Author's Note: As of the time I wrote this, I have not seen any episodes with "Sally" which I presume will be Derek's new girlfriend on the show. I have however, seen a scene or two of her, and I know she works with him & has blonde hair, so that's what I'll make her like. Max is evil in this one, just a warning. Oh yeah, and their will be some graphic scenes, this is rated M for a reason! NO flames please.

The Self-Destruct Button

Chapter One: Every Time

"It's only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."

Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club.

I knocked on Casey's door for the umpteenth time that September evening, the eve of our senior year of high school.

"Derek, I am not coming out!" Casey screamed.

"See, I told you she's gone mental," I said matter-of-factly to Nora, as I pushed past Edwin and the rest of my family. The all stayed huddled around Casey's door as I entered my own room right beside it.

"Crazy," I muttered under my breath, and slid on a pair of head phones with Three Days Grace jamming loudly through the speakers. I hated dreary summer evenings, too tired to party, too close to school to go outside, and of course, no hockey practice. And then today, I had had to listen to Casey's dramatics for hours on end. The light coming through the window slowly dimmed as the songs went on, until I decided it was safe to take off my headphones.

No more knocking and pleading from George and Nora for Casey to come out. No more cries echoing from Casey's room into mine.

I cracked my door open slightly, checking the hallway for the parentals or maybe Lizzie, who had seemed the most worried. No one moved in the pitched black hallway.

The only light around peered up from the crack under Casey's bedroom door, so I knew she was still awake.

I tapped once on her door, shrugged, and turned back around. She would be fine, what the hell was wrong with me? Before I could return to my room, I noticed her shadow and an increase of light enter the hall.

"Derek," she whispered, and it lingered, sickeningly teary, the only emotion I could not handle. And coming from her it was even worse. Casey always acted dramatic, coy, angry, bickery, but never truly sad.

I spun around, not prepared with anything to say.

"…Max play's football."

It was supposed to indicate how dumb he was, what a fucking imbecile he was, to leave Casey for Amy.

Her eyes betrayed a hint of laughter, and I almost felt at ease enough to make a joke, maybe something at her expense even, but would that really be pushing it this time? I had a million things I could say—Max was tired of picking her up after she tripped, or how he could do so much better than some keener that happened to get with the in crowd on a whim, but I couldn't say any of those things now.

I mean, she looked awful, a long trail of eye makeup marking where her tears had dried, her hair down and tangled, and only clothed in Max's long football jersey. The outfit actually made me stare a bit, but I guess in her current mental state she couldn't think to hmmm, maybe put on some pants?

"But why tonight? Right before senior year! It was supposed to be perfect!" Casey's voice rose with each word. I held a finger to my lips, warning her, Nora and George could always somehow magically hear things from their room way down in the basement.

"Did he say anything at all at Sam's party to you?" Casey asked, "I know you two were getting closer, shudder."

"No, he didn't say anything to me, and if he did it would just verify what I've been saying all along. Max sucks. All of those football guys do, why do you think Sam and I have to pull all those pranks on them all the time? Because they're fucking dumb."

"But I love him!" Casey yelled, as if forcing me to believe her.

I did believe her. I just didn't want to.

Casey stayed home 'sick' from school the next day. I argued with George that if Casey got to ditch class, so could I. But it was the first day of school, and my new girlfriend Sally had transferred to, Sir John Sparrow Thompson High School, and I guess if she liked me enough to do that, I could have the slight decency to turn up for classes and show her off. That, and the fact that George and Nora forced me to go.

"Derek!" She waved happily as I pulled up at her apartment complex where she was waiting, wearing a short black dress. I gazed down at her cleavage as she leaned in for a kiss in the front seat of the car Casey and I shared. That was the one pro of Casey staying home when I wasn't. I didn't have to drive her to school—even though I paid for the car, with the money I made working as a waiter with Sally.

"I'm so happy we get to go to school together," she said, checking her lipstick in the rearview mirror as we drove back in the direction of my house and our school.

Honestly, I was a bit scared of the whole thing. Transferring to my school? That was a bit much, considering I'd never even kept a girl friend for more than a few months, and I had known Sally for less than a year. It all just screamed going to college together, getting married, having kids. I was only a senior in high school!

But that didn't mean I didn't like her.

I slammed the door to the used range rover I bought last summer, and walked around the back to grab Sally's hand. I wanted Max to see her—to show him that I got girls way hotter than he did. His new—or actually old girlfriend, considering he had dated her long before Casey, Amy, was nothing but a slut. She was platinum blond and wore pink every day, but I don't think I would even go near her.

"Where's your sister?" Max asked right away. I had led Amy to the stairs I usually hung out on with some people before classes started.

"Step-sister." I don't know why I always added that; it was just something Casey and I had done from the beginning. "And I told you, you are never going to speak to her again," I said calmly, annoyed by all of the people around us, hanging on our every word.

I had talked to Max at my best friend Sam's party last week. Rather, I had screamed at him after opening a bedroom door arm in arm with Sally to have some time alone and I had to see Max and this Amy girl getting it on. It was sick, Casey was at home studying, and he was here, fucking some girl that probably had STDs and who knows what else.

"I told you man, I was drunk. I didn't mean it. If you hadn't made me break up with Casey, she never would have known!"

"Max, go near Casey, even look at Casey, and I will tell her what you did, and then she will have a reason to never want you to go near her ever again."

I stood up, disoriented, forgetting everyone was watching, forgetting that Sally was staring at me, wondering what the hell I was talking about.

"Let's go," I said, putting my arm around her as the bell drowned out my words.

"You have a sister?" She asked, "You've never mentioned any brothers or sisters before?"

"Step-sister," I said, and I left her at her first class and steered clear of her for the rest of the day.

"Derek, is that you!" Casey's figure appeared, as she hurtled down the stairs, fell on the last two steps, and then got right back up to meet me at the door.

"I thought we were past the clumsy phase," I said, finding it hard not to smirk at her. It felt like when I had first met her all over again.

"Haha," she said, and I could tell she was a lot better. Her hair was brushed, and she was fully clothed, thank god. "But did you see Max? Was he with Amy? Did he look upset, regretful, anything?"

"Calm down," I said, holding my hands up and backing away from her. "Max didn't say anything. He didn't even mention you. He was sitting on the stairs laughing with Amy, and that's all I saw of him."

Lying to Casey was for her own good, I told myself later that night, as I heard her crying through the paper-thin walls again. I turned my music up, because I didn't want to be weak, because I didn't trust what I would say to her if I went into her room again that night.

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