Merged
Season one, Episode One
Lost in Shrimp (part 1)
Please note that this story started on a Buffy forum as a game where each person who comes along adds the next sentence/paragraph, before I saw potential and made it more. The beginning is therefore more random than I would have liked, and has some characters who should be dead, but bear with me.
Buffy is on a beach filled with dead bodies!
Buffy: Where am I?
A vengeance demon: A world full of NOTHING but evil shrimp!
Buffy: Wait if it's only filled with evil shrimp where'd all the bodies come from? You know the human type bodies!
The vengeance demon: Okay, so I embellished, but there's quite a bit of evil shrimp
Buffy: Ok
She then proceeds to attack the vengeance demon, who suddenly poofs away and is now where to be seen.
Buffy: What the heck am I supposed to do now?
She then walks toward a nearby jungle. She walks in to the jungle, and promptly falls in to a really big hole, and is attacked by evil shrimp, who she slays. The hole begins talking
Hole: GET OUT OF MY MOUTH!
Buffy: What the heck? Wait so you're like alive or something?
Hole: Yes, the shrimp use me to catch intruders, but I'm a slave to them.
Buffy: So if you catch intruders why would you want me to leave? You're not making a whole lot of sense here.
Hole: You don't even care, do you? It's puns, is it? "Whole lot of sense." Make fun of the talking hole? That's it! I wish you'd burst into flames!
The vengeance demon shows up to grant the wish, and Buffy begins to fight it. Then both Willows show up, and the evil one is killed by shrimp, leaving the real one to help Buffy. Willow does a spell which holds the vengeance demon in place. Willow levitates them out and they find themselves hopelessly lost in the jungle. She conjures another spell but it only brings them to Japan, where the evil shrimp is sold wrapped in seaweed, but attacks people when they try and eat it, and covered with rice that turns people into a single grain of rice which gets stomped on by evil shrimp. Willow decides this is no good so she whips everyone to the land without shrimp. Buffy and Willow look around and see swordfish everywhere, and both agree that this is even WORSE than shrimp so...
Suddenly, Buffy wakes up
Buffy: that was weird, and I wonder where that Cheese Guy was though.
Buffy goes to the new school that Giles had gotten a job at after Sunnydale became nothing more than a crater and talks to Giles in the library.
Buffy: Hey Giles, I had a really weird dream last night with evil shrimp and what not. Do you think it means anything?
Giles: A dream with evil shrimp? That sounds oddly familiar... Wait one minute, there weren't swordfish were there?
Buffy: How did you know about the swordfish? Did you have the same dream, cause if so I guess it could mean something.
Giles: No, I didn't have a dream, but I have read ancient volumes that tell of evil shrimp and swordfish. I think it is the apocalypse.
Buffy: Okay, are we in bizarro world or something? An apocalypse from evil shrimp and swordfish! So what can I do to stop it?
Giles: You must destroy the sushi restaurant Kakistos used to own. There are many demons (and shrimp) guarding it, though.
Buffy: So this sushi restaurant Kakistos guy, is he tough? And does he have anything to do with that other Kakistos that wanted to kill Faith?
Giles: It's the same one, he had started a shushi restaurant.
Buffy: Didn't I kill him?
Giles: Buffy, he started it before you killed him, and before he killed Faith's watcher or anything. He started it in the fifties. Didn't you used to be smarter than this?
Buffy: Sorry Giles, it's just that I've got shrimp on the brain. And swordfish. So how do we destroy the restaurant, with a bomb or something, or is it something mystical?
Giles: Definitely mystical, but we'd need help from someone who might know about evil-shrimp-type-dimensions.
Buffy: Anya.
Buffy goes and finds Anya and asks her to help destroy the shrimp and swordfish, or at least bring them down long enough for Buffy to slay the demons also guarding the sushi place and Willow to magically destroy the restaurant and therefore destroy all traces of evil seafood from the world.
Anya: What? You want me to help kill shrimp? I love shrimp! Why would you want me to kill shrimp!
Xander: Enough with the shrimp, An.
Tara: I-I'll help kill them. I'm allergic.
Anya: No! Shrimp is delicious! You crazy fools! All of you!
Buffy: Guys! Enough! I need you to do this for me. Willow and I have to stay here.
Spike appears suddenly.
Spike: Ill go. Fancy a bit of shrimp killing myself.
Anya: Barbarian!
Spike: You said it.
Buffy: Okay, good! Spike and Tara go shrimp hunting, Will, you and I will take down the demon hoard at Sushi Palooza.
Anya: Hey! What about me?
