I've been writing so much lately, I feel nice~ I need to get some rest though... Fun fact? I love writing shinaya. Another fact? I personally think that if I don't imply a little bit of harutaka in every fic I write that happens to no be about them, the world would lose its balance.
KagePro belongs to Jin, and those previous facts are proof of that I need to rest.
"Oh, so it rained!" Ayano points out the obvious thing once they go out, looking at the wet ground as if it was something to be amazed of. When it's not, because it's just rain, and it's not like it has never rained before.
Shintaro kind of wished for it to start raining again, so they could get inside and spend the day doing something that doesn't involve him outside. But Ayano's been insisting all day to go to the movies, and he didn't want to hear her whining over it anymore. After all, they'd be like three or fours hours, since it's most likely for her to also insist to go get food afterwards.
Because that's what dates are like. You go to a place, then you eat together, then you probably go somewhere else for a bit longer and then it's done. Not like Shintaro'd be willing to do any of those things, but he knows that after getting a little distracted it'd be more bearable.
That still doesn't change the fact he does not like being outside. Especially because it just happens that today it's freezing, probably thanks to the recent rain. Shintaro puts his hands inside his pockets, sighing out foggy breath.
"Yeah," he answers, although he realizes it's been a few minutes since Ayano talked. Which was surprising, actually, but she just laughs.
"I love rain," maybe she wouldn't have started talking again if he didn't say anything, and Shintaro doesn't really mind. She can be annoying and talk about nonsense, but he prefers to hear her over anything else. That's the same voice he thought he wouldn't hear again, after all. "There's something about it that I just like a lot!"
"Rain makes mud and mud makes a mess," Shintaro can't help himself saying, stealing a glance at her. Ayano looks up at him and smiles, her nose is slightly pink thanks to the cold. "How can you like everything?"
"How can you not like anything?" she shoots back, and even though he knows she's only teasing, he feels it like a stab.
I'm being obnoxious again, isn't it?
"That's not true, I like... some things," he looks away, and he hears the sticky sound her red boots did when she walked on a puddle of water. He isn't wearing boots, just some old sneakers, so he guesses that if he walks onto a puddle he'll probably slip or something, since unfortunate events just follow him anywhere he goes. And if he's with Ayano, then it'd only be worse, because she's the last person he'd like to look dumb in front of and destiny always knows.
"What would that be?" a part of him wanted to roll his eyes and the other part thought she sounded quite endearing. But there's no time to think about how abnormally cute this girl is– if there was, then he couldn't think about anything else, and it'd be torture, so Shintaro's quick to wash that thought away from his mind.
"Well, I like soda. And internet," he says, and Ayano lets out a playful huff, making an expression that's just inanely adorable. The way her cheeks puff up and the way she makes a slight pout as a complaint towards some answer of his– adorable, she's adorable, and he can't understand why would she ever fall for such an awkward, negligible person like him. "I also like you."
It's kind of unreal to think that he said that, but he doesn't regret it instantly. He thinks of 'I must be great, I actually managed to say something such as that' for just a tiny second, before it turns into a 'this must be a nightmare I can't believe those were actual words coming out of my mouth.'
Somehow, he dares to look at Ayano, as it seems today is the day he dares to do and say stupid things. He doesn't expect her to be making that shy face of hers, trying to hide a blush with her scarf, but she is, and Shintaro remembers with a sort of dumb feeling of relief that Ayano's the only person who would never think of him as gross or pathetic. She's said to him in various different occasions how she thinks of him as a smart and sweet person, rarely. So, of course she'd get embarrassed after hearing him say such a thing to her, especially since he's not much of an affectionate kind of person.
When was the last time he's said this? Has he ever even said it? Didn't he said something like 'I feel the same way' or 'me too'? Ironically, he can't remember.
"Do you like me better than soda and internet?" it didn't seem she was embarrassed enough though, as Shintaro hears that question just a few seconds later.
He feels his own face heating up, feeling stupid when he looks away just for the mere reason of not wanting Ayano to see his blush.
"Yeah, I guess."
His answer comes out awkward, but she seems to like awkward.
"Good!" she laughs, clinging to his arm even more as he's not doing well, because the angelical Tateyama Ayano is way too much for him to bear with, and he feels the urge of punching his past-self for ever being mean to her.
