AN: A seven chaptered fic composed of seven one-shots centred around the theme of the seven deadly sins in relation to Arthur Pendragon.
Sorry if this isn't exactly how you see him, but he isn't exactly a very happy character, is he? :L However, it won't all be doom and gloom :)
Is a bit angsty I'm afraid :L. I've left her purposely nameless so she can be who ever you want her to be.
Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own Merlin... yet ;). Full credit to creators.
First up is lust (implied sex but no hideous graphic details):
Lust. Arthur hates it and yet he needs it.
Night after night they come, young women from all backgrounds, servants and nobility alike. All he needs them to be is pretty. All they need him to be is Arthur Pendragon.
He likes to close his eyes as they come to him, to pretend that for a minute, it's her whom he lusts after. After all, it's her he dreams of being with, her whom he wants to share his bed. Her, whom his heart yearns for when the darkness comes.
It's her who never does. Arthur Pendragon is alone like his father.
He stares at the ceiling as she slithers into bed with him like a snake. Initially, he recoils from her careful touch before embracing her. He needs this to feel something. He wants to feel whole.
Fleetingly, he is appeased in the heat of the moment. He allows himself to be lost in the warmth of another, allows himself to feel something other than the bitterness that eats away at him day after day. He imagines that it's her under him and he is mollified, albeit briefly.
Desperate thoughts fill his mind. What would she think, he wonders? What would she say? Would she be hurt? The answer hurts him more than anything and he makes a pact with himself that he must stop, for her sake.
This girl will be the last; he's sure of it.
He longs to feel numb forever but the moment is gone too quickly and the feelings return to ravage him again. He wishes he could be anyone other than the Prince of Camelot just for a day. Merlin perhaps? Someone with a simple life away from the pain and disappointment of his father. Arthur can never quite match up to Uther no matter how hard he tries. The only thing he exceeds in is failing.
The girl gets up tentatively before pulling her simple dress on and then fastening it with purpose. She smiles at him sadly, her blue eyes morose. She's prettier than the norm, he notes as he watches her tie back her blonde waves in a bun. He yearns to feel something for her but he can't; she is not her. Instead, he turns over and the woman leaves, her graceful footfalls echoing along the corridor. She'll be gone in a week but he can't even bring himself to feel pity. Arthur doesn't like being reminded of his past any more than his father does.
He lies awake until daylight breaks, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. The memories torment him but he knows that tonight, he will wreck another life. He tries telling himself that it is his right as Prince, but is not convinced. He is wrong again and he knows it.
A knock on his door alerts him to the fact that it is time to get up. He gathers the sheets up around him just as his manservant enters, arms laden with armour. Merlin smiles at him and Arthur does his best to return it before striding over to the wardrobe, still wrapped tightly in the sheet. Merlin watches him forlornly before exiting.
The young prince of Camelot listens to the door close before burying his face in his hands. He walks over to the basin in his room, dipping his hands into the water he finds there. Its icy coldness appeases him but he grimaces as his solemn reflection becomes visible in the water. The face of Arthur Pendragon, the weak and the cowardly stares back at him. He resists the urge to strike at the water, instead smiling coldly.
One day, he is going to make his father proud and on that day, he is going to be worthy of her. One day, he's going to deserve the title of Prince. One day is going to be soon.
He can see it now, and the edges of his lips curve upwards. Arthur, prince of Camelot stood with his wife and his son by his side as Uther looks on happily. No more despair or disappointment, no more fear or guilt, just elation and contentment. Arthur's finally free.
The smile disappears as the vision fades. Some day he'll be that man, but not yet.
He dresses quickly before leaving, marching through the corridors with purpose. He's finally made up his mind; he wants to see her, to confess that she's all he ever dreams about, that his whole world is centred around her! If he could only tell her, everything will be all right...
He stops suddenly, distracted by a tall, slim figure striding down the corridor. His confidence leaves him at once and he recoils into the shadows. She passes, oblivious to his presence and he is left feeling empty again. So the game persists and his heart still aches. If only they would stop toying with him!
He strikes out at a vase with a roar and it falls to the ground, shattering instantly. Arthur hates feeling doubtful; it is almost as bad as feeling weak in his father's eyes so must be avoided at all costs. He stares at the shards with a mixture of shame and surprise.
A servant nervously peers round the corner, her dark eyes curious. Arthur beckons her over without a second thought and she comes willingly, blushing slightly. For the briefest second, Arthur feels a vindictive kind of satisfaction before the feeling fades leaving him empty once again. He whispers in her ear before pulling away watching the way that her eyes widen in disbelief. He stares at her for several seconds until she nods. Then he walks away as the shame returns. Tomorrow, he thinks. I'll tell her tomorrow. The lie echoes in his mind for several seconds. Tomorrow, he repeats, but first is tonight.
This girl will be the last; he's sure of it.
Please read and review :) Constructive critism is always welcome, as is praise (if I deserve it) :)