Yes, I know this is already in Bits and Bites, but I liked it so much that I wanted to make it it's own fic for people out there (like me) who usually only read completed works. That way everyone can enjoy it right away :)
Anyways, this is based around the song "Love The Way You Lie" by Eminem feat. Rihanna.
I love this song, and it reminded me so much of Matt and Mello's relationship, so here's my interpretation of how the lyrics could fit into their story.
My first actual songfic, so i hope i did it right... haven't really read many to know how to do it properly, but i think i did it okay in my own way.
Sorry, altered the lyrics slightly: changed the 'she's' to 'he's'.
I hope no one minds that I didn't put dialogue into it. I just wanted to write it a bit differently, so the lyrics stood out more than what either of them could ever say.Italics are lyrics; Matt sings the regular italics while Mello sings the underlined italics.
" (*} " are the breaks between the choruses and verses, and slight breaks in time. (I was bored, it looks kinda like a persons face from the side with the eye and nose... :P)
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy/Romance
Characters: Matt, Mello, other character mentions.
Matt lays awake in his new bed, thinking about how he came to be in this strange place.
There had been a terrible house fire; one with no survivors – or so the newspapers say. In truth, he was a survivor. Whammy had said that it was for his own protection that the world believed him, Mail Jeevas, to be dead. That way, the new Matt Jeevas, was someone who didn't exist. People who don't exist, can't be easily killed, is what the old man said.
Matt stares at the ceiling, wondering if he can trust Whammy. It all seems a bit too coincidental that this man came by the night of the fire, knowing of his brilliant mind, and being the owner of an orphanage.
His suspicious thoughts are pushed aside when he starts to think of the fire, the smoke, the burning. Matt flings the sheets off of himself as a phantom heat threatens to burn him again, moving viciously under his bandages. He curls in on himself, wishing the pain would just stop, would go away and never come back.
He wants to forget that night, but it's the pain that helps him remember he's alive.
To Matt's utter oblivion, his roommate, Mello, is not as asleep as he seems to be. He lies awake, trying to tune out the moans and groans of the tortured boy.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Sometime in the early, early hours of the morning, Mello bolts upward, pulling himself out of the nightmare that threatens to suffocate him. Images from his past that won't go away and just linger behind his eyelids. A past that continues to haunt him; reminding him of his abusive father and the mother who never cared for him.
Tears break free from Mello's eyes when he realizes, yet again, that he was left all alone in this world.
Matt is awakened by the sounds of sobs, but does nothing to help his frightened roommate.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry;
They both awake in the morning and neither asks about the other; pretending nothing ever happened.
That's alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie.
(*}
Mello storms into their shared room, seething mad and throwing anything he gets his hands on. He can't believe that L is dead, and that Roger even suggested that he work withNear. Nobody but him could understand what it feels like to have your dreams rip apart into a million pieces.
Matt drops his games and rushes to Mello, trying to calm his lover down. Matt attempts to find the reason for Mello's outburst, but he refuses to say anything coherent; words coming out in incomprehensible shouts and hollers.
I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like; and right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe.
Mello tries to sort through his thoughts but everything is jumbled. He just wants to be number one for once in his life. Just once. Then maybe all the suffocating training and studying would be worth it.
He can't stop the need to let out his pent up frustration; to create an uproar so he knows that there's still something right and sane in the world. He continues his rampage, loving how his heart soars at the destruction.
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight, as long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight.
He takes in the scent of Matt as he is pinned to Matt's chest, prohibiting him from doing anything else. Mello looks around at the mess he's made. Broken lamps, torn pillows, crumpled books; the list goes on.
It's times like this, in his wild hate for Near and the world, that Mello needs Matt's love. To be intoxicated by the addictiveness of Matt's presence, and to be calmed by the strong arms and gentle voice. It's the only way that he escapes the rage.
High off of love drunk from my hate, it's like I'm huffin' paint.
However, it's the anger that allows Mello to live, that gives him a reason for being; and he relishes in it, loving the way the passionate emotion overwhelms him and takes away the pain. But Matt saves him, each and every time, Matt drags Mello back to reality after being pulled beneath the surface of madness.
And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate and right before I'm about to drown, he resuscitates me,
Matt always sees the flash of pain in Mello's eyes as he stops the raging blonde. He knows that he denies Mello the release of his emotions, causing the pain to build up inside; but he loves how Mello's pain makes him feel like he isn't the only one hurting.
He fuckin' hates me and I love it.
Matt releases Mello when the typhoon is abated, thinking that everything is back to normal. It's when Mello starts packing his bag that Matt starts to panic.
Wait, where you goin'?
Mello doesn't meet his eyes, doesn't want to see the heartache there. He hefts his bag onto his shoulder and turns from Matt.
I'm leavin' you,
Matt is frozen in shock but manages to catch Mello before he makes it to the gate. He pleads for Mello to reconsider; that he can't leave Matt all alone.
No you ain't, come back.
Mello refuses to stay at Whammy's. Matt stares at Mello for a moment, considering the possible situations. He can't see his life without Mello, so Matt decides to come with him, grabbing his own bag and leaving their home behind him.
