A/N: So I don't normally write anything cause I'm not really good at it, but there was this song stuck in my head and this idea that just won't go away so I decided to give it a try. Hope you'll like this. This is based on Jimmy Eat World's song Kill.
I do not own any of the characters.
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will
Chloe is a hopeless romantic. Everyone she knows is aware that the redhead falls in love fast, hard and with every fiber of her being.
She is the kind of girl who will go above and beyond for someone she loves. She wears her heart in her sleeve and most of the time this causes her to get her heart broken. But even though she's been through a lot of heartache in the past, Chloe has never wavered and has always been open to love. Her relationships were not based on a specific gender or a specific type. When she feels love, she goes for it with no qualms and with guns blazing.
So when Chloe comes barging into their shared apartment looking all excited and mushy, Aubrey just looks at her best friend and asks with a bit of annoyance, "So who is it this time?"
It's not like Aubrey doesn't support Chloe or anything. It's just that Chloe declares this all the time and it gets a bit tiring for her. Also, Chloe tends to fall in love with assholes and jerks who really get on Aubrey's nerves.
"Well, you kind of know her Bree," Chloe starts, flushing a bit when she saw Aubrey quirk an eyebrow. "And I know you might not approve since you guys don't really see eye to eye," Aubrey rolls her eyes but continues to listen to her best friend.
"I really like her Bree. Like not even just like, I think I'm kinda really falling in deep crazy love with her. But I'm just, not sure how to do this, you know? I mean I know that you're tired of me and my love life and whatever but this is different.."
I'm sure it is, Aubrey thought. "I can't remember when I was this nervous. I mean you know me, I'm confident about all this, but she just disarms me and I feel like I falling too hard and too fast and I just don't know what to do with the alt girl with madlib beats." Chloe finishes looking a bit flustered from her lengthy speech.
She looked at her best friend trying to gauge her reaction after somewhat revealing the person who caught her eye. She was and expecting the wrath of her best friend but then was shocked to see Aubrey just shaking her head and chuckling a bit to herself. "Of course you had to pick her Chlo. You had to pick the emotionally unavailable, stubborn hobbit who wears too much eye makeup."
"You're not mad?" Chloe asked, looking a bit stumped with the way her best friend was reacting. Why isn't she mad? Why isn't she freaking out? Why is this making me more nervous?
"Because Chloe, I am your best friend." Aubrey said sardonically. "I saw it coming. I saw the look you had on your face when you saw her at auditions. I saw that pervy little smile you get when you find someone interesting. I know you that well. I mean I hoped that I was wrong cause this is just a disaster waiting to happen, but well I just knew it," she walked over to Chloe and grabbed both of her hands. "Just be careful okay? I love you and you've been through a lot and I know I should object more but this is your life and I can't control you, but just promise me you'll be careful."
"I'll try Bree," Chloe sighs while squeezing her best friend's hands. "I will try to be careful but well, you know me."
Aubrey just looks at her friend and sighs again. Chloe's right, she does know her and she knows that being cautious is not really in her best friend's vocabulary.
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away
"Hey Chloe!" Beca says as she sits beside the redhead in the Bellas' rehearsal space. She's still a bit awkward around people but there's just something about Chloe that makes her gravitate towards the older girl. Chloe looks up from the notes she's reading and sends Beca a megawatt smile.
"Hey Becs! How have you been?" Chloe asks cheerily as she reached out to hug the brunette. Beca froze for a moment not sure how to react. She tentatively pats Chloe in the back and tries to squirm away from the redhead's grasp. Chloe frowns a little bit but realizes quickly what she was doing and immediately replaces her expression with a smile.
"I'm okay, I guess," the brunette says sounding a bit exasperated. "Just a bit tired since Jesse's been so annoying about his movication thing and bugged me last night to watch some movies." The redhead frowns at the mention of Jesse's name. She's seen the treble hover around Beca since aca-initiation and it's getting on her nerves. Chloe's thoughts were interrupted when the she heard the tiny girl sigh again. "I mean he's my friend and everything and I don't have a lot of those so I try to keep those who are willing to stay close, but I just can't stand him sometimes. I mean, he's nice but I don't like hanging out with him as much as I like hanging out with you, you know?" Beca finishes looking her friend in the eye.
"Well I am pretty awesome," Chloe says giving her friend a cheeky grin. She tried to keep her emotions in check with what the brunette just said. Internally though, Chloe was doing a happy dance from what Beca just said about her.
Beca just chuckles at Chloe's statement. "Well I can't argue with that," the shorter girl says. There's just something about Chloe's confidence that Beca admires. She's just different around the redhead and she can't figure out why. She's scared because she's never felt this way, ever but there's just something about Chloe that she can't put her finger on. There's something about the senior that she likes and even though this is totally going against everything she's ever known, she just can't stay away from her.
Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means
So the story goes, Beca and Chloe become really close. They start hanging out almost every day and when they're not together they still keep in touch via text and calls. Aubrey knows she should do something about it because she just can't trust the hobbit with her best friend, but seeing the look in Chloe's eyes makes her stop every time.
Her best friend is indeed in love, and she hates to admit it but this seems different from all the other times Chloe has declared such a statement. Normally, Chloe would profess her undying love to the object of her affection and jump into a relationship which in turn screws up the whole thing because most of those jerks just take the redhead for granted. But this time, Chloe seems more cautious, more calculating. It's like she really, really wants this and is afraid of doing something wrong that might mess everything up.
Before Beca, Chloe didn't care what'll happen if her relationships don't work out. She just enters into them and goes with the flow. But now, she's being patient, a trait that the redhead herself admits isn't her strongest, and that alone freaks Aubrey out. She's experienced all types of Chloe "in love" but never like this and she doesn't know how to handle it.
"I need to ask you something," Aubrey says as she looks at her best friend while they're having their best friend time at home. Chloe just smiles and nods prompting Aubrey to begin.
"You've been my friend for the longest time and I think I know you pretty well," the blonde begins. "I've seen through most if not all of your relationships but I've never seen you like this. I've never seen you so guarded and patient and I want to know what this means."
Chloe just sighs and looks at her best friend with a thoughtful expression. She plays with her fingers while trying to compose her explanation to the woman in front of her.
"I don't know Bree," Chloe answers. "I mean, I know but I don't think I can explain it to you in a way you will understand, but it's just different, you know? Beca's different. She's not just anybody, she's the only other person aside from you that I am sure I want to keep in my life no matter what and I just don't know.."
"What do you mean you don't know?" Aubrey asks.
"I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm waiting for," Chloe sighs. "I mean I know what I want from Beca but I don't know if it's something that she wants too. So I'm just here waiting for her to do something or for her to make a move or just I don't know, show me a sign or something," Chloe leans back and just looks at her best friend with watery eyes. "I love her Bree, and I don't want to lose her and I'm just waiting for something."
Aubrey was speechless. She has never heard her best friend sound so hopeless and dejected. She didn't know what to say so she just went to her friend and gave her the tightest hug she can give. That hobbit better get her shit together or so help me God I will make her feel pain like she's never felt before.
I loved you, and I should have said it
But tell me just what has it ever meant
The Bellas go on to win and surprise the a cappella community with Beca's fantastic mix. Everyone was excited and rejoicing and partying the night away in one of the rooms they had in the hotel. Everyone that is, but the usually perky redhead, who is standing outside the hotel's balcony nursing a beer.
Chloe stared out into the New York skyline trying to forget the events that happened after their awesome performance. Beca kissed Jesse and she's just confused as hell. She thought for a moment that maybe, just maybe Beca returned her feelings, but she must have misread everything.
"Hey," she heard behind her. She didn't have to turn to know that it was Beca who went out to join her. She didn't want to look at the brunette, fearing that she might show too much and give away what she was feeling, so she took the time to just breathe in and focus on making her face neutral.
"You're not in there partying," the brunette began. "I mean, we just won the ICCAs but you're out here sulking like we lost or something. What gives?"
Chloe raised her eyebrow and just looked at the small girl. She didn't want to snap at her but it was just too much and she was getting so emotional with the mere presence of the brunette.
"Are you seriously asking me that question, Beca?" Chloe stated incredulously. "Are you really telling me you have no idea what's happening? Are you really that dense?"
Beca just stared at the red head her mouth agape. She's never seen Chloe look so pissed off and she doesn't know what to do with it. She's always known the girl as sweet and loving, but never cranky and mad. She was usually full of rainbows and butterflies, but the Chloe in front of her can give Aubrey a run for her money. She was going to reply but the redhead cut her off.
"I'm fucking in love with you Beca," Chloe sobbed as she furiously wiped away the tears running down her face. "I love you and I thought you felt the same, I thought I meant more to you. But I guess I was wrong."
The redhead started to walkway but the smaller girl pulled her until they were face to face. "Why didn't you say anything?" Beca began with an unreadable expression on her face.
"Would it have made a difference?" Chloe answered in a small voice. She looked up at Beca waiting for an answer but when the brunette just stared at her with this look that she can't quite understand Chloe just turned her back and walked away.
"Didn't think so."
I can't help it baby, this is who I am
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break
A week after walking out on Beca, Chloe tried her best to get back to her normal pre-Beca life. It was hard and she didn't really want to but she also knows it's something she must do if she wants to move on from the tiny brunette.
Aubrey has been nothing but the best during these times and tries to cover for her whenever the Bellas ask for her whereabouts. She's been doing a good job so far, dodging the brunette and not answering her calls or replying to her 40 plus messages but she doesn't know how much more she can keep on doing this.
