Disclaimer: Joss and his minions own all things Firefly, and pretty much all other good things in the world.
AN: I came to this fandom WAY late, but I'm so in love with these characters, I just can't help but want to play around in their world a bit. This is meant to be pre-Rayne, though it doesn't have to be read that way. Post-BDM.
River sits on the catwalk, legs swinging over the edge, metal grate biting into soft flesh on the underside of her thighs. She sucks on a stick of sugary vanilla candy, brought to her by Jayne after a recent mission. She knows Jayne is making payments on a debt that exists only in his own mind, a debt of guilt and regret, but candy is candy, and everyone on board Serenity knows River has a sweet tooth.
River tells herself she is only doing her part to ease Jayne's conscience. It's the Christian thing to do. Nevermind the fact that she believes Christianity is an outdated belief system forced on the masses to coerce them into submission with the promise of posthumous rewards.
River shrugs, pushing aside these thoughts, and concentrates on the taste of the candy stick as she swirls her tongue around it, noting the porous texture her saliva has uncovered beneath the smooth outer surface. She came to the catwalk to get away from Simon, who took one look at the candy, gave her a disapproving grimace, and reminded her to brush her teeth when she was finished.
"You are a medical doctor, Simon," she had reminded him. "Not a dentist. But thank you for your concern for my oral hygiene."
Simon had pursed his lips, and River had walked away, licking contentedly at her stick of candy.
River understands Simon's worry. He doesn't want her to get a cavity. River thinks on this as she peers down at the corner of the hold, where Jayne is grunting quietly as he bench-presses double what River weighs.
River has never had a cavity. Of course, she knows what one is -- a hollowed out space in the enamel of a tooth, caused by decay. Most are unnoticeable at first, but if left too long, can become quite painful... even infected.
River frowns. Perhaps she has had a cavity, maybe even has one still -- a hole in her enamel, caused by years of slow but steady decay. She thinks maybe the entire crew of Serenity has one, and that if she looks hard enough, she might be able to see them.
She glances down at Jayne as he starts another set, and nods solemnly. Yes, Jayne has a cavity. She imagines it's been there since he was young... since he learned that the 'verse wasn't as bright and shiny as it was in the stories his Ma always told him. More than a year's worth of guilt over his betrayal of River and Simon ate away at the hole, and no amount of apples and candy sticks could patch it up. Then, the final straw -- last week's letter from Matty, telling Jayne not to bother coming home, as they didn't have the money for a proper burial for his Ma anyway.
Yes, Jayne certainly has a cavity, and the ache is suddenly so palpable, River can feel it resonating through her from her perch above him.
When Zoe walks by, the ache River feels grows tenfold, and River has to swallow a gasp of pain. Zoe gives her a curt nod as she starts down the stairs, and River suddenly can see her cavity, clear as day. It burrows through Zoe's chest, just like the spear that pierced Wash's heart, leaving a gaping, open wound. But what Zoe doesn't realize yet is that her cavity will be filled. It will be filled by the tiny life River knows is growing just south of the painful hole. This makes the agony easier for River to bear, and she is anxious for Zoe to make this discovery, too.
As Zoe checks that the cargo is strapped securely in the hold, River wonders about the rest of her crew-mates. She thinks of Simon, and the cavity created when he left his life at the hospital to rescue her. His filling is Kaylee-shaped; he can wrap himself in her warmth and forget the past, ignore the pain. He provides the same relief for the sunny mechanic, soothing the still-raw memories that keep her up night after night, shivering in his arms.
Mal's and Inara's cavities are inverse functions, too, just like Simon's and Kaylee's, though the captain and the companion haven't yet figured this out. They go about their days choosing to ignore the pain, coping in the only ways they know how: Mal by sniping and sarcasm, and Inara by ritual and rules. Neither of them realizes relief is a breath away, in a whispered acknowledgement or the hush of a shared look or touch.
And as for River's own cavity...
She pops the candy stick out of her mouth and stares at it, wondering how something so harmless and sweet could do so much damage... and so much good at the same time. Her eyes stray back to Jayne, now sitting at the edge of the bench quietly counting bicep curls, and she sighs. He doesn't know what his gesture means to her, how a single piece of candy healed her more than all of Simon's pills and injections. It is not enough to reverse the process, to repair the decayed enamel around her soul, but it is a soothing balm that goes a little way toward filling the hole.
Jayne puts down his weights and stretches his arms, and River smiles. Gracefully, she swings herself up onto her feet and trots down the stairs, sucking on the candy stick as she approaches the weight bench.
"Thank you for the candy, Jayne," she says, and giggles at his terse acknowledgement of her gratitude.
"Where you headin' off to, moonbrain?" he asks as she turns away, trying to look as if he doesn't care.
River's smile widens. "Going to brush my teeth," she says. "Don't want to get a cavity."