For my twelve days of detention,
McGonagall gave to me
Okay. It wasn't my fault. The Weasley twins made me do it.
Well, they didn't force me, or anything. But they gave me a job to do in their great Christmas prank. Nobody turns that down. All I did was get Lockhart down to the small room of the Great Hall. I didn't know they would set off a string of Filibuster's Fireworks once all the teachers were in there.
Okay, I did. But I really didn't know Snape's hair would catch on fire. It's not surprising though. He should wash it more often. If it wasn't so greasy, it wouldn't have lit up like a candle wick when a spark hit it.
One moment while I introduce myself. Miranda Post, fourth year Gryffindor and Pranking Assistant Extraordinaire. Also skilled at running away. That's why I hardly ever get caught.
But they caught me this time, along with the twins, Cedric Diggory, and a little first year named Luna Lovegood. Everyone else got away, and the twins, the only ones who knew who all was involved, showed a certain amount of honor and refused to give up the rest of the names. So the five of us are stuck in Christmastime detentions.
12 Great Hall fir trees
Sunday evening, December 6. Hagrid spent all day hauling Christmas trees down to the Great Hall from the Forbidden Forest. Guess what we get to do?
"Fred!" I yell. "Help me with this box!"
Fred ran over just in time to catch the box of hundred-year-old glass Christmas ornaments that I had half dropped. That's right. We were decorating the Christmas trees. But here's the thing. McGonagall took away our wands. And she's going to take them away during each detention. Apparently, we showed a "lack of maturity" and "exhibited an improper use of a potentially dangerous magical item." So we must "learn to depend on yourselves, because you'll get your wand snapped if this kind of rigamarole continues."
Seriously. She said "rigamarole." Where does she come up with this stuff?
Anyway, Cedric was holding a ladder for Luna while she put a star on each tree. George was wrapping tinsel around his body before spinning around the tree to put it where it needed to go. So George was dizzy. Luna was trying not to fall, Cedric was trying not to look up Luna's skirt, and Fred and I were trying not to break anything. And it went like that. For four hours. Then we spent another hour, with our wands, enchanting lights onto the trees. Very boring and pointless. So like detention.
11 tubs of candy
I've always loved wizard candies, especially anything from Honeydukes. And there are always trays on every table at Christmastime that have at least one of every candy. Guess who fills these trays with exactly the right number?
I'll give you a hint. This year, it's not the house-elves.
We are sorting all the candies by hand. Individually. And these tubs are HUGE! Luna fell in one and Cedric had to pull her out.
"There was something in the bottom," she said simply, holding out her hand. "Turns out it was just an empty Drooble's wrapper."
I looked at it. That was the most exciting thing to happen that night.
10 fireplaces
Morning detention instead. I had to scrub fireplaces by myself before classed started. So flipping boring. I'll spare you the details.
9 Butterbeer kegs
We were marched down to Hogsmeade to help the house-elves carry the Butterbeer back to the castle. At first, I thought the teachers were supplying the house parties this year.
Turns out it's for the staff party.
How cruel is that.
8 Christmas turkeys
Those gigantic turkeys that get served at Christmas? They come from Hogsmeade, too. Frozen solid. Take two weeks to thaw and a day to cook, getting them ready just in time for Christmas. Luna and I took one each and the guys, with their Quidditch muscles, carried two. We only need two per table because hardly anyone is staying this year.
7 suits of armor
Cleaning stupid metal men. Mind-numbing and fingernail destroying.
6 floors of portraits
This twitchy Slytherin second year named Zabini got caught doing something (he won't tell us what) and has been sentenced to join our group. We are supposed to each dust a floor's worth of portraits but our dear Transfiguration teacher had a brilliant plan.
She's pairing us off. One short person and one tall person. Each pair works two floors. Short person dusts bottom, tall person does top. Fool proof plan.
Except nobody wants to be paired with Zabini.
He, Luna and I are considered "short people." Whatever. Just because I'm not 5-foot-10 at age fourteen does not mean I'm short. I'm . . . just . . . shorter than the other guys, that's all. Anyway, Cedric and Luna took their dust cloths and headed down to do the first and second floors. Zabini and I are each holding dust rags as Fred and George argue over how to split up.
"Look," Fred said. "There's an easy way to do this."
"What's that?" George asked.
"I get Miranda!" Fred yelled, grabbing me by the arm and sprinting to the third floor, leaving George and Zabini on the fifth.
Both floors flew by in a mix of cheesy jokes and funny stories.
5 cracker tubs
For some reason, they let us take it easy on Sunday the thirteenth. Zabini was apparently only with us for the one night, because the next morning, our little group of five showed up in Dumbledore's office to carry barrels of Wizard Crackers down to the kitchens. After that, they let us go.
