A/N: I know some of you are getting impatient with me... always writing new fics instead of finishing the others but frankly I don't really care, not to be offending but I write when I get inspired and even though I love the other stories their not my priority at the moment? Hope some of you understand at least.
Disclaimers: I do not legally own the book/movies.
-, Once again i'd like to apologise for the miss usage of the english language and grammar mistakes.
Warnings: This is a male x male sort of situation.. i would advice to not read it if you are a rude arsehole. And there is a... slight bashing of Gandalf... he just annoyed me SO MUCH during the movies... sorry not sorry..
This is a Bilbo x Thorin - Bagginshield - one-shot and I hope y'all like it!
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Better than I know myself
-, Chapter one - Regrets.
Bilbo felt his heart break in despair. He had thought Thorin would understand his reason for giving Bard the Arkenstone, instead he found himself crying his heart out in the ''enemy'' camp. Every sweet word, soft kiss and gentle embrace had been worth less than a pretty stone.
Yes, Bilbo had fallen for Thorin during their adventurous travel towards Erebor. He had earned Thorins trust, friendship and soon after that even love... Well at least he had thought it was love but now.. he felt betrayed and used. Gandalf had been as tactless as ever, if it didn't value the war or his plans it was just not any of his business.. now fortunately for the wizard it was important that the small hobbit took the strike when it came down to stopping the war and it left Bilbo resenting the older man he once would've referred as a friend.
As he sat in the room he had been provided he thought back to the time during their travel. He thought back to his home in the Shire, his little hobbit home in bag-end. What if he hadn't signed the contract? Would he have felt better then? Would his heart have ached less? Probably, but his life would have been the same endless circle of boredom. He wouldn't have experienced such deep friendship, received such strong courage; experienced his first love.. No, he would have been sitting in his great-grandfathers old armchair with one of his many books, drinking tea...
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
The battle of the five armies was over and so was Bilbos stay. He had to travel back, alone, to the Shire. He was no longer welcomed in Erebor and Gandalf was no where to be seen. Ori had although begged him to stay - long enough for their kings recovery - to talk things through, but Bilbo wouldn't have non of it. He couldn't find the strength to see the man who he once could say he loved, the same man who laid battered for the worse in the healing chamber.. the same man who'd banned him from the kingdom, his new home.
''Please Bilbo! He was just angry, of course you can't think he real-'' Ori had tried to reason with him for the last 4 hours to not leave, even though Ori too was disappointed with his king. But Bilbo hadn't been there to see Thorin regain his mind and for that Ori felt the need to try and delay his leave, so Thorin could apologise.
''You saw him Ori! Everything he stood for he threw away, everyone he knew he treated as peasants! He threw away my love and his pride for that damn stone!'' Bilbo said as he made his way through the hall towards the entrance.
''But it was the sickness Bilbo! During the battle he regained his old self, you saw it up on the mountain! You were with him during the minutes we all thought was his last.. didn't he say anything?..'' Ori asked softly, he didn't want his friend, their bugler.. their little hobbit to leave..
Bilbo froze for a second, he had gotten there to see the man he loved lay in his own blood upon the ice cold ground, he had cried for him to stay awake while the dwarf was fighting for air. The last look he had gotten was one filled with love and happiness before they closed and the hobbit had thought him dead. Luckily enough he wasn't and even though Bilbo wanted to stay to see the eyes of the king open once more..he couldn't.
''Ori,'' He said tiredly as he turned around looking the saddest the dwarf had ever seen his friend.
''I..'' He felt at loss of words and as he saw the other dwarfs come walking up behind Ori looking worried, scared even, he felt the guilt creep upon him once more.
''I want to sta-'' He started but Dawlins loud voice, filled with hurt and confusion cut him off.
''Then why won't you? Why are you willing to leave us, your family, for books and tea?'' Dawlin of course knew the reasons but felt the need to point out what was waiting their little hobbit if he left.
Bilbo smiled sadly at the dwarf he'd come to see as a brother, his best friend, during their travel.
''Because even though he said it in anger, in sickness, some part of him doesn't want me to stay.'' The dwarfs started to stutter in protests but Bilbo shushed them all.
