A/N: This story was the very first fanfic I ever wrote - and comes with all the clichés associated. The writing makes me cringe, but it stays here as a testament to my newbieness and to keep my pride in check. It remained incomplete for quite a long time; in a desperate attempt to finish on its anniversary, I rushed the last three chapters so I could finally put it to bed. If you stumbled here in search of RoryJess, you found it - but don't expect anything outstanding. I'd much rather you checked out what is, in comparison, my crowning Literati achievement: a oneshot entitled The Setting Sun. Hopefully you'll find that my writing has matured from the typical, high-school-sophomore attempt at fan fiction that you can read below.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or the Simple Plan lyrics.

1. Left Broken

Now you're gone
I wonder why
You left me here
I think about it on and on and on and on and on again
I know you're never coming back
I hope that you can hear me
I'm waiting
To hear from you

"Um. . . you'll call me?"

"Yeah. I'll call you."

And that was it. Her heart felt heavier with every step she took away from him. Later, she would like to think the horrible feelings that worsened while she watched the bus turn the corner were a sort of warning. That somehow, the deep connection she shared with Jess was telling her to do something, anything. Run after the bus, call a cab, call his name, cry. But she didn't.

Rory ignored the feelings, voices, sickness, whatever you want to call it, and instead walked up towards Chilton still oblivious. He would be there when she got back. Her stomach churned. Right?

All day she thought of him. She should have been thinking of Chemistry. Of finals. Of college. But no, every time Jess would invade her thoughts. Why was he on that bus? He should be in school! He. . . 'I thought you took an earlier bus. . . ' He had wanted to avoid her? Were they broken up now? No, he talked to her. . . But where was he going? She thought of his habit of not saying goodbye. Was he leaving? Her feeling of dread only increased. She couldn't deal with this. Clear your head, clear your head. Finals!

She was able to make it through the day by coming up with a method of coping. Each time she thought of Jess, she would write the thought down, and put it aside to read and think over later. It helped.

Unfortunately, later never came. Finals did, though. And then she had to write her valedictorian speech, and pack for Europe. She couldn't allow him to occupy her mind, get her upset and distracted. When her mom told her that he wasn't coming back, she didn't think. She wrote it down, in a marble-covered that had become the unofficial "Jess Notebook." Her mother didn't know about it. And though Rory insisted she was fine, she also insisted that she didn't want to talk about him. Lorelai suspected she was having a rough time, but said nothing.

Graduation Day came. He was supposed to have been there. He called. At least, she thought it was him that called. Hoped it was him, because if it wasn't, then whoever was on the other line was treated to some very undeserved Gilmore raving. Rory also told him that she might have loved him. Well, if it was him, that was a promise he had kept. For once.

On the plane, while her mother was sleeping beside her, she pulled out her notebook and allowed herself to think of him. Really think of him, for the first time since he had left. Remembering the mysterious call, she wondered if he felt guilty; if he missed her. All the suppressed feelings: the dread, the sadness, the hopelessness, the indescribable ache that was his loss, came rushing back in all its glory. She felt it spread from within her to her chest, to her stomach, to all through her. Did he know what he was doing to her? Why couldn't he have told her what was going on? She thought of his kisses, the concert they went to, of the books he borrowed from her and she stole from him. Of Kyle's party, the awful thing in his bedroom and the fight that ensued. She wanted him to come back, so she could run into his arms and forget everything but them.

Turning the pages, she realized that it was more than half-full. She stopped on a page that was blank except for one thing. "Did he leave because of me?" While her mother dozed next to her, she cried silent tears.