When Sigyn first received word that Loki was dead, she did not say anything. Mostly because of how it had been delivered to her, as nonchalantly as if someone had been discussing the weather. She had been in one of the smaller libraries that the palace offered when the news came. She was still not allowed to interact with others on a regular basis so could only go there when it was deserted, with only a guard as an escort and a librarian with whom she was not allowed to speak. Sigyn might be denied the company of others but she had always been grateful that she was at least allowed this much. She had been searching for a particular book on herbal medicine when another guard came into the room, calmly informed her that Loki had been killed while accompanying Thor, and then just as quickly left again before she had time to ask questions. She walked calmly back to her room and bared the door, even going so far as to push her small chest of clothes against the door to make sure no one would be able to enter her chambers, before falling down on the bed in tears. She cried until she had nothing left in her body to sob, and lay prone on her bed with her face and throat swollen and her voice long gone from her silent wails. She was glad that no one had disturbed her but she knew it was just a matter of time before someone came to evict her from her small home.
With Loki dead what use was there for the serving girl? She was useless now; eventually she would go back to what her duties had been before and the life she had been living. There would be people who would be glad to see her of course, but no one would know of the pain she was feeling for the death of Loki. She had never told anyone of her feelings for him and she was certain that no one suspected. And if Thor knew anything he had never told anyone either as far as she knew. And if it was ever known publicly what she had felt the entire time she was his servant she would face scorn. She would be an outcast, in love and loyal to a traitor of Asgard and a war criminal. Even thinking of what he was, or had been, left a burning in her heart like acid. They didn't know he had changed, even if it was only a small change. At least he had been kind to her, gentle even, and she was certain that had been no manipulation.
Still, now she felt lost and directionless. The bottom had gone out of her world and she felt herself falling. But what else could she really do? There was no one she could turn to for comfort, she would have to comfort herself and find a reason to keep going even if it felt like she could not. Eventually she pushed herself off the bed and took a bath; she tried to force herself to eat but stopped when the food tasted like ashes in her grief. When she tried to sleep that night she couldn't force herself to rest and spent the night wide awake and sobbing. The next morning someone did come for Sigyn. She covered her head and kept her eyes downcast, and if anyone could tell how upset she was they kept it to themselves for which she was secretly thankful.
There was not much to move from her temporary quarters back to her permanent home. None of the furniture had been hers or the medicinal herbs that had been supplied. The only things she had owned in that room were her books and her clothes, which had been packed up and sent back to her home; so when she finally returned her things were there waiting for her. She did not bother to unpack anything but curled up on her own bed, and despite there being a small layer of dust coating everything, she fell into a deep and exhausted sleep and did not awaken until early the next day. Even now she lay there without moving still fully dressed with her shawl pulled over her face. She did not feel like moving so she stayed still and stared at the ceiling. At least she was home. The familiarity of the tiny home gave her a small sense of comfort.
She swallowed painfully feeling the soreness in her throat from the sobs that were tearing her apart. Not to mention that she was probably also dehydrated. Even with her small knowledge of medicine she knew that could be dangerous. When was the last time she had anything to drink? She couldn't remember and the thought finally propelled her off the bed and to the tiny kitchen. If the tables were reversed she knew any healer would demand that she stay hydrated. Sigyn took a large pitcher of water and filled it to the brim and set it down at her small table and poured herself a glass. She brought it to her lips and almost sighed with relief when the liquid passed her lips. Her body was starved for water and she almost drank half the pitcher in just a few minutes. She gasped a little as she forced herself to slow down, her poor empty stomach feeling swollen from having nothing in it for two days being suddenly so stuffed with water. She rubbed a hand over her stomach and felt tears coming to her eyes again but brushed them away. She did not drink water just so her body could cry it out again. It would be entirely self-defeating.
A wave of fatigue overcame her and she stumbled back to the bed and curled up on the dust covered mattress. Now that her body was hydrated it was demanding sleep to which she was quick to comply. With heavy eyelids she drifted off to sleep, and thankfully did not dream.
The next few days she went around like she was in a dream. Even when she felt like she would stay in bed forever she forced herself up, she cleaned her tiny home; she cleaned herself and made herself eat even though she had no appetite. Some days all she could force herself to eat was some fruit or soup but she at least kept herself hydrated. Sigyn began to lose weight from the lack of regular meals. The few people she interacted with commented on her pale face and small appetite but she shrugged them off by saying she was still recovering from the wounds she had sustained when Amora had tried to kill her. All of that was three months behind her, but she was still recovering from that ordeal both physically and emotionally. So in all honesty it had not been too far from a lie.
