Note:This was originally part of my collection Behind Closed Doors, but I was reading it before posting and I decided I really wanted to post it separately from BCD. It just... really stands out to me, and hopefully for you lot as well!
Thank you everyone for your interest and for supporting me, and for the warm welcome back. xoxo
P.S. I've been reposting a lot of my other fics on a daily basis, so go check those out if you want to as well! ^_^
Rey startled awake with a scream caught strangled within her throat, her heart racing, and tears coursing down her face.
Everything was dark, and the last thing that she could remember had been facing off against Snoke, Kylo and Luke by her side, and the throne room falling to pieces all around them as the planet burned.
That… it had been no dream.
But she remembered nothing else―nothing past a bright flash of light as soon as she'd rammed her blue saber through Snoke's gut. There was nothing between then and now that she could remember; nothing that gave her any clue as to what had happened.
How come everything was so dark? Where was she? Rey felt her breathing quicken again, and she fumbled with the sheets pooled in her lap until she felt air against her bare legs. In her panicked state, she couldn't quite get herself unwrapped, and she felt herself tumbling from the bed she'd woken in, her legs caught, and her arms reaching out to break her fall.
Rey's small shriek was cut off as she felt herself being gathered into strong arms, replaced by silence as she attempted to figure out who had her held in their grasp. She couldn't tell, it was too dark, and her hands started to run over every available surface that she could reach in an attempt to gather some clue.
"Rey, shush, it's okay. It's me," a rough voice attempted to soothe her from just above where she was held in the person's arms.
"Kylo?" she asked, her voice quavering even as she tried to breathe properly once again.
"Yes," he replied simply. Kylo settled himself on the edge of the bed, Rey still wrapped tightly in his arms, cradled against his chest. He reached up with a hand and ran it through the loose strands of Rey's hair. It was soothing―so soothing to be held in the arms of one of her lovers…
"Where's Taj?" Rey asked quietly after their partner. "And why are you keeping it so dark in here?"
She could feel Kylo flinch beneath her, but he spoke up before she could latch onto it. "Hux, she's awake." His voice was raised; obviously the other man had been in the 'fresher, as she heard the door open on the far side of their apartment. It had a creaky hinge which they had never quite gotten around to fixing. There had been so much going on… being on the run, fighting battle after battle, preparing and training for the eventual face-off with Snoke which they knew needed to happen…
So many little things had been pushed aside as less important.
Rey chose to remain quiet, listening alternatively to both Kylo's heartbeat beneath her ear, and the footsteps of Hux as he made his way towards them.
Before she knew it, she could feel Hux drop to his knees in front of her and Kylo, and rest his head against her hip. One hand joined Kylo's in her hair, and the other smoothed over the bare skin of her knee. His touch calmed her, forcing the last image of Snoke from her mind in favor of better memories.
"So we did it? He's dead?" she asked after a moment of simply enjoying her men's touch upon her.
"He is," Hux replied softly, and Rey's heart swelled at finally hearing his voice.
"I don't remember anything after… after I stabbed him. How did he die? What happened after? Have I been out this whole time?" Rey struggled to sit up in Kylo's lap, and he let her, holding her against him as she perched on his leg and Hux leaned his head against her thigh. "Wait, before you tell me all that, can you turn on the lights? I don't get how you didn't walk into the desk on your way here, Taj," she teased lightly, simply happy to be in their arms again.
They were both quiet. Their bodies had frozen, stock still, and the silence grew heavier the longer it dragged on.
"Kylo? Hux? What's wrong? Why won't you turn on the lights?" she asked plaintively, fear making its way into her voice. "Were you hurt? Do you not want me to see? I promise… I promise that nothing that could ever happen to you will make me love you any less. Please, please show me. Please turn on the lights." By the end of her pleading she was shaking uncontrollably in Kylo's arms, and Hux had moved himself to beside them on the bed, his own arms wrapping around her and Kylo both.
They still said nothing, and the way that they were holding her… "Please…" Rey whispered finally. "Is… is it me? Is something wrong with me?" She clenched her fingers over Kylo's bicep, digging in tightly and sharply with her trimmed nails, and reaching out to grip Hux's wrist where it rested around the front of her body. "Why won't you speak?" she growled, anger suffusing her voice finally.
"Rey…" Hux finally spoke, his voice sounding choked, as if he were holding back tears.
Hux never cried―why was… why did he sound like that? That scared Rey more than anything, and she struggled in their arms, wanting away from them. If they weren't going to answer her, then she would find out the answers herself. "Let me go!" she snapped and was finally released to fall, sprawled on the ground at their feet. They had never and would never hold her against her will, and she was glad to see that that was the same, at least.
