DisclaimerNot mine, never will be, especially since even the comic spin-off's being cancelled now.
A/N Took a few months (this was started pre-Christmas, I think) but finally finished it. I found this lurking on my laptop and decided to finish it rather than get some much-needed sleep, mark my pupil's homework or get down to some crucial stressing about my upcoming inspection. Because I'm ridiculous that way and can't prioritise for toffee.
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
© Scribbler, February 2008
"Don't touch them!" Raven snapped off the order like an icicle stalactite.
Speedy ducked to avoid the floating globule of … there really was no other appropriate description than 'black goo'. It undulated as it drifted past, leisurely as the dawn. It was like being trapped inside a giant lava lamp.
And he thought life couldn't get any weirder than being cryogenically frozen, thawed and immediately dropped into battle against aliens, monsters and self-mutilated evil freaks?
"So these are … pieces of her brain?"
"No." Raven sounded irritated; as well she might, marshalling the various pieces of goo together using her powers. "They're physical manifestations of recall fragments – partial recall fragments, at that."
"Excuse me?"
"They're free-floating pieces of her memory. Right?" Aqualad glanced over his shoulder at Raven for confirmation.
She sighed through clenched teeth. Evidently this was harder than she made it look. "Right."
Someone clattered down the museum stairs. "Perimeter's secure." Beast Boy looked crestfallen. "Sorry, dudes. They got away."
"With the tablet?"
"Nope." Cyborg descended at a more sedate pace. He held up the slab of etched stone, thousands of years old and of unknown power until tonight.
Titans West had tracked the group of old HIVE students – those not powerful enough to be approached by the Brotherhood of Evil but still eager to prove criminal worth – across the country to Steel City. Steel, lovingly termed 'America's Cesspit' by the media, had received these wannabes with typical grace and vomited them into the laps of Titans East. Together, both teams had worked to round up and arrest the HIVE students and walked straight into a plot to steal a Kasnian relic on loan to Steel Museum of Antiquities to 'lift the reputation' of Steel City's cultural awareness and 'stop the world looking on our citizens as ignorant, inbred troglodytes with the intellectual capacity of a backed-up toilet'. If only City Hall had been as liberal with their security budget as they were with their rhetoric, all this could have been avoided.
Robin followed Beast Boy and Cyborg into the devastated viewing room. He didn't frown at the wreckage but he did deepen his glower at Starfire – not because she was doing anything wrong but because she still cradled an unconscious Bumblebee. "Is she okay?"
"If you call having half your memories blasted out of your skull okay, then yes, she's okay." Raven manoeuvred a ball of goo and threaded it into Bumblebee's ear, where it disappeared in a way something truly physical could never have done. "This may take some time. I have to make sure none of these get out of here or I'll never catch them."
"And we can't touch them or we'll break them – or something."
Raven sighed again. She sounded like Speedy was annoying her far more than her task. "You won't 'break' them, but I can't guarantee what each one contains and I doubt Bumblebee would appreciate anyone seeing into what might potentially be her innermost and most private thoughts and memories."
"…Oh" Speedy avoided this embarrassment by turning to Robin and asking, "Where are Mas y Menos?"
"Patrolling." Out of the way.
"Chasing the bad guys?" Will they be safe on their own?
"Yes." They're running a wild goose chase.
"Will it do any good?" Are the bad guys even in the city anymore?
"Maybe." No.
"Okay." Damn.
Their half-silent exchange rang loudly with everyone, but nobody commented.
Cy advanced with the tablet. Weirdly, despite their fight destroying most of the room, the glass display case was still intact. He placed it reverently on its stand and, after a moment's consideration, shut the door. "Nasty little piece of history. I wouldn't even use this thing as a paperweight. Do we know what they wanted it for?"
"My guess? They thought it was a source of great power than would help them either take over the world or steal shiny things. Their leader didn't look too brainy and his HIVE scores didn't suggest a plan more complicated than that." Robin shrugged. "The ancient Kasnian word for 'memory' can be easily mistranslated as 'laser beam'." Of course he had done his homework to the nth degree. Of course.
Speedy tried hard not to grind his teeth. It was bad enough he got mistaken for the Boy Blunder without the guy swinging into his city and showing up him and his lack of research. Speedy didn't do research all that well. That was more Bumblebee's bag. Speedy was more into shooting and hitting things. And keeping his hair nice. That was always in there somewhere.