''He knew what would hurt me most, even with the sickness meddling with his mind, he recognised us enough to see us as the companions that he trusted but we all saw how his fears took the better of him in times and if he truly wanted me there he wouldn't have given me up so easily.'' There was silence but understanding drawling upon them and they finally understood why the hobbit felt the need to leave.
''But he loves you..'' Kíli tried to reason weakly making the hobbit turn to him with his sad smile still in place.
''And I love him, I love him enough to keep him happy and if that is far away from here.. mote it be.'' Bilbo turned away to leave, tears steaming down his face but got stopped when Fíli came running up behind him enclosing him in a tight hug.
''Will we ever see you again?'' Fíli's own share of tears steaming down his cheeks. Without looking at the face of his friend he chuckled softly gripping the arms that were embracing him.
''Of course, just.. send a letter or come visit.. my door will always be opened for you.'' With those final words Fíli let go of his friend and watched him walk away from the grate gates of Erebor and toward his safe little hobbit hole in the Shire.
The Dwarf companions watched him walk away from his home, but they knew that they would soon see their little bugler again; once the king awakes.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
4 months had gone by and still no letters from the dwarfs. Bilbo was currently sipping his tea in the living room he'd recently had the 'privilege' to restore. His life was the same as the day he'd left.. Empty..silent..boring. He sighed as he combed his fingers through his honey coloured locks. He missed the adventures, the dwarfs and even sleeping outside on the uncomfortable ground in the cold.. though he didn't miss the meddling old wizard in the least.
He jumped when there was a loud knock on the door, he wasn't expecting anyone but being a hobbit - and a Baggins at the top of it - he couldn't find it in him to just rudely ignore it, even if it just happened to be that horrendous woman Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. As he opened the door he almost fell to his knees in surprise. Before him stood Dawlin, Balin and Ori in the entrance looking both sheepish and a bit awkward.
''Oh my, you're really here aren't you?'' Bilbo's choked forth as he laughed, shocked to see three familiar faces after four long months of absence.
''Biblo!'' Ori yelled in happiness, putting the awkwardness aside, running to hug his friend.
''Ori! Dawlin! Balin! It's been so long, how are you? Come in, I'll put the kettle on!'' Bilbos happiness seemed to have broke the uncomfortableness 'cause soon they were laughing and singing while enjoying some apple pie and lemongrass tea.
''So! What brings you here to my little hobbit home?'' Bilbo asked in good nature, no one lost their good mood but seemed to be a bit careful when it come to the topic they wanted to share.
''Well we've planed this trip for awhile now and since we have some good new to share we thought we would just get it over with and visit.'' Balin told him making Bilbo even more intrigued.
''Good new? Like what?''
''The king has awakened from his coma and wants us to bring you back! He says under no circumstances are we to return empty handed!'' Dawlins laughter boomed but as soon as it had began it went away. Bilbo looked like had bitten a sour lemon, he didn't seem as excited as the dwarfs.
''Bilbo? Are you alright? You can return home...'' Ori said softly. He had thought Bilbo would be dancing in happiness, knowing that he was no longer banned but it didn't seem to be the case.
''Alright?...I.. I don't know what to say.'' Bilbo laughed bitterly and shocked. After being banned, betrayed and treated like dirt he wanted him back, he demanded him to come crawling back to accept his apology for being a rightful arsehole?
''I have never felt so offended in my entire life.'' Bilbo started as he stood up to put the dishes away.
''Offended? He is allowing you back into Erebor!'' Dawlin explained as if Bilbo somehow had misheard him.
''He is allowing me to come back? Come back to what? Being humiliated, discriminated and hurt all over again? Demanded to leave my house because he feels bad and wants to apologise?'' Bilbo asked them as if it was as clear as they that he never planed to return. The dwarfs looked confused and slightly hurt and Bilbo cringed as he saw it.
''You know I love you guys, you're my family and frankly it's been horrendously boring without each and everyone of you but you've got to understand that I have feelings, I am a living being and he treats me as if I'm this... toy!'' Bilbo tried to reason.
