the back as he took a sip of his beverage.
A kid screamed and sobbed in the nearby distance. A mother desperately tried to calm the child. A cell phone glowed. Luigi was furious. He stood up in his seat, knife in the air, "I'm going to shank the next bitch who doesn't keep their fucking mouth shut! Oh! Turn off your god damned cell phone, douche bag! …Now that's more like it." Satisfied, he sat back down.
At one of the gorey parts of the film, blood and guts flew. There were a few squeals from the audience. Pavi glanced over at Luigi. He was actually smiling. How creepy. He glanced over at two girls that were a few seats away. One was blond whilst the other was a brunette. The blond wore a red cap whilst the brunette wore a dress with England's flag on it. They were… emotionless. They actually looked bored until the blond started chuckling. Balls of-a steel… Pavi mused, closing his eyes every now and then.
"lolololol. Bitch gonna get stabbed," Luigi said with a gleeful expression on his face.
"Oh-a no!" Pavi exclaimed through splayed fingers.
"What? You're actually rooting for her?"
"No-a! The use of-a memes in-a this series is atrocious!"
"You know what else is atrocious? Your accent, douche."
"That's-a it!" Pavi snapped his fingers together. Uh-oh. Another idea, "We-a need to-a travel to the center of the-a Internet to-a destroy it."
Luigi gave Pavi a 'You Crazeh' look. Apparently, Pavi had been lurking a bit too much or so it seemed. The older brother shook his head, eyes reverting back to the screen. Out of the blue, they suddenly had a contest to see who could finish their ICEE first. Pavi moaned. Luigi groaned, gripping his throbbing temples. Brain freezes were the worst. In an attempt to neutralize it, they mindlessly munched on popcorn.
The credits began to roll much to their disappointment. Luigi glanced into the bucket. There was about a quarter of the bucket left. He grabbed a fistful and threw it at the screen, "Boo! You suck! Talk about a shitty ending." He huffed. Pavi, on the other hand, looked a bit shaken. His eyes darted to and fro as he twitched from the slightest movements. Luigi smirked. He sneaked up behind him, clamping his hands down upon Pavi's shoulders.
The Italian playboy let out a blood curdling scream that sounded like a woman's voice. Luigi winced, covering his ears. Oh, it was worth it, though. He would keep that moment in his memories forever. The fratelli walked out of the movie theater with Luigi snickering the entire time. Pavi continued to frantically (yet casually) glance behind his back. As the chauffeur took them home, it dawned on Luigi. Pavi wasn't all that bad to hang out with asie from the fact that he was a freak and a waste of genes. They'd have to go see horror movies more often.
The older brother decided to break the silence in the vehicle for once, "…Too bad Bill Moseley wasn't in this."
"Si. Or-a Nivek Ogre."
"Pfft. Bill kicks ass."
"And what about-a Ogre, hm?"
"He does have good music…"
Pavi nodded with a knowing smile. Their eyes met, sending them both into a riot of uncontrollable laughter. It was neither false nor inconsiderate, but true laughter. The river glanced in the rearview mirror with a smile. There was nothing like going to the movies.
FINI.