Disclaimer: No way do I own this! Who are ya kidding?
A/N:Hi this is one of two multi chaptered stories that I'm working on so the updates will be drawn out, I hope you Like it AND REVIEW.......Please?
Chapter one: Fucked Up
Cloud held himself together as best he could as he paced backstage. He was so stupid. He knew it would fuck him up before one of the most important concerts of his band's career. He knew he shouldn't have done it and he wouldn't have if he was his usual self. But he wasn't quite himself lately and, no, he didn't listen to reason. Cloud Strife, the biggest screw up in history, stuck the needle in his arm anyway. Now he was gonna end up screwing up not only his own but his best friends' lives as well. And Zack's gonna kill me for it He thought with a humorless smile. He could picture it now Zack standing over his broken bloody body. One headline would read "Star of hit band SOLDIER finds out band's singer was a drug addict." Another would read "Cloud Strife was a drug addict so Zack Fair KILLS HIM?!!" Another "Yes, SOLDIER was another drug influenced band. We expected it, but MURDERERS?!!" The press would have a cow and Yuffie and Seph were going to have to deal with it, because Zack would be in lock up. How messed up can it get?
They'd all been fucked up ever since their band had gained the notice of the media. It was Aerith's death that really did it though. Sephiroth became an alcoholic. Zack became a party animal, coming home every night with a new woman. Cloud became a junkie. And Yuffie found an addiction to adrenaline and throwing her guts up. She was strung out so hard on thrills and food it was scary. The press loved the new band, and found their members even more fascinating. Despite their attempt to avoid the press they'd failed and now their fans knew pretty much everything about Sephiroth and Zack. Their sins advertsed regularly and their faults open to everyone to frown upon. The press had been kinder to Cloud and Yuffie. Luckily their secrets, more scandalous than their friend's were spared the notice of bloodsucking reporters. No one knew she spent most of her time throwing up in the bathroom and no one knew he spent most of his time coming down from the sky.
Unfortunately, though, everyone knew Zack was a playboy. Shockingly enough his fans adored his flirtatious winks and constant smiles. Too bad he was just the bassist otherwise he'd have the biggest fan base out of all of them. Everyone loved the womanizer. It didn't matter at all that he wrote the best guitar parts in the world. It was the fact that he preferred to play Sephiroth's bass parts that dropped his popularity. Fangirls loved singers and guitarists, sometimes the occaisonal drummer, never the bassist. So they didn't adore him for his music but for the danger his reputation was seeped in. They loved the frequent fights he got in, and squealed when his shirt was ripped off (as it always was). Zack was both the bad boy and the angel and they loved him for it.
Sephiroth's fans loved his moodiness and all the squealing girls out there wanted to be the one to fix him. They thought he was beautiful in his depression and looked just amazing with his guitar. Don't mention the fact that he was once a poet and that he writes all of Zack and Yuffie's music for them. He couldn't possibly be good at anything but playing the guitar. All the fans think he'd be the one to use and then dump them because of his cool exterior. Many were terrified of how intimidating he was none of them knew that he was the most loyal friend in the world. No one knew that to his three brothers he was the gentlest creature in the world. Or that he had once pined over the kindest woman in the world.
The creeps who stalked Yuffie were in love with her hyperactivity and the energy she brought to the stage. They adored how skinny she was and didn't even care that she didn't eat in public. Her lovers loved the thrill they got when they jumped off a cliff with her. They didn't even know that she had broken many bones doing it. They didn't mind at all that she weighed in at ninety pounds and her teeth were rotting from her own stomach acid. They wouldn't care to know that she cried constantly for her sister.
And they all loved Cloud. He was the golden boy with the sweet voice, beautiful lyrics, and innocent eyes. The sweet quiet one who sang his heart out in front of them. The most approachable and yet the most beautiful of them all with his thin lithe frame, blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. Men and women all fell at his feet at a glance. He was the one who spoke in interviews and he was the one who broke up fights between Sephiroth and Zack. Two people who inexplicably hated each other despite their once great friendship. Other bands issued their many challenges to him, not Seph, not Yuffie, and not Zack. That's why it would matter if he was the one addicted to meth, coke or pot. It would matter if he fought in street tournaments to vent his anger! It would matter if he gambled for money to fuel his habit! He's the good one! The safe one!
It all disgusted him sometimes. It would be a disaster when it came out that the golden boy was the most fucked up of all of them. Not only that, but Zack would switch from fighting Sephiroth every night to beating the shit out of Cloud. Zack's dad was an alcoholic, which fueled his hatred for Seph. Despite how awful his dad was and how much Zack hated alcohol in general he could understand why Sephiroth did it. He had been in love with Aerith, too, he could understand why Sephiroth escaped like that. But if it were Cloud, he'd have a cow. If it were drugs he'd throw a shit fit. Especially if it were Cloud. No way was his best friend doing drugs! His best friend was there when Zack watched his mom go down that road. Zack's mother had screwed him up. Cloud could only speculate at what Cloud could do to him. None of his scenarios were pretty.
