Author's Notes: Hello, this is a fic that is based on things that Fruits Basket characters would never say! I know it will suck, so beware! Obviously OOC! I want to know whether people like this kind of thing, so please review! I need opinions! And contructive criticism and pointing out grammatical/spelling errors is definitely helpful, too!
Review, please! Flames accepted! Ahaha.
Disclaimer: Honestly, I own nothing, except for SOME of the words that escape these character's lips in this fic. Other words are lyrics, which I also, unfortunately, do not own.
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Things That Fruits Basket Character's Would Never Say
Chapter I: Furuba MADNESS.
By Konnichiwa Minna
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Kyou: -kisses passionately- You taste so delicious I could just eat you up! -deepens kiss- I love you... leeks!
Tohru: Bloody hell! Are you trying to make the house look clean after I made a huge ass mess!?
Yuki: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I am so mentally unbalanced! No need for jealousy, though! There's enough mental illnesses to go around!
Shigure: Ahhhhh!! Porn! Get that blasted stuff away from me! No, I think I will puke. -vomits- Eww, my barf looks like Tohru.
Akito: Hey, pass the porn! Naked ladies are sexy! -looks innocent- What's wrong with being a lesbian?
Hatori: Damn, I can ride pretty well! Better than you! I bet you could never ride this well! My horse is the fastest on this merry-go-round!
Ayame: Your mom smells like cow and horse shit. And you smell worse. When's the last time you took a shower?
Momiji: This is why I'm hot. This is why I'm hot. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot. I'm hot 'cause I'm fly, you ain't 'cause you not. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot.
Hatsuharu: Rin is a bitch, a big fat bitch, the biggest fat bitch in the whole wide world.
Rin: Shalalalalala, my oh my, looks like the boy's too shy, ain't gonna kiss the girl! Shalalalalala, ain't that sad, it's such a shame, too bad, you're gonna miss the girl!
Kureno: Itzy bitzy spider crawled up the water spout! Down came the rain and washed the spider out! Up came the sun and dried up all the rain! Itzy bitzy spider crawled up the spout again!
Arisa: Bop, bop, bop, bop to the top! Slip and slide and ride that rhythm! Jump and hop, hop 'til we drop! And start again!
Saki: Zip, zap, zop, pop like a mop! Scoot around the corner! Move it to the groove 'til the music stops! Do the bop, bop! Bop to the top! Don't ever stop! Bop to the top! Gimmie gimmie! Shimmie shimmie!
Hiro: I like candy and pink things! Like, OMG, I'm so totally cool! Kiss me and love me! Give me all your attention and love, baby!
Kagura: Eww! Kyou makes me puke! What a loser! Like, hello! Kyou was so yesterday! I've moved on to Yuki! -calls out- Yuki, darling!
Kisa: Hey, Akito, baby, can I borrow some of that porn. I'm feeling slightly horny! Hey, wait, you said you were a lesbian, right? Maybe we don't need the porn, after all. -giggles evilly-
Ritsu: You're a waste of space! You don't deserve to live! Stop breathing my air, bastard!
Kimi: You know, speaking from third person is getting gay, lame, and annoying. I think it's stupid. I must've been drunk or something. -sigh- You know what? I'm depressed. Bring me some weed, man.
Machi: Hey, baka Kagura! Yuki is mine! Back away! -starts cat fight- You bitch! -bitch slaps- You don't deserve to live!
Megumi: Hey, sis! Let's start a wet t-shirt contest! Whoever gets soaked last wins! -pulls out water canon-
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Author's Notes: God, there's too many characters! So, I only did a couple. Phew, that was exhausting! Anyway, I know this sucked. I am fully aware. But, I was bored. And this consumed some time, so, overall, I'm satisfied.
Let me know what you think! Review, please!
Flames are accepted. Ahaha.
:D
Konnichiwa Minna
-X- If anyone likes Gakuen Alice or Naruto, check out my profile and stories for them! If you do read them, please review! Thanks! -X-
Edit: I SUGGEST YOU IGNORE WHAT IS WRITTEN BELOW!
From whatwasthat: that was like the dumbbest shit ever what the fuck possesed you to write that shit you should of put that ina file on your computer that never open or you'll pay by reading my bullshit i so sorry to flame but i can't help it its not you it the story i'm flaming so don't take it personal ok chow
My reply: Okay, first of all, I think you should learn to spell. Secondly, why was it the 'dumbbest shit ever?' I don't mind you calling it that, but I would like to know why, so I can fix it. Thirdly, WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THAT MY FIC WAS THE DUMBEST SHIT EVER? Huh!? I don't see your 'masterpieces!' I know this fic sucks, so I don't mind your flame that much, but it's fun replying to it, anyway. Too bad you didn't leave an email or account or anything. You were scared of my wrath, weren't you! You're a wimp! Chicken! Scaredy cat! Haha!
Ooooh, is that a threat? I'll pay by reading your 'bullshit?' Haha, you know, it doesn't really bother me. Replying to you gives me something to do. I'm sorry, but your review just kills me with laughter! Why are flamers practically always anonymous? Wait, don't answer. Let me guess. It's 'cause your so damn scared that us author's are going to win the verbal fight! Because we have 'two feet to stand on,' unlike you. I'm not even going to explain what that quote means, 'cause you don't deserve to know.
I think the funniest part of your flame is the end. 'Don't take it personal ok chow.' First of all, it's 'personally.' Secondly, where's the punctuation & capitals? Thirdly, I seriously think you just wasted your time. Do you really think I wouldn't take it personally!? Of course I would! I wrote the bloody fic, after all. But, you know what, I am going to say no more. I'm bored of trying to talk to an idiot.
Don't take it personally. Haha.
If anyone reads this, please know that this is what anonymous flamers receive. If you don't want stupid & lame lectures, I suggest you avoid flaming me. Of course, flames are still accepted, haha, but now you know the consequences. Besides, I kind of enjoy being mean back, seeing as I'm practically always nice, especially in person. (Lol, I'm not egotistical, just saying the truth.)
This is for whatwasthat... (But other people can read it if they want...)