Title-Redefining Limits
Author-Zoey Skywalker 11
Summary-Qui-Gon helps Obi-Wan recover from the events in "Pushing Limits"
Rating-PG
Time Frame-JA-Obi-wan is 14.
Spoilers-Only for my story "Pushing Limits"
Reviews- Love them! But please be nice.
Disclaimer-The world of Star Wars belongs to the God known as George Lucas. I only live in the world, I don't own it.
Author's Note #1-Thanks to my beta, dragonslore1988.
A/N #2-This chapter is a direct sequel to my story "Pushing Limits." You need to read that story first for this one to make sense.
Beginning
Obi-Wan woke up to birds chirping loudly near his window. The fourteen-year old groaned as he rolled over on his back and opened his eyes. Sunlight was streaming in through a nearby window, painting intricate shadows on the walls.
And for a split second, the Jedi apprentice panicked. He had overslept! He was late for his classes, his teachers would kill him, the amount of work that he would be forced to make up would be so large and…
'And I don't have to worry about that anymore,' Obi-Wan thought, truly feeling stupid for freaking out.
Obi-Wan and his Jedi Master Qui-Gon were in a vacation on the planet Dubellapperar. They arrived about a day and a half ago after he worked himself until he collapsed. Personally, Obi-Wan did not really see the need for this vacation was unnecessary. Did he push too far? Yeah, probably. Did he need to catch up on his sleep? Looking at the nearby chrono and seeing that it was almost time for the mid-day meal, he had to reply in the affirmative. But a two-week vacation was not needed.
At first the Padawan was thrilled to get a vacation, but reality was settling in. Qui-Gon was not letting him do any work, which meant that the amount of class work that he would have when he got back would be staggering. His Master assured him that he would not be given any more work than any of his peers, but still… Sighing, Obi-Wan did not know why he was bothering. Qui-Gon was too focused on this vacation.
Shrugging it off, the teen got changed and went into the common room of the cottage that the Jedi were temporarily staying in. He found his mentor already up, meditating in the center of the room.
"Good morning, Padawan. Or should I say afternoon," Qui-Gon said with a smile.
Ashamed that he had slept so long, the teen just bowed his head, but he looked up when he felt his Master ruffle his hair. "Don't fret, Padawan. You needed to rest to get your strength back to normal levels. Besides, we are on vacation. If you cannot sleep on vacation, when can you?"
Obi-Wan did not know how to respond to that so he just stayed silent and hoped that his Master would give him a break. He did. "Come on. Help me make the mid-day meal."
The Padawan just smiled and obliged. Working as a team, the two prepared a meal, which they then ate and cleaned up.
But while they were finishing cleaning up the dishes, Obi-Wan felt himself start to drag. This was just ridiculous! He slept for more than twelve hours last night. How in the galaxy could he still be tired?
Refusing to accept or admit his exhaustion, the teen readily accepted when Qui-Gon suggested a walk. The elder of the two led the way through some of the winding paths that covered the entire planet.
While Qui-Gon was definitely much more fond of nature, Obi-Wan found that he was actually enjoying himself. He was enthralled by the nature as he walked along the dirt-covered path, hearing the birds, watching for small forest creatures and looking at the splotches of sun peaking through the canopy. It felt nice to be outside, simply relaxing, something that the Padawan had not done lately.
The Jedi team walked through the forest quietly, never speaking. But, as uncomfortable as that sounded, Obi-Wan reflected that it was actually quite relaxing to not talk. For a long time, the apprentice had spent so much time figuring out ways to avoid telling the truth that is was nice to soak up the silence without having to worry about an impending interrogation.
After about an hour, Qui-Gon broke the silence to suggest a break, which the younger agreed with wholeheartedly. He had been getting increasingly exhausted as the day went on and his thoughts had been drifting towards a few minutes rest. Sitting on a rock, Obi-Wan tried to relax as Qui-Gon took a sip of water from the canteen he had brought. Soon he passed the canteen to his student, which the younger took and drank from before sliding off the rock to the ground. Qui-Gon sat next to him before wrapping an arm around the thin shoulders of his student. Obi-Wan gave his Master a confused look as his Master pulled him closer. But Qui-Gon just smiled and pulled him back down.
