Disclaimer:I do not own Bleach. All rights and reserves belong to Tite Kubo (Who is 107% badass)

Warnings: Gender Bender, Language, Freakish Storyline, Total disregard for grammar and the English language as a whole, Lemons, and slight chance of rape, though it will be in later chapters.

Read, Review, and Enjoy my lovelies.

"That sounds like a personal problem, Szayel." Ulquiorra said blandly, continuing to repair Lord Aizen's old hakama. Only Kami knew why the man wanted to keep the damn thing. Not like he was a part of the Gotei 13 anymore, so why keep the uniform?

Szayel pushed his glasses farther up his nose, regarding the short seemingly emotionless man before him. "It could become all of Las Noches' problem if it doesn't get resolved quickly." The scientist urged, allowing a hint of panic in his normally calm voice. What Ulquiorra didn't know was that the panic in his voice wasn't from the urgency to try out some new invention, it was because he knew he'd be betraying a colleague, and while normally he wouldn't have very many qualms about that, this time something gave him pause. And the pink haired man knew exactly what it was. He was quite possibly the most interesting of all the Espada in the pink haired man's opinion. Normally, Ulquiorra had no problems about being the subject for his experiments, but lately he'd been given the cold shoulder.

"What exactly needs to be resolved?" Ulquiorra asked, straightening up. Finally, that big gaping hole in the material was fixed and good as new. He hang it back up in the glass display that Aizen had made specifically for the item. Why was this thing so important to the man? And why were there big holes in it every so often, like someone had blasted through it with a cero?

Szayel bit his lip that was where it got complicated; trying to convince the emotionless young Espada into doing something he knew nothing about. "It involves the Hogyoku." He replied, knowing it would spark the man's interest. "And it is of the utmost importance." The pink haired scientist urged, finally earning a nod. He felt his knees shake weakly, if he was going to do it, then he was going to have to do it now. He pulled said item from his pocket, took it out of his case with a blinding blue and purple light and thrust it into Ulquiorra's hands.

Within moments, the hollow hole in the Cuarta's neck closed with a terrible sound that was a cross between ripping cloth, and a zipper being pulled up. The hollow mask on his head was breaking off, crumbling to the floor right before his very eyes. Szayel frowned, taking out a small notepad and writing down the results.

At the very moment he had looked down, a blinding white light pierced all of the dark corners of the room and Ulquiorra fell to the floor, unconscious. Szayel couldn't help but laugh, rather maniacally at his luck. He took the Hogyoku from the unconscious Espada's hands looking around to make sure no one had seen the light.

He called his Fracciones to come and carry him back to his lab. I knew it, the pink haired scientist gloated in his mind as he hurried his Fracciones back to his lab so that he could get a few samples from the Espada, before having to put a terrible end to his fun. And by terrible end, he meant receiving orders from Aizen to probably kill the young Espada. Because somewhere deep down in Ulquiorra's heart, he had wanted to be a fully-fledged Shinigami. His Fracciones lay Ulquiorra out on an operating table and Szayel felt his heart twist.

He hadn't just wanted to be a Shinigami; no…he had secretly wanted to be a woman. Szayel sucked in a breath and glanced around; hoping no one else had seen the Cuarta's shame. As much as he wanted to, the pink haired man decided to forgo dissecting his gorgeous specimen and instead thought out a quick plan. He'd need a believable story and an alibi, someone stupid but easy to control, and he'd need to send his Fracciones away for a while, and cover up their disappearance.

Szayel Aporro Granz owed it to the poor…woman. He shook off the thought and wrapped up his specimen with a longing sigh before telling his Fracciones what to do, and how to do it. Once they were off he wiped his forehead and tried to make it seem like there had been some struggle. But even with all that effort, even if Aizen believed his half assed story, he would still be punished severely for having let his charge escape.

He worked quickly, his brow dripping with sweat, his stomach clenching and unclenching with dread at what was to come. The pink haired scientist even cut himself in a few places to make it more believable. If he hurt himself badly enough, maybe Aizen wouldn't hurt him more.

