note: I've been meaning to upload this for ages. Stuff keeps happening or I keep forgetting so I just had to post it now before I forget entirely and this winds up as a long lost document I find in ten years time.
So this drifts from canon, but it's set after the deleted scene from 10x13, Hit and Run. For those of you who haven't seen it, Tony basically implies that he wants to go camping with Ziva, for "the whole inner peace thing"- this is just after she's buried her Father in Israel. Ziva refuses and says she's fine (yeah, that line) and goes to talk to a man involved in their case. He tells her, "Life's too short to hide who you love." and the camera stays on Ziva's thoughtful expression. Phew, that was kinda hard to explain actually. Anyway it's a good thing, Google it or something.
Also last night consisted of my weeping over the promo for the Season Premiere. I fear I might not make it.
So leave a review if you liked it, y'know, the usual. Enjoy!
disclaimer: past 2am, three hours sleep, blah blah, not mine
listening to: Wasting My Young Years, by London Grammar.
Life's too short to hide who you love.
She doesn't know why, but as she walks back to her car, those words echo around her head. The past few weeks have been anything but easy, and yet her family, those closest to her, have been there in ways she'd never have imagined. Some especially so.
And maybe it's that thought, or the fresh memory of a look she couldn't place in Tony's eyes as he walked away, but she steps out into the middle of the parking lot as her partner pulls out of his space.
After nearly running her over, he turns and pulls up next to her, rolling the window down as per her gesture.
"I changed my mind about camping."
The grin he sends her makes her skin tingle.
"Okay so camping in February wasn't my brightest idea."
She shivers and pulls her sleeping bag, hood most definitely included, even closer. Tony's tone is joking but she knows that underneath, he's likely feeling guilty enough about this as it is.
"We just did not bring enough blankets, that's all."
"D'you think blankets would help you feel your toes? And don't tell me they're not numb, I can see your feet wiggling around inside your little caterpillar costume."
A well-placed hit lands itself on his shins as she kicks both legs like one would a mermaid tail.
"It was you who suggested I get this sleeping bag anyway." she grumbles.
He raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah, and maybe that was just because I thought you'd look cute like a squishy green worm."
Ignoring his implication that she currently looks 'cute', she burrows down some more into the thin bedding roll and shifts a little closer to Tony, who in turn moves and rests his head upon his folded hands, elbows tented out. Despite the fact that, apparently, he's cold, he's only halfway into his sleeping bag, the front folded over at his waist. She, however, is wrapped up as tightly as she can be.
"Tony?"
He folds an arm and rolls over, eyes locking with hers immediately.
"Why are we here?"
A frown finds its way onto his face. After a moment of what she presumes is him either processing her question or searching a long time for his answer, he shrugs.
"I told you. Inner peace in the wilderness."
She shakes her head.
"You hate the wilderness- you hate nature. And Tony, you do not need inner peace. If this is what inner peace feels like then I certainly don't need more of it, this is plenty. We are not here for inner peace; we are here for some other reason."
"I'm guessing you're not gonna take the caterpillar line again?" he asks, then sighs when she shakes her head decidedly, "Yeah, I figured as much." His eyes drift away from hers.
She waits and waits for him to answer, but his gaze is locked onto the floor and he's making no effort to change things. Rolling over to face the plain side of the tent, she wraps her arms around herself within her padded cocoon.
"When you went to Israel I spent the whole time wondering what you were doing. If you were okay, if you'd want me to call you, if maybe you needed another hug..." His voice is husky and thick and seems catch in his throat at times. But his words steal her breath somewhat and she can only let him continue. "The whole of that last case you were too... fine. I thought maybe we could get away somewhere, and maybe talk about anything but what's happened. We could keep at whatever it was we started before everything went to hell. We talked, Ziva, I liked that."
She hears the rustle of material and can only assume that he's stepped out of his sleeping bag altogether.
"Camping was just an idea that came to me," his voice is louder now, she notes, "But I liked it. We're far away from everything and even though it's freezing cold and I can see my breath right now, you gotta admit, it's pretty peaceful."
There's a pause and she holds her breath. His hand lands on her thickly-covered shoulder and though she wasn't anticipating it, she doesn't jump.
"I'm not... expecting anything, Ziva, and I'm not forcing anything. But I'm here, and I... I want you to know that, okay?"
