Breathe. Just breathe.
It's the only thing that she can tell herself to keep from losing it. She's alone. She feels alone. Sitting in her car, parked outside her boyfriend's apartment, with her hands gripping the steering wheel .
Boyfriend…Chase is my boyfriend, at least for the next several minutes…I need to do this…Tonight changes everything…
The thought of Gregory House, in a hospital bed, after going through what he had all in order to help his best friend, caused emotions she had buried deep inside to surge forth from within her. Allison could feel the tension in her body, a tension she'd felt for some time. She felt it the night she'd gone to Chase after handing in her resignation to…him.
Not to mention it was your third time giving it. How predictable…
She lays her head on the steering wheel while gripping it harder. She'd felt the tension when she'd handed him her letter of resignation, she'd felt that…spark. When her hand touched his arm, when she looked into his eyes, she felt that spark. Their spark, it was always there. Even when she tried to move on, with the more logical man, the safer man, the spark-less pairing; the tension with Gregory House was ALWAYS there.
Allison could remember the tension being there when he came looking for her after figuring out that she had come back. It was in her stomach, creating a knot; that all too familiar knot that was there every time he'd look at her in that way, every time he'd stand close to her, every time he'd show how he really did care by doing the right thing. No matter what he said, no matter what Chase said, no matter what Cuddy or anyone else would say about him, Gregory House always did the right thing even if it didn't seem like it at the time he was doing it. He had a reason behind his behavior; there was a method to his madness. It showed to her that he was what she'd always thought him to be: a jerk with a heart. The same jerk who had captured her heart.
The events from the last 48-hours run through her mind. The bus crash, the revelation that Amber was in trouble, House going through all possible ends in order to help his best friend…to save Amber even putting his life on the line. She had heard about the complications he had suffered in surgery and how they didn't know what would happen next from Chase, but not directly from him, it was as he was explaining everything to Cuddy.
Allison could remember waiting quietly off to the side, out of the way, seemingly going unnoticed by the others as she heard the news. She could feel the inaudible sob that escaped her lips as she heard the news. She felt the tears as they rolled down her cheeks, burning a pathway against her skin. She felt the numbness, she felt that all too familiar knot, that tension all over her body. It was so powerful and it wasn't anything like it had been before. It was overwhelming. She felt frozen, her feet refused to move, and her knees buckled under her. The cool tiled wall hit her back as she slid down it just as the tears began to flow from her tired eyes.
Her hands came up and cupped her face as she found herself on the floor. There was no more time for pretending, no more time at trying to feel "indifference" towards him, no more time for keeping up the barrier she had been struggling to build between them. The thought that she may never again speak with him had entered her mind, and she couldn't stand to see how much time she had wasted these last several months. So many what ifs entered her mind but she had to push past it…as hard as it would be to do that. After what seemed like hours, she slowly pushed herself up from the floor, steadying herself against the wall, she wiped her eyes and face of the tears, and she took several deep breaths.
Breathe. Just breathe.
She pulled her light sweater tighter over her body and she began to walk towards his room. Her arms were folded in front of her body as she tried desperately to stave off the tension and knot that were fighting to form there. Allison stopped in front of the glass door to his room. He lay motionless in his bed. She glanced around, seeing that the staff on the floor was pretty slim, most had gone home for the night. She glanced at her watch, it was past midnight. After taking one last breath she slid the door to his room open and she walked in. The door slid closed and the only sound she could hear in the room was that of the monitors. Even as he was, there was still visible tension in his face. Her heart began to ache more looking at him. She wasn't even sure what she had intended on doing once here with him. Slowly her hand reached out and took his.
It felt warm against her cool skin. He always gave off a warmth that she always picked up on, and it seemed at times she was the only one to truly feel it. Her eyes closed slightly as a tear fought its way out and began to slide down her cheek. Without thinking her mouth opened and she spoke the only words that came to her, "You were right," her words were soft and barely above a whisper, "I miss you."
Allison lowered his hand back onto the bed and after checking his vitals quietly, she left the room. She folded her arms protectively over her chest and walked straight ahead without looking back. Things were different now, there was no more pretending, it was time to stop the runaway train she felt like she had been riding for the last several long months. Allison knew what she had to do in order to take that first step forward in the right direction.
Breathe. Just breathe.
Allison turns her car off, and climbs out. Tonight changes everything...