''We know but you've got to give him a second chance Bilbo, even if you don't love him anymore. Our life's feels empty with out a hobbit, our bugler. Thorin is a great king now when the sickness isn't plaguing him anymore, he is a great friend and.. I know he is hurting for what he's done.'' Dawlin said as he squeezed the hobbits shoulder in a way to give comfort.
''There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him, that I don't love him but to forgive him? It's been 4 months and now he feels it's time to contact me? Send you to fetch me? I mean I'm glad to see you but shouldn't he be the one knocking on my door asking me to return?'' Bilbo asked preposterous.
''He is a king now Bilbo, he's got duties he consistently has to maintain. He cannot go running on adventures anymore.'' Balin told him with a kind smile. Bilbo understood that, he really did, but he felt like he always came second for Thorin. First it was getting the castle back, then the jewel and now his entire kingdom. He was acting selfish, he knew it, but could you really blame him?
''Please Bilbo, just hear him out..'' Ori begged with his gigantic puppy dog eyes filling with tears of desperation. Bilbo already knew that he was going to agree on seeing Thorin, even if it was only for closure. He nodded his head and once again did the three dwarfs engage in loud laughter and song while he himself went to the window, looking at the far east; wondering what he once again was getting himself into.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
''Master Baggins, you never told us what you've been up to lately.'' Balin stated as their horses wore them on the path towards Erebor.
''Nothing much, reading and writing has been what has preoccupied my days. How about you?'' The dwarfs snickered at the hobbits answer, it was just like the little creature to find his once comfortable life lifeless and boring.
''Well most of our time has gone to restoring Erebor to its full glory once more.'' Balin said as a matter of fact.
''Oh? Well how's it going? I mean there where many losses during the war..'' He carefully implied, knowing that the some of the dwarfs friends had gone down with the war.
''Yes indeed it was, but we've reunited with many of our lost friends and families. Erebor is filled with life once more.'' Bilbo smiled at that, he had wanted to see the halls filled with the same laughter and songs they had filled their travel with and to know what he'd lost made his heart ache once again.
''It will be fine Bilbo, he has really been moping the last 3 months he's been awake, trying to find the courage to send for you.'' Dawlin told him, seeing the little hobbits troubled face.
''Why hasn't he sent any letters then?'' Bilbo asked accusingly making Dawlin smile fondly.
''He has written hounders of them but never had the guts to send them.'' Dawlin retold his encounter with their king, not losing his smile.
/flashback/
''Thorin I need you to loo-'' Dawlin stopped mid-sentence noticing the dozens of crumbled papers on the floor. He looked to see his king writing furiously at the paper but once again crumbling it up.
''Well it's not everyday I see you writing love letters.'' Dawlin snickered mockingly. Thorin flew up from his seat, fumbling his beard as he glared at his fellow dwarf.
''It's not funny! I don't know what to say that will make it alright, nothing! It only sounds like excuses and if i know Bilbo right, which I do, he'll just crumble them up just by looking at the hand writing!''
''Calm yourself, Bilbo has more heart than that, just knowing it is from you will make him read it, well if he can read from your hand writing that is.'' Dawlin joked to lighten the mood only intensifying the glare.
''Dawlin, he hates me, I hate me, for what I did.. for what I said.. I love him, yet I can't find the courage to see him, to hear him say he doesn't love me anymore..'' Thorin said helplessly, looking outside the window, the direction towards where he knew the Shire would be.
''He does love you, once a hobbit falls in love it is for life and seeing that he is your one, so do you.'' Dawlin said and excited the room, leaving the troubled king to his thoughts.
/end of flashback/
''He really said that?..'' Bilbo asked softly, feeling his heart warm at the thought. Thorin was afraid he was going to turn him away, just like he had done to him. He loved the stupid dwarf to bitts but his fear took the better of him so he'd left. Thorin was sorry and just knowing he'd tried to send him a letter, letters, made him surer that he was meant to meet the man of his dreams once more, maybe for good.
''Absolutely, never seen someone so lost in love then him before. He really does love you and even though the sickness took a hold of his fears at the time I believe that those fears are none existent anymore.'' Bilbo shook his head with a sad smile, knowing better then to believe that Dawlin really had understood what he'd meant when he left.