Tara: W-we can bring you back something, a pet shrimp maybe?
Anya: Yeah well...make sure it's alive! I don't want some limp shrimp souvenir.
Just then ten swordfish come in and a huge fight erupts! Buffy goes to stab a swordfish, but it stabs her first and she falls down to the ground leaving the others to fight the swordfish.
Willow: Buffy!
Buffy: Willow, it's OK. I'm alright
Buffy then gathers the strength to get up and joins in the fight. While everyone is fighting a weird portal starts to appear in the floor. Tara and Spike fall through the hole.
Willow: Tara!
The portal closes. Spike and Tara are in the alternate shrimp universe.
Tara: Wh-what happened?
Spike: Bloody 'ell, got a right bump there...well looky looky. We've gone and fallen into shrimp land!
Tara: This is bad!
Buffy: What the heck was that!
She stabs one swordfish and throws another up against the wall. Just then more holes open up in the floor and everyone falls through.
Spike: you come to help us beat some bloody shrimp?
Anya: I came to eat some!
Buffy: Oh fun, now we're in a world of shrimp.
Willow: Who or what do you think brought us here?
Suddenly a shrimp attacks!
Xander pulls out a gun and shoots it.
Buffy: where'd that come from?
Xander: Shrimp village! How am I supposed to know!
Buffy: Not the shrimp, the gun.
Xander: I don't know, it just appeared in my hand.
Just then they hear a loud roaring noise.
Buffy: What kind of monster could that be?
John Locke: I'll check it out. It won't hurt me.
Spike: Who the bloody hell are you!
John Locke: Sorry for not introducing myself. I'm one of 48 survivors of a plane crash. Oceanic flight 815. I was just in a hatch, it's kind of a long story. I guess something created a portal, because not too long afterwards me and a few others were sucked through a hole into this shrimp world. I guess that thing was too.
Kate: Where are we John? Who are these guys?
Buffy: Who are you? cause I'm Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.
Kate: (looks at Locke) I'm with him. Where- wait a second, did you say vampire slayer?
Jack: I think she belonged in that institution more than you, Hurley
Doug Pinheiro AKA buffyTVSrox: I love random Silline- what the heck! Where am I! Wait a second... Buffy? is that you? and Jack? How did this happen! I was just sitting at my computer when I was sucked through a hole to- well, to wherever this is. How the heck did this happen? You're fictional! You're just from TV shows.
Jon Locke: Maybe... But the human mind is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. If enough people believed it to be reality, perhaps it becomes such. Ever hear about hypochondriacs getting a sickness they only thought they had?
Jack: I've seen that happen before. I'm a doctor, for everyone here who doesn't know.
Locke: After all, what is reality but what we think it is? I say that it's reality that I'm here talking to all of you now, because that is what I perceive to be true reality. But for all I know, I'm in an institution somewhere imagining everything.
Buffy: been there, done that...
Nick AKA MetroidSA-X: Wha- where? What happened?
Buffy: Who are you?
Nick: OH MY GOD Buffy you YOU'RE REAL! Can I just touch you? Or can you pinch me. Am I dreaming?
Kate: I think he's the one in the mental institution.
Nick: KATE! LOCKE! EVERYONE YOU ARE ALL REAL! OH MY GOD.
Just then Illyria comes out of nowhere.
Illyria: Who are you..and why do you think I care to be here?
Angel then falls next to her.
Spike: Ah, so you've decided to join the party, huh?
Janie AKA ilovedb: Okay, I'll get off the computer in a second, Mom. Just let me- Oh my gosh! Where am I! How? Huh? Wait a second... DAVID BOREANAZ! Oh my God! I love you! Marry me!
Janie runs forward and hugs Angel, suddenly not caring how she got there or where she was, just happy to be there
Angel: Umm... Who's David? And who are you?
Kaylee walks in
Kaylee: Hey ya'll where am I, and who are ya'll?
Willow: Hey, I'm Willow, and, well, we don't know where we are either. What's your name?
Anya: And why are you so dirty? Are you homeless?
Kaylee: Nope. I live on the spaceship Serenity.
Jack: Wow there are a LOT of people here who belong in an institution.
Doug Pinheiro: In Iceland!
Xander: Huh?
Rachel AKA yellowcrayon323: Xander? You're real! I'm in heaven! (faints)
Nick: Kaylee my god! you're real too! You are my favorite Firefly Character!
Kaylee: Character? What are you talking about?
Nick: Nothing (in a low voice) I love you.
Kaylee: WHAT!
Nick: Oh nothing
Isa AKA spikemaniac: (drinking a rather large milkshake) Yeah, I was- Oh my gosh! Who are you? where am I?