The days turned into weeks and still she sat in her tiny home waiting for a reassignment. She was eating more now and she had even felt something like happiness the last few days. Sigyn had a naturally optimistic personality, and despite the emotional turmoil she was feeling her true nature was beginning to shine through. So now she had to question why no one had come to reassign her. She was half minded to go to the halls of healing and inquire with them, since becoming a healer was something she was aspiring to become. She didn't want to be a servant forever, and had even begun to read her small library of medicine she kept in her home to keep the information fresh in her mind.
It was on one of these days, when she had nothing else to do to keep herself occupied, that she went out into her tiny garden with a book and a pitcher of tea. She laid a blanket on the ground and started to read while the noon day sun was still high in the sky. It was here that she started to feel something like peace again. It was a tiny feeling but it was blooming in her heart even though the pain of losing Loki was still thick in her gut. So for now, with the sun shining through the tiny tree in her yard and basking her in sunlight she started to feel like her old self again. Eventually she set the book aside and drank some tea, sitting cross legged and enjoying the warmth of the day. Behind her there was a polite cough and she turned, startled, and dropped the tea and watched it soak into the blanket. She ignored it and looked behind her.
"Forgive me, I called out your name earlier but you seemed lost in your own world," and older man said as he stood perhaps a dozen feet away from her.
He was handsome for an older man, and he had salt and pepper hair brushed back from a prominent brow. He coughed again politely obviously embarrassed and regarded her with such openness it was starting to make her uncomfortable. He started walking towards her with his hands crossed behind his back and she rose quickly from the ground, spilling the rest of the pitcher of tea onto the grass. She bowed politely still somewhat weary of what this man wanted.
"My name is Sigyn, this is my home, and for what purpose have you come here?" She asked softly, crossing her arms subconsciously.
The man stopped three feet from her and gave a very formal bow, "Forgive me once more for I have not introduced myself, I am a messenger from the palace and I have come to relay a message. Our Lord and King Odin, the Allfather, requests your presence tonight he wishes to thank you personally for the service you provided Loki when he was a prisoner." He said it all with a carefully rehearsed air, as if he had practiced it before delivering it to her. This in all likelihood was exactly what he did.
Sigyn's arms dropped away from her shoulders and she looked with surprise at the messenger. "There is no need for him to thank me. I was simply doing my duty, and one that I volunteered for, there is no need for him to thank me in person." She shook her head at the message; she had not done it because she wanted to be thanked for it. In all honesty she was intimidated to finally meet Odin and she was not sure what she would say. At the same time she couldn't refuse the invitation as it would seem rude if she declined.
She bowed back one more time before answering, "If you would please let me dress in something more fitting for meeting the king then I will follow you back to the castle."
The messenger smiled broadly and followed Sigyn into her home and sat down very properly at her table and looked around appreciatively at her home. "If I might say so you have a lovely home here Lady Sigyn, and you have no companions or family here with you?"
Sigyn shook her head and brought a tray of cheese to the man along with some tea as it was rude not to serve a guest in their culture. "Thank you, and yes it is just me in this home. I have family but they do not live close to me. Now please excuse me while I go change." And with that she hurried into her small bedroom to change.
It did not take her too long. She still did not have many dressed to choose from; especially since a few months ago Amora had destroyed most of them. But there were a few that she had left at home because they were too nice to work in. She pulled out a nicely tailored and long sleeved lilac dress, it had some lovely patterns on the bosom that she liked and she lightly traced her finger over the silver thread before putting it on. Sigyn was not sure what to do with her hair since it was so long, so she simply braided it and let it fall over her shoulders; she even put on a simple necklace which she had forgotten that she owned as while she was a servant she never wore any. She twirled in front of the mirror and decided that she was ready and walked outside and gave a small smile to the messenger as she closed the door behind her.
He stood quickly and smiled broadly as she walked back into the room. "If you would simply follow me, my dear Lady Sigyn, I will lead you to an audience with the Allfather straight away." And with that he turned on his heel and walked out the door, not looking behind him as he seemed certain that Sigyn was following him.
Of course she was following him. She was nervous and kept wondering about why Odin would want to see her now months after Loki's death. But then, he had been mourning the death of both his wife and adopted son. Of course she would have been the furthest thing from his mind, she was flattered that he had thought of her at all but still she was nervous. But it wouldn't do any good now to feel nervous about any of this, she was certain it would be a brief meeting and then she would be sent home. While she was there she would even inquire about the halls of healing and see if her request had even been accepted. So for now she would tame her own fears and with a smile she brushed back a few stray hairs from her cheek. Everything, she was beginning to convince herself, would be alright.