Weiss characters are not of my creation. I wish I could have had the brilliance of thinking them up but I didn't. Here I am just borrowing them so I can write some of my ideas down. The song is also not of my own. It's by Avril Lavigne's "Let Go" cd which is an awesome cd!!!
Enjoy!
I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound
Omi stood beside the bridge, the night air weighing heavily upon his young shoulders. He was alone. It wasn't that surprising for him to be alone… He sighed, turning away from the silvery reflections of the city life in the glistening waves of the ocean. Step after step, breath after breath, everything would allow him to continue to live alone. He stopped by a little bench near the road, waiting…
Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody take me home?
It was un-describable… the empty feeling he had. It wasn't that he was empty; it was simply that he was lost in an avalanche of breathtaking emotions, of pain and anger. It was destroying him. Destroying who he had been before, who he had thought he could save, could find again and live through that naïve boy's eyes again. His childhood self had been hidden in his heart while he killed trying to find an answer… a revenge to get the lost years back again.
Well he'd had his revenge.
And nothing had been given back to him. In fact more had been taken away from him.
He had killed himself along with Kase that night. Nothing could change that fact.
He tried to swallow, tried to focus his green eyes back to the plants that he was supposed to turn into a beautiful arrangement, tried vainly even to erase the sounds of memories that had been haunting him lately. The green fields with the grass freshly cut. Friends, shouts, laughter… feel of the soccer ball in his hands… the sound of the wind rustling past him as he twisted into the air, leaping to catch… to defend his team. And the smile of his best friend, of the one who truly counted, who had always been there for him…of the traitor. When had jealousy ever turned the smile into a grimace? When had… The tanned hands stilled, letting the flower drop. Lost amidst a spell his heart and his mind weaved against him, he untied his apron, ignoring all stares of his 'companions'. He neither wanted their pity nor their friendship. They disgusted him in what they represented and he was afraid… afraid that they too one day would turn against him. There was nothing in this shady world that he could count on. Nothing…
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
The metal of the motorcycle gleamed in the sunlight as he pushed it out of the garage. Ken leapt into the leather seat, welcoming the feel that was so usual. So much of a habit… it was like breathing. He kicked the pedal away, turning the motor on and then he was flying. Flying, running… it didn't matter what words were used to describe it. He just had to hide from the memories that were tearing his insides apart. He could outrun them. He could… He knew he could. All there was left to do was to try it though. He never heard the redhead hold back the youngest blond, telling the blue eyed boy to leave him be.
The road was winding. And as he passed each mile marker a memory would hit him, another part of his heart would crumble away… letting anyone who passed behind him drive over it, sending the lost pieces deep into the ground.
"I'll see you in hell…" Kase had spoken, smiled even a smile so strange and unfamiliar to Ken as death stole the fear away from his brown eyes. It had started raining ironically. The rain had washed away the salty taste of the tears that ran down his face that night. It had hidden their existence, their disgusting warmth that seemed to suck that very heat of your soul out. Looking up at the sky, he had searched the dark sky hoping for some… thing… some sign that there was anything out there to prove that their was a worth to existence on this earth.
"This is hell." He had whispered. It was the truth. There was nothing left to see in the sky other then the rain.
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are, but I
I'm with you
Another motorcycle come from behind him and tried to pass him at an increasing speed. The speed of wind… the speed that if he could surpass, Ken was sure he'd be able to leave the memories of dead days behind. He accelerated, ignoring the startled glance that the person gave him. Whoever it was, it did not matter. But the person did not leave him be. Instead that person had the nerve to not only keep up, but to pass him in return. Anger and despair riled within him, the images of Kase gone. The person beside him on the road represented the memories that would not leave his mind. He knew they were going way too fast but he no longer cared. The cold that had engulfed him from within, crept up, knotting further his stomach. The wind slapped him in the face… and within seconds he lost control of the bike, of his life as a truck came the opposite direction towards him. He crashed, his body flying in the air only to fall back heavily into the ground where he rolled until he reached the bottom. Again his mind couldn't help to see the irony in the situation. Wasn't he already at the bottom? In his heart, in his mind… and in his soul, he was broken… a fallen, beaten down man who no longer wanted to have the strength to get up each morning. And here he was… now physically fallen down. And surrounded by flowers… his flowers. His eyes focused.
