Warnings; Crack, a wee-bit of violence and some mild coarse language.

Disclaimer; I do not own Hetalia, nor all the references.

It was just a jolly swell day in good ol' whatsitcalled - erm, I mean, Canadia.. yeah.. Canadia, when Arthur Kirkland, gentleman of gentlemanliness, decided to pay a visit to his forgotten little brother.

"Why hello there, Alfred, jolly good day, isn't it~?"

"It's Matthieu.. "

"Who?"

"Never mind.." Arthur leaned in towards the Canadian, cupping a hand around his mouth.

"So, I herd u gotz unicr0nz?" He whispered. Matthieu's eyes widened in realization before me turned to stare at his older brother.

"Oui, I do haz da unicr0nz~"

Arthur let out a loud squee of joy before following the Alfred-look-alike to a rainbow stable. There was a large sign hanging overhead that read, 'There are no unicr0nz in here.' Seemed legit.

"Well, Arthur, here they are." Not-Alfred said, pointing towards a large crowd of abnormally coloured ponies.

"Oh em gee! So kawaii!" Arthur gushed before running towards the large group of magical creatures. "I'm going to name you Rainbowdash, you Rarity, and you Applejack!"

Little did the two blondes know, they were not the only two humans in the stable. Looking in from a hole in the roof was none other than Ivan Braginsky, professional creep/stalker – he even had business cards.

"Fufufu~ Don't bother hiding your kids, hiding your wife or hiding your husbands. They all belong to Mother Russia~" He sang quietly to himself, a dark aura surrounding him.

"Do you sense something.. I don't know, evil, in the room?" Matthieu whispered to the over-joyed man in front of him.

"What rubbish are you speaking? Of course there is nothing evil in the room! ..This is a magical place." Arthur retorted, wiping a tear of joy from his eye.

"If you say so.."

"Don't doubt me! I am a gentleman, and gentlemen don't lie, m'boy." After giving a small nod of acknowledgement, Arthur calmed his tits and went back to swooning over the unicorns. Despite the Brit's claim, Matthieu still couldn't help but worry. He had felt that aura before. It belonged to only one person.

"Arthu-" the Canadian was abruptly cut off by a large water faucet coming in contact with his head. The sound of metal breaking bone echoed through the air as the ponies began to freak out and shit rainbows before fleeing from the stable.

"What was that?" Arthur asked, turning around to see a heavyset Russian with blood splattered on his thick, tan trench coat. "Ho' sheeee-!" before the Brit could even comprehend was was going on, his skull was bashed in by the rusty metal.

The only one who remained was Ivan, covered in blood, who sang quietly to himself. "Blood, blood, gallons of the stuff. Gave 'em all that they can drink, but it'll never be enough. I gave you blood, blood, blo~od-! Grab a glass because there's going to be a flood." Shaking his head slightly, Ivan skipped out of the stable, leaving the mutilated blondes there to rot.

A friend of mine asked me to write her a crack story containing a creepy Russia, Canada, jolly ol' England and unicorns. And since everyone knows Canada has unicorn stables in his backyard, I thought it fit. :u /shot

If you get any of the references – I love you.

Now I should probably work on the last chapter of WITTCL, as well as the new story I'm writing.

Pip pip cheerio and all that stuff.