"I miss your voice, you had a voice that was unreal deep," she laughs. "I swear I mentally swooned every time you spoke it was like velvet or dark chocolate rich."
She pushes herself onto her knees, rearranging the flowers. Smiling slowly, she fingers the petals. Sighing, she sits back onto her heels and glances up at the birds flying in a perfect pyramid formation through the sky. The warmth of the sun feels good on her face and she breathes it in.
"I miss you kicking my ass every day, no one makes me feel inadequate quite like you do. That kaiten just destroyed any attack I developed, but that's not what bothered me. It bothered me that you looked so damn graceful doing it. Your hair would flow in this perfect way and it was so dark and thick in contrast with your pale skin and I swear you were beautiful. You would've been an amazing girl, I'm sure of it."
Her fingers are calloused from continual use of her weaponry. She had a long day at the shop sharpening a katana that had just been ordered for the new anbu recruit. They had asked for a dragon engraving to spiral up the hilt. It wasn't hard, she had been making dragons since she first picked up a kunai.
"I miss our conversations about the future. I miss planning out our anbu squad with Lee and thinking we were going to be the best. Your mask would be a bird, no questions asked. People would tell stories of the hawk and you'd be feared throughout the villages, I know it. I used to imagine what it would look like once they carved the tattoo into your skin. You were always such a graceful kind of manly, but I imagine the tattoo would've made you rugged. You would've looked so bad ass, but you'd still be you. You'd still let me run my hands through your hair and kiss your jawline and protect your blind spot."
She traces the letters of his name and her voice breaks.
"I miss protecting your blind spot. I miss being the only person who understood it, who could cover it. I hate myself for not being there. I would've protected your blind spot- protected you. Sometimes, I picture what you said to me before the craziness, before we were separated. I miss the feeling of your arms around my waist, quietly telling me things would be okay. I couldn't cry on the battlefield, you know I couldn't. I hope you know that doesn't mean I loved you less. Please don't think that, please."
She almost loses herself, then. But the sun hits the flowers at just the right angle and she is brushing angry tears off of her face and smiling again. Lightly tracing the flowers, she cannot help but stare at a slab of cement with more adoration than she can muster for any living being in her life these days.
"She brought you sunflowers. You would've loved her. She's beautiful, just like her mother. Sometimes….Sometimes I look at them and I resent them. Isn't that awful? I know that it was your choice and maybe it was even your destiny, but then I think what about me? What about you? What about us?"
This is the part she dreads. The tears start to build in her eyes and she wraps her arms around her waist in an attempt to pull herself together. She stifles a sob, burying her face into her lap and hoping no one decides to come visit at this hour. Eventually, she sits up and wraps her arms around her knees- pulling them close to her chest. She laughs joylessly as she half heartedly smiles down at the slab of cement engraved with everything she has loved and lost.
"Neji I-"
"Tenten?"
She looks up to meet the pale, moon-like eyes that remind her so much of him that she cannot decide between looking away or never looking anywhere else. She forces a smile, wiping across her eyes and standing up.
"Hinata, it's great to see you! I was just leaving, busy day at the shop and all. I had to drop by because Gai and Lee were having a hard time and you know how it gets. I'll see you later!"
She smiles down at Hinata's daughter, lightly touches Hinata's arm, and then she is gone.
Neji I miss you.