"All right. Good night, handsome."
Holden really had become a handsome boy.
"G'night, sir. Thanks a lot," he responded.
I wandered into the kitchen and struggled to find the light switch. The bright light disoriented me for a moment, but I was still able to make my way to the cupboard. I slowly made myself another highball and sank into one of the kitchen chairs. Although, I knew I should probably stop drinking, my conversation with Holden had made me feel slightly depressed. That poor boy. He had struggled at Elkton, except for in my class. He was always one of my brightest and most talented students. I felt that we had formed a very deep connection while he attended Elkton and I was extremely disappointed when he left. Now, he had been expelled from Pencey. I took another sip of my drink. If only everyone else could see that intelligent sparkle in his eye that I saw. Instead, they all had driven him into this inevitable fall. I wished I could have given Holden more clear advice, but my head was feeling very foggy at that moment. I only wanted to see him succeed; I had always cared for him a lot. My mind continued to spiral around thoughts of Holden and his current predicament, and I felt suddenly compelled to offer him more advice. I unsteadily rose from the chair and a strong nausea overcame me. I grabbed onto the edge of the table to steady myself. After a few moments the feeling passed, and with blurry eyes, I grabbed my highball glass and stumbled into the living room where Holden was. First, I felt around in the dark for the table to set my glass down on. Then, I lowered myself to the ground and sat for a moment while my eyes adjusted. I saw Holden lying on the couch fast asleep. His long legs extended past the end of the couch and hung limply towards the floor. I looked further up and saw his bare chest gently rising and falling with the breath of sleep. His face looked so serene, presently unaware of the troubles he had earlier discussed with me. At that moment he looked so peaceful and innocent, but that expression was quickly interrupted. Holden's eyelids fluttered and he turned his head, probably reacting to something a dream. As he turned his head, the gray patch of hair was exposed. I was suddenly reminded of the adult troubles that were engulfing my poor Holden, and in a uncontrolled feeling of protection I reached out and stroked his beautiful head. If only he could stay here, unaware of his impending fall, and let me admire him. If only my touch could take away his pain.
All of the sudden his state of sleep was completely interrupted. Holden's eyes flew open and darted to me. He jumped to his feet and took several hurried steps backwards.
"What the hellya doing?" he nearly shouted.
"Nothing! I'm simply sitting here, admiring-" I tried to explain.
"What're ya doing anyway?" he repeated. In the dark I could just make out his hands shaking with nervousness
"How 'bout keeping your voice down? I'm simply sitting here-" I had to explain myself to Holden, but I didn't want to have to explain myself to Lillian, too.
"I have to go anyway," Holden said. I could hear him start to get dressed and became anxious, I just wanted him to stay.
"You have to go where?" I tried to cover up the nervous shaking in my voice. I really didn't want Holden to go. He was just as determined to leave, though, as I was for him to stay. He began to move towards the door, making excuses about his bags being at the station or something. With every excuse, I tried to soothe him and make him come back into the room, but unfortunately, he was set on leaving. He eventually made it to the door and I sat down in the chair in the living room in defeat. As he stepped into the light I saw him, disheveled from dressing in a hurry and missing his tie.
"You're a very, very strange boy," I said. Maybe he would think that all of this was his fault.
He wore look of confusion and distress and his face burned bright red with embarrassment. Holden said a short good-bye and rushed towards the elevator. I took a sip of from my glass on the table, and the alcohol burned as it ran down my throat. A sharp anxiety brought me up out of my chair, as I thought that I might never see Holden again. I walked through the dark living room and into the doorway to look at him one last time. Holden looked back. When he saw me his face grew pale and I saw beads of sweat on his forehead. He desperately pushed on the elevator button. I continued to mutter that he was a strange boy in hopeless attempts to make him come back and apologize for leaving so abruptly.
"I'm gonna start reading some good books, I really am," was his only reply.
"You grab your bags, and scoot right on back here again. I'll leave the door unlatched," I said hoping to see him again, but it would never happen.
"Thanks a lot," he replied. "G'by!" Holden shouted this hurriedly and rushed into the elevator as soon as the doors opened. And as the doors closed, I got my last glimpse of him. His lanky body was shaking all over and he nervously ran his hand through his hair. Once the elevator doors closed, I sighed and returned to the dark room. I had trouble finding the table with my glass on it again, partially because of the lack of light and partially because of my drunkenness. Once I found the glass, I took it and swigged the rest of the liquid inside. This seemed to relieve my sorrow somewhat. I eventually made my way to my bedroom. As I was walking to my bedroom I noticed that Holden had left his tie. I strode over and gently picked up the tie. I then silently made my way to the bedroom. Before crawling into bed I opened the drawer of my dresser and tucked the tie inside. I made my way to the bed now and gently slid under the covers, careful not to wake Lillian. As I struggled to fall asleep I worried about Holden. I tossed and turned, but sleep never came. In the middle of the night I got up and went back to my dresser. The sight of Holden's tie immediately began to soothe me. I brought the tie to my face and slowly brushed the smooth silk across my face. A feeling of warmth and relief washed over me. I now got back into bed, tucked the tie under my pillow, and drifted to sleep. I dreamt a peaceful dream that night. In it, my dear, tragic Holden Caulfield had no worries. In my dream he was forever peaceful and full of youth. But my dreams were the last place I would ever see Holden Caulfield again.