Disclaimer: All of the HP characters belong to Ms. Rowling; if they were mine they wouldn't be doing half the things they did in the books.

Things Draco Malfoy Is Not Allowed To Do

By: Harry James Potter

1. Convince the First Years that it's a requirement for them to hug Professor Snape and pet Professor McGonagall in her animagus form during their first day of classes or else they will fail both classes.

2. Yell out goodnight to Harry Potter in the Great Hall and tell him hat's he's expecting him to slyther-in his 'chamber of secrets' tonight or else he will leave him with a very painful sorcerer's stone for a week.

3. Tell other people that Harry Potter has a very nice 9 and ¾ 'wand' and it's only his.

4. Call members of the three other houses as Gryffinwhores, Ravenhoes and Hufflepussies.

5. Tell his overprotective father that he's pregnant with Harry Potter's children.

6. Set Dumbledore's beard on fire just because he didn't approve of his new uniform suggestion for male students (tight black leather pants and white wife beater top).

7. Tell Ron that Aragog's mate just laid eggs inside Hogwarts.

8. Leave Professor McGonagall stuck in her animagus form on top of a tree.

9. Ask the House Elves to carry him around in a throne just to spite Hermione.

10. Tell the First Years that Hagrid sacrifices people…small ones to Aragog.

11. Hum the tune from Charlie's Angels every time the Golden Trio passes by.

12. Refer to Professors Dumbledore, Flitwick and McGonagall as the 'Olden Trio'.

13. Call the First Years 'hobbits' and tell them that the fate of the Wizarding World lies in their hands; they have to sacrifice themselves in the Black Lake.

14. Tell the First Years that Professor Lupin ate Little Red Hood and that they may be next.

15. Turn up to breakfast wearing tight pants that has a "Potter was here" sticker at the back.

16. Attempt to catch the Giant Squid just because he feels like having a Calamari Party.

17. Spank and grope Harry Potter's ass in public and tell him that the voices inside his head commands him to.

18. Spread Rated R wizarding pictures of Professor Snape and Sirius Black.

19. Give sex education classes to First Years by letting them watch porn and ask Harry Potter if he could help him with a live demonstration.

20. Charm all of Harry Potter's clothes invisible.

21. Send dead rats to Professor McGonagall just because she's a cat animagus.

22. Tell Madam Pomfrey that Harry Potter made his ass hurt.

23. Hex Sirius Black to sing "Sexy back" while giving Professor Snape a lap dance in the Great Hall.

24. Pretend to have amnesia and act like a toddler.

25. Block every door Harry Potter has to use and demand a kiss from him to let him pass through.

26. Tell Blaise Zabini that Ron Weasley, whom he fancies, has always wanted to have his very own pet spider.

27. Give Neville Longbottom marijuana to plant in the room of requirements and tell him that the plant makes people happy.

28. Disguise Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Bean into Professor Dumbledore's favorite Lemon Drops.

29. Spread rumors that Ginny Weasley is really a guy.

30. Send an anonymous letter to Cho Chang saying that Cedric is still alive and lives in Forks, Washington, USA with his new girlfriend Bella Swan.

31. Tell Hagrid that the Goblins are keeping a couple of poor misunderstood dragons that needs to be saved underneath Gringotts.

32. Convince Mr. Filch that Mrs. Norris is actually Professor McGonagall's sister that is stuck in her animagus form.

33. Dress up as the Grim Reaper for Halloween and visit St. Mungo's and tell people "It's time."

34. Distribute packets of condom to First Years and tell them that those are balloons that are to be inflated by them for his party.

35. Assure Arthur Weasley that phone sex is a socially acceptable muggle tradition of getting to know people.

36. Send Molly Weasley an anonymous letter saying that her husband is cheating on her with a muggle.

37. Demand his parents to make a baby or else he'll make a baby himself with the help of Harry Potter.

38. Yell in the library that you wanna open Harry Potter wide like a book in the restricted section.

39. Ask Harry Potter in the Great Hall if he wants to go with him and make the Shrieking Shack really worthy of its name.

40. Tell everyone that it's not only Myrtle who moans a lot because he and Harry Potter can out-moan her.

41. Convince Gilderoy Lockhart that Sybill Trelawney is his wife and that he just forgot it.

42. Tell Luna Lovegood that Neville Longbottom needs her help to get the nargles out of his pants.

43. Transfigure Professor Snape's clothes into tight form fitting clothes and leave him tied up in the Potions Classroom for Sirius Black to have his wicked way with him.

44. Convince the First Years that Pokemons are real and that they can be found in the Forbidden forest and in the Black Lake.

45. Tell Dumbledore that Dragon Balls are real and that he could wish for inter-house unity, endless supply of Lemon Drops and lots of new socks using the Dragon Balls.

46. Host a film showing for First Years and let them watch "The Conjuring" film all by themselves and later on warn them to watch out for the leg pulling and other strange things that might happen to them.

47. Ask Harry Potter in front of the First Years if he wants to whomp his willow.

48. Handcuff Harry Potter to him using magic-resistant handcuffs and hide the small key in Ron's food and allow said small key to be swallowed by Ron.

49. Spread rumors that Professor Snape is actually a vampire.

Harry has been receiving numerous complaints from everyone about his wayward errant boyfriend. He had just finished listing the recent things his boyfriend did when the said blonde sauntered into the deserted Gryffindor common room and plopped down beside him.

"Whatcha doin' Harry?" the seemingly angelic blonde asked him.

"Oh just pondering on how much chaos and havoc you could make." He replied.

"Me? Make chaos and havoc?" the blonde feigned innocence as he leaned into the raven haired boy.

"Yes. You, my errant love, are somewhat acting like Eris." Harry said as he pulled Draco on his lap. "Might I remind you of the things you recently did? The troubles you have caused. And the numerous complaints I'm receiving."

"Eh? I seem to have forgotten. So please remind me, oh-all-knowing-one." The blonde said as he cuddled with his boyfriend.

And so it begins, with Harry retelling every single one of the things that Draco is not allowed to do and yet, he did, thus creating chaos and havoc for certain people, just to remind the blonde and explain to him why in the world he's not allowed to do those things.

And Draco? Well, he's very much eager to create more chaos and havoc.

Well, there you go folks. I really enjoyed making this list, unfortunately, my mind only supplied 48 things that Draco is not allowed to do. Shall I follow the list chronologically? Or just write randomly based on reader's votes? You can vote on which one on the list I should write about.

Comments and suggestions are welcome. Tell me what you think. Leave a review.~