''It's not just the fear Dawlin. He was so angry, so persuaded by the gold that he forgot what's important. He even threatened to kill me, to kill you.'' Bilbo said with a shudder, when he was hanging from the wall, with Thorins hands around his neck he had been so terrified.
''I know. But I also know that together we got through him, the sickness hold on him broke because the two of us was as hardheaded as ever and refused to see our brother fall in to the hands of evil, well.. your boyfriend.'' Dawlin said, drawing laughter from his current travel mates.
''Yeah, never knew the stubbornness of a dwarf would rub of so easily.'' Bilbo commented in a joking fashion.
''Believe me, you already had your own share of stubbornness before Thorin went and rubbed all over you.'' Dawlin winked and laughed as he watched the hobbits face turn 4 shades of red faster then Bombur could swallow a family sized portion worthy of food.
''Dawlin! Thorin has done no such thing!'' Bilbo said flustered, trying to keep his embarrassment at bay.
''Oh, but I believe he will when I relieve our little hobbit has yet to be deflowered.'' Dawlin commented innocently, knowing that he had guessed right when Bilbos face turned impossible red.
''You will do no such thing!'' Bilbo yelled at him, trying to swat him but Dawlin ducked and steered his horse away from the flustered hobbit.
''Be nice Dawlin, Bilbo don't need a reason to turn around his horse.'' Balin scolded. Ori had been snickering behind them the whole time feeling like things were finally falling to to place.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
''Im hungry..'' Dawlin moped sourly as they lit a fire for the night. They were two days away from Erebor and Bilbo felt more and more nervous the closer they got. He had recognised parts on their path towards the great castle that brought up memories, both pleasant and .. not so pleasant.
He was actually glad to be on his way again, not really worrying about his house being sold. If his luck weren't so lucky he was just going to go of on another adventure, crying his heart out and probably just be, again.
It was one of his fears actually, that he would feel so lost again that he would do something reckless. But instead of worrying on what may or may not come he decided to bring himself out from his thoughts.
''Well why don't we go and fish tomorrow? There is a lake just behind those trees, i'm sure we can make us a splendid breakfast.'' Bilbo told him in his good natured voice they all appreciated and loved.
Dawlin only grunted, sour 'cause they didn't have any food left to eat. He turned away from them and fell asleep shortly after. Balin was reading some old scroll form Erebor's library while Ori was stargazing.
''Do you think we will be stars some day?'' Ori asked longingly. Bilbo looked up at the starts in wonder.
''Maybe..They're maybe the souls of those who've left middle earth, manifesting themselves on the night sky, watching us.. praying for us..'' Bilbo answered, not really knowing himself.
''That sounds nice..'' Ori said before he slowly lost himself to the unconsciousness. Bilbo snickered softly at him while Balin was studying him with a serious expression. Bilbo noticed and smiled at him in acknowledgement.
''That was very sweet of you, amusing Ori with such fine tale.'' Balin commented as he watched the youngest of the dwarfs sleep in content.
''Well we don't know for sure do we?..'' Bilbo returned his gaze, wishing that when the day came that he would die.. that his soul, someday, would find it's way to the midnight sky..gazing down on those he loved.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
''Finally! Erebor! We just have to make our pass through Lake-town and were as good as home!'' Dawlin boomed in excitement.
''The Lake-town is restored? I thought they had to leave..'' Bilbo said in confusion. Wasn't that the reason the humans were willing to go to war?
''Of course it is! Thorin gave them enough gold to get on their feet, healthy and strong.'' Dawlin words made Bilbo shocked. Thorin had made good on his word..
''And the elves? Did Thranduil get what he wanted?'' Bilbo asked intrigued.
''Thranduil is a coward but yes, he got the twinkling-star-crap he wanted..'' Dawlin muttered bemused.
''Thorin thought it was only right that the elven king would get the gems 'cause he helped during the war...'' Ori piped in uncertain if he should or not, seeing Dawlins bemused face.
''..Sounds like something the old Thorin would do..'' Bilbo said softly, was Thorin really back? Willing to set things right once more..
''Yes Master Baggins, Thorin never left us.. he just got very very sick.'' Balin said with a sad smile.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
''So were is Bard now?'' Bilbo asked as they currently was making their way through Lake-town on the boat they've been given.