"Geez, you're so clingy," perhaps he should punch his current-self as well. But he couldn't help it; his terrible reactions come up naturally, it's like some kind of inner-system that make him immediately answer that way.
"Maybe," she lets out a giggle, as they keep walking next to each other. He feels a small water drop on his shoulder, although he doesn't pay attention to it. "But not so much. There are things Shintaro should do himself!"
Her blush is fast to be back on her cheeks, and Shintaro raises an eyebrow at her, because now Ayano looks more bashful than before. He shrugs, a little confused, "Like what?"
"Like... um, well, like kissing?"
So just like that, he slips into a puddle.
"I see, so you can't kiss her..."
Shintaro wants to smack his own head against the table when he hears it out loud like that; that way it just sounds even more pathetic. But he knows Haruka isn't trying to make him feel like that once he says it, if anything, the other boy was trying to help him as he's got that thoughtful expression on his face.
"Well, I don't really know much of these things myself," he finally says, and that really, really isn't helping Shintaro out. Haruka has to, because he's the only one he could ever ask help from. He's the only one he trusts in to that point, and even if he wanted to ask someone else, Haruka's still the best option.
Ayano's siblings don't really like the idea of them dating, despite her being the big sister, they're extremely over-protective. Mary may not understand, and Momo would comment something like he's a pervert even though she has no reason to. And as far as Shintaro knows, Hibiya's relationships skills is making dolls based on his crush, which he finds quite disturbing considering how old that kid is.
Also, Takane could be an option, but she's just so... her. They'd lose a whole hour because she'd be laughing to no end, and once she stops, she probably won't take him seriously at all.
That's why Haruka, his best friend, is left and Shintaro's actually glad about this boy's kindness. Neets need to be treated with care, after all.
At least he was grateful of Haruka's existence a few seconds ago, but he's not helping at all and he's just sitting there, drawing a dumb bird and humming one of Momo's songs.
Shintaro fell to the ground when Ayano brought it up, and all he's got now is a bruise on the back of his head and an awkward memory of attempting to kiss her right after it. Which he wishes to forget.
"It's fine, Shintaro! I was just saying, since it's been a whole month since we're dating..."
"It's not fine... I... I just sneezed on your face..."
"It's fine, really!"
She just goes on, seemingly trying not to face the fact he messes up all the time. She just keeps calling him nice things, holding his hand and smiling at him as if he was worth it.
"Please, I need your help, you must know something," it's like he's begging now, but he doesn't care. He's desperate, not getting it over anytime soon. Poor Ayano, having all awkward germs on her pretty face.
Haruka looks up at him again, and sighs. He's smiling, but he always is, so Shintaro can't really tell what's he's thinking.
"I'm sorry, Shintaro-kun, I honestly don't," he says, actually letting go of his pencil when the other boy only growls miserably. "I – I'd love to help you, but I don't know what to tell you!"
"You're all over your girlfriend all the time, how come you don't know how you do it?" he's being a little more specific now, perhaps the actual main reason why he's asking him. Maybe, he should have said it like that earlier, because Haruka's face quickly lights up and giggles.
"Well– that's something hard to answer," he rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment, smiling bashfully. Shintaro decides to stop acting like a jerk and let him think for a moment, and then his phone buzzes. He grimaces because it's been a few hours since he last talked to Ayano, and if that's actually her, she's probably going to ask him to do something together.
"hey nerd r u ever comin' online or what"
He rolls his eyes at Takane's name contact, and feels a tingle of anger inside his head when he glances at Haruka and he's drawing again. Perhaps these two are actually made for each other; they're both annoying, useless friends.
"Geez, Haruka, you're not being of help!" Shintaro groans, despite knowing that it's not like Haruka wanted to get involved with his problem.
He doesn't stop drawing this time, and speaks up as if he wasn't just nagged at, "I thought Shintaro-kun'd figure it out by himself, since he's so smart..."
"No, I haven't figured it out," he can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not, as it'd be unlikely being Haruka who's talking. It's not the first time he adds such a comment though, and Shintaro has concluded that as Takane is becoming a little more bearable, she might have spreaded a tiny bit of her cranky-self to Haruka. They're like a contagious pair of losers, even if they can only affect themselves.
So Shintaro goes again, envying the way those two can understand each other whilst he can't even bring up the courage to hold his girlfriend's hand by himself. It's Ayano the one always taking the lead for everything, being the one confessing and actually meaning to talk things out.
