Trooper Journal
A/N: I didn't have the heart to call them diaries and embarass the guys. LOL. We should assume that this is an entry from the day after defeating Arago. Song-fic journals.. This ought to be.. uh, new..
This is the first in a series of after-Arago journals by different Troopers, with different songs. See if you can guess who's this is.
The song here is 3 Doors Down, "Be Like That". Fits the journal itself, ne?
Trooper Journal
Chapter One: I Wish To Be Someone, Sometime
//He spent his whole life being to young to live the life that's in his dreams. At night he lies awake and he wonders why can't that be me?//
I feel like I'm waking up from a nightmare today. Do you ever get that feeling, like you've been trapped in a nightmare for such a long time, and then suddenly you wake up, and everything seems, at least outwardly, to be so much better?
But it's not.
Arago is finished, the world is at peace. What do I do now? I can never be normal, never be "sane" again.
Then again, I should be used to it by now. Everyone seems to think that I've gone completely insane since I dissappeared about two months ago.
They don't know the half of it.
//He said is life is filled with all these good intentions, and he's left a lot of things he'd rather not mention right now. Just before he says goodnight, he looks up with a little smile at me and he says...//
I guess people think that someone kidnapped me or something. Come ON, people. Who would WANT me?
My own parents don't give a damn, so why should anyone else? I might prefer to be kidnapped, than live at home all alone all the time, and get hurt whenever I'm not alone.
Except when I'm with them. My friends. My real family.
I can wish all I want that something could happen, that I could go back and stay with Nasuti and the others, but it will never happen. The guys all left, back to their own homes, and Nasuti is in college, living in a dorm somewhere and letting the furniture at the old Yagyu place collect dust.
Somewhere along the lines I guess I lost it. Somewhere.
I'm just nobody now, living in this crappy old house that collects dust despite the fact that two people live here, going to a school where the only way I get noticed is if I do something wrong, because they're too accustomed to me getting it right, so if I screw up or act out they notice, but not if I'm good.
I'm nobody, but somebody. It's my secret burden. I saved the world but I can't say it. Not that I want to. I'm perfectly happy not being noticed, thanks.
But, I wish to be someone, sometime.
//If I could be like that, I would give anything just to live one day in your shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do? Oh, what would I do?//
I wish I could be like Ryo or Shin. They aren't afraid to speak their minds, and they don't hide behind things like I always do, and they are so much more open. I hide behind the tattered remenence of the mask I once wore, concealing emotions that hinder me like a dagger in my spine.
My heart is bleeding, but I can do nothing about it. My friends are all gone, back to their respective places of being, while I am left here, in this eternal Hell.
Some things never change, but some do.
Like me.
//She spends her days up at the north hall, watching the people as they pass. And all she wants is just a little peice of history, is that too much to ask?//
I guess maybe I am crazy. But if I am, then I suppose I truly have crossed the thin line between genious and madness, where I used to hold the proud title of balancing it.
People wonder about me, where I get my nerve these days to contradict people, to stand up to bullies I had never deemed worth my time before, and I'll tell you: I changed. Something changed within me, sometime, during the battles with the Ma Sho and Arago.
I changed, but I don't know if it was for better, or for worse. People accuse me of being too quiet, too cold, too.. mean.
I guess war hardens you.
//With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a quiet little street. All she wants is just that something to hold on to, that's all she needs.//
Interesting, how I never noticed myself being this way before. I'm sitting here writing this and I think I'm pitying myself almost as much as Ryo doubts himself sometimes. Okay, I'm not thinking of them now. I won't. It will only make my loneliness worse.
I could make friends at school, or in my neighborhood, but I don't, because it just wouldn't be the same as being with the guys. Waking up each morning to Nasuti and Shin's great cooking, reading some thick book while Seiji critisizes me about how much I read and how late I sleep, playing video games with Shuu, or hanging out with Ryo and Byakuen.
I guess you never know how much you're going to miss a person until they're gone.
//If I could be like that, I would give anything just to live one day in your shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do? Oh, what would I do?//
Like I said, I'll never be truly sane, truly normal, again. Everything in my world now bears an unfamiliar edge to it, like I've never seen any of it before, although I know that I have.
I just want a dream to believe in. Is that so much to ask?
I wish to be someone, sometime...
