-o0o-
You'd think it would be easy to move on. Just move on and forget everything, simple as that.
But Ratchet just couldn't do that.
The Lombax wasn't sure what to do. Clank was gone; the Great Clock was his responsibility, and it wasn't like he could just up and leave whenever he wanted. Ratchet just said goodbye, and left. Left for Veldin, left to go be a mechanic like the good old days.
"Like the good old days," the Lombax murmured to himself as he carried a crate of supplies outside of the garage.
It had been a month since... Since the incident. Since he... He left. Ratchet felt broken, like his heart had shattered apart like time itself nearly had.
He dropped the crate next to Aphelion, his ship, and sat down on it, trying to banish the thoughts from his head, but they didn't go away.
"Alister..." Ratchet hadn't spoke his name since that day. Refused to, actually, for fear of thinking about him. It wasn't any use, anymore. The man wouldn't ever leave his thoughts.
Maybe... Maybe a visit would do something. Perhaps he'd feel better, or worse, the Lombax didn't know. It just had to change. His state of mind had to change.
Ratchet got up from his crate, and climbed into Aphelion, starting her up. It was a little sudden if a thing to do, but... He had to do it. He needed some form of closure.
"Aphelion, set a course for Torrent IV. I-" Ratchet cut himself off. He swallowed heavily.
"I've gotta visit Alister's for a little while."
-o0o-
The Lombax was jolted awake by an alert saying he was entering Torren IV's atmosphere. He hadn't even realized he fell asleep mid-flight, but at least he'd kicked on the autopilot beforehand.
Ratchet sighed, looking down at the junk planet below him, the cliffs rising up to meet him as Aphelion flew closer and closer to... To his place. Alister's home.
The ship landed in a clearing below the almost ridiculous looking robot's head that made up Alister's old house. The Lombax sighed, unbuckling himself and climbing out of Aphelion. His boots hit the dusty ground, and he squinted through the sun up at the head.
Ratchet, after a moment or two of looking, found a pathway that led up to Alister's. He stared up it, and he started thinking about some things.
If only Ratchet had been a little stronger, a little faster, he could've prevented Alister's sacrifice. The other Lombax could still be alive. They could still have a chance at finding the other Lombaxes.
If only Ratchet hadn't hesitated to tell Alister what was on his mind. What he'd wanted to say for a while. Maybe things would he different. Maybe he'd still be alive.
"Maybe it wouldn't feel so empty out here," he breathed as he took that final step that put him in the entrance of Alister's house.
The actual door wasn't at the mouth, but the side of its head. Odd design, but then again, Alister was an odd fellow. Luckily, the door was unlocked, and Ratchet entered the cozy interior of the home.
Of course, the scene would have been more nostalgic than anything, if he hadn't smelled the fading scent of Alister all over the place.
It was too much. There was too much to see, to hear, to smell, to remember-
"Fuck," the Lombax whispered, glancing at the spartan furnishings, at the small bed in the corner of the spacious room, the huge chalkboards with the ridiculous drawings spread all over them. He swore louder, but he didn't make for the door; rather, he went to where the mouth of the head had been constructed into a makeshift balcony.
He exhaled a breath he didn't realize he was holding as the scents and sights faded away when he went outside into the evening sky.
It made him want to scream, knowing that life was still going on undisturbed while he was in grief.
"It didn't have to be this way! I could've been better!" Ratchet shouted into the canyon as he looked out at the horizon, at the sun set and turned the gorge from dull brown to an array of reds and golds.
"You wanted to find them! You wanted to find the Lombaxes! You found me!" He yelled, his voice fracturing as tears fell freely from his face.
"Why? Why wasn't I enough? Why wasn't I enough?" The yellow Lombax asked the gorge as he sobbed, as if maybe, just maybe, Alister was there.
"I... I didn't ever have the courage to tell you. I couldn't… I didn't want to push you away, but I should've said it!" He continued, sniffling. The fountain of tears had slowed to a trickle by now.
"Why didn't I say I was in love with you?"
The wind merely kept blowing through the gorge, as endless and uncaring as time itself. There was nothing left anymore.
If only he could just see Alister… Just touch him once more, ask him if everything was okay with them.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry this happened," he whispered, a tear sliding down his face. The wind seemed to shift direction until it was blowing right at him, and it turned fiercer.
