Author: Mistofstars
Rating: M to be save
Pairing: Jack / Ianto obviously
Author's note: Set after KKBB, season 2 episode 1, the same evening after they all had dealt with Captain John Hart. Please be so kind and R & R, it means a lot :) Thx!
° - Nevermore just a plaything - °
Ianto grabbed his jacket from the wardrobe and put it on slowly. Everybody else had gone home already – after the exhausting stay of Captain John Hart, who had unnerved all of them without mercy, they all needed a little rest badly. Ianto felt tired and worn, all he wanted to do now was to take a hot shower and crawl into his bed afterwards.
"Are you off?", he heard Jack suddenly ask, who had crossed the hub with silent steps, and who stood now a few feet behind him. Ianto's mood immediately deteriorated threefold, but at the same time his heart started to pound hard against his ribs. As always, when Jack was near, his breathing became faster, and he felt awkward and nervous.
"Yeah… I'm tired", he replied, tensely brushing his hand through his hair. He had accepted Jacks suggestion to go on a date only a few hours ago, but now he had thorough concerns. The presence of a former lover of Jack was, of course, not a cause for celebration for Ianto. But it was even worse that he had had to witness the kiss he had given Jack in front of everyone (not that Jack had returned the kiss, but he hadn't rejected John either).
Ianto was tired and annoyed, and now out of sorts with Jack. Suddenly all the memories of the past few months without him were back, and were drifting past his mind's eye only too clearly. How he had missed Jack, how let down he had felt. Lonely, filled with heartache.
And now Jack just stepped back into his life and demanded that everything was back to normal.
He heard Jack approaching him.
"Another time, then?", he asked cautiously, and Ianto felt flattered by the undertone of uncertainty. For the first time he felt equal to Jack, that the immortal treated him equally and with respect – and fear of rejection. At last he felt what Ianto had felt for him all the time. A love, so pompous and yet so fragile and destructive, that Ianto often lay awake night after night, unable to sleep for fear and worries.
Ianto nodded, without looking back at Jack. He felt his Captain taking his hand timidly and holding it loosely in his warm fingers. A delicate approach that made Ianto's body quake. He wanted Jack's vicinity, and wanted to resist him. He longed for him, and didn't want to get hurt and left behind again.
"Let me see you home…", Jack mumbled, taking one step forward and closer to Ianto.
timidly he kissed the cheek of the younger, resting his chin upon Ianto's shoulder. Ianto sighed a little, but he knew he wouldn't get rid of Jack – also, he didn't really want to say goodbye to him yet. It did him good, seeing Jack again after all those long weeks, but an untamed part of his heart cried out in fear and vulnerability, advised him not to get involved with Jack again. He felt Jack slowly wrapping his arms around his waist, hugging him gently from behind. His warmth spread over Ianto's body, he could inhale Jack's unique scent and clearly felt his heart flutter with excitement in response.
"Okay."
Ianto felt as if he couldn't breathe out of sheer emotion. He tried to organize the confused thoughts in his head, but absolute emptiness began to spread itself, when he and Jack came out into the streets, walking into the night. He felt strangely prepared and composed. Secretly he knew that he had changed in the last months – he had had plenty of time to think about himself and Jack. Jack had to understand that he couldn't simply welcome him with open arms again.
As always, the roads in Cardiff were soaked with rain, glistening in the white light of the street lamps. They walked slowly along the banks of the river Taff. The night air was refreshing, and the wind carried a pleasant warmth through the city. Ianto risked a glance at Jack, who, with his hands in his pockets, walked beside him thoughtfully. Ianto had to smile secretly – he was so incredibly grateful and happy to be able to see Jack again, alive and outwardly undamaged. He couldn't help but notice that Jack had become very quiet, by his standards. Even more mysterious, if that was even possible. His brow was furrowed and he hardly seemed to mind the way he was walking.