No matter what else was wrong, they were alive, and they would still listen to her wishes.
Thinking that calmed Rey down, at least slightly, and she moved to a kneeling position, holding her hands out before her in a silent request for them not to speak―not until she was ready, at least.
She breathed in deeply, held for a count of three, and then released, counting to ten, before breathing in to a count of five, and repeating the cycle again and again. She sunk into herself quickly, meditation having come easy to her after so many years alone. She searched her body, searched within her, in an effort to see what was wrong, to see why her lovers―why these two men who would turn their backs on everything they believed in just because it was right; who feared nothing―would be afraid to tell her what was going on.
A small puff of air escaped her lips once she found it, breaking the cycle of her meditative breaths―but it was no matter, as she didn't need to look any further. She hadn't needed to dwell there for long to realize there was nothing that could be done. The nerves, all the way through her brain, had been completely severed, burned away into nothingness.
Rey let out a quivering breath. "I'm… I'm blind, aren't I?" She knew the answer, but for some reason she needed to hear it from them.
"Rey…" Kylo began.
"Save it!" Rey snapped, interrupting him before he could begin what were likely to be platitudes. "I want a simple yes or no, and then we can discuss whatever else you wish." Rey tilted her body over until she was resting on one hip, her legs curled to the side. She was shaking, she knew, but there was nothing to be done for it―not now.
"Yes." This came from both Armitage and Kylo at the same time, their voices mingling together in their sorrow. They had never shied from expressing their emotions to her, not since they'd first opened up to her, and she was glad to see that that had not changed.
They were still her men.
As she was theirs.
"Oh," Rey said simply. "I…" She didn't know what to say. She didn't know where to go from there.
She felt herself being pulled to her feet and placed on the bed again, both men getting under the covers with her and holding her against them, hands soothing her even as they made wordless noises of comfort. Rey let herself go, releasing tears into her hands as she reached up to cover her eyes with them.
Nothing felt different… yet everything had changed. Her life was changed, as were those of the men who meant everything to her.
"You should leave me," Rey cut into the near-silence sharply.
"What?" Kylo asked, a note of rage entering his disbelieving voice. Hux simply held onto her tighter, waiting for her to clarify.
"I don't want to be a burden on you. You should move on; be together and not have to worry about me. Live your lives. You're free now. Free from him. You shouldn't have to care for me on top of all that."
"Why would―" Kylo started to snarl, but was cut off by Hux pushing his body away, and moving so that he was straddling Rey, both hands cupping her cheeks as he bent down and touched his nose to hers.
"You are not and never will be a burden, my love. No―" he cut Rey off even before she could take the breath to speak. "Why would we ever let you out of our arms, after everything we've worked for and through so that we could be with you, uninterrupted, unafraid… We love you." He accentuated each word with a slight shake of her head between his hands. "We will never let you go. Not now, not ever. We promised. You're ours." He leaned back and gripped her left hand with his, tracing both silver bands that rested on her ring finger. "You promised, even. We will not leave you for some small thing such as lack of sight."
"We will be your eyes, Rey," Kylo interjected quietly, but fiercely.
Rey was silent a moment, taking everything in. There was so much, it was near overwhelming. But there was one thing she could focus on… these men loved her, and they wouldn't leave her. "You will?" she choked out. Sometimes Rey still couldn't grasp how anyone could love her, a scavenger rat from a nowhere planet. She still saw herself as such, deep within her, and the men knew that. They knew that she saw herself still as no one and were trying, slowly, day by day, to strip her of that notion.
"We will," Hux agreed.
"And maybe…" Kylo said, louder than before. "Maybe you can use the Force to see. We'll work on it. Every day if we have to, until we get it right, or you ask us to stop. We can do this, Rey. Together."
Rey reached out, her right hand cupping Taj's cheek above her, and her left finding Kylo's to her left. She could feel both of his rings clinking lightly against hers, and it brought a smile to her lips. Breathing in deeply, she released it and pulled herself together again. She didn't know what she was going to do―what they were going to do―but she felt stronger, more sure, nonetheless.
"Together," she whispered, tears drying upon her cheeks. "There's nothing that can stop us when we're together."
The Force sung as it coursed through her, letting her know that both of her husbands were smiling as they looked down upon her, and she felt hope well up within her.
She might be… blind, but the war was over. Snoke was dead, and they had a future together, safe from harm, no longer having to hide. Losing her sight was a small price to pay for that, she decided, lifting her head to brush her lips against Taj's―the Force was right: he was smiling.
"We can do this," she said firmly, before deepening the kiss.