When he found out the truth he'd probably tear Cloud from limb from limb. Actually, Cloud was waiting for that day. He'd confess to Zack all the dirty details. He'd tell Zack about how all those dealers were so happy to find that Cloud would give them a fuck for their stash. He'd tell him how the poor little fuckers were too high themselves to realize who they were fucking. Zack would know that he didn't even mind that they had no clue, that he didn't care that they were filthy as all get out. He'd tell Zack that he preferred it if both of them were strung out, because that way he could imagine it was Zack touching him and they could imagine that he was enjoying it. Then Zack would call him a fag and beat him up even more.
He knew this and it all fueled him on. He'd been unable to stop, hooked after the first time. Ant there he was about to release his new album, as high as the sun. Zack, Sephiroth, and Yuffie were going to be there any minute and the drugs were starting to make his vision blur. His mind was running through the past the present and the would be future. As the world spun he began to lose all sense of self in the greatest high of all time. This trip was going to take him far, but the fall was going to be horrible. All of these things lead to a cursing, almost happy blond.
"Shit shit shit!" he exclaimed under his breath as he paced desperately. Along with a worried look he wore a smile that belonged to a maniac. Which he imagined was quite a pretty sight. Cloud could feel the adrenaline, meth, and god knows what else coursing through his veins. He couldn't bring himself to hate the feeling because the heat, power, and energy were all filling him. Bringing him up higher and higher than he'd ever been before. He couldn't help but lose himself in it for a minute. Relaxing in the oblivion that surrounded him.
Then all of a sudden the volume of the screaming crowd from behind him grew louder and he began to freak out more. He could even feel Aerith watching him. Could almost hear her voice.
"Cloud? Are you alright?" she asked in her soft, gentle voice.
"Yep totally!" he said with mock enthusiasm. He could hear the smile in her response and felt his stomach turn with guilt at what he'd done. Once again he had run away from her and she was there taking care of him all over again.
"We're all nervous, Cloud, but you'll do great. None of us doubt that." She said in an attempt to sooth him.
Which of course made it all worse for Cloud as he halted his pacing. The realization that he was talking to a dead woman filling him with dread. He turned and stared at her only to watch her disappear in a cloud of smoke.
Duh! You dumb ass, he thought, Aerith is DEAD! and it's your fault! Just like this is!
This was bad. He had to go on in a few minutes and he was so high he couldn't tell the difference between hallucinations and reality. Crank didn't normally do this, something else must have been slipped into his concoction.
Shit, Cloud, you fucked up big this time. Wait! calm down the anxiety's just a side effect. Ignore the fact that you just saw dead people it's all normal. You've done a concert high before and by the end of it they were all screaming for more. Everyone thought it was your best concert yet. He thought as the confidence began to come back to him. He couldn't fail, the crank wouldn't let him even if it wasn't the purest of stuff at the moment.
"Hey Cloud!" Yuffie yelled as oblivious to his insanity as ever. "You ready for this? I am! Let's go!" she cried jumping up and down as Sephiroth followed her through the concert hall. The both of them ignored the techies running around backstage fine tuning the set, fixing the lights, etc. "We're gonna rock those people's worlds! Can't you hear them yelling for us!?"
Cloud could, they were yelling their names. CLOUD ZACK SEPHIROTH YUFFIE! Some were yelling SOLDIER! LET'S ROCK the name of the tour and others were yelling random were hundreds of people expecting to see a great concert. They were not going to be happy if Cloud screwed this up.
"Yuffie. Shut up." Sephiroth muttered the girl's volume causing him to hold his head in pain. His silver locks fell around him, he was handsome as ever but he also looked noticeably hung over. Luckily you wouldn't notice unless you knew him well enough to see the slight dark circles under his eyes and the pallor of his normally flawless skin. Otherwise he looked great. Dressed appropriately in concert garb ad fully prepared to play his heart out. As was Cloud, but that didn't change the fact that he was high as hell and Seph's appearance didn't change the fact that he had yet another hang over, before yet another concert.
However Sephiroth had a good reason. He had watched an unrequited love die before he ever got to share it with her. He had spent his time watching her being cheated on by someone who didn't deserve her. He had watched her be hurt over and over again, because he was too afraid to stop it. Sephiroth had never gotten the chance to be with her because of Zack, and that was why he completely loathed him. Zack didn't know this because the only one to know the whole story was Cloud. Sephiroth wouldn't want to know the whole story so Cloud let him drink himself into a stupor every night. One time in such a stupor as Cloud tried to take care of him he'd once told him that he'd rather have her alive on the other side of the world, where at least he could send her letters, than have her dead rotting in the Slums' cemetery. Cloud had agreed with him and put him to bed. Secretly he believed that Seph had a decent excuse to hit the bottle. He wondered then just what was his excuse? Why did he hit the drugs every night? Hell, why did he even bother to hide it anymore?
