Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha and I don't own Utada Hikaru either or the song First love either but sadly I wish I did…
Hope you all enjoy this one-shot that took me a lot and I mean whole something days to make but I wanted to make it nice so here it is. Yes this Sesshomaru and Rin pairing but has angst theme so hope you all enjoy this story…
Title: Love That Couldn't Be
Thunder and lightening crackled in the black skies outside, as I sat in front my window waiting for death. I've been meaning to leave this endless pain and torture behind...so I can finally achieve peace in the world of oblivion. The love I hoped to be endless was nothing but a pure wish from a naïve adolescent. My heart was betrayed, and my life was ruined beyond repair…but even so then; I received a precious gift that no one was able to take away from me: my son. So many years have past since it all happened; I can recall it all now as a nostalgic memory as I hear rain dropping from the heavens. Such a smooth and peaceful beating it made…it was nothing like what I'm feeling in my heart. My gaze flew down to my dress; it was a pink handkerchief dress in a low-waist style with floral appliqués at my left shoulder and hip. The lower part of the dress fell 25" from my slender waist in uneven ends. On my dainty feet was a pink pair of strappy satin sandal with a closed-back, ankle-strap style with rhinestone trim at strappy toe vamp. My sandal had a 4" stiletto heel that would have made most women's foot ache but not mines.
I'm tired, but I felt like dressing up a little since this dress made me look younger by bringing out my pale complexion. Though it was quite snug now at the bust regions due to the effects of pregnancy, but all in all it fitted and that's what matters. I guess even at this age I'm still trying to look pretty…before my death anyways, and at least feel a bit younger.
I lay on small white couch staring out of my window to see thunder brighten the night skies. My once inky black hair was now laced with silvery strands here and there, to prove of my dying youth; the long tail of hair provided little warmth on this stormy night, but I cared naught. I know death will come for me but even so…I find myself still hoping for the impossible. My brown chocolate eyes were the only thing that wasn't going to fade which is unlike my hair, but it had long lost its vibrant joy ever since reality settled in. The hope I carry is dwindling just like my own string of life; I know though that it's almost over now… My end will stop all this pain I hold and then I will not longer have to uphold the dame of despair and broken dreams.
As I reminisce about my past, I feel bitter tears bit at the corners of my eyes. Even after forty-four years, my eyes can still provide more cries of my heart and here I was thinking that I have cried my all. How stupid of me to believe that just like before when I believed in 'him.' I quietly raised my slightly wrinkly hands to my face to wipe away the residue of salt on my face; I stopped a little while afterwards to stare at my aging hand. I laughed woefully, if there was one thing I know better than anyone; it was the pure fact that I'm an aging crone while that man was still as young as twenty in appearance. Out of entire envenom ordeal, one memory makes me smile and it's the only memory that could make me cry so much that it'll last for hours. It was when I married him and where my life was changed forever.
Flash Back Forty-Four years ago
I stood in front of huge oval mirror gazing at myself; I laughed happily seeing my reflection as I twirled around in my gorgeous white wedding dress made of pure silk. I couldn't believe it was really happening to me; I was to be wed with the male demon that held my heart. My hair was braided in the front and the crown made of exquisite colors of roses making me smile brightly, and the rest of my hair was curled at the bottom making it cascade down my back as it glistening in the sun light that was coming through window that was an circle shape like any other church around here would have.
Then I hear knock, I quickly turn around to see kagome my greatest friend ever, she held the bouquet of red flowers that mixed with few white ones making me think who picked the flower knowing it was him. Kagome quickly entered the room and soon I found my self on a stool and she putting eyeliner also pink lip-gloss making my lips glow more but to me didn't matter. The only thing I felt at the moment was butterflies fluttering in my stomach but I felt Kagome put hand on my shoulder giving me some reassurance that everything would be alright.
Then I saw Inuyasha standing in front of the door with smile on his lips making me think what his brother would think of me but before I could think I found my self in front walking down the isle with family and friends sitting looking at me some with smiles but others with disappointment seeing me only as lowly human. Yet the butterflies in my stomach made fell uneasy but when Sesshomaru grasped my hand making me forget everything expect him.
His long beautiful silver reached down to his knees was tied in low ponytail showing his demonic marks that graced his light tan skin. My veil blocked my view but I still could see his soft amber eyes staring where mine were, soon enough before I could react we were wed I couldn't believe and then I heard the words I've been dying to hear, finally the moment came.
