So this is where it all ends the day it all changes. Buffy has told me a million times not to go. She yelled at me telling me she loved me and that Spike would never be enough for me, that he could take care of me like I needed. I know he can, I know she's wrong. I also know she just cares about me bullshit, bullshit, bullshit she never really cared about me. Of course she loves me I am her sister, well not really, I am more just a part of her, so she has the right to desert me it would be like deserting a piece of herself and Buffy tends to hate herself so...what does it matter.
Xander thinks I'm purely insane he is sickened by the fact that I am in love with a vampire. Xander thinks that he just wants me for...sex. How's the hell is that possible when we haven't even slept together. He tells me I deserve better when I know he just wants me for myself, the day he found I had a crush on Spike and no longer liked him he damn near had a heart attack. So both of them only want me to stay for selfish reasons.
Willow tells me that she loves me and wants me to be happy, she says she just worries. I trust that I know she does just worry she is a good friend almost like my replacement sister. She has been there for me, except when she went all scary veiny and almost killed me. She is still always there for me and really does care if I am okay or not and wants what is best for me in the end. She even found a spell to give me my soul back when it...happens.
Anya is insane and just babbles on. Talking about how it can be such fun having a fling with a vampire, she would know, being so damn old. She's sweet though full of good intentions deep down. I have always liked Anya, funny, honest, down right stubborn, and kinda annoying in a good way. She doesn't know what she is talking about half the time I am so glad she finally gave up on Xander and him always hurting her. I set her up with a fantastic guy, his names Trent. They have been together for two months now and I hear church bells already.
Giles, don't even get me started on him. He just lectures me while he cleans his glasses with that white handkerchief he always has. Saying things like, "Your a Summer's girl...women and you need to stay here at home where you belong. Since you became a slayer you have duties to fulfill..." And I usually trail of somewhere around there. He says things that make absolutely no sense, jabbering on with that accent of his, speaking in vocabulary that stumps even me. I swear to God some of the things he says aren't even words.
Spike, now Spike is a whole different thing all together. My love my life my hero. He wants me with him. Tells me eternity isn't enough time to be with me, that he wishes we could have longer. He looks at me like I am all he ever wanted, like im more than enough like with out me life is useless. He looks at me how I always wished he would. He is so prefect it's almost wearing...almost but not quiet. He says the right things does the right things, and have you looked at him lately. I have every free second I get I sneak a glance. He is usually looking at me, with those stunning blue eyes piercing into my soul. He makes me weak I swear life with him is going to be eternal bliss. He can have it all my heart, my life, my soul. I truly do love him and he loves me it's perfect.
And so it will happen tonight in some ways it already has. Spike made me promise not to hate him before he told me something, I did of course how could I ever hate him. He told me that either the answer was yes or no. He was afraid after he started he wouldn't be able to stop. I think about all the reasons to stay in Sunnydale stay in this twisted world that I hate. My family is here, what's left of it anyways. They do love me and mostly they want me to stay here with them. And I know it's stupid giving eternity to him. But I don't care, when he looks at me with those eyes I lose all sense of reality, and for once I feel whole, for the first time in years, since mom died, I feel at home, safe. So tonight I will let him take me. I will wake up tomorrow, extraordinary, dead, finally alive...a vampire, but most of all I will be his.