"Good job Seph. You look Great! Did you spend all of last night locked in your room drinking again?" Zack asked venomously as he walked up to his band mates, bass guitar in hand. At the moment he was the only one not under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or adrenaline. Yuffie had just finished sky diving, Cloud had a needle full of shit in his veins and Sephiroth stunk of alcohol. Not that he knew that, he was happily oblivious to the dilated eyes of his blond best friend. However that didn't keep him from hassling Sephiroth for shabby appearance. Cloud was still surprised the record company put up with their self destruction. Maybe it was because they hadn't reached the point where they caused scenes?
"Shut up. Like you weren't out getting laid last night." Cloud said before Sephiroth could bite back, "Let's just get this over with," he sighed.
"Oh! Come on, Spiky!" Zack exclaimed with a smile, thumping Cloud on the back. Cloud jumped nearly three feet in the air and Zack didn't even notice. "You're so mean!"
How could he be so happy? When she's dead? Cloud thought dully, once he landed on his feet.He was drunk for an entire month, just cuz of the guilt, he's just as fucked up as Yuffie who cries herself to sleep every night, remember? asked the inner voice that always stuck up for Zack in Cloud's mind.
Shut up! The only person here who isn't fucked up is Zack, Cloud bit back. Not even Yuffie is straight and sober anymore or did you NOT hear her puking her guts out in the bathroom after dinner yesterday. Don't you notice how skinny she is now? Still what a hyppocrite he didn't let go of his bottle for a whole month and he dares to harass Seph about it.
"Like you're any better." Sephiroth interjected with a glare at Zack. If Zack wasn't careful he and Seph were going to go onstage each sporting bruises. Cloud really didn't feel like watching them fight again, maybe he should join in and get a few punches at Zack before it ended?
"Oh it was a joke!" Zack exclaimed with a look of false annoyance, it didn't last however and he grinned wildly.
"Love you too Seph!" he cried randomly just to annoy Sephiroth who noticeably restrained himself from throwing a punch.
Awwww no fight after all. Cloud thought loopily. He really had been looking forward to a fight. He was kind of restless, but maybe it was just the drugs. His moods changed so fast when he was high he was surprised no one around him had whip lash. Zack probably wouldn't notice if he had a neon sign that said "HIGH AS A KITE" in green letters. Which is sad because Zack did spend over half his life with a mom floating three feet in the air. Cloud thought choking back a giggle.
"Hey, Cloud, you're looking kinda funny there. You okay?" Zack asked.
"Yeah fine!" he replied hastily. Fuck! he almost noticed! Get it together Cloud!
"Why're y'all so gloomy? Let's get going!" Zack yelled, slipping into his Gongongan drawl, as Cloud went to a table of food and grabbed a water bottle.
"C'mon Cloud listen to Zack" Yuffie exclaimed.
Cloud winced and stepped far away from her. His ears were starting to ring. He hoped to god that Zack wouldn't recognize any of the signs of his....issue. The only one who'd realized was Sephiroth, and he meant to keep it that way. Sephiroth's alcoholism was bad enough for the band, at least getting drunk wasn't illegal unless you drove while doing it. Shooting up crank most certainly was, not to mention that it was borderline suicidal to inject it into your veins.
"Well let's go." Cloud said with a forced smile as he walked over to Seph and handed him some advil and the water.
"I already took some, but thanks." Sephiroth responded. Holding the items in his hands awkwardly.
"You're gonna need more, trust me." Cloud said in a whisper, glancing behind him where the crowd was nervously.
"And you? What are you gonna need? An ambulance?" Sephiroth whispered back heatedly. He could see what Cloud was up to by the level of his nerves. He didn't like the way he was shaking ever so slightly. Sephiroth hoped Cloud would manage to last through the concert before passing out, it would be better if he anonymously carried his friend to the hospital. Which he would even if Cloud didn't pass out. He looked stranger than usual.
"Nah I'm good! What are ya talking about?" Cloud said with his best fake smile.
"Hey what are y'all talking about in your own private corner? Let's get on stage!" Zack yelled. Sending Cloud and Sephiroth a strange look.
"Don't pass out junkie" Sephiroth hissed, annoyed at Cloud's act. He started to follow Zack, downing the advil in the process. He tossed the bottle back to Cloud and sneered at him.
"Don't vomit on stage drunkard," Cloud hissed back as he, too, walked on stage. Sephiroth just grinned as usual, not at all phased by his friend's attitude.
O joy! Cloud thought hazily as he got onstage.