My dear child.
I am sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen.
I felt so alone before all this. I was young and naïve and I let my need to be wanted get the better of me. I was a rebellious teenager that lived in a strict religious household. One night I had had enough and I ran away, I was only seventeen. I didn't think anything of the fact that black birds kept following me everywhere I went; apparently they were the bird's eye view for something far bigger than anything I could ever imagine.
On a stormy night they led me to what seemed to be an abandoned church. I was so thirsty I drank the first thing I saw, and to this day I still don't know what it was, but clearly it was some sort of test, which I passed. Suddenly strangers in cloaks appeared before me with curved smiles. They told me I was special, and made for something grand. I was weak minded to think any of it was for real. They made me feel cared for and wanted, like I had a family. And they promised me love, true love…
I am not going to explain what happened that night for I'm sure if you don't figure it out on your own, then others will tell you.
I knew I was pregnant with you minutes after the conception. I could feel you, and I could feel the power you contained. You made me feel drained and strong at the same time. I hate to say this, but I feared you, I did not know what was growing inside of me and I assumed you were… well, your father. And I am sorry for ever thinking that of you, thinking you could be such a beast, monster, demon.
Right when I was about to give up on life and end it all was when the monks came, and not a moment too soon. They showed me more kindness then anyone had ever done before. But they told me I was in grave danger. They said that your father would come for me, come for you, and that we must do anything to prevent that from happening. So I let them take me away, away from Earth. They took me to the most beautiful place I have ever seen, they called it Azarath. They changed my name in hopes your father wouldn't find me, and so from there on I was Arella, The Messenger Angel.
They treated me like royalty for those nine months, giving me everything I needed, and reassuring me that everything would be okay. But I still had my doubts, for I could feel you grow, and get stronger. I feared I would birth a red horned demon. I was so scared, and then I went into labor…
I'm not going to lie, it hurt, it hurt a lot. I couldn't tell if I was just feeling the normal pain of labor, or was it the fact that I was giving birth to the child of a demon that caused me to be in so much agony. They had warned me prior to this that I might not survive it, that you might be the death of me. And I was prepared for that.
Everyone knew when you had arrived, not only did my blood curdling screams stop, but there was the sound of a baby crying, you. I was so scared not knowing what was growing inside me, but as soon as I saw you, all my fear was gone. You were just a baby, an innocent baby. And I immediately fell in love.
I was beyond crushed when they told me I could not hold you, my own child. It seems that what you held inside of you was a power, greater than anyone could have predicted. And even though you appeared to be normal, the monks knew you were anything but. They refused to let me give you any sort of affection. They wouldn't even let me breast feed you. I wanted so much to hold you, to love you.
Apparently as soon as you took your first breath of air the environment in Azarath shifted. I would be lying if I said I hadn't felt it. They said you contained the blood of your father, that you were him in a mortal body. But I refused to believe it.
It was hard watching them take care of you; they were so cold to you, so distant. I wanted so much to grab you and run away, to take you were I can take care of you, and love you. But I knew this place was the best thing for you, for you are not human.
I was enraged the day someone tried to kill you. How could someone attempt to kill a week old infant? The man said it was nothing against you or me, more that he knew this place would be safer without you. His words made me want to kill him with my own two hands, and it took a few people to restrain me from doing so.
It was that day did the great Azar come forward to raise you as her own. Like me she saw you were not a monster, you were a child with great power. And you needed to be taught how to use such great power. I watched from a far as you were taught to never frown, to never smile, or laugh or cry. It was hardly called a life, but it was for the best.
And now here I sit as I write to you, a letter that I hope you will someday read. I am sorry that I cannot hold you, or be with you. But no matter what I will never stop loving you, my dear child…
…
Arella sighed as she put her quill down, and slowly glanced up out her window. She had a perfect view of her young daughter as she worked with her mentor. It appeared that they were working on another lesson about control today. Arella couldn't help but slowly get up to get a better view as she watched the lesson, and then and for less than a minute the child looked up and eye contact was made…
…
My Raven…