First Test – Fighter Emblem
Hey what's up guys? Did you all enjoy E3 and looking up (or avoiding) Fire Emblem Fates spoilers? I sure did. I'm pumped! Anyways, welcome to the first skit of this literally crazy idea I had. You're probably wondering why I uploaded this instead of Chapter 6 of Precocious Love, am I right? Well the good news is I have been working on the next chapter, but for some time, writing it has been stressing me out to the point of giving me a mental crisis. Don't worry though, I'm better now (I hope), but boy was I a more dangerous brand of insane than usual. How deranged was I you ask? Well that's what we're here for. You see, I wrote this transcript to take a break and calm my nerves, but it seems pretty out there all things considered. So I thought we could make a game out of this. I'll write these fun little things whenever I'm losing it (or when I feel like it), and you people can gauge how crazy I must've been to write these skits. It's fun for all ages!
That not enough content for you? Then how about this, how would you like to hear my mysterious voice? Me and my friends started a podcast called "Podemonium", and we've finally released the first episode (well part 1 out of 3, but still...). It's about our thoughts on this year's E3. Is it any good? ...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. You should at least get a good laugh or two out of it. To view it, just open up any "YouTube video URL" and replace the last eleven characters with "ixXzDo9i-90". And just a heads up, I am called "Anonymous Contributer" on this site for a reason, so I won't be using that identity in the podcast. But see if you can figure out which one I am (spoiler alert: it's not hard to figure out).
As for Precocious Love, I know I said I might be able to post chapters more frequently during this period of time, but unfortunately something came up. So I most likely won't be able to get a chapter up this month. But like I said earlier, I have been working on Chapter 6, and I vow that you will all get to witness it some day (I REFUSE to let everyone down!). So please be patient and enjoy this while you wait.
Rating: K+ for mild violence and mild language.
Chrom: Alright everyone, Frederick will be here soon to introduce his new training regimen.
*bunch of characters groan*
Robin: Naga, what kind of hell is he going to put us through this time?
Gaius: Probably make us bench press horses.
Stahl: Maybe he'll make us run two hundred laps on an empty stomach.
Vaike: Shut up guys, Commander Slave Driver is comin'. Don't give him any ideas.
*Frederick walks towards the characters dressed as Ryu from "Street Fighter"*
Frederick: Ah good, everyone is present.
Chrom: Alright I'll be the one to ask. Why are you wearing that?
Frederick: This is the proper uniform of an Ansatsuken warrior. Starting today, I will teach you the very martial arts style they use to fight with.
Robin: Martial arts style?
Frederick: Correct. I figured that if any one of you were to be disarmed, you would be unable to defend yourselves. That is why this session will be about hand-to-hand combat.
Owain: I don't know. I much prefer to fight with a sword.
Frederick: Oh? Tell me, can you do this with a sword? *charges up ki energy in his palms* Shinku…HADOKEN! *fires an energy ball from his hands, destroying a training dummy*
Frederick: So tell me, are you willing to learn now?
Robin: Uh…can't mages throw fireballs easil—?
Owain: YES! ALL OF MY YES!
Frederick: Good to hear. Any other questions?
*multiple characters raise their hands*
Frederick: I'll answer them as we train. Let us begin.
*cue montage while "Ryu's Theme" from "Street Fighter II" plays*
Frederick: We'll start out with a simple spar to try out some combos.
Robin: What do you mean by combos?
Frederick: Round 1. Fight! *jabs Robin then kicks him, then low kicks him*
Robin: Ow! Ow! OW!
Frederick: TATSUMAKI SENPUKYAKU! *does a hurricane kick*
Gaius: Uh…the pipes are broken. *does a pathetic hopping 180 ° spin kick*
Frederick: *gives disappointed look*
Gaius: Okay I don't care if I just saw you do it, it's physically impossible.
Stahl: *runs into scene and jumps up, does a twirl, and falls face first in the ground*
Frederick: You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance.
Virion: Who is Sheng Long?
Frederick: I mean my Shoryuken.
Virion: What's a Shoryuken?
Frederick: SHORYUKEN! *uppercuts Virion*
Virion: AAAH!
Frederick: Defeat my Shoryuken.
Virion: How am I supposed to—!?
Frederick: SHORYUKEN! *uppercuts Virion*
Virion: GYAAH!
Frederick: Try to block next time.
Virion: When would I ever face an opponent who would do this!?
Frederick: SHORYUKEN! *uppercuts Virion*
Virion: GAACK!
*Lissa walks into scene*
Lissa: Hey Frederick, can I have an extra helping of dessert tonight?