At least they'd be together.
We're runnin' , right back, here we go again.
Both of them know how messed up their relationship is. Two guys, one with an anger problem and a chocolate addiction; one with a gaming problem, and a nicotine addiction. An odd pair, but an unstoppable one. They both enjoy the moments when everything is wonderful, and they're not dodging bullets, feeling like they could own the world. The times when they can just sit at home together and be perfectly content doing nothing; just basking in the others presence.
So insane, cause when it's goin' good its goin' great, I'm superman with the wind in his back, he's Lois Lane.
But every relationship has downs to go with the ups. It's those horrible moments when Mello's conscious breaks and he hits with all he's got. Falling back into the madness that overwhelms him and makes Mello blind to what's precious to him.
But when its bad its awful, I feel so ashamed I snap.
One night he stumbles upon Matt at the bar with another man. Mello's negative outlook causes him to jump to conclusions; assuming the worst without asking for an explanation.
Whose that dude?
Matt denies a relationship, but his cries fall on deaf ears and he is dragged home.
I don't even know his name.
Mello takes out his frustration in the only way he knows how. Matt receives the brunt end of Mello's jealousy, getting a beating he knows he doesn't deserve.
Mello doesn't realize the extent of the damage until Matt collapses, unconscious from a particularly hard hit to the head. Mello regrets it immediately, panicking and calling an ambulance right away.
I laid hands on him. I'll never stoop so low again. I guess I don't know my own strength.
(*}
Mello sits in the mafia headquarters, waiting for the phone call signaling that Matt has woken up. He's been in a coma for a week, and Mello keeps hoping and praying that his damage is repairable. He rips himself apart inside; not standing the thought of losing Matt. He isn't sure what he'd do with himself if Matt died because of a beating Mello himself gave out.
An unplanned confrontation with the Japanese Task Force ends badly; and, as Mello's flesh burns away, he is satisfied. At least this way, Matt isn't the only one in pain.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Matt awakens to Mello, asleep in a hospital bed beside him, bandages on the left side of his upper torso, including his face, covering numerous cuts and third-degree burns. He is shocked by the sight, not understanding how Mello could have let this happen; how he could have done something so reckless when Matt wasn't there to save him. He awakens Mello with a kiss from his tear-dampened lips; crying over Mello's pain and not his own.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
Mello wipes away his tears, asking for forgiveness and promising never to hurt him again. He says he won't attempt another reckless plan without Matt there as backup.
Matt accepts Mello's apology, even though he knows Mello won't be able to keep his promise. They both know how explosive Mello's emotions could be; there is no stopping them. Matt just likes to hear the promises because, from Mello, a lie is the closest thing he says to 'I love you'.
That's alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie.
(*}
Matt doesn't remember when he fell in love with Mello; it just happened. One day they were best friends, the next lovers; the only difference was the physical relationship. Everything was so easy when they first fell in love, they had an innocence that left them both breathless. It was a beautiful feeling; one that disappeared once all the worlds troubles came crashing down on them.
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe, when you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em. Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills, used to get em.
But though the world changes, Mello's temper doesn't. Even after seeing Matt on the deathbed, he still lets the rage take over him. Let's it ooze into his pores until he's a demon in human form, forgetting all the promises he's made.
Matt knows that those promises will never stick, and he does his best to retaliate; keep himself alive. They fight with words and fists, battling it out until Mello calms down again. Sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes hours, and they both come out of it bruised and bloody.
Now you're getting fuckin' sick of lookin' at em. You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em, now you're in each others face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em. You push pull each others hair, scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em.
Mello knows that, in his rage, he seeks out the only thing that can bring him comfort; Matt.
His heart wants Matt to hold him and help him, but his body misinterprets and wants to destroy him. He doesn't know how to stop it, to keep himself from harming the only good thing in his life. The best way to keep Matt safe would be to get him to go away; and Mello knows it.
So lost in the moments when you're in em. It's the face that's the culprit, controls ya both, so they say it's best to go your separate ways.
Matt wants to heal the pain in Mello's heart but he doesn't know how. He's the one person that was able to get close to Mello, to enter his heart, but there are no instructions on how to heal a broken soul. He knows space might help, but Mello never does well alone.
As they lay in bed after a fight, it all seems to be in the past; but it's just a lie, because tomorrow is just a promise of another today. Matt listens to Mello's apologies and promises again and again, reliving the same days over and over despite time going on.
Guess that they don't know ya, cause today that was yesterday. Yesterday is over, it's a different day, sound like broken records playin' over, but you promised him next time you'll show restraint.
After yet another fight, it seems that their daily cycle will never end unless something is done about it; so Mello decides to get Matt to leave, to save him from his inescapable temper. He makes up a lie and forces it on Matt, giving him no other option than to back out of Mello's life.
You don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo game.
Matt catches the lie, but understands what Mello is trying to do. In a twisted and painful way, he's giving Matt an escape; a way out of the madness called, Mello.
But you lied again.