Robin didn't have to think about messing up his hair. Those spikes were set like concrete, and any running around just made them look like he'd styled them with gel five minutes ago. Speedy wondered if he should cultivate a similar look so he didn't have to worry about his appearance in the field, then quickly rejected the idea. No way did he want people to have more reason to compare him to Robin – or worse, mistake him for the guy.
"Speedy, please be watchful!" Starfire's voice rang out.
Speedy turned and stepped aside just in time to avoid another floating black bubble … and to step right into the path of another. He heard Raven curse in a language he didn't understand, but her voice turned muffled, as though speaking through several wet towels. His head submerged with a wet slurpy noise.
There was a sensation like falling off a building: a rushing of air and weightlessness in the pit of his stomach. Random images flashed past like half-remembered parts of a dream – a street of burning buildings, someone crying, his own lips forming words he knew he'd never said before. "Momma, Momma, Momma, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Momma…" He felt rage stir in his belly, tightening into a fist that let go every time his knuckles blanched around the Stingers handles. Got to be the best, to honour her memory. Got to try and make right not being able to save her and thinking Blood had the answers when all he had was accountability and more poison. Can't let up, not even for a second until he's gone, dead, finished - until he's paid for what he did to Chicory to trick and recruit their mutant children …
Speedy's head ratcheted backwards. He felt the second slurp, pitched onto his butt and carried on until his shoulder-blades also hit the floor. Several seconds later his hearing returned but he kept staring at the ceiling, focussed entirely on not throwing up and looking like a sissy in front of a whole bunch of people he didn't ever want look like a sissy in front of.
"-Blithering idiot," Raven finished.
"Raven, you must not call our friends such names!" Starfire protested. She slipped a gentle hand under his head. You could almost forget those same hands could level a cityscape in under twenty seconds. "Are you injured, Speedy?"
Don't throw up over the pretty alien girl, don't throw up over the pretty alien girl, don't throw up over the pretty alien girl … uh-oh. Speedy shoved Star away and rolled onto his front just in time. He could feel everyone wincing even though he couldn't see them.
"I'm guessing doing that is nasty," Cyborg said.
"Yeah," Speedy managed to cough.
"Here." Aqualad was next to him and offering a thin stream of water poised in the air like a living snake. He'd drawn it from one of the ruptured pipes he'd been repairing, proving his aquakinesis ran to delicate operations as well as brute force.
Speedy dutifully cupped his hands. He took a mouthful, swilled it around his mouth and spat it onto the floor, then held out his palms for more to drink so as to rid himself of the brackish taste of vomit.
"Feel better?"
Speedy grunted and pushed himself to his feet. "I'd recommend nobody does that. Ever." He wobbled a little and Beast Boy grabbed his arm.
"You okay, dude?" Beast Boy sounded concerned.
Speedy didn't say it was only half to do with the nausea and half because of what he'd seen in the bubble. He winced and settled for a curt, "When Raven tells you to do stuff? You'd better damn well do it."
Beast Boy frowned. "Not all the time."
"At times like this you'd better listen to the scary chick. She knows what she's talking about."
"The. Scary. Chick?" Raven enunciated every syllable like she was cutting glass with a chisel and no gloves. "I told you to watch out for those things. I told you not to touch them. And what did you do? Stuck your fat head into one." It sounded so much like something Bumblebee would say it was a little disconcerting, as though Raven had touched so many pieces of the other girl's mind she was starting to channel her personality.
"I'm sorry okay? I zigged when I should've zagged. Ow, my aching head." Speedy pressed the heel of his hand against one eye to stifle the thumping attempting to pop it from its socket.
Nobody asked what he'd seen.
He was kind of grateful for that.
When all of the bubbles were replaced and Bumblebee was in a Raven-induced sleep rather than just plain unconscious, Speedy sat with his back against a wall and tried to will some aspirin into existence. Around him the other Titans conducted triage and waited for the authorities to come and tell them exactly how much of taxpayer's money they'd wasted fighting the bad guys. Speedy was exempt from clean-up after he tried to lift some debris and nearly fell over from light-headedness. Apparently the ill-effects of being submerged in someone else's memory lasted longer than, say, the ill-effects of a stubbed toe.