Giles: What very good questions.
Tara: Good God, that's a lot of shake!
Isa: Spike! Oh my gosh! I can finally be with you! And I'm not dreaming, for once!
Isa runs up and grabs Spike, then she starts kissing him. Spike is caught completely off guard. Giles takes his glasses off and starts to clean them.
Somewhere in the distance Sydney Bristow wakes up, she is on the ground. She looks around.
Sydney: Where am I?
River: They're watching you
Spike: now who the hell are you?
River: You don't know it, but they see you.
Angel: what is this, the land of the crazies?
Jack: from what I can tell, yes.
Just then someone else drops in, a girl.
Jaye: Where the heck am I?
Kaylee: Nobody seems to know; we all came the same way you did.
Jaye then hears a noise coming from the frog on Willow's shirt.
Shirt Frog: Kill them all!
Jaye: NO!
Shirt Frog: Kill them!
Jaye: SHUT UP!
Kate: Why is everyone here crazy?
Locke: Perhaps the island brought us here.
Apostasies: No! You are all wrong, you idiots! No island brought us here. We must be dreaming.
Suddenly a very large flying shrimp comes out of the jungle, kills Apostasies, then flies back.
Buffy: Okay, I think we need to focus on getting back home, well, all our different homes, whatever dimension we are from.
Just then Serenity comes out of nowhere and crashes a mile away from them.
Mal: No, not my beautiful ship!
Buffy:Okay, what the heck was that?
Kate: It looks like a spaceship from some sci-fi movie.
Kaylee: Its Serenity, I hope it's not too wrecked.
Jack: (talking to himself) Maybe I'm just the one who's gone crazy...
Jaye: I WILL NOT KILL THEM!
Shirt Frog: KILL THEM
Willow: Wait, don't kill us!
Jaye: I won't, it's your shirt, the frog on it, its talking to me!
Shirt Frog: KILL THEM
Jaye: NO!
Just then ten shrimp surround them. Jayne pulls out his gun and starts shooting them, as does Mal, while Buffy starts fighting them off Slayer-style, Xander and some of the other scoobies swing at them with swords, Angel and Spike fight them unarmed but certainly capable, Willow blasts them with magical energy, and Kate starts to take them on in an air-marshal-says-"That's-why-I-need-six-guns" kind of way. It's not long before their tasty foe are vanquished.
Buffy: Wow. I guess we all have our own fighting methods.
Xander: We kicked ass!
It seems a bond has started to form between our stranded heroes.
Jaye, a bit separated from everyone else, keeps repeating to herself "I will not kill them".
Kaylee and Willow are talking.
Kaylee: What was that you did before? It was all like magic or somethin.
Willow: Yes, it was. I'm a major wicca gal.
Kaylee: So what do you thinks up with that girl over there; she seems a bit out of her mind.
Willow: All I know is she said the frog on my shirt was telling her to kill us! Though I have seen stranger things.
Kaylee: Really, like what?
Willow: It's a REALLY long story, but trust me.
Meanwhile Buffy, Mal, and Angel are thinking of a plan
Buffy: Okay, we need to think of a way to get out of here.
Angel: What about that spaceship, maybe there's something we can use on it.
Buffy: Good idea, but how are we gonna get to it?
Mal: Excuse me, that is MY spaceship you are talking about, and there ain't nothing on it that will help in this situation
Angel: Or maybe you're just trying to hide something.
Kate and Jack are talking
Kate: Jack, We have to get away from these people. They're all out of their minds!
Jack: Yeah, I think you're right.
River walks over to Jaye
River: You know I hear them.
Jaye: You hear the animals.
River: The frog is evil. He has to leave now.
She takes out a knife and walks toward Willow
Jaye: Wait, what are you doing!
Isa: Wait guys! This isn't right! She doesn't need an operation!
Jack: Of course she doesn't, what are you doing! Listen to the Italian girl.
Sawyer: Well hello there, Oregano.
Isa: Hey Sawyer!
Spike walks past, giving a look to Sawyer that was so cold it could've frozen the sun...
Kate: Okay Jack, let's get out of here now before they operate on us!
Jack: Sounds good.
They walk away.
Sydney Bristow is looking around.
She starts to walk forward only to find a mysterious clock in the sand. the clock is running backwards and making a funny ticking noise, not a regular clock ticking noise, and the hands are spinning in opposite directions...
Just then Kate and Jack are walking and they see a bunch of people chained up. They run up to help them as a reaver comes out of nowhere running full speed ahead at them, and they start running towards the jungle...