She reaches round, hand fumbling until she grasps his fingers and squeezes them tight. And though the contact is anchoring, it's not enough, and so she guides their hands to the zipper on her own sleeping bag and pulls it down. She flips back over, arms escaping and wrapping around her partner right away. She pulls him tight, head buried in his neck.
"I do not deserve you, Tony."
Her voice is muffled but she knows he heard her.
The tightening of his grasp is all she needs in reply.
They lay there, half entangled, for what feels like hours. Their hold is equally firm on each other, and to Ziva, at least, it never feels anything but right.
Eventually though, they pull apart, and Ziva can't help but laugh a little tearfully at the two of them.
"Look at us. If anyone could see us now, they'd..." She trails off, shaking her head as she smiles and wonders just what someone would think if they came across them. Ideas range from badly-timed honeymooners to thrill-seeking couple, but platonic co-workers never comes into her head.
Tony sends her a crooked smile and lays down on his back again, merely resting on his sleeping bag now. She wonders why he isn't shivering, but then again, her half-freed self is feeling plenty of warmth currently as it is. Pulling herself completely out of her caterpillar confines, she turns to her partner with a smile.
"Thank you." she says.
He turns to her, eyes narrowing in contemplation.
"You're always welcome, Agent David." he says, with an eyebrow raised.
"Please don't call me that outside of work again."
Grinning, he leans in and presses a light kiss to her cheek. But the touch leaves a burning sensation on her skin unlike anything else she's felt before, and for some reason she'll never be able to fully explain, when he pulls back, about to say something else, she follows him and catches his lips with her own.
He breathes in sharply, his bottom lip caught between hers, but the breath turns to a moan and his lips move to taste her and the feeling is more than heady. He shifts to lean over her, hands cupping her face as he angles her head, and her heart is racing by the time his tongue runs along her lip. As soon as she lets him in, he roams her own mouth as if to know every little part before leaving, whenever that may be. Pressed down into part-sleeping bag and part-bedding roll, she can only kiss him back with all she has before her back arches up and his hands move to drift along the expanse of her shirt.
It bunches up as his palms move and before she knows it he's touching skin, not just cloth. The feeling makes her gasp into his mouth and he trails his fingers down her back as if he wants to hear that sound again.
And she does just that, as he tears his mouth from hers only to plant kisses to her neck, and as he slides his hands up her sides, and down, then up again, over and over. His palms are smooth and they glide on her skin and contented warmth spreads underneath his touch as their lips find each other once more.
When they part, as regrettably as it is, his forehead rests against hers as his thumbs draw circles on her back.
"We, uh, we probably shouldn't... Y'know."
"I know. But," she trails a kiss down his cheek, "I think we can definitely do some more of this."
With that, she arches up and captures his lips again, and his hands pull her closer.
And so they remain, long into the night, lips locked and hands gliding, but it never goes further. For one rather cold night, all they need, is each other.
When she wakes, she's tangled up in Tony. Their legs are caught together and his hand is still under her shirt, splayed out on her back. She frees herself, not without difficulty, and a quick check of her cell phone tells her it's 5am. She should be cold, but that warmth from earlier still remains, and she looks to Tony's sleeping form with a smile.
She moves, pulling open one of the tent doors and looking out into the still-dark forest, and sits by the doorway, knees pulled up.
"I didn't- That wasn't-... I wasn't exactly expecting that when I suggested we go camping, by the way." Tony says from behind her, some minutes later.
His words aren't necessary but she knows why he's saying them; he didn't want to get her alone in the wilderness just so they could make out.
"You make it sound like I was not a willing participant."
"Oh you were more than willing." The suggestion in his voice doesn't go unnoticed by her.
She turns to look at him, quirking a smile at his awkward, tangled position, and reaches out to grasp his hand.
"You were wrong."
He frowns.
"Wrong about what?"
"Camping in February was a very good idea."
A laugh falls from his lips and he tugs on her arm, pulling her back to kiss her chastely.
"C'mon, we should probably get some more sleep while we still can."
Pulling the door shut again after Tony's remark about a squirrel walking in as they sleep, she curls up next to her partner once more.
"Hey, I never asked, what made you change your mind? About coming camping."
Life's too short to hide who you love.
She can't help the smile that spreads on her face as she rests her head on his shoulder.
"Oh, it was nothing."
He shrugs, seemingly content for now, and holds her even closer.