"Relax, Obi-Wan. We are supposed to be on vacation, you know."
Obi-Wan did lose a little bit of tension at that. He had just been so stressed lately that it was almost like he had forgotten to relax.
"Then I guess that we will just have to re-teach you, hmmm?"
The Padawan jumped at the sound of his Master's voice. How did Qui-Gon know what he was thinking?
"Your shields have been in and out since you collapsed. I would have mentioned it sooner, but I did not want you to worry about it as you recovered. You need to focus on that."
Obi-Wan did not know how to respond to that. His first instinct was to slam up the tightest, strongest shield he could muster, but he didn't. Part of the reason that he was here was because he did not trust his Master with his problems. He needed to learn that he was part of a team and with that came the necessity of sharing problems. He was no longer alone. There were definite downsides to that, including the privacy; but he was starting to see the benefits of it. The Padawan was realizing that the biggest benefit was having someone who truly cared for him. That was a wonderful gift and the least he could do was trust the person who gave it to him. So the boy just stayed silent, fighting against his instincts that screamed to throw up the shields.
"Thank you, Padawan. I know that it is not an easy thing to trust someone. Thank you for having faith in me and not putting your shields up." Obi-Wan gave a gentle smile as he fully melted against the man.
After a few minutes, Qui-Gon suggested that they start heading back. The teen instantly agreed. He had already started the day somewhat tired and the long walk had drained his remaining energy. All of this culminated to the feeling that it was time to go back. Unfortunately, that walk would be grueling on his tired body. Standing up and brushing off the leaves and dirt, the Master led his student back towards the cabin.
About halfway back Obi-Wan got really, really tired all of a sudden. He quietly asked if they could take a break. Qui-Gon gave his student a concerned look, but said nothing as he led him to a nearby tree, handing him the canteen in the process. The teen took the container, taking long sips before completely sagging against the tree and shutting his eyes. He heard movement as his Master sat down next to him. Once he had finished the water, the younger tried to regroup his energy so that he could finish the rest of the walk. However, his efforts were soon interrupted.
"Are you okay, Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Mast-"
"The truth, young one."
"Okay. I am tired, Master. But I am fine. Just a little tired."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Master. I am just tired. But…I guess that it is nothing really new."
"That is not something that should be the norm."
"I know, but…"
"You can't believe it yet." Ashamed, Obi-Wan shook his bowed head. "That is okay, Padawan. It will take time. But we will get you to the point where you accept your body's needs."
Not knowing what to say, Obi-Wan just nodded. Qui-Gon let that fact sit between them, while Obi-Wan discreetly regrouped.
After about ten minutes, Obi-Wan had re-gathered enough strength to walk for at least another twenty minutes. The student started to rise, ready to keep going…but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.
"Relax, Obi-Wan."
"Shouldn't we go, Master? It will start getting dark eventually"
"We have time. And I think that there is one more thing to discuss."
"What is that?"
"Limits."
"Master?"
"Personal limits. And your refusal to accept them."
"Mast…"
"Let me finish. Now you have failed to accept your limits in the past, because you have felt a compelling need to be the Perfect Padawan. Now I understand this need. I even accept my part in that need," Qui-Gon continued, holding a hand up to cut off any protests. "Yes, Padawan. My initial rejection of you played into the role that you set up for yourself. But now we will break that. And one way to start that process is to accept that you have limits. And these limits are normal for a second-year apprentice and a 14-year old boy. Now do you understand what I am talking about?"
"I think so, Master."
"Good. So, question for you. Do you honestly believe that you are strong enough to walk back?"
Obi-Wan stopped for a moment. Once again there was a part of him that needed to answer in the affirmative. But he hesitated. For so long he had given into that part of him because he thought that it was what Qui-Gon wanted. But now his teacher was telling him that this was not the case. So maybe he should tell the truth. "I don't know, Master. I feel stronger but…I don't know. It is a long way back…"
"I am proud of you, Obi. Admitting that was one step in accepting your limitations. And that will greatly benefit you and your health. I know that was not easy for you, but if you keep doing that then it will get easier. So, why don't we start back and if you start to feel tired, just let me know. Okay?"
"Yes, Master."
"And, remember. I am not going to judge you. I want to help you, while accepting who you are. Limitations and all."
