Disclaimer: I do not own any of the South Park characters except Jenny and D.J. Sucyoubus

Chapter One: The New Kid and Counselor

"We have a new student, Darla Jean Sucyoubus," said Mr. Garrison. "But call her DJ."

Then Cartman and Kyle belted out in snickers at D.J.'s last name as Stan and Kenny joined in.

"Knock it off, boys," said Mr. Garrison. "Sorry DJ. She is an exchange student from…"

"More like D.J. Sucyourbals," whispered Cartman and everyone in class belted out in belly laughs.

"Stanley! Eric! Kenny! Kyle!" said Mr. Garrison. "Straight to counseling!"

Then they angrily walked out.

"I hate Mr. Garrison," said Kenny.

"Me too," said Kyle.

"Hello boys," said some woman who wasn't Principal Victoria. "I am Mrs. Collins, your new counselor, taking Mr. Mackey's place because he quit for unmentioned reasons. What are you in for?"

"Poop," said Kyle then the rest of the boys laughed.

"Excuse me?"

"Poop," said Kenny.

"Goddammit, what are you in for?!?" said Mrs. Collins. "Mr. Garrison tells me you were making fun of a student for their last name."

"No we weren't," said Cartman and Stan.

"Then why'd he send you in?"

"Screw you, Mrs. Collins, we're going home," said Kenny as he and the boys left for home.

"Let's go over to Mr. Mackey's," said Stan.

"OK," said Cartman as he rang the doorbell to Mr. Mackey's.

"Hello boys," said Mr. Mackey. "What can I do for you today?"

"Where were you? We have a bitchy new school counselor named Mrs. Collins," replied Cartman.

"Eric, don't discriminate against women, mm'kay?" said Mr. Mackey.

"We like you better," said Stan.

"Hello children," said a blonde lady. "You must be the kids that Mr. Mackey was telling me about. I'm Jenny Sucyoubus. I'll sing for you if you want."

"That won't be necessary thank you very much," said Kyle.

"There she was just a walkin' down the street…" began Jenny.

"Singin' do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do," sang Mr. Mackey.

Then Kenny tightened his parka hood and then the boys left with angry looks on their faces.

"Something about Jenny isn't right," said Cartman. "Her last name is a pun on 'succubus' and she looks like a whore."

"We need to dig up some dirt on her," said Kyle.

"But how?" said Stan.

So how will they dig up the dirt on her…. Is she a gold digger, a whore or a succubus like the late Chef's ex-fiancee?