''Restored his old house i presume. He's a great leader, living like his people, taxes going to food and healing shelters.'' Dawlin answered, he didn't like the human but even he could see that he was the man for the people.
''Doesn't surprise me, he was right in his fears and yet we ignored them..'' Bilbo answered a bit forlorn.
''We'll we can't change the past, but I hope to see a brighter future.'' Balin answered knowingly as he watched Bilbo smile.
''Yeah..'' Bilbo could see the majestic mountain from their little boat, soon he would see the man who've caused his heart so much turmoil.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
Thorin was walking in circles in his room, it had been days since ha sent his fellow dwarfs on their quest to retrieve his beloved bugler who effectively stole his heart and affection. He hadn't at first believed that the little hobbit had taken off. Left him when he was unable to stop him, then of course he remembered what he had said..almost done to his love. He couldn't forgive himself for letting the sickness manifest itself.
He had started making up for his wrong doings and getting rid of the stone that caused harm, far worse then the dragon had successfully done to his kingdom.
Letter after letter had been written to his little hobbit but all of them sounded as excuses instead of apologises. Bilbo had been right, he had let the sickness steer his choices and most of them based on his fears, trying to keep them hidden. The little hobbit had known though, the doubts he'd tried to hide. The fear of involving himself fully in love, to depend on Bilbo and to trust him.
When Bilbo had taken the Arkenstone as his share of the bargain he had been crushed. He had felt betrayed and refused to listen to the hobbits reasoning, banishing him...almost killing him in the process.
Now of course he had his head clear from the sickness he had understood, Bilbo had acted rightfully, trying to prevent a useless war that surly would have ended poorly. His love had used his head and better judgment when he himself had not, and for that he had banished him, coldly and unfair.
Thorin had blamed the sickness for his losses but knew that he too was to blame, if he hadn't doubted his love for Bilbo, his one, things may have been different. Obsessed with a stone for what? Blue balls and a cold bed..
''Thorin! My king! They are back and the hobbit is with them!'' Bombur shouted. Kíli and Fíli was already running to great them while Thorin stood frozen in shock. Finally he would have his hobbit in his arms again, his bugler - his Bilbo.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
''Bilbo! Master Baggins! You're back!'' Fíli yelled while running towards the lot. Bilbo felt just as ecstatic when seeing the two brothers running down the mountain hill. Bilbo waved while chuckling at their attics. When they got closer he fell down onto the ground with two larger dwarfs on top of him crying in happiness.
''I don't mean to break the moment but -ugh- could you please get off me?'' Bilbo said with effort, feeling stuck under the heavy dwarfs. The two brothers only laughed more as they helped the small hobbit up from the ground.
''Uncle will be relived to see you well.'' Kili said as he pushed them towards the path leading to the kingdoms entrance. Bilbo felt his nervousness return ten folds and started to regret his decision. Everyone had told him that Thorin missed him, regretted ever hurting him, still loved him and how great of a king and friend he was now that the sickness was gone. Yet he felt himself doubt it, insecure as he was. He still loved the king, yet he didn't know if he could forgive.. and if he could he knew he never could forget.
As they reached the halls he could smell the earths coldness mixed with warmth from the fires that was lit. He could hear laughter and songs being sung, echoing through the halls - reaching his little hobbit ears.
''I never thought I would return..'' Bilbo choked out with a smile as he walked inside the surprisingly warm stone kingdom. Everyone looked at their bugler with sad smiles, they had waited for this day to come, the day that their group was completed again.
''Bilbo..'' A gentle voice stated, a voice Bilbo recognised far to well. Before him stood the dwarf, whose eyes he never thought he'd be seeing opened again.
''Thorin.'' Bilbo acknowledge. He willed his tears at bay and tried to keep his shaking non visible. His stubborn dwarf was standing before him in all his glory smiling and showing the same longing he'd once seen during their adventures, but this time a longing far to desperate then neither of them could deny.
The other dwarfs had left them as soon as they notice that their presence were not needed and unwished for. The silence that was left made the air awkward and filled with tension.