After a few hundred meters of silence, Jack began to speak at last. They had now reached a wide alley, and the large trees with their leaf canopies concealed most of the lanterns' light. Ianto heard Jack taking a deep breath, as he always did when he wanted to get something off his chest or blow some steam off.
"Ianto… you kissed me not yet a single time since I'm back", he said quietly and with a strange questioning, injured undertone. Ianto felt how his heart made a jump at these words and how the nervousness arose in him. Again he had the feel of being unable to breathe, not gaining any air out of mere tension. He looked over to Jack and was surprised to read the sad expression in his face. Jack's unconscious self-evidence made Ianto rave.
"What did you expect? That I'll fling my arms around your neck immediately, after you left me for months without a single word?"
In wonderment Jack looked at Ianto with wide eyes. He ventured a step towards the younger and grabbed his hand calmingly, pressing it affectionately.
"Ianto, I'm sorry", he conjured with soft words, and for a moment Ianto got lost in the deep blue eyes of his counterpart. His breath halted, infatuated by Jack's odor he felt drawn to him. Their lips nearly approached, were just inches away from a reconciling kiss. But Ianto wanted to know nothing of reconciliation – he awoke from his melting condition and withdrew his hand out of Jack's.
"Too little, too late", he muttered and walked away sullenly, with his hands buried in his trouser pockets. After a few steps he realized Jack wasn't following him, probably staring at him completely flabbergasted. Truly, he didn't know Ianto like this – Ianto, who had always been submissive and loyal to him, snatching for attention and love. Who had welcomed every tenderness and gesture attentively and longingly.
"I can leave again if you want it", Jack exclaimed, hurt and injured in his pride. How long had he been looking forward to hugging and squeezing Ianto again, making up for all his mistakes of the past months? And now the Welsh didn't want to have any dealings with him, rejected him. Frustration diffused in Jack.
Before he knew it, Ianto had turned around and walked angrily back to him with quick steps. Right in front of him he stopped and brought his face closely to Jack's, looking at him with glowing eyes.
"Do you think I'm your toy? You leave, you return, and all shall be the same again?", Ianto snarled at him, whereupon he didn't know what to answer. Heavy-hearted he viewed Ianto's features, looked him in the eyes deeply for a last time and allowed himself to gently stroke his cheek. Then he took a deep breath to reduce the pain in his chest.
"I got the message", he said softly, and then turned away to return to the hub. It took less than 3 seconds, and then he felt Ianto's hand on his shoulder, keeping him from walking away, and turning him around again. He saw Ianto's angry face, and was about to start a discussion, but Ianto cut him short.
"You fucking idiot! The last thing you should do is go", he whispered, and then Jack felt Ianto's tempestuous kiss upon his mouth, his strong arms around his waist, pulling him closer. Thankfully Jack grasped Ianto's night chilled cheeks and increased their wild kisses. Again and again their mouths parted breathlessly from one another, he felt Ianto's warmth, his wet, hot breaths fanning against his lips. Excited and full of passionate feelings, he approached Ianto again and drowned on his delicate mouth – with benevolence he enjoyed the hands of the Welshman upon his chest, how they stroked along his ribs to dwell on his waistband at long last.
Finally they were able to separate their lips for a moment – entwined they stood, forehead to forehead, with eyes closed, enjoying the presence of the other. Blindly Jack put his hands on Ianto's hips and sighed reassured.
He opened his eyes and looked deeply into Ianto's for a while, a smile spreading across his lips. For now it was enough to have Ianto all to himself again, and to be able to win him back. He would take his time, would do anything properly consider each draw twice.
"You may never disappear again, Jack", Ianto whispered softly, making Jack's heart pound hard against his chest. The thumping blood roared in his ears as he perceived his cheeks blushing. It felt so good, the fresh memory of Ianto's kiss upon his lips, still tingling with arousal. Deep in his heart there were so many things he felt for Ianto, which he wanted to tell him, which were on the tip of his tongue, but didn't escape his insides.