"Ah, Szayel." A chilling voice said from directly behind him. Szayel spun around, furious that someone could've broken into his lab without him being notified. He faced the dark glasses and perpetual frown of Kaname Tousen. "No matter the amount of evidence you create, you cannot fool Lord Aizen. He is the god of deceptions." The blind man said, grabbing Szayel's arm and pressing down hard on one of his new cuts. "You, sadly, are out of luck." Kaname said, behind the Espada in a flash, his zanpakuto pressed to his neck drawing a line of blood.

For a surreal moment the scientist vaguely wondered how exactly Kaname knew what was going on around him. Sure he could hear, and probably feel riatsu, but that had nothing to do with where he'd cut himself, or how he was avoiding the broken pieces of glass on the floor.

"So what exactly went wrong?" Tousen murmured in the scientist's ear, his hot breath tickling the hairs on the nape of Szayel's neck. "Tell me, I can request an easier judgment for you if you admit to your crimes."

Szayel was tempted for a moment to tell him but he shook his head. "I'll never shame Ulquiorra, not even under the harshest torture." Gin stepped in their path, his fox like grin stretching his face.

"We'll see about that, Szayel kun." Gin said, with a little laugh before leading Szayel to a cell. "Aizen doesn't wish to see you right now, so your punishment is in our hands. And if we don't get our information, well…then we'd be punished. Can't have that, now can we?" They tied his legs to the only item of furniture in the room, a simple chair.

Tousen stood at the entrance to the cell, smirking. Kaname Tousen was smirking. Szayel shivered, this wouldn't be your average 'You went against order's torture' this would be 'You lost Aizen sama's biggest asset and fourth best fighter' torture. Szayel closed his eyes, trying to prepare himself for what was to come.

But nothing could've prepared him for what the two former Captains had in mind.

Ulquiorra opened his eyes, sitting up. He had the biggest headache ever, and his body felt heavy as if it were drugged.

"Ah, you're finally awake." A calm soothing voice said from somewhere behind him. Ulquiorra looked around, escaping from the last vestiges of his dreams. Wait…dreams? He looked at his hands, confused. Why did he feel so different? "My vice-captain found you collapsed outside of our barracks." The voice said, drawing closer. "You're lucky that we found you in time, your riatsu was very weak. You might've been on the verge to becoming a hollow, good thing we got to you in time." The woman said, finally coming into Ulquiorra's view. She had a very gentle grin and calm brown eyes, and just an overall demeanor of goodness. "You seem a bit shell shocked." The woman had a long braid under her chin, and…a captain's jacket. Ulquiorra unconsciously moved away from her.

"Where am I?" Ulquiorra asked. He frowned; his voice was higher, like a child. "What have you done to me?" The woman didn't answer. "Speak, trash!" Ulquiorra spat, trying to stand. He'd never felt so flustered before, he felt like he was an intruder in a different body, it felt so unfamiliar.

The woman put a hand on the fuming Espada's shoulder. "I only healed you. Nothing more. You're in the 4th Division's barracks." She sighed and then went to his bedside table. "I need some information from you for the system."

Ulquiorra relaxed his face and sat back. He couldn't remember very much from before he awoke. He remembered a face, a sweet smile surrounded by pink hair. And…he knew his name was Ulquiorra Cifer, but that was all.

"Name please?"

"Ulquiorra Cifer." The woman glanced at him suspiciously.

"Height."

"…" Ulquiorra thought hard, trying to remember something anything from before he awoke here.

The woman nodded and scribbled down some notes. "I see, you have amnesia. And you're name, is not in our system." She remarked thoughtfully. "Are you positive that's your name?" Ulquiorra cursed foully under his breath.

"Of course that's my name. That is one of the few things that I recall from before I awoke here in the care of a madwoman."

"Well Ulquiorra san, until you regain your memory, I feel that we should reenroll you in the Academy. How's that sound?" Ulquiorra nodded slowly. Maybe he went to that Academy before; maybe something there would trigger a memory. "Great, I'll call someone right away to take you there, meanwhile, why don't you get dressed? There are a few dresses that will fit you.

Ulquiorra scowled at her. "Dresses? You expect me to wear women's clothing?" The woman turned around, confused.

