The Cracked Nut
by Nina Windia
The summer when she was fifteen, Suyin was Kya's best friend, and they wrecked a fair amount of trouble together in Republic City. Though, already, Suyin had begun hanging around with those boys from the 'Threats. They were nasty and lewd, as well as shady as hell, but she could never seem to convince Su about this.
It was another lazy sunny Sunday, with no practice and nothing to do but laze around Air Temple Island and drink in the sun like lizards. She and Suyin sat on the temple steps, the heat of the stone soaking into their skin and clothes, listening to the song of the cicadas and the shsshhshh of an air acolyte, sweeping. Suyin laid on her belly, absently earth bending a piece of rock. Kya flipped through the bound pages in her notebook. She read aloud:
"Hidden, a sunny grove,
Rays stream, majestic deer wait,
Their leader has come."
Suyin offered her lazy applause. "Flameo," she said, the new popular buzzword to fling around the dance halls and rec centres, which would have instantly lost its buzz if they realised its popularity over one hundred years ago. Whenever Kya's dad would announce something was flameo at dinnertime, she and Bumi would roll their eyes at one another. What was it with old people trying to get down with the kids?
Kya turned the page. "I like this one better, though.
"Steak and barbeque:
Oh so delicious. Being
air nation is lame."
"Yeah. I don't even know what I'd do without those spicy spare ribs Old Yeong does," Suyin said. Supportively adding: "Life's rough."
"It's alright for Tenzin," Kya said, nudging her head to where under the pagoda, her little brother was dutifully meditating. "At least he has airbending. I mean, what's the point of being an air nomad if you don't even get the bending with it?"
"So what you're saying is you're not tempted to shave your head any time soon?" Suyin teased.
Kya rolled her eyes. "Let's face it. I drew the short straw when it comes to genetics. I'm the daughter of Avatar Aang and I got waterbending." There was a certain resentment as her tongue sculpted her father's name; she still wasn't planning on forgiving him for last week.
Suyin gave her a look. "At least you're a bender." Without saying the words, it was obvious who they were discussing.
She was embarrassed about it now, but when Kya was small she'd used it as a weapon: "I have bending and you don't! Nah-nah-nah-nah!"
More than once, by the time Katara intervened, she'd made Bumi cry. Thinking about that now made Kya's insides twist with guilt. She pushed the feeling away.
"I bet that's why he acts so stupid all the time. He got idiot-bending, instead," she said, laughing too loud.
"Armchair psychologist, are you now?" said Su.
"Maybe." Kya lolled back onto the steps, shading her eyes from the glare of the sun. "We should do something," she announced.
"We could go see Li and Ren at the cultural centre," Suyin suggested.
"I don't like those guys."
A wry twist at her mouth. "Do you like any guys, Kya?"
Maybe not, but so what? Sometimes she and Su dared one another to flirt with this boy, or that one, and it could be fun. But that was all it remained: a dare. A game.
"Chi-pen is... nice looking," she hedged.
A raised eyebrow. "Nice-looking?"
Most of the time, they're only ever interested in me because my Dad's the Avatar. Like that's some amazing thing, she thought. Maybe that's why she liked Suyin. Despite their increasing amount of arguments, Su didn't want to be her friend because of her connections. Her mother, after all, was Toph Beifong.
And she never had much time for her kids, either. Just like Aang and Katara, she had another, needy child, whom Kya and her siblings had spent their lives contending with: Republic City.
Not that Suyin claimed to care. Quote Suyin: "So what? I'm not some little kid who needs her momma. Mum takes care of her business and I take care of mine."
That this business, more often as not, consisting of skipping class, drinking and hanging around with sketchy boys after dark, Toph didn't concern herself with.
A few weeks ago, Kya had overheard a conversation between Toph and Katara when she'd come to visit Air Temple Island on police business.
"Toph... I'm getting concerned about Suyin," Katara said. "There've been nights when she's stayed over, and she's told me you don't know where she is. We love having her over, but- and I know it's not my place to tell you how to parent-"
"You're right, Katara, it's not," she heard Toph say. "I'm not going to keep Su cooped up in a cage. If she wants to go out, I've got no problem. We were far younger when we travelled the whole world. But if you don't want her over here, that's fine by me."