It's like no matter what happens, nightmares, shut-ins, suicide, he can't get away from his bitter self.
"Well, alright. You like Ayano-chan, right?" Haruka goes on, probably oblivious to Shintaro suddenly taking himself down again. The only one who somehow always manages to notice is Ayano, who never fails at trying to cheer him up. With that thought in mind, he immediately nods, embarrassed. "And Ayano-chan likes you, too. There! It's not that complicated."
"...What? I think you're a few steps back of what I'm saying..."
Shintaro waits, impatient at his slow motions. How can he be this calm all the time? It freaks him out to see him so quiet.
"I can see why you get so worked up for this kind of thing," Haruka places down his pencil again, and runs one of his hands on the page to get out of the way the eraser's shavings. "Shintaro-kun's really smart, so he tends to over-think too much, when it's actually as simple as I just said."
"Please don't get all psychological with me, Haruka," he mumbles tiredly, and his friend only lets out a laugh, shaking his head.
"No, no. I'm just saying that if you both want to kiss each other, then it'll be it," he flips to the next page of his sketchbook after deciding the previous doodle is done (Haruka timidly insists they're just doodles, despite everyone telling him it's too good.) and, much to Shintaro's dismay, takes a little longer to continue. "There are things that don't need thinking nor planning."
Even if he says that, Shintaro can't bring himself to stop thinking about it.
Because this isn't some kind of shoujo story. No, it won't happen to him what happens to those characters, with a story-line so well thought and characterizations that let them get though their situations of difficulty.
Perhaps, nothing has changed.
"Shintaro?"
Perhaps, I really don't deserve any of this.
"What's wrong?"
It seems it's too good to be true, anyway.
Ayano's looking at him with worried eyes like she always does, and he feels like there's no point in anything if she does. Like he should just be punished for ever making her worry, for ever making this girl waste her time taking care of him as if he had some kind of special need.
He doesn't, all he's got it's a bad style of life next to his computer and soda. Neets need to be treated with care, right, but it just feels so, so pathetic to think about it that way, despite he used to mentally joke with it.
"You're thinking about what I said the other day, isn't it?" she could have meant anything, because she talks so much, but Shintaro somehow knew what she was refering to. "You know, the kissing thing?"
All he can do is nod, and a small water drop falls on his shoulder, despite it's not raining anymore. He re-calls that also happened a few days ago, and curses himself for remembering that but not if he's ever said 'I like you' to Ayano.
"Ahh, I knew I shouldn't have said it!" he can't help jumping a little when she raises her voice, although it's only slightly. Ayano lets out a few moanful complaints he didn't really understand, until she speaks clearly again, "I'm so sorry, Shintaro!"
"Wh – what?" he forces himself to look at her, confused. "Why would you be sorry for?"
"Because I know the way you are! I knew you'd start feeling nervous and under pressure...!" she insists, moving a little and letting him see the way her cheeks had turned into a bright, embarrassing pink. He blinks at her, nonplussed, as Ayano plays with her fingers– her nails are painted in red, he just notices, and it's not important but at the same time, it is, because it's Ayano. "I know you'd want to take your own time, sorry for being selfish... I just–"
There's a small second in which he feels there's no point on questioning it so much, the same small second he uses to tuck his hand behind her head. That made something like a miracle happen and Ayano actually shuts up, tensing up a little, most likely about to ask what's wrong. She can't get another word out since their lips are suddenly pressed together, and despite there's a little part of him waiting for her to push him away, he doesn't. Feeling her hair smoothly against his palm, he realizes with an inane feeling of regret he's never touched it like this before.
He wonders what would have he said if she asked him what's wrong. There's honestly nothing wrong; it's just him and his daily low self-steem. It's okay now though, she makes everything be okay.
Everything is okay as long as she's here.
Then, this feels like the worst impulsive thing he's ever done in his life. Ayano doesn't say anything afterwards, and Shintaro can only feel his own soul leaving his body from his mouth, which is actually prevented since she speaks up
"I can't believe you did it!" that doesn't make him feel better, nevermind make him feel slightly less flustered, and to be honest, all he wants to do is smash his brain against a wall. "I'm so happy!"
But she sounds so blissful, and she's so pretty when she's excited like this. And the fact he's the cause of it, of that smile he's once thought to never see again, brings him to understand that, yeah, it is as simple when there's love.