Speedy shut his eyes, felt a vein pulse on the back of his head where it was pressed against the wall and dropped his chin onto his chest. There was no way to get comfortable like this. He didn't just ache; he pulsated with waves of dull pain. He needed painkillers, peace, quiet and nice warm bed. Especially the bed. Bumblebee's serene face just reminded him how tired he felt. Did magic drain you or was this just too many late nights watching Shopping TV and crappy movies?
Someone sat down beside him. He could hear the others milling about, talking into communicators and hazarding guesses as to what came next. He was therefore surprised when cool fingers touched his temple and a strange vinegary sensation spread outwards. He wanted to sneeze, so heavy was the sensation, but the effect immediately waned and he realised with surprise that his headache was also fading.
"Better?" Raven didn't look at him. Her hood was down and she appeared exhausted. The dark circles around her eyes were more pronounced than usual
"Uh, yeah. But I didn't think you had enough energy left for anything else after fixing Bumblebitch."
"I have more energy than I used to. Sometimes more than I need, or can think what to do with. Certainly enough to deal with a minor headache." Her eyes slid sideways towards him. "Bumblebitch?"
"Uh, yeah." Damn. "Don't you guys have nicknames?"
Her gaze was penetrating and Speedy immediately felt like some naughty kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "What did you see?" she asked.
"What?"
"Don't play dumb. What did you see when the memory sphere hit you?"
For a moment Speedy considered lying. Then he remembered how Beast Boy once explained how Raven made a mental connection with anyone she healed. Healing was a two-way street; any pain Raven took away, or new tissue she generated, was exchanged for small glimpses and longer looks inside a person's head – whether she wanted to see inside or not. It was testament to her gloomy altruism that she kept doing it in the face of such potential resentment. She never knew what she might see, or how a person may react to her having seen it.
Speedy let out a small but deep breath. "Nothing clear, but I heard her … thoughts I guess you could say. Like how she felt about Brother Blood and junk."
"And junk?"
"Yeah. Junk."
"What kind of 'junk'."
"Y'know," Speedy gestured flaccidly. "Just … junk."
"There is rarely anything in a person's psyche that can be dismissed as 'just junk'. What did you see?" Again with that penetrating stare. If you bottled that look you'd have instant truth potion. Nobody could stand up against it for long. The CIA, FBI and other scary initials would tremble just thinking about it.
Speedy was uncomfortable, and not simply because the floor was hard. "There were some burning houses, and I think … I think maybe I saw how her mom died."
Raven nodded, brisk as an old-fashioned schoolmarm. "Right. Anything else?" She was so clinical it sharpened Speedy's discomfort into hostility.
"I saw why she was so single-minded about defeating Blood."
"Oh? And why is that?"
Speedy was instantly aware of how close everyone else was and how close Bumblebee had always kept her cards to her chest. He glanced at her, still sleeping. Aqualad crouched beside her, stroking her forehead in an awkward, brotherly sort of way. He didn't show his emotions easily – unless one of his teammates had found the right buttons to push or was in such serious danger his feelings broke free by themselves. The stroking wasn't romantic so much as it was a demonstration of his relief that, once again, they'd come through a bad situation unscathed. The unguarded gesture made Speedy feel like he was invading someone's privacy – again.
For the second time he smelled phantom smoke and felt the fake heat of fire blowing in his face. He turned his face away and found his gaze met by Raven's. "He killed her mom, I think."
Raven nodded again. "I saw the same thing," she said quietly.
Speedy's head jerked up. "You did?"
"Mm. Although perhaps I saw more than you. He destroyed the town she lived in after first compelling its strangely large metahuman population to gather on the outskirts. They were mostly children, the result of nuclear testing or somesuch in the area. It was easy for him to convince them the world saw them as freaks and an anti-mutate faction had killed their families. Naturally they joined with him when he offered a safe home where they could learn to use their abilities in peace – and perhaps one day avenge the deaths of their loved ones."
"HIVE."
"Not as safe and peaceful as they thought it would be."
"Only she figured it out somehow and turned against him."
"Only years after the fact. Actually, it was this realisation that finally broke her free of his mind control – his abilities were no match for the intensity of her grief and anger."