Katara's exasperated voice: "Toph, you know that's not what I meant-...-"
Adults, Kya had long since figured out, were stupid.
A large shadow passed over them, with a familiar grumbling roar. She and Suyin looked up to see Appa overhead, swooping over to touch down on the grass. Avatar Aang, in his orange-yellow robes, disembarked. Kya swallowed down the lump of excitement that rose to her throat.
Tenzin and several of the acolytes ran to greet Aang. Kya meanwhile, buried her nose in her poetry book.
She read in her head:
Forgotten birthday,
once again, third time, thanks dad.
I hate everything.
This one, she hadn't read to Suyin.
"Your Dad's home," Su pointed out, as if she hadn't noticed. Kya grunted.
"Now he's coming this way," Suyin said. Kya buried her nose deeper in her book.
She heard the sound of her father's sandals crunching up the gravel path.
"Kya," Aang said. She didn't look up. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Suyin playing with her nails, staying out of it. "Kya, I wanted to apologise for missing your birthday again this year. I suspect you must be mad at me-" is a badgermole blind? "-but I promise I'll make it up to you." Same thing you said last year, Kya thought, eyes boring a hole in her notebook. "I planned to be back by the new moon, but the conflict took longer to resolve than I thought. The forest fire angered the spirits living there, and-" And you're the Great Bridge Guy, I know. What did Kya think he'd been doing? Having a good time with no thought about her?
Did she really think she was more important than people's lives? Is that what she wanted, that some poor Earth Kingdom citizens got their heads stomped by angry spirits because the Avatar was too busy with the minutiae of parenthood?
"Kya, sweetheart... I really am sorry," said Aang.
Crossed out, because- she'd told herself- there were too few syllables, the original final line of her haiku read: I hate myself.
As Aang's dejected footsteps retreated, the letters in her notebook blurred and swam together.
"Well. That was awkward," quipped Suyin. "...Kya?"
Quickly wiping the tears away, Kya bent a stream of water out of the pond, and in frustration smacked it against a tree. Birds scattered in alarm. The acolyte sweeping looked at her in reproach.
She stood up, jostling her foot restlessly. "Let's get out of here," she said.
"The cultural centre?" Suyin suggested. Again: Li and Ren.
"Couldn't we go to your place?"
Suyin pulled a face. "Lin will be home from her metal bending practice soon."
"Your sister's alright."
The grimace grew more pronounced. "She's been acting like she wants to be Mum, lately. Except Mum never lectures me as much as she does."
Kya considered this. "Maybe she just needs some fun. Every time I come round she's always studying for something. We ought to ask if she wants to come to the dance hall with us."
Suyin laughed, and laughed some more, before she asked: "Wait, are you serious?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Lin dancing? Chatting with boys?" Suyin asked, with the air of the incredulous.
Kya thought of Suyin's no-nonsense sister, wearing her hair like an old lady when she was only a year older than her, in clothes that were probably in fashion when her dad was a kid. She tried to imagine her doing the polar-dog-bear drop and the bison bop with the other kids. It was, admittedly, hard to picture.
"I don't think she's ever even kissed a boy. Heck, I'm not convinced she even knows what they are," said Suyin, with a roll of her eyes. "Lin's weird. It's not like she's got any close friends either.
"It was just a suggestion," Kya said.
There was a flash of something in Suyin's eyes. "Actually-" she climbed to her feet, moving in close to Kya to whisper, breath tickling her ear, "I've got a dare for you."
"Aren't we getting kind of old for that kind of thing?" Kya said.
"This one's different from those other dares. Here's what I propose..." Suyin leant in close and murmured her plan.
Kya leapt back, flushing. Her voice rose sharply: "You want me to do what to her?"
The acolyte with the broom gave her another look. Su shushed her, rolling her eyes as though this was an overreaction. "It's just a kiss."
"But-" Kya spluttered, "she's a... a-"
"A girl? That's why it'll be so funny," said Suyin, smiling an evil smile.
"But she... she'll metal bend me in the face," Kya protested.
"Fine then," said Suyin with a sigh, plopping herself back down on the temple steps. "Guess we'll just stay here then. Doing nothing." She started up a whistle, one of the new popular tunes from one of the variety shows, and Kya looked over to the house where Aang was surrounded by the acolytes, telling them about his travels.