''It's good to see that you've recovered..'' Bilbo said in need of breaking the silence. Thorin just stood there, watching him instead of answering him. Before he knew it he was in the kings arms, but seeing that Bilbo was a very stubborn hobbit; it was unwelcome'd at the moment.
''Let go off me!'' Bilbo yelled as he struggled to get free from the strong arms he had missed. Thorin though refused to let go, knowing that despite the anger that the hobbit felt for him that he was missed. The struggles minimised and soon did the desperate huffing to get free turn in to sobs, heart breaking sobs, making the kings embrace tighten.
''I'm so sorry Bilbo..'' Thorin kept whispering while they sat there, on the ground. Bilbos sobbing turned to sniffles and soon they just sat there, listening to each others heartbeats.
''You banished me..'' Bilbo said softly. Thorin cringed as he remembered the little hobbits face of pain and betrayal.
''I know.'' Thorin said knowingly, regret filled his voice as he uttered those words but he refused to make excuses.
''You tried to kill me..'' Bilbo once again uttered and received the same response from the king.
''Over a stone.'' Looking preposterously at him. Thorin cringed at the look, he know it was ridiculous but he hadn't acted on a clear mind, but telling him like the others had tried to do was just going to be taken as excuses.
''Bilbo, I was sick. I know that it sounds like I'm excusing the whole ordeal but I'm not. That is the reason for my actions plain and simple and too this day I'm trying to make things right. Don't I deserve too at least try and make things right between us too?'' Thorin begged.
Bilbo, of course knew that it was pointless trying to keep himself from the older dwarf much longer so despite being hurt, threatened and banned he nodded while hiding his face in the crook of the others neck. Thorin smile in relief while hearing cheers from the other side of the room they were occupying, shaking his head in amusement while Bilbo croaked forth a laugh of his own share of amusement.
''Have they ever heard of the word privacy?'' Bilbo asked amused, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his shirt. Thorins deep chuckles made him smile and look up, staring straight in to the grey eyes he remember falling for many months ago.
''It's good to have you back.'' Thorin said with the smile only Bilbo was aloud to see, the smile filled with love and adoration.
''It's good to be back.'' Bilbo answered back, once more laying his head on the broad chest of the dwarf he loved.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
''-..and then he went all grumpy!'' Dawlin was retelling a story from when he was trying to bargain with a human over some fish, amusing his old friends while they were dining in one of the many dining chambers the old company had decided to occupy. It had been a week and Thorin had yet to make an effort to show that he wanted the Hobbit here with him. There were songs, laughter and stories shared for hours while eating deliciously cooked food. Bilbo had missed them, and he couldn't deny missing the dwarf that had caused him such grief. Thorin knew that he wasn't forgiven yet and had a lot of making up to do before even thinking that Bilbo would be staying, but yet he felt content with just knowing that Bilbo had given him a second chance; one he didn't feel he deserved but couldn't deny was grateful for.
He knew that he had his fellow companions to thank for it. Bilbo wouldn't have agreed to come with them if they hadn't coaxed him too. He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard his little hobbit gasp in wonder.
''Surly you didn't?!'' Dawlin seemed to be pleased with himself as he pushed out his chest in pride.
''Sure I did! He never saw it coming!'' Thorin felt a sting of jealousy when he noticed that Dawlin had captured Bilbos full attention. He of course knew he had no right to feel jealous since Bilbo had yet to make a move to show that he still wanted to be his one. But Dawlins attics didn't help the matter.
''I'll have to excuse myself, time for me to retire for the evening.'' Thorin said as he left the room, leaving it quiet as he left. Bilbo watched him leave with slight concern, Thorin seemed to have been in a foal mood; was it because of him?
''That stupid dwarf.. is he even trying?'' Kili asked his brother which coaxed a sigh from him.
''Trying what?'' Bilbo asked intrigued.
''Well to get on your good side of course!'' Kili said if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Bilbo stared at him in wonder, of course the elder dwarf was..right?
''I'm sorry but I don't understand what you mean.'' Bilbo said, feeling anxiousness build up in his chest.
''What the lad means is that Thorin should try harder if he'd like to gain your affection once more instead of being jealous of Dawlin.'' Balin offered as he shook his head in shame as well..