Frederick: SHORYUKEN! *uppercuts Virion*
Virion: NGOOH!
Lissa: Thank you. *exits scene*
Frederick: *jumping heavy kick into standing fierce punch, and then a heavy kick*
Robin: URK! Alright, that's it! *throws three punches*
Frederick: *parries all three punches*
Robin: What the…?
Frederick: *low kick, two light jabs, and then a three-punch combo*
Robin: ARGH! Why…?
Frederick: In order to fight properly, you must dress properly as well.
Lucina: *dressed as Chun-Li* It's different from my usual tunic, but I think I can get used to this.
Chrom: *dressed as Fei Long* Why do I have to be shirtless?
Frederick: It's to intimidate your adversaries with your royal physique milord.
Chrom: Can I at least do so with a sleeveless shirt like Lon'qu?
*cue Lon'qu dressed as Guile standing next to Chrom*
Frederick: Lon'qu, why haven't you gelled your hair like I ordered you to?
Lon'qu: I refuse to do that.
Frederick: That's insubordination. For that, you must do twenty laps of moving back and forth across the training grounds.
Lon'qu: Fine.
Frederick: HADOKEN! *launches energy ball at training dummy*
Donnel: HELLO KEN! *launches flaccid energy ball which falls to the ground*
Frederick: *disappointed head shake*
Ricken: ENDOUKEN! *launches fireball at training dummy and looks proud afterwards*
Frederick: *takes out fire tome from Ricken's pocket and gives disappointed head shake*
Ricken: *looks ashamed*
Owain: *walks into scene* KAME-HAME-HAAAAAA! *launches massive energy beam at training dummy, obliterating everything in its path*
Frederick: *looks stupefied before giving a thumbs up and an approving nod*
Frederick: Destroy this caravan with your bare hands.
*cue caravan next to Frederick and Vaike*
Vaike: Oh c'mon! Teach is good, but not that good!
Frederick: Henry did it with no problems.
*Frederick and Vaike look to Henry standing next to a destroyed caravan*
Henry: You lied to me! There weren't any people inside!
Frederick: *Collarbone Breaker into Shoryuken*
Robin: AAGH! When will it end!?
Frederick: Try to parry more. *crouching light kick into light punch into medium kick into Hadoken*
Robin: HURK!
Frederick: Don't get trapped in the corner.
Robin: You mean the wall?
Frederick: *jumping heavy kick into crouching light kick into medium punch into standing light punch into crouching medium kick into Hurricane Kick into Shoryuken*
Robin: *gets up, but is in dizzy state*
Frederick: *punches Robin's midsection* SHIN! *connects his other fist with Robin's jaw* SHORYUKEN! *launches Robin high into the air with a powerful uppercut*
Robin: *falls back down to the ground while knocked out*
Frederick: K.O. You lose. Hmph, that was certainly no "Moment #37".
*end montage and music*
Frederick: Alright, after today's session, the majority of you have performed lower than my expectations.
*cue a bunch characters looking bruised and beaten*
Frederick: However, I don't believe any of you have failed. In fact, I believe you have all retained the skills more than you realize. And it will show in battle. To demonstrate, I will spar with one of you to see what we've learned. So…*gets into fighting stance* who wants to be my opponent?
*injured characters look nervously at each other*
Frederick: And don't hold back. I'm looking for a challenge.
*a portal suddenly conjures up on the other side of the training grounds. From it comes out a teen shirtless boy with a red head, blue hair, boxing gloves, and robotic boots*
Stinkoman: Are you asking for a CHALLENGE!?
Frederick: *narrows eyes* HRAAAAAAAH! *charges towards Stinkoman*
Stinkomam: HYAAAAAAAH! *charges towards Frederick*
Frederick: HRAAAAAAAH! *about to throw punch*
Stinkoman: HYAAAAAAAH! *about to throw punch*
*freeze frame money shot*
So whaddya think? On a scale of one to Gary Busey, how insane did I have to be to write this? Am I in the right state of mind to continue writing my main story, or am I too in the right state of mind? Whatever your response is, I hope you at least enjoyed it either way as that's what matters most. Like I said before, I might do some more of these and even throw in some based on Fire Emblem Fates too. But for now, I should probably get back to work on Precocious Love, huh?
And if you happen to like Frederyu, Chun-Cina, Fei Chrom, and Lon'guile, please sign my online petition to get them into Street Fighter V as alternate costumes. I mean the petition doesn't exist and I'll probably never make one, but sign it anyways! You know you want to!