"Yes, in fact I do. That is what women commonly wear, is it not?" Ulquiorra frowned, untangling himself from the mess of sheets he was under and walked over to the floor length mirror, the tiles cold underneath his bare feet.

When he saw himself, he could hardly believe his own eyes. He had long black hair though it seemed to be longer than normal, emerald eyes, framed by dark eye lashes, pale white skin, and green streaks down his face. All that was normal, what was strange was the fact that Ulquiorra was now well endowed with a pair of breasts; a gothic four was tattooed on the right one.

Okay, I'm sure those weren't there before, Ulquiorra thought, touching one gently.

"Well, I'll leave you then, Ulquiorra san. Don't forget to change into those clothes; I'll have someone come within the next ten minutes. Do be ready." The woman said before leaving. Ulquiorra walked over to the dresses, touching a white and green one that he rather liked.

He slowly changed into it, though he was a bit confused. Ulquiorra was sure that he had been a man before. And unless it just miraculously happened before he got here, that woman had done something. Perhaps he would remember something when he got back to the Academy. All Shinigami went there, didn't they?

"Ah, you're Ulquiorra chan?" A calm voice said from the doorway. Ulquiorra turned around slowly and met the steady gaze of a man taller than him, with a very sure aura about himself. He had a 69 tattoo under his eye, short black hair, grey eyes, and a vice captain's badge on his arm. "Nice to meet you, I'm Shuhei Hisagi."

Ulquiorra frowned at the man. He liked it better when people were loud and obnoxious, it made them easier to hate. But this man seemed almost as calm as Ulquiorra himself.

He nodded to the man, acknowledging him. "I'm Ulquiorra Cifer." He said, absolutely loathing the highness of his own voice. "You're to take me to the Academy?" The man, Shuhei nodded once before turning around and walking back through the door. Ulquiorra frowned and followed closely after the man, keeping his eyes on his back at all times. They walked through the halls in a companionable silence, stopping only when Shuhei stopped to bow to someone and wish them a good morning.

"Once we get to Shino Academy, you will be given the Entrance Exam." Shuhei finally said as they neared said building. He looked back at Ulquiorra and winked. "Don't worry if you fail, you can try again and again."

Ulquiorra scoffed, allowing a scowl of anger to settle on his features. "Like I would really fail such an exam," He spat. "No one of notice fails that exam."

Shuhei had a slight smile on his face. "Oh I know plenty of people who failed that exam and got high positions. One is even a vice captain." He said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Don't be nervous, just do your best."

"I'm not nervous." Ulquiorra said, pouting just a little. Who did this guy think he was anyways? He or…she…was Ulquiorra Cifer, and though he didn't know much about himself, he knew very well that he did not back down from a challenge. They finally arrived at the Academy, and met a woman who gave Ulquiorra the Shino Academy uniform, which was a red undershirt, white shirt with red stripes, red trousers, and white socks and sandals. While Ulquiorra changed into these, the woman briefed him on the Entrance Exam. They were just going to test his basic level of riatsu.

Easy enough, Ulquiorra thought smugly, as he walked into the examination room. Basically, he just had to show these three teachers what he was made of and that was it. And Ulquiorra did just that.

Except instead of claps and cheers, he heard absolute silence. The teachers nodded to him and told him to go speak with the woman, her name was Momo Hinamori. Apparently she was there temporarily, to relax and get away from her division and all the responsibilities.

He stood there, waiting for the results with her for a half hour, drumming his fingers on her desk, while he sat glaring at the ceiling.

"Ah, Ulquiorra chan, I finally got your results." Momo said cheerily, looking at a butterfly as it flew away. "They say that you've passed the exam and are at or above a captain's level. You will proceed to the Third Years hall and begin your day in Renji Abarai san's class. From there you will receive your schedule for the rest of the day." Momo said, smiling serenely. "Any questions?"

Ulquiorra shook his head and stalked off, he had a captain's level of riatsu? What did that mean exactly? He shook his head, focusing on the bigger question.

Just who was Ulquiorra Cifer?

That's what i'd like to know. . SPOILER ALERT: I think i want Ulquiorra chan to be with Byakuya, which will be a teacher at the Shino Academy, but i'm not sure. Gimme your input, i'd love to hear from you