The Lombax retreated inside of the head, and went to sit down on the small bed in the corner of the room.
"I... I'd like it if you weren't dead. I'd be able to say what I want to say to you. What I've wanted to say for far too long. I want you to know what I've felt and why. Just... Please don't be dead. Don't be dead, if that's one good fucking thing you've done in your whole life," Ratchet pleaded, laying down on the bed.
It was surprisingly comfortable, and the Lombax quickly found himself falling asleep, surrounded by the stale scent of Alister Azimuth. He really hadn't meant to, but he was just so, so tired.
But the thing is, as the disheartened Ratchet drifted off into sleep, he could've sworn he felt something warm, like a hand, stroking his head softly.
-o0o-
It kept repeating. He kept dying in that explosion, and he could do nothing but watch as it happened over and over. Sometimes he'd say or do something different, but it always ended the same way.
"Alister, come back! There has to be another way to fix this!" Ratchet shouted, but he found that he couldn't move his feet. He could only watch.
"There's no time, Ratchet. I'm sorry," the elder Lombax replied as he turned to face the exploding Clock.
"Please, Alister, stop!"
It was no use. He wasn't going to listen. That arrogant prick of a Lombax wasn't going to listen to him, so he got to watch Alister die over and over and over again.
"Sometimes, the universe has a cruel sense of humor," Ratchet murmured, a tear falling from his eye.
Then the Clock exploded, and it all turned white.
-o0o-
The yellow Lombax shot up in a cold sweat, his nightmare forcing him back into reality. He hadn't slept well for a while, always haunted by nightmares of Alister. It seemed that his last slumber was no different, then.
Ratchet did find it odd, however, that as he got out of bed, he had to throw back the covers. He hadn't gone to sleep in the covers, had he?
Perhaps he just didn't remember.
The Lombax shook his head, and looked back outside through the mouth to see that it was late at night. He must not have slept that long, then.
Ratchet wanted to stay a little longer at Alister's, but that probably wasn't such a good idea. He didn't have anything left there, and staying any longer would just reopen his wounds and rub salt in them. He sighed, turning away from the makeshift balcony and walking towards the door.
But he couldn't find it in himself to turn the handle.
"There's nothing left here for me. I should go," Ratchet murmured, a frown on his face as he reached for the door slowly.
But what if there still is something here?
The Lombax knew it was a ridiculous thought, and quite childish of him, but...
But perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea to stick around a little bit longer.
Ratchet turned back around, and walked to the balcony, staring up at the stars. They were beautiful, and it was like he could see every single one in the universe. He guessed that was the benefit of living somewhere that couldnt really be affected by pollution. No wonder Alister had chosen this place to live after his exile.
The moment was quickly dispelled when Ratchet saw a flicker of movement somewhere to his right. Instinctively, he started glancing around the area.
The Lombax looked over to his right, up at the top of the gorge, where he could see something moving. The problem is, he couldn't really tell what it was.
"Must just be an animal, or something like that," Ratchet whispered, snorting. He still couldn't help but glance back up at that area, though.
"Couldn't… Hurt to look, I s'pose," the Lombax said to himself, looking on the gorge wall for a way up to the top. He saw a sort of ramp made from a rock that would take him most of the way up, if he kicked on his hoverboots.
The Lombax went back through the head and out the door, running down the path that led back into the gorge. He wasn't sure why he was in such a hurry; perhaps it was a good way to keep his mind off of things. Either way, a welcome distraction it was.
When Ratchet reached the bottom of the gorge, where Aphelion was, he kicked on the hoverboots, angling towards the ramp-shaped rock about forty meters away. He started towards the rock, and lowered himself as far as he could while he went. As soon as he hit the edge of that rock, the Lombax kicked out, reaching for the top of the gorge wall.
Unfortunately, he didn't quite make it up all the way.
He hit the wall about four meters from the top, but he managed to gain a foothold on a ledge before he fell.
"I cannot believe I'm actually doing this," the Lombax murmured as he started to ascend the small distance he had left to go. It was hard to see where to put his hands in the darkness of night, but somehow, he managed to climb.
After a solid ten minutes of blindly groping through the dark, Ratchet reached the top of the gorge wall, panting and out of breath. After taking a second to compose himself, he looked around for any clues as to where that thing went.