Delighted and relieved he put his arms around Ianto and pulled him into a bone-crushing, intimate embrace. Gently he kissed the crook of the neck of the younger. It took a load off his mind when he felt Ianto's answering fingers upon his shoulder blades, holding him energetically, not wanting to let him ever go again. He hugged Ianto even tighter, felt, how their upper bodies collided with each other through every shaky breath. If he tried he could even feel Ianto's heart beating against his body.
Ianto felt at odds with himself – on the one hand he perceived the pangs of remorse for ending up in Jack's arms so soon again, on the other hand he felt so strongly attracted to him that he hungered for more, that he didn't want to hold back any longer. For too long he hadn't been close to someone – since Jack's absence he had pushed all sentimental feelings and passions aside, not even touched himself, the idea had been repulsive to him. Now such a desire seethed within him that it killed him to waste more seconds by only enjoying little caresses idly. Without being able to control it, and without wanting to contain himself, Ianto let his hands slide along Jack's back. Gently they wandered to Jack's chest and opened some buttons of hisshirt playfully.
Jack opened his eyes and broke away for a few inches to look into Ianto's face. Questioningly he observed the man before him, ponderingly, unsure. Quickly his facial expression changed to sensual appetites, as Ianto continued unbuttoning his shirt, putting his hand under his vest, gently caressing his bare chest with slight pressure. Speechless with lust Jack took Ianto's hand and placed it on his crotch. With glowing cheeks Ianto looked at Jack puzzled, realizing how ready he was for him.
Before Ianto knew it, Jack grabbed him by the hips and pressed his back against the trunk of an old tall lime tree. With ease he lifted one leg of Ianto and placed it around his thigh, so that their bodies were closer to each other. His deed made an impact, for he felt Ianto's warm abdomen pressed against his, hard and throbbing. Wild, demanding kissed followed; Ianto sensed Jack's hands all over his body, and finally he felt loved and desired again. His spirit thirsted for Jack, desperately his body longed to feel him inside again. Lovingly he caressed Jack's brown, soft hair and moved his head closer to his.
At last they parted from each other for a moment, looking at the other appraisingly in the dark. Ianto saw Jack's upper body trembling, he heard his breath escaping his lungs heavily and jerkily. Gently Ianto placed his hand upon Jack's chest, feeling the hot blood pumping through his heart agitatedly and abruptly.
For the first time doubts formed in Jack's thoughts, as he watched Ianto untying his cravat calmly, confidently opening his own shirt, how he opened Jack's trousers playfully. A knowing, teasing glimmer appeared in his pupils when he touched Jack's rock-hard erection and began to massage it gently, whereupon Jack's legs turned to jelly; tormented he closed his eyelids, unable to suppress a soft moan. Hadn't he decided to treat Ianto right this time, not to rush things? And now they had landed in another precarious situation, full of wonderful temptations and vanities. It took the Captain quite some willpower to take Ianto's hand and forcing him to hold still, to open his eyes to meet his.
"Ianto, do you really think...", he began, but the Welshman interrupted him angrily.
"Shut up, Jack, and take me at last! For months I've been waiting for you, only for you", he exclaimed, visibly unnerved, bringing a surprised look on Jack's face.
"What do you mean, only for me?", he asked, his voice cracking with nervousness and affection.
A loving smile came to Ianto's lips, tenderly he stroked Jack's cheek.
"Only for you, you idiot...", he whispered, and sealed their mouths with a soft kiss.
A few minutes later Ianto was lying on the ground, upon Jack's coat that was spread out on the damp grass. Jack bend over him with the tenderest light in his pupils that Ianto had ever seen. The moon struggled through the thick grey clouds and lit up Jack's naked upper body, so that it seemed as white as marble under Ianto's hands. Ianto didn't care if any occasional passers-by would career along the banks of the river at this late hour of the night. He needed to have Jack all to himself, his impatience forbade any delay.
With trembling fingers Jack unbuckled Ianto's belt, then he opened his suit pants, first the button, then agonizingly slowly the zipper. The Welshman looked at the thick biceps of the man who uplifted his hips slightly, to pull down Ianto's shorts and pants to his shoes, in order to place himself between his naked thighs.
