A/N – Hey guys, so I hit a bit of the good old fashioned writers block with the mammoth Shenko fic I'm working on behind the scenes and this popped into my head. It started out as a chapter in my other fic but became this instead, which is good because if you guys like this I may actually have the courage to finally finish and post the other one.

Also, I haven't written in something like seven years so go easy on me I'm a little rusty and I don't as yet have a beta (any offers?) so apologies for anything I've missed.

Bioware owns all and sadly that includes Kaidan.

Hope you enjoy!

Achillia xx

Shepard's Boys

Joker returns his attention to the screen, pretending not to have heard.

"What's wrong with the Commander?" Kasumi repeats, walking forwards and standing directly next to his chair. Tilting her head she regards him for a moment and under her scrutiny he cracks a little.

"How should I know?" he says. He supposes he could pretend that he doesn't know what she's talking about but he doesn't think she'd believe that. She knows he's too close to Shepard not to notice that something is wrong.

Ostentatiously Shepard was fine, but to the observant or to those that knew her well, they noted that her smile no longer reached her eyes, and that she hadn't laughed at all since that day. There was altogether less of a person behind the Commander mask, and those that had become accustomed to seeing that person every once in awhile missed her.

It hadn't exactly been a subtle change either. She had practically stormed onto the ship after coming back from Horizon, rage coming off her in waves. She had snapped at him to get them out of there and when Kelly had told her TIM wanted to talk she had gotten shouted at for her trouble and god knows what she'd said to the Illusive man himself but Joker would be willing to bet that it hadn't been nice. After, she had gone up to her quarters and he'd heard a loud metallic clang vibrate over the security feed as she had slammed her fist into the wall of her cabin. When she returned to the CIC she was calmer, but not the same. Kelly had asked about him and she'd calmly replied that she missed him with only a touch of sadness evident in her voice. When Joker had mentioned him Shepard had shrugged and said

"He's moved on, I can't blame him" it was the first time in a long time that she'd used her Commander mask so completely with him and Joker had found that he hadn't known how to react, so he'd brushed it off. But he knew it hadn't gone well, that it was hurting her worse than that. If it had gone well Alenko would be on board, fact. The picture on her desk proved that she still loved him and Alenko had loved her with everything he had. Her death had torn him asunder and Joker had seen that first hand. A love like that didn't just disappear, fact. One or the other, or quite possibly both of them had been idiots on Horizon but idiocy was a temporary state for them and Joker only hoped they'd get the opportunity to work it out.

"You know something" Kasumi says, bringing Joker back to the present. Joker merely shrugs and turns his attention back to the console. He's not going to answer her, he knows he could but he doesn't think Shepard would appreciate him spilling her secrets to everyone. She wouldn't berate him for it, but she wouldn't thank him for it either. Besides, Shepard deserved better than that.

In the old days it would have been different, he would have enjoyed gossiping with the crew, Shepard might even have joined in. Once they had talked about personal stuff like this but this time around she doesn't trust the entire crew; this time around she's more distant, more like a real Commander. Not the approachable, charismatic, ever present leader she'd been aboard the SR1. Once upon a time she had taken the time to talk with everyone after every mission, even the non-squad crew. Now she only checked in with the team she took groundside. Of course she kept to her old routine with Garrus, Chakwas, Tali and himself but that was the only the trace of what once was.

A long time ago, and a lifetime ago for Shepard, things had been so very different...

She had sat in the other co-pilots chair, the one that wasn't Kaidan's. Her back resting against one arm of the chair, her legs dangling over the other; her coffee cup had rested on her stomach her fingers curled around its warmth. He had sat in his pilots chair as usual, his cup expertly balanced on the arm of the chair, even if he did say so himself. Kaidan had sat in the co-pilot chair one hand poised over the console the other holding his cup by the handle. Garrus had been leaning against the bulkhead just behind Shepard.

It had been, if he remembers rightly, about a week after the battle of the Citadel and they had been hunting Geth, but taking it slow. Shepard had been trying to make up for the pitiful shore leave they'd been given and as part of that she had made sure that everyone took some time to relax every day. He, Kaidan and Garrus had made sure Shepard took her time too and it had resulted in a few moments like this one. He and Kaidan had been running flight calibrations, a task that was long and tedious but not particularly taxing. Shepard must have somehow known how bored the two of them had been getting because she had appeared on the bridge with coffee for all of them and had immediately slumped in the chair to join them. Garrus, done for the day, had followed her.