Sometimes, Kya suspected Su knew her too well. "Fine," she hissed.
There were some distractions on the way to Su's house. They stopped to ogle through the saleroom window the satomobile, a kind of horseless carriage that ran on its own. The first sale went to the city governors, who purchased five of them for the police force. Once they'd finished smooshing their faces up against the window, she and Su took a detour through the market so Suyin could get some of Old Yeong's sticky ribs, swimming in a red sauce of dubious origin.
Inside Suyin's house, it was dark. No one home yet. Suyin lit the lamps and told Kya to get comfortable.
"What are you going to do?" Kya asked. At the prospect of being abandoned alone in Chief Beifong's living room, she was starting to have second thoughts about the whole thing.
"Gonna swing by the cultural centre."
"Su..."
Stuffing her mouth with sticky rib, Suyin raised her shoulders, as if to ask, so what? She closed the front door behind her.
And left Kya alone.
She kicked herself, again, for letting Suyin talk her into another of her crazy schemes.
Kya perched on the edge of the settee, glancing at the clock. Lin was due to be home in five minutes.
"Don't worry. She's painfully punctual," Suyin had laughed.
Kya drummed her fingers on her thigh, and waited.
Her mind roamed back to when she was a little girl, and Toph would bring Su and Lin to Air Temple Island to play with her, Tenzin and Bumi. Su was silly and affectionate. Lin didn't like to break the rules. Even though they fought back then, too, she was protective of her little sister. It'd been a lot of fun, though with four benders under the age of eleven, it could be chaotic, to say the least, and Katara had to fix up a lot of scrapes and bruises.
"What on earth have you been doing?" she'd asked, after one particularly rough play date.
"Re-enacting the Day of Black Sun," Kya said.
A quirk of a smile. "Oh, really?"
"See, I'm you and Tenzin's Dad. Lin's Toph, Su's Uncle Sokka, and Bumi's Appa. We're taking down the Fire Nation!"
The eyebrow rose higher. "Bumi is... Appa," she said, with no inflection of a question.
"Bumi! Do your Appa impression."
Crouched on all fours, Bumi in scuffed clothes and dirt on his face opened his mouth and let out a startling impressive roar.
Tenzin, who was only three and dressed in baggy Air Nation robes, a chalk arrow drawn on his head, was so surprised he fell over and begun to cry.
Katara scooped him up for a cuddle, and inspected Tenzin's outfit. "Kya... did you take these from your father's room?"
"We're being historically accurate, Mum!" Kya protested.
Things were so much simpler, Kya thought, when they she was little.
Lin should have been home ten minutes ago. Kya's mind wandered to the sticky ribs Su had wafted in front of her face. If she brushed her teeth when she got back to the island, no one would need to know she broke her Air Nation oath... just as Kya stood up, she heard the front door open.
She and Lin stared at one another, Lin's limp hat hanging out of her hand.
"Uh, hey Lin. It's been a while," Kya said nervously.
Looking at Kya as though a wild animal had broken into their apartment, Lin hung her hat up. "What are you doing here?" she asked.
That was the Lin she remembered. Direct. To the point.
"I came to see Su. And- she was here earlier. She said- that she wanted to run to the store, and, um..." flustered by Lin's unrelenting gaze, she felt the words turn to cotton in her mouth.
"And she just left you here?" Lin said, throwing herself down the settee with physical force, pinching the cartilage of her nose. "She's such a pain sometimes."
"It's okay," said Kya. "I mean, maybe you could keep me company until she gets back."
She flushed more deeply under Lin's stare. But then the other girl shrugged. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."
Kya sat down gingerly beside her, on the very edge of the cushion.
She stole a glance. Lin's eyes were closed, elbows up behind her head. Any other person might make small talk. Not Lin. Kya felt rather like she was sat next to a large rock. She wondered: Is Su right and nobody's even kissed her? It made her feel bad for her.
Kya made a brave stab at conversation: "So... Su said you're studying to join the police force."
"Yeah."
Well. That was a lot to work with.
Su must be laughing her ass off right about now.
"Let me guess," said Kya. "You're after driving one of those sweet looking satomobiles."
Lin shrugged. "I guess so." Just when Kya was starting to grasp at straws, Lin threw her a bone: "How about you? Have you got your future settled?"
