UNSURE

It felt oddly familiar, talking to him in this way. My mind was flashed back to so many years ago. Fifteen years old, without any real worries. Dashboard filling my ears with soft acoustics, AIM opened up on the computer with fifteen different chat boxes. The days of being a freshman in high school were long forgotten to me, despite it only being six years ago.

But when talking to him... it felt as if no time had passed at all.

I pulled up the blinking box with the user name CarelessJake87 highlighted above it.
"Haha. Remember when I asked you to go to the dance with me in 9th grade?"

I hesitated as I wrote back "How could I forget? You never let me." It surprised me that we had been oddly thinking about similar memories. Jacob and I had been friends for nearly a decade now, a decade full of memories. And of all the ones we could be thinking about, we choose the same one.

"True. Maybe if you would have gone with me… like you said you would… I would let you forget"

He would never let that go. I had gotten a boyfriend a week after I agreed to go with him as friends. And we would have, had it not been for Mike Newton. He was on the football team with Jacob and he had been infatuated with me for months. It was my first boyfriend and I wasn't about to start an unnecessary scene at the school's most popular event. Why would I go to the dance with my friend when my boyfriend was going to be there?

I hated opening up old wounds.

"Even if I had gone with you, you wouldn't have ever let me forget. The second you asked me I was bound to a lifetime of harassment from you." I smirked as I clicked the send button.

It was true. He wouldn't deny it, he'd just change the subject.

"So how are you and Edward doing?"

Always so predictable. I couldn't help the smug smile my lips curved into, as I tried to ignore the question glaring at me from the computer screen.

I could never understand why he always asked me the same damn question when I always had the same answer. I hated talking to him about my relationships, because that was an open invitation for his wise ass remarks he found so funny. He was too blunt for my sensitive self. His words always ringing truths I never wanted to face.

"We're good. How are you and Leah?" Two can play at that game.

"It sucks."

That was the response I was expecting. He had been dating Leah for a couple months now. Apparently the sex was really good and she knew how to have fun. He wouldn't tell me much more than that, but it always sounded like his type of relationship. Carefree and lots of positions. So to say I was surprised when I found out she had a daughter, would be a huge understatement. Jacob had never been the settling down type. He always talked about never wanting to get married and just wanting to focus on living life. According to him, he was just a free spirit.

But I knew Jacob better than that. I knew he was just afraid. His last long term girlfriend was in middle school. He was inexperienced when it came to relationships, always just looking for the next 'fuck'. He was all for trying new things, but not when it involved making you vulnerable. And love will always do just that.

Before I could even gather my thoughts for a response, he wrote another message.

"She's such a bitch to me and it's really starting to piss me off. I don't need her bullshit."

Typical Jacob, the second it gets hard, he splits. "So are you going to break it off with her now?"

"What? No. Would you just leave Edward if you were fighting? Ok yea… it's all the fucking time… but would you, COULD YOU, just end it? Why would I do that, I love her."

The words stung in more ways than I expected. The mere thought of not being with Edward shot through me like a dagger to my chest. It was a familiar feeling, one that I never wanted to ever truly experience. But I was able to move past that thought, especially with those three words pushing past all the rest.

I love her.

I'd been sitting at the computer for what seemed like hours. The minute hand had only moved twice but my body begged to differ as the words on the screen grew even larger. A sharp ding rang out from my computer speakers, startling me.

"Helllooooo?"

I shook my head failing to really focus on what was happening. I tried to gather some words that made any sense. "Hey" was all I could reply. "Hey"? Really? What was wrong with me? I added a little more hoping to cover up my moronic state "I'm still here. I just got distracted for a second."

"Oh I'm sorry, is your Edward back? I forgot, nothing dares to come before him"

I took a deep breath trying to contain the anger his words brought. "No he's not back yet. I just got distracted asshole. Anyways... have you talked to her about being a bitch?"

"Yea like I'm going to just walk right up to her and tell her I'm tired of her being a bitch to me. Real smart Bells. I might as well give myself a right hook and not waste my time."

"You know what I mean. What has gotten into you today?" Jacob was a smart ass but he had never been this short with me before. I was one of the only girls he never lost his temper around and right now that was about change.

"You must really be distracted Bells because it seems you haven't listened to anything I've said. I'll let you get back to whatever's so important."

"What? No, I'm just trying-"before I could even type the words I wanted to say he signed off.

I went back and read through our conversation, trying to sort out what exactly he said I missed. We had just talked about the past and his current issues with Leah. He always had issues with her though, it wasn't anything new. None of it explained why he seemed so short with me.

I sat there for awhile trying to think of some kind of explanation. My thoughts drifted back to the three words that had caught me so off guard before. I love her. I couldn't describe the feelings I felt when I read over those words again. I'd never heard him say that of another girl before. This was as new to me as it was to him.