"Sesshomaru Takanashi you may now kiss, the bride," said the priest and I felt the veil lift from my face then felt soft lips touch mine in sweet chaste kiss. When I opened my eyes I found myself locked in the warmth of his soft honey amber eyes looking in to my ones telling him I was more than happy right here where I now could stay by his side no matter what happens…
Three month later
Our honeymoon was one of pure paradise in the Caribbean's and life as I knew it was better than ever. That was…until I came back to Japan. After our one month honeymoon, Sesshoumaru went back to work. Soon he became detached from me and would come home late in the evenings all while I stayed up all night for him in the dinning room table waiting for him to consume the meal I made. The amount of these events came frequently and I started to get worried, and when I try to bring up the subject he would coldly tell me not to speak of the subject again. I remember one time; he was enraged by my persistent questioning that he struck me for the first time. I recall the stinging sensation greatly due to pure shock and the flaming heat from my cheek. Not only did my heart hurt from the blow but my pride as his wife. For so long, I believed that he was proud to have me as his wife but after that…I found out the truth. He was not proud, he was ashamed; in fact he was so ashamed he never went out into public with me as well as shares our bed afterwards.
And for the first time in my life, I felt as though I was truly low. I loved him enough to be tenacious with his demanding. I was patient enough with his arrogance and ignorance attitude towards me, but one day, it all fell apart like I feared it would. That day was the happiest day of my life, Kagome and I went to the doctors to find out that I was pregnant! I was ecstatic about the news, so thrilled to actually be able to conceive Sesshoumaru's child. I wasn't even thinking clearly as I told Kagome to accompany to his work place to give him the great news. I tended to give him a surprise that day, with a bento for his lunch –which contained his favorite food but now I can give him a more shocking surprise. I was so full of felicity that it never occurred to me that the climax of my story was at its end.
It was ironic how I cam to give him a good shock, only to have it thrown back to my face. Instead of me giving him the start, he was the one to surprise me. My heart stopped then, as the scene unfolded itself before me. I found myself staring at him as he kissed his sectary, Kagura Miasma, passionately; the passion we use to share. My eyes blurred for a moment, and at that time I didn't even know what it was until now. It was tears…tears of dashed hopes, something I thought I'd never have but it did. My eyes showed it to me…my reality; there were the sounds of ragged breathing along with choking sounds. I guess that was when he must have noticed me. When he tore apart from Kagura he looked at me in a daze and soon walked towards me while trying to explain what happened but I didn't want to listen to his nonsense no more. Before he could react I slapped him hard as soon as he reached me and ran from the office. I heard a scream after I left though…but couldn't hear it too well but I was able to discern that it was Kagome-chan's voice.
"You IDIOT! How can you do that to Rin-chan! After everything that had happened…" She had yelled at him not caring if anyone heard her either. I didn't hear much after that since I was long gone and was out of the building. I used another car hoping to get away from it all…even though I knew running away from him was useless I tried either way. To my disappointment he didn't bother to chase after me, even as I packed my little belonging into its suitcase. Disgusted with myself beyond belief, I snatched the ring he gave me off of my marriage finger. Throwing the damnable piece of junk onto the bed near my letter, I picked up my things and left the suffocating room.
Sesshoumaru,
I've never thought of the day where you would betray me… I always believed in my heart you were the kindest man alive. My time with you had been magical…especially the wedding, I'm grateful for that one moment you've given to me. Sadly though, everything must come to an end and this is our stop. For the pass couple of months, you and I have been nothing but strangers. You were cold, distant and even harsh at times but I endured all of it…because I loved you, and pathetically I still do. Even though my heart ached to see you so near but so far I held on, believing one day you will change back to the man from before…the one that held me close and dear in your heart. Now…I see him no more, you are just a man –no demon, who sees nothing but himself and deems all humans unworthy of your attentions and affections. I see that clearly now…thank you for waking me up from my dream. It was a stupid dream that was meant to be broken one way or another…I thank you very much for giving me reality. You opened my eyes and gave me life…a life that mournfully, will not be shared with you. Life is short; I know that now so I'm going to live on elsewhere. I shall not tarnish your name no longer…
I left the things you've given me for the past decade of my life here, and the engagement ring as well as my wedding ring will accompany this letter. Hopefully you will receive it…I wish you the best of wishes with your new companion. And maybe one day…just one day, I'll be able to look at you again without the eyes of hate but I don't think that will be possible. So please do not find me, I no longer wish to see you anymore than I already have. Please expect papers of our divorce in your office sometime this week, it will have my signature on it already. So all you have to do is sign it and be done with me as I have with you. No more misconception or explanation please…I'm tired of it. Sayonara, Sesshoumaru-san. I'm sorry for being such a bother in the past, god only knows how you were able to bare living with me. Ja…
Farewell
Rin Mitsuko
That was all I wrote after I called the lawyer before leaving everything I loved and knew behind. They say, 'All in the name of love…' but I say all in the name of betrayal. Life as I knew it…never came again.