Matt hates himself for it, but he takes the offer, immediately packing up his meager belongings. Few words are spoken, and no goodbyes are said. If either one of them said goodbye, it would mean they denied that there was ever a relationship between them; and neither of them could accept that.
Instead, Matt sets off quietly into the night, leaving Mello standing alone in their apartment.
Now you get to watch him leave out the window, guess that's why they call it window pane.
(*}
Matt makes his way down the street, away from the lover that brought him a wonderful reality, and a terrifying nightmare. He tries so hard not to think, to keep his mind blank; but his body betrays him. Matt feels the stab to his chest; the hopeless wish that Mello would come after him, plead for him to stay. He knows it won't happen, and his heart bleeds in agony.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Mello holds his stance for what seems like hours but what were mere minutes, before he collapses onto the floor in a shaking heap of emotion. Matt is safe, but Mello's whole being shatters.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
Matt looks back in longing, one last look at what he'd had. He hates the fact that he left, that he took the easy way out instead of sticking to it until the end. But he can't help loving Mello, who blocked out his own pain, and gave Matt an escape route. It was always those lies that Matt followed unconditionally, that kept Matt by Mello's side, and now it was a lie that pushed him away; away from the suffering, and into freedom.
That's alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie.
(*}
Matt, for the most part, went on with his life, trying to forget Mello and their fights; but he often finds himself doing the same things he did with Mello, only minus one person. He doesn't always notice the absence – his heart spares him that much – but he does notice the familiarity of his actions.
Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean, and we fall back into the same patterns, same routine.
Mello can't help but remember Matt. The way he looked, the way he acted, the way Mello beat him up almost every day.
As he analyzes their relationship, Mello notices that they both were seeking release from their emotion. Mello took his hate and anger out on Matt, and Matt let out his pain and frustration in his tears and retaliation. He realizes that Matt is the same as him. They both looked to the other to make themselves feel better, and they were both blind to the truth of that.
He calls Matt and begs him to come back; he knows now that Matt needs him as much as he needs Matt.
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me. When it comes to love you're just as blinded; baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me.
Mello waits in the apartment, not knowing if his call was enough to convince Matt to come back to him. The more he thinks about it, the more Mello notices that their fights were inevitable; with his whirlwind personality and destructive temper, and Matt's lazy attitude and cockiness, it was bound to happen.
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems, maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.
A knock sounds at the door and Mello opens it to a familiar sight. A red-haired, goggle-covered, stripes-wearing, cigarette-smoking beauty. His Matt.
He gives Mello an apologetic grin, both pretending that it fixes everything.
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though.
Mello invites Matt in. He is as sincere as possible as he explains how much he needs Matt, how it is his fault that he pushed Matt away. He can't live without Matt, because Matt is his sun in the dark world that they live in.
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk, don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk? Told you this is my fault.
They waste hours and hours, laughing and playing; just being the couple they wish they could be.
It's late afternoon the next day when they settle down to business. Mello's undeniable need for Matt isn't the only reason for his phone call; he also had an idea. He said he'd ask for Matt's help on his next reckless plan, and that's what he does. Mello explains to Matt the last plan that is needed to be done before they can take down Kira.
A kidnapping.
He promises that after this, the next time he'll make sure that Matt isn't in dangers way; from him, or anyone else.
Look me in the eyeball, Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall.
Matt is pretty sure that both of them could very well die because of this plan. It's highly dangerous, and relies heavily on both of their abilities to evade cops; a hard job in a busy city.
Next time there won't be no next time.
Mello sees Matt's doubt and feeds him more lines of promise; that both of them will make it through okay, that they can lead normal lives together after this – neither of them believe it. Mello doesn't know how else to keep Matt with him, so he just continues spouting lies; more 'I love you's' that fill Matt with both joy and anguish.
I apologize even though I know its lies I'm tired of the games, I just want him back I know I'm a liar.
The pair set out on the day of the kidnapping, holding onto the false hope that they will survive.
Mello knows it's impossible, but if – only, if – they make it out alive, he asks Matt to stay by his side. He knows that if Matt chooses to leave again, no matter if it's by Mello's hand or not, his temper may run out of control and kill them both by making their relationship go up in flames.
If he ever tries to fuckin' leave again, I'm a tie him to the bed and set this house on fire.
(*}
Matt stands watching the end.
The end of his best friend and lover.
He doesn't know how it happened, because he can clearly recall being shot in the chest by numerous bullets, meaning he is dead. But somehow he is standing outside of a burning building; one he can feel contains the one person he'd ever loved.
Mello's body burns painfully, slowly; possibly a punishment for the crimes of his past.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Tears stream down Matt's cheeks and he sobs, wishing that Mello's lies had been right this time. His eyes glue shut in pain.
He doesn't see the silent ghostly figure of the blonde appearing before him.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, that's alright because I love the way you lie.
It's a long moment before Matt opens his eyes slowly, wiping away his remaining tears only to see Mello.
A sly smile spreads across Mello's face, the one Matt loves, and he extends his hand to the redhead.
Maybe everything would be okay.
I love the way you lie.
Sorry again, about double posting this. But I like it, and I hope you do too. :D
Reviews anyone? Heard they're nice. :)