Could he really love Leah? Did she love him? That was a lot to take on at our age considering she had a daughter. He wasn't just playing around with her heart, but little Claire's as well. He'd told me he'd been over at their house a lot the past month. He even took her to a nearby part on his own and claimed he really enjoyed it.

I smiled at the thought of Jacob playing with Claire on the playground. I could see his short, dark hair reflecting the sun's rays as he smiled brightly at her. He'd be wearing his usual khaki shorts and some Pacsun tee while pushing her gently on the swings. As different as it was picturing Jacob in this way, it was oddly peaceful and just seemed… fitting.

I was disrupted of my thoughts when a familiar velvety voice spoke into my ear.

"Miss me?"

My smile instantly grew larger as he turned the computer chair I was sitting in around to face him.

Edward.

My eyes met his beautiful green ones in an instant and I felt my heart swell. I shook my head yes as my eyes scanned over his body. He was wearing my favorite dark v-neck with his fitted jeans hanging over a pair of green converse. His hair was in its usual mess of coppery locks. My arms naturally wrapped themselves around his waist as I rest my head on his chest, breathing him in.

He laughed lightly as he returned the embrace. I looked up at him before moving my lips to his, grazing them lightly. I sat back down the computer chair as he started changing. "How was work?"

"It sucked. Nothing but fucking old people complaining about shit I can't do anything about. They think I run the place just because I'm the only one who's there at night. I'm maintenance. I maintain shit, that's it." He ran his fingers through his hair before pulling his phone out of his pocket and starting playing with it.

I turned back around to the computer noticing that I had left the AIM message box between me and Jacob open. Fuck. I nonchalantly clicked out of the message and closed the program before he could see anything.

I needed to be more careful with this friendship. Edward was already suspicious of Jacob as it was. He always believed that there was some master plan that Jacob had regarding me. He would never accept that we were just good friends. Even though Jacob had been with Leah for months, the mere thought of him talking to me angered Edward. As much as I hated to admit it, it was a little suffocating at times. I hadn't actually seen Jacob in months because of him. I was always to afraid he'd find out and I'd be starting world war three. It was something I wanted to avoid at all cost, and that cost had become mine and Jacob's friendship.

"Talking to Jacob again?" His eyebrows rose questioningly and the familiar hint of jealousy glistened in his eye.

Damnit. "Yea, but it was nothing. He was just asking me how I was handling everything with Rosalie."

His expression softened immediately as he resigned back on the bed and returned his attention to his phone. I felt bad for using her death as a shield from Edward's jealousy but I really didn't want to hear it right now. I knew he wouldn't press further, despite how much he wanted to.

It had only been 4 months since the car accident that took Rose's life and everyone was still waiting for me to shatter into a million pieces. She was my only full blooded sister and the only one who had shared the pain I felt from losing my mother, our mother. I really couldn't blame them, but I wished they'd have more confidence in me. No matter how many times I assured them that I was ok, they'd never fully believe me. It amazed me how easily they forgot that I had already been through this before. I'd lost my mother for Christ's sake. It didn't make losing my sister any easier, but I had learned early on how to manage... how to grieve. My dad Charlie was the only family member whoever had faith in me. He knew that I was going to be ok, but he still wavered on the fact that I was already "ok".

I was home when my dad had been contacted about the accident. Rose had been driving home from school when a man driving a truck coming from the opposite direction swerved into her lane. He hit her head on. Charlie and I rushed to the hospital she had been flown to, an hour away. Describing the emotions we felt during that torturous drive, is impossible. All we could do was hope and pray for the best.

Unfortunately, none of it would be enough.

Edward had been more openly distraught over the whole thing than I was. He had started vomiting in the hospitals waiting area when we had found out Rose was never going to recover. There was too much damage to her brain. I knew he'd be upset, but I never expected what came. Edward had always had a love/hate relationship with Rose. Always taking jabs at each other trying to piss one another off. I don't think I realized the bond they had formed during the course of our relationship. I found myself crying just from the sight of seeing him in so much pain. I couldn't even focus on my own, his pain was my pain.

Rose was one of the very best parts of my life. Losing her was the last thing I ever expected. After the loss of our mother, I never thought I would ever be forced to suffer that kind of pain again. When I finally grasped the fact that Rose wasn't going to make it, I didn't know what to feel. I went numb.

Edward was one of the only people to ever give me the space I needed. He didn't push me to talk about it but sometimes I could see him staring at me with this sorrowful expression on his face. He never noticed that I'd caught him looking at me like that, and continued to just let me be. I was thankful for that.

