Clarke Griffin had spent months trying very hard to maintain emotional distance from Bellamy Blake.
In the beginning, when she'd made it her business to take on the difficult decisions that she hoped would keep everyone safe, Clarke had learned that she was most effective at making the best decisions if she and Bellamy made them together. So in order for them to maintain some objectivity, it was clear that she and Bellamy could be partners, and co-leaders, and friends. Even, eventually, best friends. But nothing more.
Clarke often suspected that Bellamy might have come to the very same conclusion about her, but it was nothing they'd ever talked about.
But things had changed. Now that they knew that life might slip away any second, Clarke was finding it harder and harder to maintain that emotional and physical detachment. Lately, in fact, it seemed like she'd begun to crave Bellamy's touch. Especially on a day like this one, when it looked like nothing they dreamed up, nothing they tried, was ever going to work out.
When it really did feel like they might die on this planet before they ever got the chance to live on it.
She was in her tiny quarters, once again adding up the columns of numbers that told her just how many lives she wouldn't be able to save from this new apocalypse, when Bellamy came looking for her. He saw her distress, and his kind words gave her hope.
"We're still breathing," he said, his slight smile softening for her.
And if he'd stopped with those words, if he'd never reached out his arm, or squeezed her shoulder, or felt a need to offer that last bit of comfort and support, it might not have happened.
But he had, and it did.
It had been such a long time since he'd touched her that she felt that gentle squeeze all the way to her toes. She was sad, and she was tired, and suddenly she hadn't the strength to mask how desperately she needed his touch. So with scarcely a thought, Clarke grasped his hand and bent her head to gently rub her cheek along his arm, strengthening and prolonging their connection.
Moving his simple touch out of the realm of friendly comfort and turning it into something far more intimate.
Behind her, she heard Bellamy gasp softly, but then his fingers squeezed around hers tightly, and it occurred to her that maybe that craving went both ways. She looked up at him, seeing half-lidded eyes and a clenched jaw, and before she could think better of it, Clarke was out of her chair and pushing herself into him. Winding her arms around his neck and pressing her lips against his.
Her kiss was tentative, soft and gentle, featherlight across his lips. At first, his body felt rigid, like a tightly-coiled spring. But then that spring unwound with a sudden snap.
"Clarke," Bellamy groaned into her mouth, pulling her body into his, wrapping one arm tightly around her waist and pushing the other through her hair. And finally, finally, he was kissing her back, his lips not tentative at all, but hard and probing. When his tongue slid into her mouth, Clarke could scarcely breathe. She wound her body around him, forgetting about everything except the man in her arms and how he was making her feel.
It was a miracle that she even heard the rapping at the door, so loud was the hammering of her heart. Bellamy pulled away first, breathing hard, and they stared at each other in confusion. When the sharp rap came again, his eyes flicked to the door.
"Door," he said gruffly, as though incapable of uttering more than a single word.
Clarke nodded, her hands reaching up automatically to smooth her hair, as she desperately tried to regulate her breathing. She moved the few steps to the entryway and opened the door with a jerk.
"Sorry to bother you, Clarke," Kane said, "but is Bellamy...?"
He stopped abruptly when Bellamy appeared in the doorway behind her.
"I'm right here," Bellamy said casually. Clarke had to admire how completely unruffled he looked, as though she hadn't been feverishly pressing herself against his aroused body only seconds before. She composed her own features and hoped desperately that Kane would be quick with whatever it was he wanted.
But when she noted Kane's observant eyes flicking between the two of them, she thought perhaps they hadn't been as subtle as she'd hoped.
"I'm sorry," Kane said, his smile rueful, as though he knew exactly what he'd interrupted. "I know you haven't had much time off lately, Bellamy, but I really need you to take the Rover out to the new bunker."
"Uh, sure," Bellamy nodded, moving around her and through the doorway.
Clarke was appalled.
"What, now?" she asked, forgetting subtlety altogether.
Kane's look was sympathetic. "It really has to be right now, yes. I'm sending Miller with you, and he's already been briefed," he added, turning to Bellamy. "Meet him in the hangar bay as quickly as you can, and make sure to take enough gear for several days."
Bellamy nodded and started off down the corridor, ready, as always, to put aside everything when duty called.
"Bellamy, wait!" she cried, and he stopped and turned, the expression on his face inscrutable.