The Bellas' rehearsal space has become Chloe's sanctuary for the past few days. Since the competition is over, it's mostly empty and it gives her the quiet she needs to just think and maybe mope around for a bit. So far no one has ever stumbled upon her and she hopes against all hope that it remains that way today.
As luck would have it though, Chloe felt a presence beside her just a couple of minutes into her daily staring into space routine. She didn't even have to turn to know who was beside her. Chloe thinks she's developed some sort of Beca-sense ever since they started hanging out. She just continued staring into space not even acknowledging the brunette's presence.
She heard a bit of shuffling beside her and finally felt the brunette sit down beside her. Beca cleared her throat and waited for Chloe to look at her before starting. When the redhead still refused to acknowledge her Beca decided to just go with what she was going to say.
"You've been unfair to me Chloe," the brunette began. She felt Chloe tense up a bit and slowly look at her. The redhead looked like she was about to burst into another rant but Beca cut her off. "Let me finish, okay? Let me finish before you even say anything. I just need to say this before I chicken out and just let me get through this okay?" Beca pleaded looking directly at the senior's eyes.
Beca took Chloe's silence as an agreement and continued with what she had to say. "You've been unfair to me because you never gave me a chance to explain anything," the smaller girl sighed. "You know how I am Chloe, you know how hard it is for me to read social queues. You know that I don't get the things that people normally understand. I'm emotionally crippled and I didn't know okay? I didn't know."
The brunette rubbed her face in exasperation but still continued. "I didn't know that you felt that way. I thought you were just being nice and being a good friend and I just, I didn't know okay? With Jesse, I always knew that he liked me that he wanted me, but with you, I didn't know. And I thought that there was nothing there so I tried to just, you know, focus somewhere else."
"I don't unders—" Chloe began but Beca held her hand up to cut her off.
"You need to let me finish Chloe, just let me get through this then you can say your piece, but I really need you to let me finish what I have to say."
When she gave her a small nod, the brunette began again. "I thought we were just friends. You've told me stories about your past relationships and you said that you always expressed interest in them that you were always the one to pursue so I thought that meant that you had no interest in me. And sometimes when you're being so sweet and attentive and just perfect I would think that maybe you do like me. That maybe you do have feelings for me, but then you never said anything and I felt like you were just building me up for nothing. So I tried to turn it off. I tried to turn off the way I felt for you and tried to refocus my attention on Jesse and I kissed him in hopes of finally getting you out of my head but then it just felt wrong."
"What do you mean it felt wrong? Aren't you guys together?" Chloe asked.
"See, that's why you were being unfair. Aside from the fact that you hid your feelings from me, you never even asked what happened with Jesse, you just assumed and just got mad and snapped at me and ignored me for a whole week," Beca said feeling frustrated. "If you would've just stayed for 5 more minutes in the hotel balcony you would've heard how I told Jesse that it was wrong for me to kiss him, that I felt like I was kissing a brother. And even though he looked distraught, he said he kinda felt the same way too. If you would've stayed even just for a minute longer, you would've known that the reason I can't even think about having any relationship with anyone else is because you're the one that I want. It's because I love you too and that the only reason I tried anything with Jesse was because I thought you didn't feel the same way so I tried to walk away. But I couldn't because despite everything you're what my heart desires and I love you and you're stupid for ignoring me for a week."
The redhead looked flabbergasted. She was trying to process things in her head and tried to just digest what Beca just said. She loves me? She thought I was playing her? She wanted to walk away from me because she thought I didn't feel the same way? What the hell just happened there?
Beca watched as Chloe's expression changed. She knew the redhead was having an internal discussion but didn't know what to do. She decided that maybe she just royally screwed things up with the redhead. She decided to just stand up and finally walk away from her. Maybe it was the right thing to do and maybe this will save them from all the heartache.
When Chloe realized what Beca was about to do, the brunette was already near the door. Chloe sprang into action and ran after the brunette, grabbing her before she could exit the auditorium.
"Where do you think you're going Becs?" Chloe asked.
"I was giving you space, I guess." Beca responded.
Chloe invaded the smaller girl's personal space and looked into her eyes. "Who said I wanted space?" Chloe beamed. "Look, I know we have a lot of things to figure out and we have a lot of things to talk about but there's something I've been dying to do since the moment I met you and I just need you to let me do this, okay? I listened to your entire speech and I just need you to let me do this one thing and we can talk, okay?"
The brunette looked at Chloe with a bit of confusion in her face but still gave her a small nod. God, she really is lost on all the social queues, Chloe thought as she moved her hand to Beca's face and she cupped the smaller girl's cheek. She looked into the brunette's eyes and saw no nothing but pure and unadulterated love. She pulled the brunette flush into her and gave her a long lingering kiss.
The kiss started out slow but full of passion, both of them channeling all the pent up feelings they had for each other. They both know that they still have a lot of things to discuss, but at that moment everything just seemed perfect and both of them are glad that they did not walk away from one another.
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away