The top of the wall seemed to extend into some plateau that went on for a while until it ended in another wall that extended further up. This part of the gorge was utterly barren, made up of nothing but that orange stone which dominated the surface of the planet.
It was relatively flat, as well, so the Lombax got a clear view of a cloaked figure sitting down on a rock facing away from him. He couldn't tell who it was, but at least he wasn't imagining things.
Ratchet figured he shouldn't startle whomever that person was, so he made sure to make noise as he approached them. That person did start for a second, so they knew he was there, at least, but they weren't moving. The Lombax walked over and sat down by them.
"Nice night," Ratchet remarked as he settled himself a little ways away from the figure.
"Mm," a male voice replied, nodding. Because of the darkness and the cowl, the Lombax couldn't tell who he was. Probably just a wandering robot, but at least he had a form of company.
"Sorry I just kind of... Ran up on you. I guess I just wanted somebody to talk to," Ratchet murmured, looking up at the sky as he spoke.
"It's... Okay. I don't have anything I need to be doing right now. We can talk for a bit," he stated. The Lombax thought his voice sounded relatively familiar.
"I've just been lonely recently. My best friend had to kind of move away for a really important job, and somebody..." Ratchet trailed off, ears drooping.
"Somebody close to me died. I'm all alone now, and I don't think I've felt worse," he finished with a sigh.
The man was silent for a moment, possibly thinking, but then he said, "I'm sorry to hear that. Being alone... It is awful. I've been out here by myself for decades."
The Lombax's ears perked at hearing that. Maybe he knew Alister!
"Have you met a man named Alister Azimuth?" Ratchet questioned, hoping to get perhaps just a little more information on him. Another puzzle piece in the enigma that was Alister's past.
"Hmm. Yes, but I didn't know him well. I just knew he lived in the area. Been gone for a while, I think," the man answered, much to the Lombax's dismay. He sighed, hugging his knees close to his chest.
"I just feel so... Lost. There's nothing left for me anymore," Ratchet whispered. He noted the man shift until he was sitting next to the Lombax.
"Maybe... Maybe it takes being lost to find what you need most. I know that from experience," he remarked thoughtfully. His voice really did sound familiar.
"I guess I didn't really think of it like that. Thanks for the advice. I haven't had any in a while," Ratchet replied, a small grin gracing his lips that hadn't been present for a long while.
The stranger placed a hand on the Lombax's shoulder, saying, "It's no problem."
Ratchet looked over at the hand. The white furred hand that was resting on his shoulder. He thought on how familiar his voice sounded. Noted why the man was so close to Azimuth's home.
No way. No way.
"A- Alister? Is... Alister? You?" The Lombax asked in shock, his voice cracking. It wasn't really him. It was all just a dream, or a hallucination. He was still in the bed back at Azimuth's place.
The man -Alister, he recognized that voice anywhere- nodded, an almost imperceptible angling of his head confirming everything.
"It's been a while," he murmured.
"Oh... You… Goddamn asshole!" Ratchet shouted, standing up and glaring at the man before him. Alister merely said nothing.
"I thought you were dead! I felt your heart stop! I cried over you for a whole damn month! I… I thought as stupid as it was, that you could be okay, even if it wasn't possible!" The Lombax continued, openly sobbing at this point.
"I... Why the hell didn't you tell me? Why... How the fuck are you alive?" Ratchet questioned, sobs continuing to rack his body as he covered his mouth with a hand. It was just too much to know Alister was alive.
The other man sighed, dropping his hood to reveal that same white furred face of Alister Azimuth, those shockingly beautiful amber eyes staring up at Ratchet in sorrow. The yellow Lombax's breath caught in his throat at seeing that face again.
"I'm not sure how I'm alive, myself. I was gone... And then I was awake in the belfry of the Great Clock. The Zoni... They were there. One of them said I deserved a second chance for what I did to save the universe. They left, and that was that," the white Lombax answered, his voice shaky.
"Then why the fuck didn't you come and find me?" Ratchet asked, still livid and upset. Alister stood up just then, his ears drooping.
"I… I thought you wouldn't ever want to see me again, after what I did at the Clock," he whispered, avoiding Ratchet's stare.