Something inside Speedy clenched and released in quick succession, leaving behind a feeling not unlike heartburn. He folded his arms, abruptly remembering that time Mas y Menos's parents came up from Mexico and Bumblebee became suddenly morose. It was only in her eyes, even though she smiled and shook their hands. He was surprised he remembered something so small when she often accused him of having the emotional capacity of a used cigarette butt. "I never knew any of it. She never said-"
"Possibly because she didn't want you to know."
"Well, yeah. I guess. But still-"
"I could easily wipe it from your mind."
He balked. "You'd do that? Just like," he snapped his fingers, "that?"
"Not without permission," said Raven. "Do you think she'd be comfortable about you knowing when she hasn't told you after all his time?"
"Like everyone in this room had been totally honest about their pasts with everyone else?" Speedy shook his head. "Sometimes keeping stuff from your teammates can break you apart from them, or at least isolate you from them. You, of all people, should know that. I think I'd rather know."
Raven had stiffened at his words. "To score points over her?" The edge to her voice was unmistakable.
"No! Just … because I'd rather know." He sighed. "It's no secret that Bumblebee and I don't really get each other. We fight a lot, and we're not on the same level unless we're in the field fighting some giant monster. To her I'm just some arrogant asshole and, up until now, to me she's always been a controlling know-it-all with a bug up her butt. Knowing a bit more about her past, where she came from before she was a Titan and the kinds of thoughts and feelings that might be inside her, affecting her behaviour because of it …" He realised he sounded a complete prat – one of those in-touch-with-your-emotions guys from TV dramas who didn't exist in real life because they had the shit kicked out of them by real men who drank beer and crushed cans against their foreheads – and hastily coughed into his fist. "Look, I'd just rather you didn't poke about in my head erasing stuff, okay? That should be enough."
Raven narrowed her eyes. Then she got up, swiftly and suddenly, flipping her hood up as she did so. "She won't remember this."
"Huh?"
"Her mind was too fragmented."
"So … you're saying I shouldn't mention what I saw?"
"I'm saying your team dynamics are different than mine. The way you relate to each other isn't going to be the same as Titans West. I'm saying you need to think very hard about what you should do and where you should go from here."
"I'm not very good at that kind of thing."
Raven's 'well duh' didn't need to have words around it to be heard. "On one hand, if she wants you – all of you – to know about her history she'll tell you herself in her own time. If she chose not to share that part of her life you'd have to respect that. On the other hand, if you do keep it to yourself and she ever found out, how do you think she'd react?"
"She'd probably nail my nuts to a tree in Steel Municipal Park."
"Think how she'd feel, then."
Speedy bristled. "I know." He meant he knew both paths he could take and the potential train-wrecks awaiting him at the end of either – Bumblebee devastated that he'd seen some of her most private secrets, or living the rest of his life knowing that about her and never being able to tell her that she didn't have to keep punishing herself or feeling bad about stuff that happened so long ago. He'd also have to deal with the long-term consequences for him. How could he go on needling her the way he had about her neurosis and uptight nature when he knew what'd caused it? Equally, how could he not go on the way he always had without her guessing something was up?
Raven stared at him once more. "I guess you do," she muttered, before stalking away to convene with the rest of her tightly-knit team.
Speedy watched her go, his own mask scrunched up in the middle in thought. Finally he got to his feet and went across to Aqualad and Bumblebee, crouching beside them without a word.
"You okay?" Aqualad asked, tacitly retracting his hand.
"I'm fine. You?"
"I'll feel better when we have some arrests."
Speedy looked down at Bumblebee. He remembered her yelling at him over stupid little details, jabbing an imperious finger in his chest and setting impossible standards then getting angry when none of Titans East could meet them. He also remembered how she pushed herself mercilessly to be the best Titan she could be, how he once found her slumped sleeping over her paperwork, totally exhausted, and that look in her eyes when Mas and Menos were wrapped in their mother's loving hug.
Tentatively, he reached out and stroked her head the same way Aqualad had. Just once, and hastily withdrew his hand like he'd stuck it into a bowl of sulphuric acid.
"Yeah," he said to Aqualad. "I hear you, buddy."
When Mas y Menos at last returned he didn't yell at them for crashing into the magic book's display case, or when Bumblebee awoke and punched his shoulder for his comment about how much nicer she was when she was asleep.
Decisions would come later. For now, at least, he was content to have everybody acting as themselves. Nothing more or less than that would do.
Fin.