Sydney picks up the clock and the bottom opens up to reveal something that is shocking to her.
All: How did we get here?
Where are we?
Who's she?
What do you think is up with her?
I thought they were fake.
Aren't they from TV?
How is this possible?
John Locke: (shouting) Listen up!
Everyone instantly stops talking
John Locke: Now that everyone seems to be here... Maybe I can help answer a few of your questions. I said this earlier, but I'll say it again. The human mind is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. If enough people believed it to be reality, perhaps it becomes such. Ever hear about hypochondriacs getting a sickness they only thought they had? After all, what is reality but what we think it is? I say that it's reality that I'm here talking to all of you now, because that is what I perceive to be true reality. But for all I know, I'm in an institution somewhere imagining everything.
Hannah AKA ScoobySummers: But this shrimp world... We were talking about it in an episode thread on this online forum...
Mal: Then I guess that makes you responsible for the deaths of those people who were just killed.
Holly AKA BuffyAnneLove: What? how?
Jack: If Locke's right, then this was all fake till you guys grew so obsessed with it that it became reality. None of us would be trapped here now, and none of us would have died.
Angel: You brought this shrimp world upon yourselves.
Xander: But if what they're saying is true, we never would have really existed in the first place then.
Spike: But they're deciding our bloody fates. Everything that's happening to us now? They bloody typed it, and their minds made it really happen to us.
Jack: Listen guys, right now we have to focus on just getting back home alive. Let's see if we might be able to find something in the jungle. We have power here, from what I've seen, and there's nothing we can't face.
Anya: Except for bunnies...
Charlie: Huh?
Anya: Oh. I thought we were doing another musical.
Jack: Let's get moving.
Sydney picks up the object. It seems to be a small metal cylinder with parallel grooves in the sides. She sees a small metal clip on it, and grabs it. It flips and smacks against the other side of the cylinder. Sydney drops the strange object. The cylinder is glowing. A first it glows yellow, then blue. A portal opens, radiating outwards from the cylinder.
Sydney wakes up in a dark room with a bunch of people with black cloaks on covering their faces.
Everyone is walking into the jungle. Very curious to find out how they survived the Reaver attack, Jayne starts to talk to Jack and Kate.
Jayne: So how did you two ever survive reavers?
Kate: Luck...
------------------------------------------------FLASHBACK----------------------------------------
Jack and Kate are running down the beach, away from the reavers, who aren't far behind at all. They dodge into the jungle.
Jack: What are those thing!
Kate: How am I supposed to know, just run!
The reavers are gaining speed, and they're very closely following Jack and Kate around every curve...
------------------------------------------------END FLASHBACK----------------------------------------
Kate: A lot of luck...
----------------- ---------------
They finally reach a clearing. Since Doug wrote a waterfall into the story, it became real enough, so there's a waterfall full of fresh water there. It's getting dark.
Jack: We should stop to set up camp for the night. (he points to a group of people: Doug, Rachel, Kaylee, Kate, and Xander.) You go get some wood.
They willingly obey, and go off into the jungle, trying not to stray too far. While Rachel is trying to stay alert, she can't seem to stop staring at Xander. He glances back towards her every now and then with a small smile. They see some good pieces of wood lying on the jungle floor, and they start collecting it. Kate just seems to sit there, watching the rest. Rachel of course is watching Xander.
Doug: You all right, Kate?
Kate: Do I know you? Oh right, you're one of them. I guess you've seen me on TV?
Doug: Yeah, I'm a big Lost fan.
Kate: Lost?
Doug: It's the name of your show.
Kate: Oh. This is just so weird. A lot of things have been lately...
------------------------------------------------------FLASHBACK--------------------------------------
We're back to Jack and Kate, who are still trying to outrun the reavers.
Kate: Should we split up?
Jack: No, there are too many of them. We'll have a better chance of surviving together.
Suddenly, a reaver jumps out from the side right in front of Jack and Kate's path. They dodge into the trees on their right.
-----------------------------------------------------END FLASHBACK--------------------------------------
Willow sits down next to Jaye and they start talking.
Jaye: Okay, If you don't want me to think I have to kill you which in the end I know will somehow turn out good like it always does then you're gonna have to stay away from me!
Shirt Frog: Kill them! Kill them!
Jaye: Leave me alone!
Willow takes off her shirt to reveal another shirt under it, she then throws it in the water.
Willow: See now you don't have to worry about a frog telling you to kill us.
Jaye: Yeah, thanks. You know, sometimes I think I'm going crazy!
Willow: Well...
Just then they hear a girl screaming in the distance...
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