He wasn't alone. Ken sat up, cursing his existence as he was looked over by the other biker, apparently unscathed by the close call with death. The helmet was removed and long golden hair spilled over young shoulders. Eyes that were… his breath got stuck in his throat… were lit up from within by boundless energy, youth, hope and a love for life that he couldn't understand. No, it wasn't that he couldn't understand that light in her eyes anymore. It was just that… he shook his head.
The next few moments were a blur that he couldn't understand. A hand had been stuck in his face with an offer that he had been given no time to actually comprehend, much less refuse. The girl… young woman raced him along the roads, sending his broken spirit into confusion. The different colors of the flowers, the smell of their perfume… her laughter as she tugged him to one side of the greenhouse and then to the other side. There was no hesitancy in her acceptance of him, of his obvious need to be guided, even if only for a few hours.
He never noticed the sky that was darkening…Only realized it when the first cloud split apart, letting cold rain wash over the two, sending them running for a shelter.
And then he was stuck, no longer alone yet separated from her in ways that could not be changed. Yuriko was an innocent and he wasn't. Hadn't been for a long time.
He wanted so desperately to be innocent again, to capture that enthusiasm… to love life again. A slow warmth started to fill his heart as the woman in the bed teased him, causing him to blush. He was taking things too seriously her eyes told him. Ken looked away, the window beside him showing that the rain hadn't slowed.
That night he was strangely at peace on the cold wooden floor, knowing that no matter what tomorrow brought… he wasn't alone.
…
I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here a face I know?
Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone
It was one agony after another… one memory shattering whatever illusion that his own mind had forced him to create. With the illusion shattered, Omi was left alone walking in what seemed an endless road, a maze as he continued to try and understand.
Was it that he was unlovable? Was it that he had been bad? His father had refused to pay the ransom… and every time the lights were turned off, out of the shadows the ten year old version of himself would gently come out and beckon him along the maze… deeper and deeper and deeper…
There would be faces. There would be names called out. There would be happiness before the darkness and then there would be the fear… the unbearable hurt that would make him not be able to breath. He had been abandoned. And that thought only made him want to desperately disappear. There had to be a reason to why he had been abandoned…
He was lost.
He'd lift a hand if only he knew someone would be there to catch it and pull him back up.
He'd have screamed if someone had been there to hear him.
He was lost.
He was alone. There was nothing to do. The shadows would leave soon… all shadows did at one point or another. All he had to do in the meanwhile was to smile, he had to act natural. Nothing to it, nothing but a broken heart of a child whose only wish was to be loved.
Blue eyes closed and he heaved a sigh that made his shoulders tremble. His hands gently grazed the fragile surface of a slightly burned picture. A picture that for some reason he hadn't been able to stop himself from taking during that mission to kill one of the Taketori sons. It held some of the faces that he would see in the maze… it made him ache inside. That little smiling boy in what seemed to be; loving arms, was that him? The search on the internet for a Taketori Mamoru left him even more confused. He couldn't be that child, could he? He was too tired, too tense, too hurt to think straight.
He tried to cover a yawn which was immediately spotted by Yoji, the eldest of the Weiss members who seemed to have a penchant on teasing him no matter what was going on his life. But the door opened and Omi was saved for a few precious moments before he realized that it was Ouka. Ouka, the girl who was too stubborn and who frazzled him with the attention that she gave him...
Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody take me home?
Her attitude had softened, her worry getting through his confusion and letting her lead him wherever she pleased. She made the ache soften inside of him… leaving him to open to her in a way he never thought he could ever be able to. Someone cared, someone actually seemed to give a damn about him.