He stuck by my side as family came from all over the country. If it wasn't for his arm around my waste I was sure I would have broken into a million pieces all over the floor. I never told anyone though. I didn't want a pity party on my behalf when everything should be focused on the short life that Rose did get to live. With Edward, I was ok. Days were easier to get by and I found myself forming back to my normal self within weeks.

I didn't know what I could do to convince everyone that I was going to be fine. I tried going to counseling, but I felt like I was talking to a wall. I even kept a diary, but I didn't need to keep replaying my own thoughts to myself. Grieving was something I was going to have to do the way I wanted to. I needed to do it for myself, for Rose. It took me awhile to realize that there was nothing I could do to make them believe that I was ok. This was something I was going to have to do personally, on my own time.

And everyone was going to have to accept that.

I glanced over at Edward just as he looked up from his phone and our eyes connected. I couldn't stifle the little giggle that escaped my lips at our perfect timing.

I was relieved to see the jealousy gone from his eyes. He was mine again.

"What's so funny?" He asked through a crooked smile as he reached for my hand.

"Nothing, I just love you." I let him pull me closer to him as I crawled over the top of his body, stopping once I reached his chest.

His hands traveled lightly down my back, tickling my skin as they grazed by. He reached around my waste and flipped me over so my back was on my bed. He held himself up over me has he nuzzled into the crevice of my neck and planted soft kiss there. I hummed in response to the feeling his lips left on my neck and smiled softly to myself.

My hands moved on their own accord around his neck and my fingers laced their way through his hair. I pulled him towards me and my lips met his. This kiss was sweet and gentle as I brought his bottom lip into mine and bit it softly. He groaned into my mouth and thrust himself against me.

He knelt between my legs and looked my body over with a fire in his eyes. His hands ran up my legs only stopping to grab the hem of my shirt as they traveled up the length of my body. My nipples grew harder as he gently nibbled down my neck to the curves of my breast. His soft, wet tongue twirled around them arousing me even further. His teeth bit down and tugged on them causing me to thrust my chest towards him, needing him to taste more of me.

My core began to throb and I felt myself moistening… my body longing for him to be inside of me. My hands fervently undid the button on his pants and slid them down his legs.

He must have sensed my need for him because he abruptly ripped my pants down my legs exposing all of me to him. Two of his fingers made their way into my throbbing core while his tongue lapped up my juices. The pressure in my stomach began to build and I felt like I was about to explode.

My breathing grew ragged in response to a Edward's rough moans. Without any notice he lifted my knees and sat back up in front of me. I reached for his erect dick and pulled him closer to my center, my body growing anxious from the close contact.

The temperature in the room seemed to escalate and beads of sweat began to roll down our bodies. Before I could even prepare myself he thrust into my roughly causing an animalistic moan to escape me. My nails dug into the sheet as he slowly pulsed in and out of me. I moved my hips in rhythm with his, meeting him with every thrust.

His fingers dug into the flesh of my thigh as he pulled me to him deepening his access to my core. His breaths were heavy and he through his head back as he started to reach his limit. The pressure in my body begged for release and I increased the strengths of my thrust.

The moment Edward's fingers rubbed over my clit my body began to cave. My muscles tensed and I felt my core throbbing as I came. I bit down on my lip to try to stifle my moans but failed in the attempt.

My orgasm came down and I tried to clear my clouded thoughts and focus on Edward once again. I immediately rolled over onto my stomach and propped myself on my knees. He quickly thrust his dick into me once more and I yelped at it unexpectedly. His breathing was loud and the word "fuck" escaped his lips as the new position allowed him inside of me even deeper.

He pulled himself out quickly and finished his orgasm onto my back. My back rose and fell quickly as I tried to gain control of my breathing. Edward collapsed to my side and he ran his fingers through his hair. I looked in his direction and saw him wearing my favorite crooked smile.

I rolled my eyes in response and gestured to my back "You know I hate when you do this. A condom would suffice."

"You know how I feel about them babe" he smacked my ass as he added "and you know I always clean up after myself."

I groaned in defeat as he wiped me off "Doesn't make it any less gross… or awkward."

He chuckled to himself as he snuck into the bathroom. I pulled back on my pajamas and crawled into bed to wait for him.

After a moment my bedroom door opened and Edward resurfaced from the bathroom. He laid down in the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms. "Do you know how amazing you are?"

My lips curved into a smile. "I have an idea."

Edward thrust his hips against my ass as he responded "Well aren't you cocky."

The room grew quiet and for a moment all I could hear was our steady breathing.

"Bella?"

I hummed a response.

"I love you." His arms gave my body a quick squeeze, emphasizing his words.

"I love you too Edward"

A few minutes later he had fallen asleep and I was left awake alone as usual.

I laid there in his arm in the aftermath that was our love. I started thinking about our relationship and how hot and cold it always was. We could never really just meet in the middle. It was either nights full of passion, or nights flooded with the resentment of his jealousy.