End of Flash Back
Forty-four years I have lived with this pain of betrayal inside me, it burned bright those many years ago as it does now. My past from what I have told was all I can tell…for I have long ago lost the gift to hold onto memories. Tears spill down my face but I care not wipe them away. Instead I let them drip down, so my heart wouldn't have drowned in that sea of sorrow again. For years I fought for a normal life with my one and only son, but sadly I was not able to achieve the true meaning of 'normal' and had rather caught in fateful disease that soon would take my life. I could care less anymore though, because I had enough of all this pain that almost took everything from me. I slowly raise my head from the cushion I rested on and stared at the lightening that now graced its presence in the skies.
Standing up gentle, I found some remaining strength that the disease hadn't taken from me, I walked to the window. Silently my hand touches the window just like I did when I was younger and stared at myself. The person I saw was me and yet it wasn't me; the person I saw was leaving the pain of torture and betrayals behind. She looked young for an old woman, probably due to the bond she once shared with that demon but it wasn't important now. Her face was free of wrinkles, and the only lines that touched her face was seen when she squinted. Other than that though, her face would have been perfect and would have belonged to that of a woman of twenty but she was not twenty. Her hands were cold and posses little wrinkles which helped her revel in her age.
"Is this…what happens to a person who can't let love go?" I asked myself as I traced my sullen reflection never looking away. Suddenly I felt my heart clench from the disease that now controlled my life, I felt my knees gave away and soon I felt everything stop. Instead of falling onto the hard carpet below I felt warm chest as well as a pair of warm strong arms encase me. My head was placed on top of the person's heart where I heard its strong thumping. It was the heartbeat that I haven't heard for forty-four years now, and suddenly hearing it again brought me unbelievable comfort. I could hear just like I could nineteen years ago when I slept in his warm, protective arms each night.
"Gotcha…" he whispered softly in my ear; causing a shiver to run down my spine and butterflies to intrude my stomach, but I shook them off quickly.
"Why are you here, Mr. Takanashi? Did I not tell you that I never want to see you again?" I ask him feeling him sigh in disappointment and then felt his arms leave my body. I opened my eyes to stare back at the window were our reflection stared back at us, I looked at his amber eyes seeing no warmth or stoic eyes I used to see but a pair of sad, miserable soulful orbs that looked at my reflection. I saw him wear black leather jacket of the richest kind and his shirt was white shirt of pure silk with pair of blue navy jeans with out spot of dirt on it but he also wore pair of black boots. 'You always tried to impress the ladies. Right, Sesshoumaru?' I thought as I stared at his reflection.
"Why did you do it Rin?" he asks me instead of answering my question. I closed my eyes feeling the pain in my heart weaken for bit; I turned around opening my eyes once more to face him and maybe for the last time.
"Does it matter now?" I retorted making him look me straight in the eye never blinking. I sighed in frustration and tried to pass by him but he wouldn't let me and instead he pulled to his chest, wrapping his arms around me. "What are you doing?" I asked him softly trying to get out of his grasp but I melted in his embrace just like forty-four years ago.
"I can't lose you now, Rin! I still love you even after all these years have passed, my love for you hasn't changed…" he whispered to me. Making me want to believe him once more but I can't not after what happened years ago.
"Stop lying to me would you! Why should I even believe you when it was YOU who betrayed me! Tell me, what you have been doing all these years! Don't tell me you were not satisfied with your new wife that's more beautiful than I! The one who wouldn't berate your status to what it truly is! Tell me!" I yelled angrily at him all while escaping his grip and looking at his shocked eyes. Rage consumed me as he tried to hide the truth from me...I was ignorant to him but I wasn't blind. I've seen posters and do read newspapers; he married again and had children with that woman as well.
