This story is Rizzles but with an ace twist. I've always felt that Jane is more the asexual type, but hasn't allowed herself to explore that side of her.
I wrote the beginning of this story years ago and the end because of the fic "Jane's Journey" by Doctormonster. Doranwen commented and urged me to finish my shelved story and...voila! Thank you!
Chapter 1 - Angela
Jane's not picking up. Her phone goes to voicemail. She's avoiding me and it's not fair. I gave birth to her. You think the least she can do is pick up the phone?
Granted, she has a lot of reasons to avoid a conversation with me right now. I was a little harsh to her earlier. She needed some tough love, but I said something that was not right and it has been gnawing on my mind all the way back home.
I confronted her about her bad mood now that Casey was set to return to Boston. After a little prodding she told me she wanted to see him, but she thought he'd expect to sleep with her. Well, I told her that it was part and parcel of a healthy adult relationship and that she shouldn't make him feel bad about it. That we all need to give and take a little. We got into a big argument about women's rights and parenting and all kinds of unrelated subjects. I had to leave.
But I thought about our argument more and I think I shouldn't have said the thing about letting Casey have his way. So she needs to pick up now. Right now.
But her phone goes to voicemail again. "Oh for crying out loud pick up the phone, Jane!" I record after the beep. I hang up and try again.
"Jane Clementine Rizzoli!" I shout into her voicemail this time. Oh, but I'll keep trying. I'm her mother. I'm sure she'll pick up next time. She knows I'll be at it all night if she doesn't pick up now. Or worse, I'll be back at her door again. I've done it before. Phoning more than three times means that I mean business. I dial her number again.
Just as I'm getting ready to recount her painful birth story into her voicemail, she has come to her senses. I hear a click and her weary voice: "Ma, enough already."
"No, it's not enough. Do you know how many hours…" I'm just about to go into her birth story when I realize that wasn't actually what I was phoning her for.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Hours of pain, no drugs in those days blah blah," she mocks.
"Yes, but that's not what I'm phoning for. I'm taking it back."
"That's about 34 years too late, ma!"
"Very funny Jane, I'm not talking about your birth. Although I wish Icould take you back. You were so safe within me…"
"Ma..!" she warns.
"Yes, well, I'm just saying. Anyway. I take back what I said about Casey. If you don't want to sleep with him, then you tell him no. Alright? I said it wrong."
"Okay."
"Don't 'okay' me. I need you to understand that this isn't right. What I told you was not right. And I'm sorry. And you need to stand up for yourself. Will you?"
"Yeah, ma."
"Good. 'Cause I thought about it all the way home. And it's the unhappiest thing I've ever experienced when I had sex with someone I didn't want to...''
''Eww, ma!"
"No let me finish. It is so awful to have sex with someone that you don't want to have sex with at that moment. It's the loneliest feeling in the world."
"Yeah…"
"Yeah, so you tell him. If he's worth his salt, he'll wait till you're ready."
"Ma?" she says with a small voice.
"Yes, Janie?"
"What if I'm never ready?"
"You think you'll never be ready?"
"I don't know…"
"You don't love him."
I try to say it as a question and not an accusation, but I can't believe I'm hearing this. This is the so-manieth guy Jane has been dating and just when it's about to get serious and I'm getting my hopes up...bam! I'm beginning to think Carla is right and Jane is a lesbian. Maybe I should introduce her to some nice women.
Jane's reply confuses me though: " I like him. I don't know, it's so confusing. I just don't want to sleep with him. I never did. It's like you say. So lonely...I don't…."
I can hear that she's crying and my heart breaks. Ever since she was a baby she had a loud wail for when she needed attention, but a soft, almost inaudible sobbing when she was in real pain. It still breaks my heart into a million pieces when I hear it. I wish I can reach through the phone and hug her and kiss her on top of her unruly dark curls. I suppose she is relieved that I can't. She never was one for hugs and kisses. She was always squirming away from me, even when she was a little baby. A thought flashes through my mind and I voice it immediately:
"Janie, have you wanted to sleep with someone, ever, at any moment?"
I hear nothing but her heartbreaking silent crying.
"Oh sweetie, Janie, don't cry. Have you ever wanted to?"
"...No…."
"Oh sweetheart. Listen. I'm coming back."
"No ma, i'm good. I'll be fine."
I can hear her wipe her tears with her sleeve. My brave girl.
"I know you will, Janie. But I won't be. I need to see you again. I need to know you're okay. I'll be right over."
I hang up immediately. No need for another argument. Maura told me that having arguments is not good for my cortisol. I don't know what that is, exactly, but she's a doctor. So.
After i finished this fic I realised I used Casey as a plot devise in the first chapter, only to let him vanish into thin air in the chapters to come. (Oops... Sorry, not sorry!) I considered a rewrite but then realised this is entirely in keeping with the actual R&I show's style, so please consider his convenient disappearance off the face of the planet a loving tribute to JNash! I think Jane just brought Casey back to the zoo, or maybe his original wife came to pick him up and he is called Beardo now. Fill in the blanks as you wish!