''Jealous?! What for?!'' Bilbo asked staring at his best friend in horror, Thorin couldn't possibly think he would find Dawlin attractive.''
''Hey! Don't look so horrified! I would make a good spouse!'' Dawlin whined as he threw a chicken bone at Bilbo. He may not have any romantic interest in Bilbo but he still was a catch..
''I didn't mean to offend you Dawlin but to really think I would fall for another so fast is preposterous, I've only given my heart away once and it is still with the one I left it with, despite it being bruised I still care for him the same as before..'' Bilbo mumbled feeling sadness fill his heart.
''Then you should tell him, if you don't he will let his insecurities rule his actions once more and none of us wants that..'' Balin softly said as he squeezed the hobbits shoulder in comfort. Bilbo nodded his head despite dreading the up coming hours.
x_X_x_X_x_X_x
Thorin was laying on his bed, wide awake thinking about his little hobbit. The honey-blond curls he wished to run his fingers through mesmerised him, the crystal-blue orbs drew him in with such force he was unable to stop looking at them. The soft, unsure voice that reviled when Bilbo was flustered, he missed it when it would bring him comfort in his times of need. He even missed when he would fiercely shout at him when he didn't agree with his commands. A knocking on the door drew him away from his thoughts, he was tempted to ignore it, but something told him to go and acknowledge it.
''Ye-'' He stopped abruptly when he noticed who it was. Looking down slightly, he saw his small little hobbit standing there, in his night gowns waiting to be let in.
''Good evening Thorin.. May I talk to you?'' He asked. Thorin could here the slightest of tremble coming from the smaller male and nodded his head, stepping aside to let him in.
Bilbo went to sit on one of the armchairs while Thorin closed the door and lit some of the candles up before he sat himself on the opposite side of Bilbo.
''So..what's on your mind?'' Thorin asked slowly, feeling concern fill his whole being when he noticed the hopeless expression on Bilbos face.
''What am I doing here Thorin?'' He asked, the question confusing the older dwarf.
''I mean, I know you sent for me to be able to apologise and I get that but what do you expect to happen?'' Thorin was at loss of words, he hadn't really thought about what he would do when Bilbo arrived, he just wanted to see his hobbit again.
''We've laughed and sung and talked about old times and yet I fail to see your need for my presence. You avoid talking about the reason you banned me and yet you get angry at Dawlin for keeping m-'' Bilbo was cut of when Thorin slammed his hands on the table.
''Is..Dawlin.. Are yo-'' Bilbo stood up and glared at the still sitting male.
''You really think so little of me don't you? Of all the things I said you choose to focus on that insignificant part?'' Thorin was about to protest but never got the chance.
''No! For once in your life just sit and listen. I love you and no one else. Yet you act as if I'm your possession after everything you've done to me. You keep pushing me away and yet you expect me to stay with you? Thorin, I don't know how much more of it I can take.'' Bilbo said despair rolling of him in waves.
''You.. still love me?'' Thorin asked, hope filling his eyes as he stood up walking towards him.
''Of course I do you stupid dwarf, but you refuse to give me time to heal. You can't let your insecurities rule you again, because I'm not sure that my heart can take it..'' Bilbo said as he stroked the dwarfs cheek, tears rolling from his eyes.
''Help me?..'' Thorin asked quietly, knowing that he couldn't do it on his own, he needed Bilbo to keep him from doubting himself, to help him his best. Thorin Oakenshield needed Bilbo, his one, to complete the part of him that lacked. Lacked affection, gentleness and understanding.
''If you'd let me.'' Bilbo answered back, while nodding his head. Thorins face inched closer and Bilbo didn't move away. He needed this, they needed this; to know that hey were was okay, that they could move past this. And as their lips met, sharing a soft kiss filled with love and acceptance, forgiveness and understanding, a new beginning was forming and somehow they both knew that they would be alright.
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A/N: Soo once again I'd like to know what you think, should there be a sequel or not? It was emotionally draining to write, I had to think how I personally would have felt and yet I feel like I held myself back..
Like always, if you have any thoughts, questions or concerns feel free to contact me by either leaving a review or by sending a PM.
-, See you next time gorgeous