Chapter 1

The Beginning

Slipping away, drifting away, carried out to the endless sea of emotions. desperatly i cry out, "save me, save me!" Only to be heard by the one who started it all.

I was quiet that year. Most people didn't even know my name, or care to give me a second glance when passing me in the halls. Typical. Coming from a middle school were i was known as a whore couldn't have helped that at all, but this was supposed to be a fresh start, a new beginning, a second chance that most of us don't ever get. shuffling through the busy halls i dodged people left and right while trying to get to 5th period. Where in the world was this classroom.

First days were always easy for me, but starting high school were i knew barely anyone and having the upper classman there to intimidate me made it harder than normal. i checked my schedule one last time before starting to jog towards the next hallway to try and find my classroom.

the last thing i needed on my mind was getting a late slip on the first day. Finally as i turned the corner i came to the door of my new science class and stepped in right as the bell rang. Of course my fellow classmates all turned in their seats to stare at the out of breath red faced girl who just barely made it. My teacher, a stout and over smiley woman came to me and ushered me to an empty seat in the back of the class before beginning a lecture on the food chain. What a bore. Their was no way i was going to pay attention to this, i had other things interesting me. At the front of the class, was a very peculier boy with his head on his desk and a black jacket with the hood up. Interested, i tried hard to focus on the paper that had been put on my desk but kept looking up every few minutes to see the boys face. Finally after 80 minutes of bullshit on stuff i didn't even care about the bell rang and somehow i managed to be the first one out of the classroom. The first day was over. sighing to myself, only 250 more days to go. i bolted through the halls and avoided the packs of populars and was about to go up the stairs toward the exit when i felt a hand on my shoulder. Startled, i whipped around to find myself face to face with the hooded boy from my science class. I didn't even know his name, the only words he said to me were "Can i have your number?" In a daze i put my number in his phone and returned it to him, he nodded, turned, and was gone within seconds. My mouth was probably still open before i even realized what had just happend. gripping the railing i climbed my way up the stairs and towards my house.

"How was the first day?" My mom smiled at me as she was chopping carrots for dinner in the kitchen. She set the knife down and wiped her hands to turn and wait for my response. I tried hard to put on my best 'smiley' face for my mom, she was always complaining about my mood. I didn't need her ragging on me any more than she already did. "It was good, pretty boring but it's school i guess." i stammered as my phone vibrated in my pocket. Trying to act casual i left the kitchen and walked to my room. i reached into my pocket and looked at the txt. Hey? who was this number. i was curious to find out who would have texted me. i replied. "who's this?" I had completely forgotten about the boy in my science class. He replied "i'm Dylan, i'm in your science class..." i smiled silently to myself and replied. That was just the beginning.

A week into school, me and Dylan were inseperable. I had completly forgotten the fact that my boyfriend Ryan hadn't called or texted me in over 2 weeks, i was completly awestruck by this new person in my life. Every day was a new experience, we hugged casually between classes, but secretly it was more than a hug, and i knew deep in my heart i wanted more. Ryan meant nothing to me and i had to plan someway to break up with him.

"Are you here yet?" Ryan's voice cracked over the phone. "Yes" i managed as i climbed out of my car and headed toward the main gates. The sun was still overhead and the leaves were blowing across the pavement as i crossed the street to meet Ryan. The band had already started playing and the crazy setting of the game was finally beginning to set in. People were everywere. Tonight was the biggest game of the season, Squalicum VS. Bellingham. the district rivals were both undefeated and the team that won would determine the lineup for the playoffs. My blue and silver shirt and shorts matched my Squalicum spirit, and Ryan's red shirt stood for his Bellingham spirit. He reached for my hand and i flinched as i saw Dylan and his group of friends walk in and glance my way. I quickly turned away and went to take a seat with them at the top of the stands.

"Ryan, this is my friend Dylan, and these are all his friends." Ryan didn't look half as pleased as i thought he might that i had actually found a friend at my new school. i caught the dark look in both boys eyes as they shook hands almost too firmly then Ryan put his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. what was up with him? it was almost as if he was proving a point that i was all his. the game started and i slipped out of Ryan's grip long enough to take a seat in between the too and began talking with Dylan. He had the most mesmorizing blue eyes, and oh my god his hair the deep dark hair in the mangy curls hanging just above his eyebrows. his smile was in the works with braces, but i knew under all the metal and screws, was a gorgeous eye catching glint. Ryan becoming frustrated took my hand and led my downstairs as i glanced over my shoulder to give Dylan one last longing glance, before disappearing around the stands. Ryans hands were all over me the minute we were clear of the crowds i balled my hands into fists and pushed him off me "What is your problem? You know i don't like doing anything in public, you know what... he, did to me, why are you doing that?" I shouted accusingly. "I'm sorry but it's a little hard when my girlfriend is drooling all over some other loser in front of my face!" he snapped. Now feeling guilty i had to apologize somehow, so i kissed him gently and looped my fingers in his belt loops and pulled him in for a long meaningful kiss. In my mind everything screamed NO this is NOT right. i couldn't stand the way his toungue was lodging it's way down my throat. Everytime i kissed Ryan i was disgusted. Even before i'd met Dylan i'd avoided hot moments with Ryan because i couldn't stand the way he slobbered all over me. i grimaced and pulled away and tugged him back towards the stands. He groaned and silently agreed as we started walking back and i turned my face so i could wipe my mouth off and spit in the grass. As we approached the top of the stairs i found all of Dylans friends cackling with laughter and Dylan red faced and turned the opposite direction. A boy who's name i learned was Dalton pointed at the two of is and in between laughs sputtered out "Get some!" my face turned bright red and i whacked him on the head and sat back down before yelling at them to shut the hell up. i turned to Ryan and hissed, "This is why i don't like public displays Ryan, you know i'm not like that." He rolled his eyes and leaned back into his seat. Tonight was definently not going as planned.