"I forgave you for that a while ago. I learned to move on. You weren't in your right mind then," the younger murmured, calming down a bit more. Alister just looked so sorry and remorseful of what he'd done.
"I'm… I'm so, so sorry for what I did. I regret everything, and I promise I'll do anything to make it up to you, Ratchet," the elder stated with a sad smile.
With that, Ratchet let go of anything holding him back and embraced Alister fiercely, breaking down once more. He supposed the other Lombax had been expecting a punch, as he tensed up, but he relaxed and returned it slowly.
"Don't you ever leave me alone again!" The yellow furred Lombax sobbed into Azimuth's chest. He felt safe in the elder Lombax's arms like that, he realized. It was different, but nice.
"I... I won't. I promise you. You won't be the only Lombax left anymore," the white Lombax murmured. Ratchet could hear a soft smile in his voice.
"You found me back then! Why wasn't I enough for you?" Ratchet asked, his tears drying. He'd had enough of crying lately. He was going to try his best not to do that anymore.
"I... I don't know. I guess I just wanted to find more Lombaxes. I- I wanted our species back. I was ignorant of what was standing right in front of me," the elder replied, pulling away from the embrace to smile warmly down at Ratchet.
"Hey... I guess you know that I barged in on your place earlier. Sorry about that," the yellow Lombax apologized, scratching his ear as he spoke.
"Ratchet, it's fine. I get that you wanted to have some closure, or something. Although, I suppose in this case, it's the opposite," the elder chuckled.
"Did... Did you hear me when I was over there?" The younger questioned, suddenly very nervous as to what, if anything, Alister heard him shouting.
"Well, I heard some shouting, but the wind was pretty fierce. I didn't catch much of anything. Wanna talk to me about any of it?" Azimuth asked as he started to walk in the direction of his home, beckoning Ratchet to follow.
"Well... It can wait. It wasn't anything overly important, anyway," the yellow Lombax lied, looking away as they walked.
"If you're sure."
To tell the truth, Ratchet wasn't sure. He thought Alister was dead, and now he wasn't. It was an amazing thing, seeing the elder alive and well, but the Lombax wasn't really sure what he wanted to say. Did he want to admit his feelings? He wasn't sure now.
The two continued along, and down a path the Lombax hadn't seen before, that led up to the plateau. If he'd known that was there, it could've saved him trouble.
After a few more minutes, the two Lombaxes arrived at the door to Azimuth's home. Ratchet wrung his hands, not really sure what to say.
"Hey... You can spend the night here, if you want. I'd imagine you're pretty busy, but..." the elder Lombax trailed off, frowning.
"No, I'd love to stay for a while. It's not... Not like there's anything left for me to return to, anyway," Ratchet answered, a sad smile on his face. Alister placed a hand on the younger's shoulder for a moment before opening the door and stepping inside, the yellow Lombax following close behind.
"Well... I've only got the one bed. I can just sleep on the couch in the back room, and you could have-"
"No, you don't have to. I mean, we could… I guess, share the bed. If you want, I mean," Ratchet cut him off, his face heating up. What had compelled him to say that?
"If you're fine with that, okay," Azimuth replied, starting to take off his hoverboots. The other Lombax sighed, taking his own off, as well as his gloves and cap, setting them on the floor beside the bed.
"Hey, I'm... Glad you're actually alive. This all just feels like a dream," Ratchet murmured, sitting down in the bed. Alister sat next to him.
"I just thought you wouldn't ever want to see me again, if you knew I was alive after what I pulled at the Clock," the elder said, frowning at the ground. The younger Lombax set a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.
"We all make mistakes, Alister. You just have to learn from them. Look at the bright side to all of this. We're both still alive, and we're together. That's what counts," Ratchet murmured, grinning.
"We should probably get to bed," the other Lombax muttered, keeping his gaze averted from Ratchet's. The younger nodded, crawling to the far side of the bed and getting under the covers. Alister did the same, putting his back to the yellow Lombax's.
Ratchet closed his eyes, trying to slip into unconsciousness, but it wasn't working out for him. He tried his hardest to fall asleep, but it wasn't happening. He felt exhausted physically, but his mind was still wide awake and buzzing with questions.
"Alister? You still awake?" The young Lombax questioned.