Sweet badgermoles. Was there any question more terrifying?
Playing with the hem of her dress, Kya said, "Maybe a poet. Or an artist. Either that, or an actress, or-"
"So basically, you don't know."
She dropped the hem. "I have plenty of ideas. It's just... sticking with them that I have trouble with.
"You're the Avatar's daughter. You could do whatever you want," said Lin.
Right. She was the Avatar's daughter. And yet and the same time: "That's kind of the problem," Kya sighed.
Lin narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Well-" Kya hesitated. She'd never talked to anybody about this before. "My Dad's spent his life doing so many incredible things. I mean, he's the Avatar. I'm never going to do anything as amazing as him. I don't even have airbending. And my waterbending will never be as good as my Mum's. If I had a particular talent it'd be fine. But as it is, I'm just... me." As soon as the words were out, Kya regretted them, flushing hard. Why had she said all that? To Lin of all people? She raised her voice, dragging on a smile. "But I'm sure I'll figure something out. It's nothing, really."
"No, I get it."
Kya started. Lin was leant back against the cushioned seat, staring stonily at the ceiling. "Feeling like you'll never measure up. My mother's Chief Beifong, Kya. I get it."
"Is... that the reason you want to join the force? To be like the Chief?" Kya asked.
"What? No." But immediately after, Lin hesitated. "Well, maybe a little," she hedged, as she chewed at her lip. "Maybe a lot. I just don't want her to be disappointed in me... that's all."
Kya hadn't intended to do it. But he look on Lin's face was so unguarded and sad that she couldn't help but shift over, reach out and put her hand on hers.
Lin stared at it like it was an ambush.
"I don't think she could ever be disappointed in you, Lin," Kya said earnestly.
This earned a wry and quite awkward sounding, "Thanks."
When she tried to pull her hand away, Kya held on fast.
I don't think she's ever even kissed a boy. And it's not like she's got any close friends either.
"I understand how you feel. And... if you ever need to, you can talk to me... if you wanted to, that is." Kya suddenly realised the vice grip she had on a rather awkward and off-put Lin. Quickly, she withdrew her hand, reddening again. Why did she always have to be such a dork?
But Lin was softening. Her voice was husky, eyes mapping out part of the floor: "I appreciate it," she said.
And, were Kya's eyes deceiving her, or... was that a blush dusting those severe cheekbones?
Why did Kya never notice just how pretty Lin was before? With a less dowdy hairstyle, she could even be quite fashionable. She was only a year older than Kya, and there was something quite endearing about this soft, awkward side of her, hidden beneath the tough exterior.
Like the soft inside, after you cracked a nut's shell.
They were still sat close together. Close enough that their knees were touching. Lin could have shifted away, but she hadn't.
It was nothing to do with Su's dare. Kya closed the space between them and kissed Lin on the lips, because she wanted to.
The front door slammed. Roughly, Lin shoved Kya away from her, reddening explosively.
Kya's head whipped round, to see Toph in her uniform, staring at them.
Oh shit.
"A-alright Chief?" Lin said.
"Your sister's not home yet?" Toph asked.
A quaver shook in Lin's voice: "Not yet."
Toph stretched, cracking her fingers, wandering into the kitchen.
And it occurred to Kya, so obvious a thought she could have smacked herself in the face: "Thank God your Mum's blind," she sighed in relief.
Lin winced.
"Not deaf, though." Toph wandered back out into the living room with an apple, hands on her hips and a big grin on her lips. "I can hear your hearts racing like rabbits from in here. Now Lin, listen. I'm not a prude. If you want to explore your sexuality, that's fine by-"
Toph didn't get any further. Her face burning up like a sun going supernova, Lin shot Kya a death glare and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her with an earth-shattering bang.
Kya was certain she could feel her insides shrivelling inside her.
Toph took a crisp bite out of her apple. "Kya, do say 'hi' to Katara and Aang for me, won't you?"
Kya stuttered out that she would, and grabbing her things, tripping over her own feet, she stumbled out of the front door. She wasn't sure, but she thought she heard Toph chuckling to herself behind her.
The only thing good that came out of the humiliating endeavour, Kya would later reflect, was that at least now she knew why kissing boys was so boring.
The cracked nut yields such
unexpected sweetness. once,
on a summer's day.