Disclaimer: Neither CSI nor 'Collide', the song I took the title from are mine. Unfortunately ;D
A/N: This is a fanfic I wrote for a friend :) She actually wanted a songfic that used the song 'Collide' by Howie Day, but then I started to write & suddenly the fic ended & I hadn't put the song in it, so now the title is the only hint of a songfic xD I'm aware of the fact that what I wrote doesn't exactly match the episode 'Living Doll' but that's my artistic licence :P
Even the Best Fall Down...
Catherine Willows couldn't believe it. She just couldn't. Even though hours had passed since Grissom had told the team, the CSI still thought, or better wished, that everything was just a dream. How could it not be? Sara Sidle just wouldn't let herself get kidnapped. Not her. It was surreal, she somehow tried to convince herself, although she knew she wasn't going to wake up from that dream.
The blonde bit down hard on her lower lip, trying to keep the tears that burned in her eyes from falling. Hours after those bad news had reached the team, she had decided to go home. While everyone was deeply distraught, she had managed to hide her fear about Sara pretty well. Maybe she shouldn't even have tried, since the glances she got from her colleagues almost hurt more than the thought of losing the brunette. The whole team had always thought that Catherine hated Sara – ever since the first day. Although she had mistrusted the 'new girl' at first, she soon was convinced, that there was no reason for it at all. Ok, it had taken her a while, and probably that was the reason for the behaviour of her teammates.
They had never been able to tell that the snarky remarks between her and Sara had never been meant to hurt the other woman. During the whole seven years there were only very few comments that actually had hurt, but those paled in comparison to the many good times they'd had together. Times, not one member of the team knew about.
Catherine sighed and wiped away the single tear that had escaped her eyes after all. It had taken them a long while to actually become friends, but eventually, they had. The drink they had shared after Sara had broken up with Hank, had been the first step and slowly their relationship became more amicable. Only lately, things had began to change.
After Grissom had said it, Catherine knew, that he had been the reason for it. The one person he loved most, she thought bitterly and only then she realized, that she had bitten down on her lip so hard it had began to bleed and still she couldn't suppress the sobbing longer. Sara hadn't said a word about her and Grissom. Although the whole lab had been suspecting a relationship between them, she had never wanted to believe in those rumors.
Grissom. Why him of all people, Sara? she asked silently. This, combined with the news of Sara's kidnapping just had been too much for her. Oh, she had tried so hard to endour everything. For Sara, she'd thought, but after a few hours it had become unbearable to her. When she told Grissom that she'd leave because of a terrible headache, she hadn't even lied. Only the headache wasn't the reason she'd fled the CSI HQ.
Now she sat here, in her kitchen, crying because of the pain Sara had caused her. Pain, that the brunette hadn't told her about the relationship with Grissom, pain, because of the looks she had gotten, but what hurt her most of all was the thought that she could lose Sara forever. They had seen the miniature crime scene, they all had, but there was no clue where it could be. The desert was huge and the chance, they'd find their beloved colleague before something happened to her was small. Getting smaller with every second that passed, and Catherine could do nothing to help. Part of it was her own fault, she'd had the possibility to stay at the lab, but what good would it have done? There were troops, searching for Sara and the CSIs weren't even able to help with that. All they had done before Catherine had left was sitting at the conference table or in the break room, staring holes into thin air. Most of the times nobody even said a word.
Grissom hadn't even looked up from the miniature when she said she'd be leaving. If he had, he maybe would have noticed the tears in her eyes, but who was she to expect anything from him? He didn't say 'stay, we need you.'. Nobody did. She'd never forget the looks in her colleagues' eyes. It wasn't hard to tell what they were thinking... „Cold-hearted bitch, she's probably glad that Sara may never come back again." Maybe it had been stupid to leave like that, to give them all a reason to confirm their thoughts about her. None of them had asked her how she felt. She'd been the odd one out in the breakroom where the boys had been standing together, giving eachother hope. Standing in the doorframe, Catherine had watched them for a minute or two, eyes filled with tears, but nobody had even noticed her.
They'd had themselves, while she'd had... nothing. This had tipped the scale for her. She really had tried to stand their behaviour, their looks and how they'd made her invisible, but this had been too much. Catherine had always seen her team mates as friends, she loved the boys like brothers, and now? Sara had no idea how much she meant to all of them. No idea how much she meant to her...
With another sob escaping her lips, Catherine buried her head in her hands, finally letting the tears flow. Not because she'd wanted to let go, but because she'd had no other choice. She had suppressed her tears for too long and now she couldn't stop them anymore. It could have been minutes or hours, Catherine couldn't tell how long she'd sat at her kitchen table and cried. She'd cried until she wasn't able to breathe anymore and even then she couldn't keep her tears from falling.
Some time had passed until silence had began to return to the Willows' kitchen, although Catherine's tears still wouldn't stop. With shaky knees she finally managed to get up and make her way to the bathroom. Not daring to look at herself in the mirror, she just splashed her face with cold water, knowing just too well that her reflection would stare at her with puffy red eyes, surrounded by smudgy black mascara. A sight she could definitely do without.
Burying her face in a soft towel she tried to steady her breathing a little. „Oh Sara..." she whispered into the cotton. If only she knew what she could do to her...
When she opened the bathroom door to exit the room and escape the mirror, that was almost unavoidable, the sound of a ringing phone greeted her. For a moment she hesitated, but then a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach told her to answer the call. As she lifted the phone to her ear and the words from the other end of the line reached her ear, the telephone hit the floor.
„They found her..."
End
A/N2: I know I let it end totally mean, but if you're nice & comment, there might be a possibility of another part ;D