"How's it going?" she'd said after a moment and they had simultaneously shrugged. She'd laughed.

"I'm sorry" she'd said "I promise I'll find something for us to shoot at soon"

"Please do" he'd replied "I'm dying to make another run of epic proportions on some Reaper ass!" and together they had laughed.

"You know we had a little something to do with it too" Garrus had piped up indicating himself Shepard and Alenko. He'd shrugged, and Shepard had laughed.

"Whatever dude" he'd said.

"Did you know they're calling you 'the saviour of the Citadel' now?" Kaidan had said turning his gaze on Shepard. By and large he had kept his focus on the calibrations but neither Joker nor Garrus missed the way that every now and again he would turn his head to smile at Shepard, and the way in which she would smile back. Their relationship was kept a secret from most of the crew and only rumour said that there was anything between them. Only he and Garrus had known for sure and it was only around them that they had allowed themselves these unguarded glances and fleeting embraces. In an odd sort way it had been strangely honouring that they allowed them into their private world; in quite another way it had been annoyingly sickening to see them all... couple-y.

"The saviour of the Citadel?" Garrus had repeated "catchy"

"Hey," she'd said "I didn't do it alone, I had ma boys with me" she had added putting on a fake country accent "it should be Saviours of the Citadel"

"Your boys?" Kaiden had questioned turning his head and arching his eyebrow at her. She had giggled, actually giggled.

"Yup," she had replied "You, Joker and Garrus here, the boys that always have my back, Commander Shepard's boys, that's what you are"

"We're not boys" Joker had chimed in "we're men" he'd added making his voice as deep as it could go.

"Well Alenko certainly is" she had quipped, without missing a beat "I can vouch for that... as for you Joker..." Had anyone else been around Kaidan would probably have blushed furiously, but since it was just them he had laughed and turned to look at her. Fixing her with a stare that was part amusement part disapproval, the sort of look you might imagine a head teacher giving a delightfully naughty child. She had grinned back at him and they had shared a heat filled glance.

"Too much information there Shepard" he'd said. She hadn't moved her eyes away from Kaidan's but her smile had widened and so had his.

"It sounds like a superhero group" Garrus had said after a while "Commander Shepard and her boys, saving the galaxy since 2183"

"Commander Shepard and her men" Joker had insisted. She had laughed.

"Sorry Joker, but you are now, forever and officially, one of Commander Shepard's boys" she'd said.

"I rather like it" Kaidan had remarked while idly punching a few things into the console.

"No you don't" he had said "'you're just agreeing with your girlfriend so she doesn't withhold privileges"

"No I'm not"

"Yes you are"

"Look out" Shepard had chimed in, swinging her legs to the side and standing "Here comes baldy". As one they had turned their heads to see Navigator Pressly approaching the bridge, presumably he had been looking for Shepard.

"Carry on... boys" she had said grinning at them before turning about and heading to greet Pressly. Joker hadn't missed the way Kaidan's eyes had lingered on her as she left and he remembers thinking that the man had had it bad.

It had lasted no more than a moment, but it had been a moment Joker would never forget, because he had never felt more loved or more accepted than in that moment. It sounded silly but simply being there, with three of his best friends, enjoying that little time to relax, had been glorious and something that he would never, could never forget. He had thought it would last forever at the time, turns out that forever wasn't that long and it didn't exist without Shepard. Her boys had shattered without her.

"I don't know anything Kasumi" he says quietly. Though sheer force of will he keeps his face completely neutral as she studies him and after a moment she clearly decides that he's telling the truth because she stalks off huffing slightly. When he's sure she's gone he lets out a long low breath.

Don't worry Shepard he thinks two of your boys still have your back. He flicks his eyes across the security monitors out of habit and sees Shepard in the main battery, talking to Garrus. He says something to her and she smiles one of her increasingly rare smiles. In the cockpit Joker grimaces, that smile was becoming a little too rare for his liking; I just hope we're enough until he gets here he adds to himself.

Reviews appreciated! :)