"Yeah," Azimuth replied, his voice quiet.
"Want to talk a while?"
"Sure." the elder shifted until he was facing Ratchet, still laying down.
"You can't sleep either, can you?" Ratchet asked, looking at the white Lombax. He looked just as exhausted as the younger, and probably for good reason. It sounded like he was awake all night.
"No. I'm just thinking... About finding you today. About the mistakes I made at the Clock…" Alister trailed off, sighing.
"General, you need to leave that in the past. I forgave you, and you're alive. Just... Don't worry. I'm right here, aren't I?"
"Y- Yeah. I'm… sorry. It's just so good to see you. We're both here, and it's not because the galaxy is in jeopardy. I thought you would hate me, so this is strange. Pleasant, but strange," Azimuth rambled, much to Ratchet's amusement.
The younger smiled lopsidedly, causing the elder to do the same after a moment. The yellow Lombax's face suddenly felt hot. He felt at a loss for anything else to say.
Maybe I should tell him what's been eating at me.
Maybe you should.
But what if he hates me for it?
Hey, you tried. That's what counts. He's alive, so go for it.
Ah, fuck it.
"Hey… Um, Alister?" Ratchet asked, looking at Azimuth's amber eyes. Wow, they were just… so pretty.
"Hmm? What is it?" The elder questioned, noticing the younger's nervousness.
Ratchet sat up, swallowing. Alister did the same, looking at him inquisitively.
"It's kind of hard to explain, I- I guess. There was this odd... Feeling, I guess I had- still have- about you. I didn't really understand it, at least not until... Until I thought you were gone," the yellow Lombax tried explaining, stumbling over his words as everything he'd wanted to say for over a month started spilling out.
"What are you trying to tell me, Ratchet?" The white Lombax asked, looking rather worried. The younger smiled nervously at his concern.
"Look... I was so upset and angry when I thought you were dead. I wallowed in my grief for weeks, feeling sorry for myself. I guess that's what it took for me to realize what was going on with my feelings," Ratchet continued. He took a breath, but his words were coming out easier now.
"When I'm with you, I have a good time getting to know you, and learning about what the Lombaxes were like. I feel safe with you. You're kind, and strong, and you do whatever you can for the ideals you stand for. I guess what I'm trying to say is..." The yellow Lombax trailed off. No turning back down now, especially with the look Azimuth was giving him.
"If you were lying about not hearing me yelling at the wind earlier, you know exactly what I'm going to say."
A breath. Two.
"Alister, I'm in love with you," Ratchet finished, his face hot and his heart hammering in his chest.
The white Lombax stared at the younger for a moment, blinking. Then he cleared his throat to speak, but what came out wasn't what the yellow Lombax expected to hear.
"O- Oh. Um. Wow, I wasn't expecting you to say that to my face, because I did lie. I heard everything you said on my balcony," the elder mumbled, looking incredibly nervous.
Ratchet's eyes widened in shock. "You did? You heard me?" A nod from the elder. "Then why did you lie about it?" The younger questioned.
Azimuth sighed. "Because… I was nervous. I didn't know what to think about you saying that you were in love with me for a while. And as much as I wanted to go in my house and talk to you about it, I knew it'd be better of you thought I was dead. Look where that got me," he stated, chuckling.
"Well... You're here now. Let's talk about it. I want to know what you feel on all of this, because… at least you aren't disgusted by this," Ratchet murmured.
Alister cleared his throat once more. "Ah, um. Okay. I guess, I have had this feeling for you as well, but perhaps it is different from what you think. Before you start anything, let me explain!" He exclaimed, stopping Ratchet from saying anything. The younger closed his mouth.
"When I first saw you, and started traveling with you in search of the Clock, I felt this urge to protect you. I suppose I originally thought it was because you were the only other Lombax I'd seen in a very, very long time... But I don't think that was, or still is the case. I don't ever want to see you hurt." He took a breath before continuing. "When we were first traveling, I really only thought of you as the son of my best friend, but after getting to know you, I've realized how much more you are, Ratchet. You are an amazing person, and a true hero," the elder explained, a soft smile creeping up onto his face.
"So… are you trying to tell me you like me?" Ratchet questioned, a grin on his face at Azimuth's nervousness.