"Rin please…" he began but I stopped him off before more excuses came from his mouth. I don't want to hear it no more…no more shall I hold forbearance on his part of depravity, I will not allow him to treat me as he did before; like a naïve school girl looking for love only to be used a sex toy and thrown away.
"Shut up! I don't to hear your lies anymore! Did you not enjoy what you did to be years ago! Or have to come to completely rid me from this earth so no evidence of your tragic mistake will be revealed!" I cried out each word coming from the anger and sadness I long held for him; each word made my fragile heart shatter but right now I didn't care. Suddenly my heart stopped beating and I was suffocating and the more I tried to breath the harder it became. My legs gave away after a moment and I felt him catch me in his arms. I felt him sit down while I sat on his lap and my head resting on his chest as he soothed my back and chest to help me breath better.
"Please Rin try to hold just little bit, I'll take you to the best hospital…" he carried off but I didn't hear him, slowly my weary eyes tried to close. I felt him shake my arms trying to wake me from the oblivion that was soon to come. Even if I awoke from the trance, it won't stop death's grip from taking me. Slowly I opened my eyes to lift my head to look at him, his honey amber colored eyes held nothing but concern and love. I laughed brokenly at the emotions I saw; I guess my subsistence laughter startled him. Seeing as he now gave me the look of complexity.
"I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru…but nothing can done for this broken shell. It's too late for me so just go back to Kagura. That way…you wouldn't have to watch...the pathetic demise of this dreadful human… Please just leave me…in peace." I begged him but he only held me tighter not wanting to listen to me.
"You want me to answer your question as to where I have been, I'll answer it to you now. I made the biggest mistake letting you go like that and when you left I tried to contact you but I failed. Since you changed everything about your name and profile, I lost everything that could help me find you. So I let you go but when I found where you were; I came here as fast as I could. I came here to you and this is my present." I heard him say but I only chuckled dryly feeling my energy leave me.
Before I left though, I had to reveal everything he's done, so I asked, "What about Kagura? You did marry her did you not? What of your children with her?"
Sesshoumaru looked almost ill at the name of the woman, as he replied, "She and I did marry but I never marked her…it wasn't until too late did I realize I could not love her. And so she and I suffered for our idiotic mistake…our last two children aren't mine. It's Kohaku's."
"I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru…for your lost but its too late for apologizes now. Long ago I would have forgiven you even if you didn't ask but it hurts now to even look at you…" I softly whispered to him feeling death's grip grow heavier each passing second. I was about to close my eyes he woke me once again with a hard shake and trembling voice.
"Don't go, Rin. Hold on for few minutes so I can take you to hospital!" he ordered but I only shook my head slowly and looked in to his sad amber eyes that shined with love. Even if he betrayed me to the highest degree I found myself longing to be with him still…but I know I can't.
"No I don't want to go to hospital just hold me until I'm my time comes, Sesshomaru…just for little while please." I begged him holding onto him as though I was an infant searching for her's parent's warmth. I felt his embrace tighten a bit…holding me closer to him. I smiled softly, hearing his heart beat louder against my ear making me enjoy the time I have left with him even if it was short.
"Rin, why do you have to go?" he whimpered while nuzzling his nose in my hair and I felt something watery hit me on my neck, moving my head slightly to look at him. I nearly gasped in shock, tears formed in his eyes but he quickly laid his head in my neck as I rested my head on his shoulder so I wouldn't have to see him cry. I felt him quake violently as he tried desperately to conceal his sobs, and seeing him this way brought tears in my eyes. I knew I wasn't going to make it but how I still long to change the past so none of this would have happened but I know I can't.
"My condolences for leaving you Sesshoumaru, but before I leave…I want you to know. Even after all this time…I, still love you…so very much," I cried softly, feeling tears down my face and collide on his shoulder and no matter how I wanted to stop crying I couldn't stop. I knew death was here waiting for the right time to take me away but I held on strong even if it's just to be with Sesshoumaru this one last time.