He felt her arms tighten around his bruised ribs and even though he winced at the physical pain the small action brought him, he smiled a real smile.
It would be all right.
Life would be all right if she was there, there to boss him around, to make him blush and sputter by her show of stubbornness. Omi could deal with the past and its ghosts as long as she was there…
It hardly mattered if he had let the target go… the target which had been his brother, it hardly mattered if Aya-kun hated him now and wanted nothing more to do with him.
All she had to do was smile at him and for a few moments he would be at peace.
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are, but I
I'm with you
I'm with you
Those times were over…A new wind had passed, blowing out the small candle of hope and warmth that let the two assassins still smile.
Yuriko with her innocence and her energy had left the country, heart probably bruised by his betrayal. For that was how Ken saw his absence as. He had promised to share his life with her but because of his blood, because of his guilt he let her go with no explanation. His chance to fly free, to find some kind of peace within him was gone along with her and it became hard to smile at times.
Especially when the wind would whip past his face when he roared down the roads...
No longer would she be with him to help him flee his memories and yet the memory of her alone would cast a light within him to melt the darkness away.
Ouka's smile had disappeared underneath the ground. Her death had left something in Omi that left him broken yet strong. He couldn't explain, didn't even have the desire to explore the meaning of why. She was gone. His first love, his little sister, his only family... She was gone.
And yet…
He smiled a bit painfully, leaving the flowers at her grave.
She had taught him that he could be loved and therefore he could love others just as freely.
Why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind…
Yeah, yeah
Ken headed out of the front door at a run, his mind thumping a bit frantically in his chest. He had left the whole day, needing to be on his own only to find that when he returned Omi had been gone all day as well with no note to leave the others an explanation. A quick glance at the calendar had left Ken cursing at himself. It had been a year since Ouka had been killed…
Why did life have to be so cruel? Why? What had they done to deserve all of this darkness? Why make them be the bearers of such heavy crosses?
And Omi was so…young. He ignored the fact that a year ago he had wanted nothing more to be rid of all three of his companions. That a year ago he had been blind to the others' pains, never noticing the small but caring gestures that an assassin was allowed to make to the one he worked with. The small gestures that Omi, Yoji and Aya had all given him when he had been in pain.
The gestures that would offer compassion but yet would keep all barriers surrounding them unbroken, nothing to make it too personal… nothing to allow attachments to occur and yet…
There was always a 'and yet' to everything in life.
… He didn't care if the four still acted as if nothing had changed between them, but he knew in his heart just like Omi did, that they all cared very much about each other. They were friends… a unspeakable attachment that could get all of them killed on the next mission but a bond that allowed them to survive each new day.
So why had he forgotten about today's date?
Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody take me home?
Omi's head bowed until it reached the open palms of his hands. He wanted to stop feeling at the moment… to stop thinking. He wanted to go home but didn't know quite the answer of where home was for him. The roar of a motor made him look up and his eyes widened.
"Ken-kun?"
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are, but I
I'm with you
I'm with you
His name was said softly, questioning his presence as if he was too unexpected and that unexpectedness made him unreal. A figment of an imagination. Ken gave a grin, pain for his friend making it crooked.
"I thought you could use a ride home…" He answered. Omi looked even more lost and then a small smile formed on his young face. He moved slowly but climbed deftly onto the back of the bike, his arms already winding themselves around the older man's waist.
"Arigato." Omi whispered as they took off in the opposite direction than he had thought Ken was taking him.
'We'll go home… but after we outrun the memories together.'
And somewhere within both young men, there was a warmth returning. The sound of laughter from long ago didn't seem quite so painful to hear anymore and if the memories caught up with them during the ride, the stories they shared of them made it easier to bear.
Because of friendship…
Because they were getting to know who the other one was…
And they were getting to know themselves at the same time.