I didn't doubt my love for Edward or the love he had for me. We'd been bound together in some form since we met. It was freshman year and he was best friends with Mike when I met him… and he also happened to have a crush on me. When the end of junior year rolled around and I was single, Edward became my best friend… who just so happened to have a crush on me. It wasn't until the end of my senior year that my best friend became my boyfriend. Edward had liked me for four long, oblivious years.

It took me awhile to admit my feelings for him. I don't know why it took me as long as it did. Sometimes I think my subconscious was having me hold out because they knew it was a relationship for a lifetime. Edward wasn't meant to be in my life in glimpses and flashbacks. He was meant to be in my life besides me, always.

It had taken the death of Edward's mother for me to realize this. I had thought he'd given up on me around the time we found out about his mother Elizabeth's failing health. The cancer had managed to take over her body within a matter of months.

But when he came stumbling to me in his darkest hour and confided in me, it all pieced together.

We were meant to be together.

I stuck by his side through the last days of his mother's life and the few days that follow. I went everywhere with him. We'd been to the lawyers, the doctors, visited other family members, and spent hours just sitting with Elizabeth. What surprised me was how it felt like we had been together for years, when it had only been a matter of days.

It was on the last day of his mother's life that I realized just how much I meant to Edward. She had become unresponsive and he was at her bedside saying his goodbye.

His voice carried over into the living room where I was seated waiting for him.

"Mom, I know you can't acknowledge me but I know you're listening." His voice cracked as he continued to speak to her. "I love you and I know you love me. It's so hard to say goodbye to you even though I know you're suffering right now."

I felt my eyes welling up with tears as his choked words escaped the room. It was one of the most heartbreaking experiences I had ever witnessed.

"You've always looked out for me and worried for me. You don't have to do that for me anymore. You can let go now Mom, and be at peace. I've found a really wonderful woman who I know will look out for me and love me. I love her Mom, and I'm going to marry her one day." His sobs won over him in this moment and he nearly crumbled at her side. Edward's hands grasped the rails of her bed and tried to gather his emotions.

I glanced over at him and saw a strength watch over his feature. He was holding himself together, trying to be strong for her.

He leaned over one last time and planted a sweet kiss upon her forehead. "I love you Mom. Goodbye."

I was brought back to the present as a tear streamed down my face. Our first weeks together had been filled with sadness but they were the weeks that pieced us together. Our love was molded during that time.

It was these memories that reminded me of the love that we shared. Whenever we became strained or Edward became too suffocating I thought back to the last words he'd said to his mother.

I love her Mom, and I'm going to marry her one day.

Those words held me together, even when nothing else did.

But what if those words were the only thing holding me here. Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened had he not said those words. Would I still have stuck through the rough times had I not heard the promise he never really made to me, but to his mother.

I thought through what I had given up in order to be with Edward.

I no longer went out with my friends to parties. Edward was always too worried something would happen to me. It was hard to argue that point even though I knew I was 21 and that was something girls did at my age, didn't they.

My friends never really understood his reasoning so I rarely saw them anymore. My friend Jessica had been the most affected by it. She blamed Edward, of course. She always tried to convince me that he was just being possessive and was making up bullshit about my safety. It's been years since I talked to her last.

Most of my nights now consisted of Edward or spending time with his sister Alice. Alice and I had been friends since I was a sophomore in high school. We had met in Spanish class when she introduced herself to me. Apparently Edward had told her all about me and she had insisted on us being friends.

It was hard to say no to Alice. She was such a fun, bubbly personality that having her around could lift anyone's spirits. She was the only person who could get me to do anything other than…

I forced my thoughts to a halt in that second. It felt almost wrong to sit here and think of him, while the man who hated him had his arms wrapped around me.

Unwillingly my thoughts eventually faded to Jacob. It still hurt that we couldn't have the friendship that we once had. As much as I hated to admit it, I didn't like that Jacob had someone else to confide in. I was so used to always be that person for him. But it was so hard to be that for him when I was constantly worried about Edward finding out.

I felt a pang of jealousy course through my body at the thought of him with Leah and Claire. As unfair as it was to Jacob, I didn't like that there was now another girl who he could enjoy himself with other than me. I'd grown so accustomed to his annoyance in women that I never actually thought he'd be serious with someone.

And now he was claiming that he loved her. What's worse is that he seemed to be angry for something I had no clue about. I didn't know when the next time would be that I would talk to him.

Admitting that hurt more than it should have and I felt tears streaming down my face once more. I wiped them away and buried myself deeply under the covers as my recent thoughts threatened to consume me.

I welcomed sleep as my eyelids drifted closed allowing me to hide myself from the reality and confusion that was my life.