Sincerely,
Touma Hashiba, Warrior of Tenku
Yoroiden Samurai Trooper
A/N: I didn't have the heart to call them diaries and embarass the guys. LOL. We should assume that this is an entry from the day after defeating Arago. Song-fic journals.. This ought to be.. uh, new..
This is the first in a series of after-Arago journals by different Troopers, with different songs. See if you can guess who's this is.
The song here is 3 Doors Down, "Be Like That". Fits the journal itself, ne?
Trooper Journal
Chapter One: I Wish To Be Someone, Sometime
//He spent his whole life being to young to live the life that's in his dreams. At night he lies awake and he wonders why can't that be me?//
I feel like I'm waking up from a nightmare today. Do you ever get that feeling, like you've been trapped in a nightmare for such a long time, and then suddenly you wake up, and everything seems, at least outwardly, to be so much better?
But it's not.
Arago is finished, the world is at peace. What do I do now? I can never be normal, never be "sane" again.
Then again, I should be used to it by now. Everyone seems to think that I've gone completely insane since I dissappeared about two months ago.
They don't know the half of it.
//He said is life is filled with all these good intentions, and he's left a lot of things he'd rather not mention right now. Just before he says goodnight, he looks up with a little smile at me and he says...//
I guess people think that someone kidnapped me or something. Come ON, people. Who would WANT me?
My own parents don't give a damn, so why should anyone else? I might prefer to be kidnapped, than live at home all alone all the time, and get hurt whenever I'm not alone.
Except when I'm with them. My friends. My real family.
I can wish all I want that something could happen, that I could go back and stay with Nasuti and the others, but it will never happen. The guys all left, back to their own homes, and Nasuti is in college, living in a dorm somewhere and letting the furniture at the old Yagyu place collect dust.
Somewhere along the lines I guess I lost it. Somewhere.
I'm just nobody now, living in this crappy old house that collects dust despite the fact that two people live here, going to a school where the only way I get noticed is if I do something wrong, because they're too accustomed to me getting it right, so if I screw up or act out they notice, but not if I'm good.
I'm nobody, but somebody. It's my secret burden. I saved the world but I can't say it. Not that I want to. I'm perfectly happy not being noticed, thanks.
But, I wish to be someone, sometime.
//If I could be like that, I would give anything just to live one day in your shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do? Oh, what would I do?//
I wish I could be like Ryo or Shin. They aren't afraid to speak their minds, and they don't hide behind things like I always do, and they are so much more open. I hide behind the tattered remenence of the mask I once wore, concealing emotions that hinder me like a dagger in my spine.
My heart is bleeding, but I can do nothing about it. My friends are all gone, back to their respective places of being, while I am left here, in this eternal Hell.
Some things never change, but some do.
Like me.
//She spends her days up at the north hall, watching the people as they pass. And all she wants is just a little peice of history, is that too much to ask?//
I guess maybe I am crazy. But if I am, then I suppose I truly have crossed the thin line between genious and madness, where I used to hold the proud title of balancing it.
People wonder about me, where I get my nerve these days to contradict people, to stand up to bullies I had never deemed worth my time before, and I'll tell you: I changed. Something changed within me, sometime, during the battles with the Ma Sho and Arago.
I changed, but I don't know if it was for better, or for worse. People accuse me of being too quiet, too cold, too.. mean.
I guess war hardens you.
//With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a quiet little street. All she wants is just that something to hold on to, that's all she needs.//
Interesting, how I never noticed myself being this way before. I'm sitting here writing this and I think I'm pitying myself almost as much as Ryo doubts himself sometimes. Okay, I'm not thinking of them now. I won't. It will only make my loneliness worse.
I could make friends at school, or in my neighborhood, but I don't, because it just wouldn't be the same as being with the guys. Waking up each morning to Nasuti and Shin's great cooking, reading some thick book while Seiji critisizes me about how much I read and how late I sleep, playing video games with Shuu, or hanging out with Ryo and Byakuen.
I guess you never know how much you're going to miss a person until they're gone.
//If I could be like that, I would give anything just to live one day in your shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do? Oh, what would I do?//
Like I said, I'll never be truly sane, truly normal, again. Everything in my world now bears an unfamiliar edge to it, like I've never seen any of it before, although I know that I have.
I just want a dream to believe in. Is that so much to ask?
I wish to be someone, sometime...
Sincerely,
Touma Hashiba, Warrior of Tenku
Yoroiden Samurai Trooper