Take It All Back
Daianta
Don't own Supernatural, okay? I really don't know what came over me when I was writing this...
Summary: Gabriel sends a letter to Dean. Spoilers for 7.02.
Thank you for my lovely friend Annabelle for uploading this for me!
Although it's really Dean and Gabriel, I'm considering this as a Destiel thing...
Word Count: 781
Dean,
I hope you realise who you've just turned away. Who slipped through your fingers without you even trying to hold on and save him. I sincerely hope you know what you are doing. Or what you have done. There's no going back now.
Castiel was nothing but a friend to you. Even though you hurt him, ignored him, hated him and used him, he still came to you when you asked; when you were too pathetic to even attempt to sort out your own problems. He cleaned up your messes, like a dutiful servant. Not once did he get a thank you in response. Not once did you treat him like a person with feelings. Not once did you think about how he might feel about the world crumbling down around him.
And now he's gone.
Do you know that he loved you? With everything he had in him, he loved you, Dean. I think, deep down, you knew that. And because of that, you pushed him away. You couldn't even see how much he was hurting when you slept with Anna, could you? He felt her hand over the mark on your shoulder; the mark that binds you two together forever.
You are callous, Dean. When you assumed it was your last night on Earth, you asked Castiel what he wanted to do. The look he gave you should have told you everything. Instead, you chose to try and get him drunk and sleep with a woman. There is a reason Castiel had not touched anyone during his whole existence. He was waiting for you, the man who was supposed to make him happy. He wanted to feel your love more than that of his Father's. His father left him, yes, but he didn't want you to do the same. He fought for you, so hard, so silently that you missed it completely.
I suppose in a twisted way, you did what was expected of you. Castiel was so unbelievably happy to be even near you, to hear your voice and just be able to be with you. You noticed his personal space issues, did you not? That was Cas being unable to voice how he really felt; he knew how you felt about the whole Apocalypse thing, and longed to comfort you. But you really did enjoy pushing him away, didn't you? He tried to make the ride easy for you, no matter what sort of burden it was on himself. His displays of anger, although brief and uncommon, was his way of reaching out to you. In your presence, he was calm unless he was consumed by jealousy, or guilt, or a mixture of all sorts of emotions he wasn't experienced enough to handle. You were supposed to lead him through that; you were supposed to show him not all humans were freaks and abominations.
Everything Castiel did, he did it for you. He rebelled against Heaven, for you. He took part in a civil war, for you. He made deals with a demon; he gave back 50,000 souls to Atropos to save you, when taking them souls should have given him enough power to take over Heaven. He set himself back in his goals to save you.
And what did you do in response? Brush him off, not even think to ask how he was feeling. By then, you should have realised that not all was well. By the time you understood what Castiel had done, it was too late.
He gave his life for you, Dean. The reason was you.
He begged you for help; for you to save him. You were going to kill him. How could you? How could you even think to raise a hand against a soul who had given so much of himself to help you, who had stood by your side through everything?
I hope you still have the trench coat, the only reminder of Castiel you have left. You miss him now, don't you? I hope you are plagued with guilt for what you didn't do to help Cas. Simply called him; spend time alone; go for a walk: anything, to take his mind off the fact that upstairs he was killing his own brethren. How much would it have hurt to kill Sam? Multiply by one thousand, and you know how Cas was feeling.
Just hope and pray that Castiel does come back Dean, because otherwise you will have to live with that guilt for the rest of your life. Don't let my brother's name be in vain, Dean.
He loved you. At least remember him for an angel that broke all the rules for you.
Gabriel.