Everyone needs to be taken seriously sometimes...even The Joker...
The Joker and Harley Quinn were at a bar on a date.
Harley was jiggling a rubber chicken in front of The Joker's face to make him laugh but he just sat there pouting as if bothered by something. Harley frowned and put the chicken away. She smiled again and pulled out a whoopee cushion. She placed it on the floor and jumped off of her chair, butt-planting on it as it made a rude sound. She then looked up at The Joker, not even a giggle. She frowned and said, "Ya didn't hear that?"
The Joker stayed silent.
Harley picked up the whoopee cushion and pressed down on it, blowing wind in The Joker's face and making a loud, obnoxious sound.
Four or five people stuck their heads around the corner and looked at them.
"What are you looking at?!" The Joker shouted.
The people immediately left.
"Why so serious?" Harley pinched The Joker's cheek playfully and pulled on it until he cried out in pain.
"G'ah! Is this a date or a cartoon?!" He asked her. Harley gave him a goofy smile and said, "A cartoon..."
"That's it!" The Joker stood up.
"I'm outta here doll-face!" He walked to the staircase and heard an old woman whisper to an old man, "Even villains spend Christmas with their families; maybe he'll do the same."
The Joker wondered if she was talking about him, his question was answered when the old man said, "The Joker has no family..."
The Joker stopped dead in his tracks. Harley watched as her boyfriend started to tremble with rage. He turned toward the old man, narrowing his eyes.
"Oh shut up you old geezer!" He shouted.
"And tell your wife to be quiet too!" He stomped down the stairs. When he reached the landing, Batman appeared in front of him.
"Causing trouble again Joker?" He asked.
"I am in no mood!" Joker snarled, uppercutting Batman. Batman fell backwards over the landing, unconscious as Robin came to his aid. Harley ran to the rail of the landing and counted him out, "One! Two! Three!" Robin yelled for her to stop but by the time she got to ten, she yelled, "You're out!"
Robin came after her but she ran back up the stairs. When she reached the top, she realized there was nowhere left to run. She turned around and saw Robin coming for her but suddenly, Robin's look of rage changed to fear and he looked as if he were about to fall down the stairs backwards. Harley peered behind him and saw The Joker pulling Robin back by his cape.
"not so fast, Robin the Boy-Blunder!" He growled protectively as Batman ran up the stairs after him. Harley pulled out a pie and said, "Oh Robby-Bobby?!"
Robin turned to look at her and she threw the pie in his face, making him fall over backwards on The Joker and they both fell on Batman, tumbling down the stairs in a domino effect. Batman landed on his back, The Joker lying across him and Robin upside-down on Batman, propped against The Joker.
"HARLEY!" Joker yelled.
"Sorry puddin'; it was an accident, honest!" She apologized as The Joker shoved Robin off of him and was about to go after Harley next when Batman said, "Cut her some slack...puddin'..." With a smirk.
"AAAHHHH!" The Joker let out a war cry before attacking Batman with everything he had to the point where Batman was barely able to fend him off.
"Mistah. J; calm down!" Harley approached them.
"Harley don't!" Robin warned but it was too late; Harley was trying to hold The Joker back and as a result, The Joker shoved her so hard that she went flying across the bar, landing on the counter and rolling onto the floor. She pretended to pull herself up off of the floor by the ears of her hat with a goofy, cross-eyed smile, tongue hanging out. She shook her head to snap out of dizziness and started carefully mixing a drink while her boyfriend fought to the death with Batman. She placed a tiny umbrella in her perfectly prepared drink and then threw it in Batman's face, glass and all.
While Batman was cleaning the broken glass and liquor out of his face, Harley Quinn dragged The Joker by the elbow to the getaway car and drove off. The Joker pouted as Harley Quinn drove the car. When they got to a safe distance from the bar, she heard The Joker grumble something.
"What was that?" She asked, smiling nervously as The Joker repeated himself with a yell, "STOP THE CAR!" Harley did as told and The Joker got out, forcefully pulled her into the passenger's seat and got in the driver's seat before continuing to drive.
"Are ya mad?" Harley asked nervously.