"Um... Well... I- I suppose so, yes. It's… hard to admit that, though," Alister muttered anxiously. The younger Lombax eyed him in confusion.
"Why is it hard to admit? Is it a pride thing, or..." The yellow Lombax stopped as he thought of something. He'd never really learned the history or customs of Lombaxes. Were two males being together frowned upon?
The elder seemed to pick up on what he was trying to refer to. "It's... A bit of both. Lombaxes are a kind that only mates with the opposite gender. Two males in this situation would be shunned by others. That's why it would he hard for me to admit that I could have feelings for you, even though I realized I could never love a woman a very long time ago," the elder stated.
The younger Lombax looked at him with mild shock. "Then... You had to keep that a secret to everybody? That's terrible. I never would've needed to worry about that, considering people are a lot more accepting on Veldin," Ratchet replied, brows furrowed.
"Unfortunately, I did. There was only one person who knew about it, and that was your father. I told no one else. And as for acceptance, Lombaxes are a very... Old fashioned species. Of course, being gone for the past decade or two hasn't helped, but they always were a little behind in social norms. We kept to ourselves," Azimuth stated.
"As much as I didn't like to hear that about my species, I'm glad to know a little more about the Lombaxes. Now..." The younger trailed off, smiling.
He wanted to do something really stupid. Azimuth confirmed having some sort of feelings for Ratchet, but he definitely wasn't going to make the first move, if his pride had anything to say about it. It was his turn to do something.
"If you still have doubts, I hope this makes them go away," the yellow Lombax stated, still grinning. Alister opened his mouth to say something, and Ratchet used that moment to lean forward and press his lips to the elder's.
The younger felt Azimuth tense for a second, and he debated pulling away, until the elder wrapped his arms around Ratchet, returning the kiss tentatively at first, but then with increasing vigor.
Ratchet felt his chest explode with heat, and he grinned into the kiss as his hands found their way to Alister's ears, where he started massaging them. He knew they were a very sensitive area for Lombaxes, and sure enough, the white Lombax groaned into the kiss. The younger used this moment as an opportunity to slip his tongue in the other's mouth, deepening the kiss.
Ratchet didn't know how long that lasted, but he didn't care. He felt happy, and warm with those muscular arms wrapped around him. It was right, he knew it was. Fuck Lombax norms, this was good.
When the younger broke off to take a breath, he realized he was laying on the bed with the elder hovering over him, panting. Ratchet grinned, and Azimuth smiled back.
"That was... Um. Good. It was good," the elder whispered, moving to lay back beside the yellow Lombax. The two turned to face each other, like they had earlier.
"It was amazing!" Ratchet exclaimed, causing the elder to chuckle.
"It's no surprise why I like you so much. And..." Azimuth trailed off, taking a breath. The yellow Lombax shot him a look to urge him on.
"Thanks for that. For breaking my boundaries. That really helped this," he finished, nodding to himself.
"You're welcome. Now... Is there anything you want to do tomorrow?" Ratchet questioned, looking into Alister's amber eyes, which were gorgeous. Hadn't he thought that before?
"Tomorrow? What?" The elder questioned, confused, causing the younger to laugh.
"Well, we need to go on a date, don't we? It's what couples do, you know," Ratchet murmured amusedly.
"Ah. Oh, yes. Yes, of course. A... Date. Dating," Azimuth stammered. The younger Lombax had to admit, flustered Alister was absolutely adorable.
"Eh, we can think about that tomorrow. I'm exhausted; we should get some sleep," the yellow furred Lombax said tiredly, crawling underneath the covers. The elder did the same.
"That sounds good."
Ratchet smiled softly at Alister, and leaned over to kiss the elder on the cheek. The white Lombax froze up for a moment, but he was also grinning.
"Goodnight, Ratchet," Azimuth murmured, giving the younger a kiss as well.
"Night, Alister," the yellow Lombax replied sleepily.
As the young Lombax drifted off into sleep, he moved closer to Alister, eventually wrapping his arms around the elder's thick form. It felt right to be holding on to him like this.
He didn't really understand the circumstances behind their reunion, but the yellow Lombax was just glad they were together. He had finally moved on, but it wasn't in the way he'd thought.
And as Ratchet finally fell asleep, he felt arms wrap around his body, and he finally felt whole.