A silhouetted man sat in the shadow of a room, scratching on paper with a simple ballpoint pen, hatching out some plans for what would be the greatest event the world would ever see. As he wrote, a thought crossed his mind, and he put down his pen and picked up the small cell phone to his right. Dialing a number, he put the phone to his ear and waited.
"Yes? Sure. Yeah. Anyways, I've found the two. They'll be perfect leaders. Yes. Uh-huh."
His next sentence was mumbled and quiet as he whispered into the phone. Finishing his call, he hung up and continued to write.
Night was falling, and a group was forming around an ovular arena in the middle of the field. A young, bearded man stood in the direct center, shouting for people to assemble around the two people standing in the middle.
One of the men wore dark black glasses and a suit, hair slicked back with a faint green aura. All that was on his face was just a plain lack of interest. The other man standing across from him was breathing loudly, bright red eyes and tousled brown hair only making him look more vicious than he actually was. They glared at each other, ready for what was coming.
The young bearded man, who shall be henceforth called "The Announcer" held up his hands for everyone to be quiet. People stood around the edges-normal pedestrians and fictional characters alike. A small eight-year-old boy chased a goofy-looking blue lump thing around as it punched people in the knees.
At the sight of the Announcer raising his hands, all were silent. They looked at him expectantly, and he cleared his throat and began to speak. "Tonight, we see the beginning of a great enterprise, to see who truly is the best of the best between people! I give you ANAKIN SKYWALKER and NEO ANDERSON!" The two other men in the center of the arena waved at the crowd, but when they looked back at each other, they continued to glare.
"Everyone! Are you ready for this?" The crowd cheered at an alarmingly high decible rate.
"THEN LET US BEGIN!"
UBER RAP BATTLES OF FICTION
ANAKIN SKYWALKER VERSUS NEOOOOOOOOO!
BEGIN!
Neo:
Hi you little bitch, welcome to the Matrix
In here the force is lame compared to our leet tricks
Yo Momma's so fat, she looks just like Jabba
My disses are hot, they flow and burn like lava
You think that you're tough, talking your smack?
Ha! you were a slave before you even turned black!
You're a little boy who couldnt get what he wanted and turned
If you weren't such a jerk maybe you'd see power has to be earned
Anakin:
Mr. Anderson. Welcome to your own personal hell.
You're a loser, a dumbass, and hot damn, you smell.
You died at the end of the Matrix. How sad.
Bet you wished for that blue pill, you stupid old cad.
What if I told you to suck my damn ass?
In the rap world I'm a motherfucking Boss Nass
You don't stand a chance, boy. I know kung fu!
I finished Attack Of The Clones, I can sure as hell finish you!
-
Anakin begins to force choke Neo, but Neo nods behind Anakin as an Agent Smith clone comes up to attack. Anakin knocks it out as Neo cartwheels back into place.
Neo:
You never knew your dad, guess that makes you a bastard
I mean what's wrong with you, you even tried to kill your own master?
Now use the force to grasp this situation
You need to calm down with all this aggravation
Anakin:
You bitch, let me remind you who you're messing with.
A better opponent for me would have been Agent Smith.
I knew not my dad, yes, but I'm glad I'M not your father.
Go fuck a machine, you've become quite a bother.
-
The crowd gasped as another person, aged around fourteen or fifteen, jumps into the arena. His messy black hair highlighted the lightning bolt scar on his forehead, and he then begins to rap, to the surprise of the others.
Harry Potter:
Gosh! Both your verses were like Revenge of the Shit!
I'm now reloaded for revolution! Can't you see it?!
Luke's not your child, I entered Padame's chamber of secrets
And choosing a girl that ugly, Neo? I know I'd have regrets
I'm the best Chosen One. I defeated a giant snake!
Stopped dementors and death eaters, with many lives on stake!
Expecto Patronum! Alakazam!
I'll banish both your asses right to Azkaban!
The crowd cheered as the three competitors disperse. The Announcer finishes his announcing and dismisses the people. Everyone returns to their homes, but the Announcer stays in the field, smiling. The first step of his plan was complete. Now to get the others.