The weekend past slowly although my nights spent texting Dylan filled my heart to the brim, something i hadn't felt in a long time. I tried so hard to focus on Ryan, but my thoughts always seemed to drift away.

Monday. I was exhausted, staying up all night to finish a science report had better pay off. i was excited to see Dylan though. I left the house in a hurry and blasted the hard metal music into my ears and brushed my hair out of my eyes. I was texting Ryan. I felt so bad, i wanted to be a good girlfriend so badly, i didn't want to hurt Ryan. i decided it was time to ignore my feelings for Dylan and move forward with me and Ryan's relationship. As i arrived at school i was greeted by the school drugees smoking pot behind the school, they glanced my way and gestured to the joint they were passing around and i shook my head and kept going. This school's drug problem was getting way out of hand. i remember in middle school sitting in 6th grade science and listening in to Rina Zourkos's conversation about her and Jumarai Sanchaz making out in the boys bathroom. My jaw was already on the floor before she got to the part were they took their party outside to smoke and by that time i was completly appauled. Never in all my 12 years of living had i even heard of a 6th grader smoking pot. I look back on that now, and laugh. i was so nieve.

The clock read 7:26 and i scanned the crowds of people for the Dylans hood but he was nowhere to be found. Dissapointed i met up with my friend Brittany and walked around. "Korey asked me out today" She whispered. Her tall stick like figure gave away the quietness in her personality, but i loved her all the same. "Oh my god he did?"

"Yea, i was like, um...Sure why not..."

"Yea you kind of have to date him now that you made out with him in front of his best friend! what the fuck was that!" i snorted.

"Oh shut up he made the first move, but i can just say we were going out before that right? you won't tell anyone will you?"

"no, no, it wil just be between you and me. Hey i'll catch up with you at lunch I just saw Dylan." I waved lamely and scampered off to follow the dark hood coming down the stairs.

"Hey," he stammered glancing from right to left quickly then focusing in on me. We both moved in at the same time for our normal hug, but i stopped in mid grasp to catch the scent of thick cologne and a faint smell of smoke. Furious, i pushed him away.

"You were smoking, Weren't you." i whispered softly, eyeing the floor.

"I-i wasn't I was with Michael and he was." I could tell by the look in his eyes it was a lie, and it tinged me inside. I thought we were starting to gain trust with each other, apparently not.

"Yes you have" i accused. "I can smell it over your cologone, and your eyes have so much guilt in them it's not even funny." i stopped short and turned, dissapointed, he knew how i felt about anything to do with drugs or alcohol. "Wait!" he called. "Ok, i was smoking, but it was only a ciggarette i promise, i needed somthing to calm my nerves, my parents have been so bitchy at me lately i just needed to, relax..." he trailed off, not knowing what else to say. "Why didn't you just talk to me, you know now that i know you, you can actually come to me when things aren't going alright for you, i'll be here for you..." We both eyed each other then quickly looked away. I could sense his guilt but a part of me still hurt, even though it wasn't even a big deal. Almost on cue, the bell rang and i ran over my schedule, dissapointed to see that today i had no classes with Dylan. I smiled at him and gave him one last hug and whispered in his ear "text me, i have spanish, it's practically a free period." His fact brightend some and we went our seperate ways to class.

"Hola! Como estas Lindsey?"

"Bien Srta" My Spanish teacher nodded and moved out of the doorway to let me in. My spanish class was busy with activity, and as i sat down my phone vibrated.

"Hey. Look i'm sorry, i didn't know it would offend you that much..." i sighed, and hid my phone behind my spanish book while i replied.

"I know, it's ok, i totally overreacted." My eyes glazed over and flashed back to a past memory.

The room was dim, the tv was blaring and his cold eyes gazed at me before he moved towards me. his strong arms grabbed ahold of mine and his lips formed an O and shushed me. I struggled and persperation covered forhead as he moved on top of me. This wasn't right. The rose on the table seemed to wilt before my eyes, the room seemed to change into hell, and right in front of me was the devil himself. Right on top of me, his sickening scent creeped its way under my skin as my heart raced and pounded in my head. I felt as though i was about to explode. "No, NO!" i breathed, begging somebody to hear my voice, willing him to stop. I tried with all my strength to push him off but his reply was harsh and firm. "Stop. Lindsey Stop. You will like this, you'll like it, stop moving you bitch!" His left hand released my arm to move towards my face, he was going to slap me, but stopped as he slid his hand under my shirt as i began to cry.

"Lindsey, pay attention!" My spanish teacher barked and i jumped nearly out of my chair as she interrupted my thoughts. I scowled silently at my paper and tried to work.

Spanish never seemed to end, but finally, the bell rang and i rushed out the door for break.

"Hey cutie, ready to go on an adventure?"

"Very funny Dylan, you know i'm dating Ryan" i playfully shoved him as we walked home from school. We were planning on hanging out until the football game that night and had a couple of hours to kill. The woods were quiet as we entered the abandoned tennis courts near my best friends house and we walked and talked as i used the bike jumps as my own personal jungle gym. Standing on top of a dirt mound i smiled and stepped to the side and managed to lose my balance before nearly falling, but was suddenly in Dylan's arms. Startled, i looked up and right in front of me was his bright blue eyes and ruby red lips dangerously close to mine. We both stood still for a moment and after a second more of shock i spun around and walked down another jump, blushing and breathless. "We...We should go meet Sam now, it's almost 3:30 her bus will be here any second."

"Yea thats cool, lets go." He acted like nothing had just happend. Was it just me? Or did he feel something as well?