"I think that I am starting to believe that."
"That is good. Now shall we?" With a nod from the younger, both Jedi arose and started the walk back.
As expected, Obi-Wan had enough strength to walk for about twenty minutes, at which point his steps started to slow and he found it harder to keep moving. Remembering his Master's request, Obi-Wan voiced this to the elder. Qui-Gon, as expected, sat his student down on a large rock and handed him the canteen.
"Master? Why am I still so tired? I slept a lot and all I have done today is walk with you."
"Your body is still recovering. Give it time."
The Master let the student rest for about ten minutes before asking him how he was feeling.
"Tired, Master," was the offered response.
"Then you should sleep."
"But…we are not back to the cabin yet!"
"I am aware of that. But we are not too far and I can carry you the rest of the way."
"No, Master! You can't do that!"
"Why not? It is not like anyone will see us, so your teenage pride will remain intact. And you need to rest. Pushing yourself will only make it worse.
"But…Because… you should not have to do that."
"First of all, I don't have to. I want to. And second, the only reason that I see that has stopped your necessary rest is your own hesitation. So what is causing that?"
"…I… don't know."
"Would you like some insight?" Obi-Wan nodded. "It is because you are still trying to live perfectly."
It seemed that the Master was going to continue, but stopped when he felt a spike of despair coming from the training bond. Obi-Wan knew that Qui-Gon had felt his emotional pain but could not do anything to stop it. Instead, he just bowed his head, trying to ignore the elder now kneeling in front of him.
"Obi-Wan? Padawan? What is wrong?"
The teen shook his head. He just did not want to talk about it. All he wanted was to go back to the cabin and crawl into bed forever. He did not want to focus on his many, many failures. It seemed that whenever he tried to be perfect, he failed miserably.
"Obi-Wan? Please answer me."
The child once again refused with a furious shake of his head. He expected another concerned request, but instead he felt strong arms surround his thin frame. Needing the comfort, Obi-Wan buried his head in his Master's tunic trying to regain control.
After a moment, he felt Qui-Gon shift both of them and soon he got the sense that Qui-Gon was walking back to the cabin. But at this point, Obi-Wan did not care, just keeping his face buried in his Master's chest. Soon his thoughts started to loop around all of the ways that he had failed his Master. And himself. The failure was overwhelming and soon he could not hold back the tears running down his cheeks. He was sure that Qui-Gon felt the wetness seeping through his clothes, but he never said anything.
Later he heard the door to the cabin open and felt the elder cross the threshold. Even though he could not see anything from his current position, he knew that Qui-Gon was taking him to his room. He was proven correct when his mentor gently placed him into his bed. The Master immediately sat down next to him, gently running a thumb over a tear-stained cheek.
"It is okay, Obi-Wan."
"No," Obi-Wan replied, trying not to choke on the tears. "It is not okay."
"Why? Why isn't it alright?"
"Because I am a failure."
"Never! Obi-Wan Kenobi you are NOT a failure. And I don't believe that you ever will be. You are a wonderful student and you always tried you best in everything that you do. You will never be a failure as long as you try your hardest."
"But you had to carry me!"
"So? Obi-Wan everyone falls from time to time. And when that happens it is my job to catch you. Being successful has nothing to do with being perfect. You will always be successful as long as you try. Being perfect just means that you are a droid. And, personally, I don't want a droid for a Padawan. I want my sweet, loving, hard-working IMPERFECT Padawan. I want YOU. No matter how many mistake you make, no matter how weak you are, I want you."
"But why? Why don't you want someone who is better than me? You could have any Padawan. Why not pick a good one?"
"You are a good one, Obi-Wan. And I don't want anyone else. Only you."
That made Obi-wan think. Why would Qui-Gon want him? If he could not be perfect, then why would his Master want him. He was nobody.
"You are special, Obi-Wan. Remember that. Now you need to rest and sleep."
At that Qui-Gon started to send him gentle waves to press him into a restful bliss. Before he fell asleep, Obi-Wan started to process all of what his Master said. There was a big difference between how he saw himself and how his mentor saw him. Maybe he wasn't perfect, but maybe, just maybe, Qui-Gon really did love him. As he started to fall into slumber, the teen was filled with hope. Hope that one day he would be good enough.
To Be Continued…