It was a familiar feeling when their naked upper bodies and abdomens touched, as the warmth of their soft skins transferred to the other. And yet it felt like it was their first time, everything seemed too long ago. Ianto could feel the little tickling hairs of Jack's thighs, he felt his hot, throbbing penis between his buttocks. Jack let out a groan, and impatiently he sat up and grabbed Ianto's knees, putting them around his waist. Aroused and full of palpitation Ianto watched his lover, how he had closed his eyelids, tormented with lust, how his forehead was furrowed. Constantly his hands stroked the inner sides of Ianto's thighs, until finally, as if by magic, his hand wandered to Ianto's erection, massaging it with gentle pressure.
Ianto bit his lips in order to hold in a load groan. Now he realised only too clearly with what intensity his body responded to Jack's touches. For too long he hadn't been caressed or touched by someone. Helplessly he surrendered to his desire, trying to fondle Jack also and giving him affection, as far as it was possible. Jack opened his eyes again; they were veiled with lust, his eyelids heavy. His glance seemed like a hot flash piercing through Ianto, he felt a searing heat and a rumbling in his stomach.
The first drops of sweat got caught in Jack's dark hair, a small dominant smile appeared on his lips, as he seductively dragged Ianto closer. The Welshman felt Jack's throbbing erection close to his entry, taking a look at Jack was enough to know he wanted to torture him, stall him, delay the moment. Impatiently Ianto moaned, closed his eyes, otherwise he feared that Jack's view would make him come already; he arched his back, pressed against Jack's hot, hard cock as close as it was possible. At last the immortal gave in to his pleas.
Painfully slowly Jack penetrated him, Ianto breathed in with a hiss. Of course he had expected that it would burn and strain after such a long time, but he also knew that the discomfort would disappear quickly again. Through a haze of infatuation he looked at Jack, whose face spoke volumes – happiness, contentment, and an angelic desire, close to innocence, were written all over his face. Ianto had the feeling of finally having arrived somewhere again, somewhere he belonged. Jack was his home, and wherever he was, Ianto wanted to be. Patiently Jack waited for his lover, he gently stroked his upper body, looked him straight in the eye for a while.Ianto smiled back happily.
Jack ventured the first gentle thrusts into Ianto's boiling inside, enjoying the tight surrounding narrowness. He watched how Ianto's breathing quickened, the younger couldn't lie still out of sheer arousal, his head rolled from side to side. Again his hand crawled to Jack's belly, stroking his side briefly. The soft, whimpering sounds escaping him filled Jack's heart with joy, his body with longing. Ianto begged for more, just as much as Jack wanted to give himself to him. Touched Jack got hold of Ianto's hands, let his fingers slide through his, bringing them next to Ianto's head upon the ground. He bend forward to penetrate Ianto even deeper.
Incredulously he stared at the immortal, not comprehending the sensations Jack created in him. With greater intensity he slid into Ianto, felt his fingers clutching his firmly. His fingernails dug into Jack's back of the hand irresistibly. As they exchanged breathless, passionate kisses, he heard Ianto's suppressed moans, felt how his lower body began to tremble. Ianto opened his eyelids with difficulty, feeling his climax like a strong, refreshing storm wave spilling over him. He saw Jack's fond smile, felt how his hands held his burning cheeks; he clung to Ianto's trembling lips as his orgasm took over him, savoured every second of his endless moaning, enjoyed how his body tensed and relaxed time and again. Only incidentally Ianto noticed that Jack also came during his sexual release. He was so relieved and exhausted that he only fully realized what had happened when Jack dropped to his chest, breathing heavily, gasping weakly.
Overjoyed he put his arms around the cooling off, naked body of his Captain. Their sweat mingled with each other, their bodies felt cold and hot at the same time. Dizziness spread through Ianto, his face was glowing, black spots were dancing before his eyes. Tenderly Jack kissed Ianto's chest, before he embedded his head again upon it. With a dreamy smile Ianto's fingers twirled Jack's hair, stroked individual strands of his hair.