"Are you nuts or just crazy?!" The Joker asked her. Harley thought for a moment then asked, "Is that a trick question?" Joker grabbed her by the collar of her costume and said "Why I outta..!" He then suddenly screamed and grabbed the steering-wheel, swerving around several cars about to hit them.
"That was close..." he sighed in relief before yelling, "See what you almost caused me to do you?! You almost caused me to wreck you dadgum, no-good, sorry, junk!" At Harley.
"Sorry Mistah, J..." She whimpered. She reached into her purse when a stink bomb fell out and broke. Harley bit her fingernails nervously, hoping The Joker wouldn't notice but he did. His nose twitched, his eyes widened and he glared down at the broken stink bomb and then glared at Harley. He then started to gag
"What the heck is wrong with you?!" He coughed out in a raspy voice, rolling his window down.
"Sorry puddin'..." Harley also rolled down her window.
The smell was so bad that The Joker felt vomit swelling up in his cheeks. He stuck his head out of the open window, spewing vomit on poor, unsuspecting people.
"My gosh!" Harley pinched her nose in disgust.
"That was horrible!" The Joker wheezed.
"It did put out a nasty odor..." Harley admitted.
When they got home, Harley pulled out two pieces of bread, spreading peanut-butter on one slice and jelly on the other. She then stuck both pieces of bread to The Joker's cheeks and said, "Aw! What a cute, little, sandwich-face!" The Joker's eyes twitched as he removed the bread from his cheeks. He then picked up the dish towel, wiping the peanut-butter and jelly from his cheeks. He then started to quiver with rage.
"Why you miserable..!" He pulled a baseball bat out of the pantry and beat Harley mercilessly with it.
"Ow! Oh! I thought it'd cheer ya up! Ouch!" She cried as Bud, one of The Joker's hyenas bit the pant leg of Harley's costume and pulled on it, pulling her to the floor.
"Get her Bud! Rip her toes off!." The Joker yelled as he hit her one last time then dropped the bat.
"Let me go find something to feed this mongrel..." He grumbled before stomping outside to get the bag of dog-food from the porch.
"I wonder what's buggin' Mistah. J...He usually likes this kinda thing..." Harley pondered before she came up with an idea, "I know what'll cheer Mistah. J up!" She grabbed the plastic wrap from her purse, went to the downstairs bathroom then started wrapping the toilet seat.
Lou, The Joker's other hyena walked to the open bathroom door and made his laughing sound at Harley.
"Quiet Lou! You're gonna get me caught!" She whispered, continuing to plastic wrap the toilet seat when she heard The Joker clear his throat. She looked up, seeing The Joker standing next to Lou with a bag of dog-food in his hand, glaring at her as Lou grinned as if to say, "Busted!"
"H-Hey Mistah. J..." She gulped, trying to hide the plastic wrap and take it off of the toilet seat.
"So, you were going to wrap me eh? Have you learned nothing from the peanut-butter-jelly with the baseball bat?" He asked her.
"W-Well, puddin'...Ya see; I was..." She tried explaining herself but was cut off by The Joker, "You know Harleen, you think you're funny but you're not..." He said as Lou laughed at her in agreement.
"Shut up!" The Joker smacked Lou in the side of the head with the dog-food bag, making him fall over with a yelp then scurry off into the kitchen. The Joker followed him into the kitchen to fill the hyenas' food bowl.
"But puddin', it's almost Christmas..." Harley followed him.
"So?" He asked.
"So I gotcha a present." Harley pulled out a present box.
The Joker seemed shocked at first but he turned around and glared at the present.
"It's for you." She handed it to him.
"What is it?" He asked, still glaring at the present as Harley lit a fuse sticking out of the present and said, "It's a present." It was then, the present box exploded into several, tiny, flashy pops, blowing smoke everywhere. The Joker dropped the present, hiding under the table as it continued to flash and pop.
Harley laughed as The Joker crawled out from under the table, near tears and yelled, "You freaking idiot! You're trying to kill me!"
"Merry Christmas puddin'..." Harley giggled as The Jokey yelled, "Yeah; merry Christmas you pixie! I'm going to bed!" While stomping upstairs. The Joker walked into the bedroom he and Harley shared and sat in the recliner next to the window. He rested his chin in his hand, gazing out the window.