Clarke wanted to scream in frustration, but even if she'd let herself indulge in such a childish display, it would have been pointless. She sighed, understanding finally that they weren't going to be able to exchange even a single word about what had just happened.
Clarke shrugged, smiling softly. "Good luck," she said. "Be careful," she added, conscious of the inanity of such advice. When had Bellamy Blake ever been careful?
Bellamy smiled softly. "See you in a few days," he said, before continuing down the hallway.
"I really am sorry, Clarke," Kane said again, before moving off in Bellamy's wake, and Clarke was suddenly alone in her doorway.
She shut the door, still in a daze, and sat heavily on her bed. Trying to make sense of what had just happened. She'd kissed Bellamy and he'd responded in a way that made her think that it had been something he'd wanted for a long time. Just like her.
Just like her.
Clarke shook her head, staring at the spot behind her desk, remembering again the feel of his lips, and his hands, and his hard body. She shivered, and felt her frustration rise to new heights.
"Oh, god," she said aloud, as she contemplated what might have happened if Kane hadn't interrupted them. They'd probably be right on this bed, she thought, smoothing down her blanket.
Then she smiled to herself. Who was she kidding? Even now, she still felt tingly everywhere he'd touched her, and some places he hadn't had the chance to. So there was no probably about it. They'd be making love right now if Bellamy hadn't had to go charging off on yet another mission.
And what about all those months she'd spent avoiding intimacy with Bellamy?
But Clarke knew the answer to that before the question had fully formed in her head. Back then, back at the beginning, Bellamy Blake had just been someone she liked, maybe even someone she was attracted to. But most importantly, he'd been the person she depended on.
Now he was so much more.
Now he was the single most important person in her life and he had been for a very long time. She sighed. There was no use lying to herself about it.
And suddenly, she was desperate to let him know how much she cared, determined that he not leave on this mission thinking that their embrace had been some sort of aberration, a one-off that they needed to back away from. Clarke Griffin was done backing away.
She was off her bed and out the door before she could change her mind.
She hurried down the hallway, trying to estimate how much time had passed since Bellamy had left her room. Ten minutes? Fifteen? She picked up her pace, practically racing through the corridors, when she remembered that Bellamy always kept a packed gear bag for just such occasions. It wouldn't have taken him long at all to ready himself for the mission.
Clarke was breathing heavily by the time she ran up the final hallway and pulled up short at the entrance to the hangar bay, breathing a sigh of relief when she caught sight of the Rover still in its bay. Miller spied her first, nodding to Bellamy and cocking his head in her direction.
"What are you doing here, Clarke?" Bellamy asked, moving towards her, his brows drawn together in confusion.
For the first time, Clarke gave thought to her surroundings, and wondered at her own stupidity. There were a dozen people in the hangar, and she was damned if she was having an intimate conversation in front of an audience. But she had to say something. She couldn't have him leave without letting him know that she wanted things to be different between them. That she wanted them to be more.
Clarke moved as far into Bellamy's personal space as she dared with so many random Arkadians swirling about them, searching for a way to let him know what was on her mind.
"Bellamy," she began. "About...before." His face took on a watchful expression as he waited for her to continue, and she suddenly knew exactly what it was he needed to hear.
"Let's not wait," she said softly. "We've waited a long time and...I don't think we should wait any longer."
The warm smile that swept across Bellamy's face then told her that he'd understood.
"Got it," he said quietly, happily. "No waiting."
They stood there smiling at each other for a very long moment until Miller, standing several feet away, finally cleared his throat.
"Yeah, yeah," Bellamy told Miller, never taking his eyes off Clarke. "Gotta go," he said softly.
Clarke was aching for his touch and she knew he could probably see the longing on her face. He reached up suddenly and grabbed a strand of her fine blonde hair, giving it a gentle tug. They both chuckled.
"Damn you, Bellamy Blake," she said through her grin, "this time you will be careful."
"Yes, ma'am," he said, accompanying his answer with a smart salute, before lumbering over to the Rover, the smile still on his face.
Clarke sighed as she watched the Rover exit the bay and move into the open air. The world was still about to rain down havoc upon them, and she knew they might not make it. But she was determined to grab what happiness she could until her very last breath.
So she'd wait until he returned from this mission, but then she'd wait no more.