I'm not complaining. Nobody was. The massive Christmas blowouts for each house were tonight. It was a little odd that they were on a night before a day with classes, but we take what we can get.
I jumped down the stairs to the common room at seven wearing a party dress and heels. By eleven, I had had a lot of Butterbeer and was sharing an armchair with Fred, who was cracking loud jokes and didn't seem to mind me on his lap. A little after one, McGonagall came in and sent us all to bed.
4 house parties
Before three in the morning on Monday the fourteenth, I was rudely awakened by a house-elf trying not to wake me but having been ordered too. How does he compromise? By squeaking loudly and nervously about how to wake me up. So I just get up and ask what exactly it is he wants. He jumps about a foot in the air.
"You is supposed to follow Cappy to the Slytherin common room," the elf squeaked guiltily. "You is supposed to get dressed before you go."
The elf left and I dressed like he suggested. I went downstairs to see the elf waiting with the bleary-eyed twins. Cappy led the three of us down to the dungeons. At some point, but I'm not sure when, Cedric and Luna joined us as well. Professor Snape was waiting and let us into the common room.
"You are to clean everything," he said smirking. "Then you will continue to Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Ravenclaw, in that order. Professor McGonagall felt that, since your punishment was not difficult yesterday, you needed reinforcement." Snape left and we looked at the disaster the party have left behind.
Oh, Minnie was good. She was real good.
3 garlands
The next night we continued decorating. We were supposed to hang garlands on the staircases. I only did three. I'm sure you're thinking, "That's not that bad." Did you know it's one length of garland for every set of connected staircases? And that every bloody set of connected staircases goes on for a quarter mile? Yeah. It was bad.
2 Nargle homes
Ugh, more decorating. Tonight, we're hanging mistletoe. One over every doorway in the school. George guards the main stash, Luna and Cedric take one side of the floor, and Fred and I take the other. I carried a pile while Fred stuck a piece to the doorframe with some kind of potion Snape gave us.
"So," Fred said, reaching up. "How's your social life?"
I snorted. "Nonexistent, thanks to these detentions."
"Yeah," he chuckled. "Same here. But, I mean, otherwise. Got a boyfriend?"
"No," I replied, walking over to stand facing him in the doorway. "Why?"
"So I know whether or not to feel guilty when I do this."
Then he gave me a peck on the lips. He stood up and stared at me. I was frozen to the spot.
"What was that for?" I asked quietly.
He pointed up. "We were under the mistletoe. It's the rules."
I dropped the pile I was carrying and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Well, I'm not one to break rules."
He laughed and kissed me again. We snogged for a good five minutes before realizing we were still in detention. So we set off to finish the floor, only to round the corner and see Cedric bend down and kiss Luna on the cheek. She noticed, then went on talking as she had been, barely missing a beat.
"Did you know that Nargles quite enjoy living in mistletoe?"
and guarding the presents from Peeves
Thursday, December 17. We get to leave for home tomorrow evening. But tonight, we are standing outside a supposedly empty classroom on the third floor. "You will get to keep your wands tonight," McGonagall said. "Many Muggle parents send gifts to Hogwarts by Muggle mail, and we have to keep them away from the students, and other things, until Christmas morning." She smiled at us, and I got the feeling we were being given a death sentence by a particularly sadistic dictator. "Your task is to keep Peeves out of this room at all costs. We'll be back in a few hours to relieve you." She walked away, still smiling, and we looked at each other.
Barely a minute passed when Peeves rounded the corner to the corridor, lobbing Dungbombs at us. A few well-aimed Stunning Spells from Cedric and he swooped away. That was easy.
Then he came back, this time with water balloons. We all tried Stupefy this time, but he dodged them and Cedric ended up soaked. Having succeeded, he cackled and made for the door. George got an Impediment Jinx square in Peeves's face, then shoved him back off down the hall. But he kept coming back. Throwing things, distractions, dropping things on us, anything. He tried tying us up with a garland, but when I realized he had pulled off one that I put up (my staircases were closest to the room), he found out that he can be affected by the Furnunculus Curse.
Two hours later, Peeves seemed not to be having fun. After he dropped a Flobberworm on Luna's head (Cedric cleaned her up), I heard a familiar voice yelling down the hall, "Get back there and do what you do best!"
I marched up the hall to see Professor McGonagall giving him a jar of beetle eyes. "Hello, Professor," I said casually. "Did you come to relieve us?"
"Err," she was caught off guard, "yes. Yes, I did. You all may go to your dorms and your detentions are complete."
I went back over to our group. "We're free to go," I announced. I grabbed Fred's arm and realized that I did get something out of these detentions. I guess that means I have to thank Minnie.
Nah.