"Will you always forgive me?", Jack suddenly said, with a tired and low voice. Ianto stopped his caresses, brooding over the question sincerely. Jack needn't to know, but Ianto knew he would always forgive Jack, as long as he loved him and as long as he was faithful to him. He couldn't help it, and sometimes it was hard for Ianto that he felt this way – but he would never reject or resist Jack.
"Don't push your luck", Ianto finally replied, half jokingly, half seriously.
...
Finally they withstood the temptation to fall asleep in a public green space half-naked, got up and wearily and reluctantly began to dress halfway decently.
Completely exhausted and breathlessly Ianto buttoned up his shirt and tucked his tie into his trouser pocket. With tired eyes he looked at Jack, who viewed him with a broad grin. He realized how tired Ianto was by now, so he spread out his arms, in which Ianto fled only too happily. He inhaled Jack's scent, mixed with his own sweat, lovestruck he had to smile. Feebly he put his arms around Jack's back and leaned against his chest.
"Come, I'll carry you", Jack said softly, and before Ianto could decide whether he was joking, he was suddenly lifted into the air. Jack carried him in his arms and smiled down at him lovingly.
Ianto frowned.
"Are you mad? You'll never make it to my home." Jack's smile disappeared.
"You might not be aware of it, but you've lost quite some weight. You're as light as a feather…"
With these words he proceeded with confident steps. Ianto felt a little silly, but on the other hand he really was too tired to walk the last few hundred meters to his home. The love act with Jack, beside the long hard day, had absolutely taken all his strength. Satisfied he closed his heavy eyelids, feeling protected and safe. He listened to Jack's deep breaths, beguiled he inhaled his 51st Century pheromones.
...
Weakly and totally exhausted Ianto unlocked his apartment door, whereupon he and Jack tiptoed into his dark flat. He threw his keys and his jacket on the dresser in the hall, while Jack turned on the lights and closed the door quietly. Puzzled he watched Ianto struggling with his shoes while getting rid of his clothes again.
"Make yourself at home. I'll take a shower quickly", he said, giving Jack the smile that he knew so well from the past. The smile of his devoted Ianto…
...
Ianto wasn't surprised when he walked to his bedroom, freshly showered, finding Jack dozing in his bed. He quickly grabbed clean boxers from his dresser and put them on silently, so as not to awake Jack. He suddenly opened on eye and grinned at Ianto mischievously.
"Damn, too late…", he smirked and tapped on the empty side of Ianto's bed invitingly. Ianto was only too happy to accept the invitation, and with a groan he lay down beside Jack under the warm blanket. Only now he realized that Jack was wearing only boxers either. Automatically the immortal put his arm around Ianto's shoulder, whereon the younger clung to his warm, bare chest. He closed his eyes, burning with tiredness, and sighed with satisfaction, bedding his arm upon Jack's stomach.
He tried to fight off sleep because he could feel a lump of pain forming in throat again. Memories of so many other nights came back to him, he saw himself and Jack united, engaged in countless love acts and shamelessly flirtatious conversations. Again he felt as cheap and replaceable as before.
"I've changed, Jack… I don't want to be your toy any more…", he mumbled sleepily. Jack felt strangely touched and moved by these words. Secretly he knew what Ianto meant to say to him, but like him the younger's lips often couldn't utter the most important words. Lovingly he stroked Ianto's shoulder and kissed his forehead. He tried to put as much emotion as possible into his fingertips, so that Ianto could read a large part of his heart with these small gestures.
"You're much more than that… to me, you've always been more", he whispered softly, making Ianto smile. Jack believed he felt a single hot tear upon his chest, as he squeezed Ianto tightly and held him in a firm embrace for a while. Tears of joy came to his eyes when he heard Ianto's last words before the Welshman fell asleep in his arms.
"You too…"
FIN