"Why can't she take me seriously for just one night? It's like everything's a joke to her..." He asked, talking to himself when a horrifying realization hit him, "Or maybe...I'm a joke to her..." The very thought of that made his throat and chest hurt as his voice began to crack as he spoke.
"Ever since I pushed her out of the window, she's seen me as a joke...How could I have not seen it sooner?" The Joker put a hand to his for head as the tears he fought so hard to hold back finally streamed down his cheeks, dripping to the floor.
It was then his hyenas, Bud and Lou walked in. Bud whimpered as if to ask his master if he were okay as The Joker broke down crying and covered his eyes.
"Poor Mistah. J..." Lou whimpered in his hyena language only Bud could understand.
"Does he need tissues?" Bud asked Lou before saying, "'Cause I got tissues." Then approaching the nightstand and pulling four or five tissues from the tissue box sitting on it. He then brought the wad of tissues to The Joker, nudging him with his nose then whimpering.
"Thanks Bud..." The Joker sniffled, taking a tissue from him and wiping the tears from his eyes as more fell profusely.
Bud laid his head in The Joker's lap and Lou laid down by his feet as he cried for a good, long time. He stopped when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs and the bells on Harley's hat jingling. He quickly got in bed, pulling the covers over his head so Harley wouldn't see that he was still in his suit or that he was crying and question it.
"You still awake puddin'?" Harley asked timidly.
"If you're going to pull another prank on me, I'm not in the mood..."The Joker replied in a stuffy voice, followed by a loud sniffle.
"Aw, do ya have a cold puddin'?" Harley asked, pulling the covers off of him, revealing his: red, puffy, tear-stained eyes and his sad, heartbroken, puppy-dog look. He started to sob uncontrollably and quite loudly as Harley seemed taken aback by his tears. She had never seen this side of him before.
"Mistah. J...what's wrong?" She asked, climbing into bed with him and holding him close as he continued to cry.
"Why would you think something's wrong?" He asked, trying to sound grouchy as Harley thought for a moment before tilting her head and answering with, "Because you're cryin'." He quickly wiped his tears away but more fell profusely. He then said. "I am not! What makes you think I'm crying?"
"Because there's tears comin' from your eyes and your face is all scrunched up." Harley replied.
"Is this crying?" The Joker whimpered as Harley nodded stupidly, making the bells on her hat jingle.
"Then I've been crying for hours!" He sobbed.
"Why?" Harley asked, hugging him a bit tighter.
"Harley?" He whimpered.
"Yes?" She asked.
"Can it!" He yelled then continued to cry.
"I just wanna know what's buggin' my puddin'..." She snuggled him.
"You should know!" He snapped as Harley appeared confused.
"I'm sorry; okay?" He muttered an apology for pushing her out of the window, hoping that it would end all of this madness.
"Mistah. J; Ya have nothin' to be sorry for." She giggled, hugging him a bit tighter as he stuttered out, "But I almost...I-I'm..." In between sobs.
"It's okay puddin'...Are ya cryin' 'cause I was actin' silly on our date? Is that it? Did ya wanna be taken seriously for just one night?" Harley guessed. The Joker sniffled in response as more tears fell. Sure he wanted to be taken seriously that night but that's not why he was upset so he stayed quiet while sobbing softly while Harley took that response as a yes and pulled him into her lap.
"Ya poor thing! Ya must think I don't love ya and think you're a joke..." She finally guessed right as The Joker sniffled, appearing a bit surprised by how accurate she was. It was like she read his mind.
"I'm sorry puddin'. I was only tryin' to please ya. I thought ya liked jokes and gags. I was only tryin' to make ya happy; I didn't mean to make ya feel this way..." She apologized, nuzzling her nose against his affectionately as he smiled despite the ongoing tears.
"I love you Harleen..." He admitted before wiping his tears away then kissing her on the lips. Once kissed, Harley cheered and ran around the bedroom excitedly in a love-struck fit as The Joker laughed blissfully at her little routine. She was just happy he felt better now.
The End...