"I'd trade anything to have you here forever, Rin! Just don't go love please… I'm begging you, stay here just please don't go! You can't leave now…not when I just found you…" he begged me even though it was inevitable as to what is coming.
"Please stop, Sesshoumaru. You're making me cry now and when time is short for us; so could you just please make this moment we can both remember forever until we meet again!" I asked him as my voice broke from the pain that my heart felt...whether or not it was from the illness or not, I did not know but all I did know was…it hurts.
"I'll try Rin but you have to hold a little longer," he answered me and felt him lay me down on the couch then felt his head lay on my chest. My head rested on the soft red pillow I used a while ago, I then silently stroked his silver tresses enjoying this moment that will soon end. For me though, it'll always be there in my mind and to my grave I'll take this memory with me. The pain within my chest started to burn aflame, but I didn't let him see it. I didn't want to worry him more than I already have. 'If only I could stay by you Sesshoumaru,' was what I kept thinking but my heart slowly shattered just thinking but what was happening yet what was I to do? My time was slipping away from me now. My vision is blurring…my heartbeat is fading and it resounded painfully in my ear. My strength was faltering…'I have to…'
"S-sesshomaru…I'm s-s-s-sorry…love I can't hold on…m-much longe-er," I whispered feeling my life sipping away. I felt him shake my arms but I couldn't respond to it any more. My eyes were too heavy to open and reassure him that I'm still with him. I knew death's grip has finally taken its toll on me, I wasn't strong enough but I tried. My will has already stopped fighting since my heart is relieved from its painful prison after so long.
"Rin, please hold on! Don't go yet please, love just come back to me!" I heard him yell but for some reason his voice seem so far away that I couldn't respond to it any more. My body was failing but I felt soft lips press against mines and I found new strength come through my body giving just enough energy to kiss him back. It was one kiss of desperation that held us together as time froze for him and I. This was a moment to remember…and fate was merciful enough to give us this one last moment to remember. Slowly my life was slipping and my kiss faltered a bit but death has chosen this minute to end it. I felt the soft lips leave mine and when I opened my eyes for one more time, I saw him look at me telling me not give up but I lost against death already. As my eyes blinked its last time…
"I love you, Sesshoumaru. Remember that …" I whispered softly and silently as my hand reached to his face; tracing the marks that graced his cheeks and forehead while he memorized me for the last time also. We both knew what was coming and no one could stop it. That didn't stop tears from flooding in his eyes as well as mines and falling. I brushed his tears away as he did the same for me. Then I felt it my life was now at the final stage and my hand fell to my side, he looked at me but when I tried to call him, I found to my horror that I couldn't. I only could mouth it to him 'Good–bye Sesshoumaru…' making his eyes widen in fear but I couldn't see much anymore, my eyes becoming blurry, sleepiness was now taking over my body.
"I love you too, love. Rin, please stay for bit more, love!" he begged and I heard pain and love laced in his voice. His distant voice left me more regret than the time I left him. I smiled sadly at him making him know I couldn't hold on anymore, and then my body went numb. I closed my blind eyes feeling all the pain and feelings go away. I heard him call me but it was too late; I faintly felt his hands shake me, the kisses he gave me on my lips that I couldn't respond to any more. My heart gave away and my breathing now ceased to nothing. I left my body entering a white light that stood before me. Turning once more towards the tragic scene where Sesshoumaru tried frantically to wake me up. My eyes sadden at the sight but I know in my heart that he will see me again… We made a promise didn't we? So this isn't the end…it's our beginning. Lets just hope that our next meeting wouldn't end so horridly.
The End
Our last kiss carried
The flavor of Tobacco
It was bitter and cruel smell
About this time tomorrow
I wonder where will you be?
Who will you be thinking of?
You are always gonna be my love
Even if I fall in love with someone else someday
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Now I still sing a sad love song
Until I can sing a new song
The moment in time that stood still
Seems to be trying to move
But I don't want to forget anything
About this time tomorrow
I will definitely be trying
Who will you be thinking of?
You will always be inside my heart
Because there is always a place for just you
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Now I still sing a sad love song
Until I can sing a new song
You are always gonna be my love
Even if I fall in love with someone else someday
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
I still sing a sad love song
Now and forever
Hope you all enjoy this one-shot that made me cry by just making it and hope you'll like it and please review to see who like it anyway thanks to all who helped me create this story
Secret Angel Forver21