Disclaimer – What is about to be presented to you is probably the biggest crap load of shit you are about to set your eyes on. If you manage not to press the back button on your browser by the time you reach the end, go buy yourself an IPhone or something.

And yeah, we don't own anything in this fic.

Except Megan Fox *evil grin*

Once upon a time there was a little piece of shit who was called Itsuki Koizumi. He sparkled in the sunlight. He was also gay 'coz men who sparkle are GAY! On the other hand we had Mikuru Asahina who had the weird habit of holding her enormous chest and panting at will in order to seduce people. They were gang rapists. The focus of their attentions was an insignificant horny bastard called Kyon. Kyon was turned on by ponytails. He also had a glasses fetish, but was madly in love with Haruhi's slender curves. She was of course attracted by his sarcastic behavior and large crotch. The pictures of his crotch were provided by Itsuki for no apparent reason whatsoever. Meanwhile our other character, Yuki Nagato's only coherent thought was "bitch!" She also liked playing hentai games in her spare time. This habit was promoted by Mikuru's constant chest-grabbing and Koizumi, who provided all the games

Kyon always thought that Haruhi looked hot in a bunny suit. But she liked the cheerleading outfit better, so they settled on the swimsuit as a compromise. However that was before he saw her naked. Then he slept with Itsuki by mistake and when he woke up in bed with Itsuki the next morning, he was scarred for life. He also had an instant orgasm. Yuki's only coherent thought was still bitch. Mikuru said, "Kyooon-kuuuuuuun!" and dropped to the ground, panting and grabbing her chest. Needless to say, Haruhi was turned on.

*Censored scene*

Haruhi Suzumiya (the bipolar bitch) who was 70% straight and 30% gay raped Mikuru and satisfied her desires….

Yeah, I lied about the censoring part…bitch

Now we need to take the non-existent plot somewhere

Why don't we take it for a movie?

Disaster movie or twilight? They're both parodies

…Moving on now, thankfully

…..Itsuki is dead! *DHAN DHAN DHAN*

Due to technical difficulties we cannot continue insertion of dramatic background music. Please utilize your imagination, bitch…..

When the news of Itsuki's death reached Kyon, who was in rehab after the whole sleeping with Itsuki debacle…..

He had sex with Haruhi – again…

Then they decided to find out how he died… Coz they were the SOS brigade, bitch!

Not to mention the fact that Haruhi was bored and that she could destroy the world on a whim, but that's not important right?

Their prime suspect was Mikuru as she had been trying to seduce him for many days. However she had an alibi. She was being raped by Haruhi at the time. Kyon facepalmed.

Their next suspect was the computer club president… but he was having phone sex with a woman who claimed to be Megan Fox.

Next was Okabe-sensei whose alibi was that he was doing the school principal…

We also had the Student Council President, but he was watching the Wimbledon finals…..which Nadal won, bitch!

Next we have Arakawa whose alibi was that he was trying to chat up that hot esper maid!

There was also Sasaki, but she was at home watching the History Channel and Animal Planet trying to find a connection between the two. Let's just leave it at that shall we….

And finally we have: Yuki Nagato who has no apparent alibi but let's just assume that she's innocent, otherwise she's gonna introduce us, the authors, to her shotgun, bitch!( just watch the abridged series of Haruhi suzumiya)

Suddenly Itsuki woke up from the coffin and started taking revealing pictures of Kyon with Haruhi and Mikuru in the shower.

Then Yuki came up behind him and shot him in the back with the aforementioned shotgun saying, "And stay down, bitch!"

Thus everyone lived happily ever after…

What, do you think that is how it ended? Heck no!

Everyone just basically died in a car crash as we are too lazy to come up with an epic ending and death scene. Just live with it, bitch!

X – Did we actually write this shit?

Y – Yeah remember, we were high and then you did a rooster….

X – No that was that other bitch man….. Why did we write this? No plot, no dialogues crappy storyline= great story!

Y – Hey, it worked for Twilight didn't it?

X – No flames now, Twihards (bitches)!

Y – You're obsessed with that word aren't you?

X – No I'm not, bitch!

Y - *Facepalms*

Y – Shit, is that Yuki with her shotgun! RUN AWAY, EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!

X – ( While running) R&R BITCHES!

This was an XXX presentation. Any resemblance to any character living or dead is completely meant to be, because we authors are omnipotent aren't we? And if you haven't noticed the sarcasm, just go die bitch!