Father figure - All that and more.
For days now, Alex had been watching Claire. Watching her bond with her daughter, watching her fall in love with her child, watching the woman he loved grow closer and create an invisible eternal tie with the child of another man. Alex sighed softly. It didn't matter now. What mattered now was Claire. The way Alex felt was secondary, Claire was the important one. Claire and the baby. Claire.
Alex sighed again, and pushed his feelings to the back of his mind, allowing himself a small self-deprecating smile. He'd known for a while now that he was in love with Claire. And he knew that she would never love him, well maybe as a friend, but not as he loved her. Not with an all-consuming passion, with a love so true that he had lost interest in anyone else. Claire saw him as a best friend and nothing more. And Alex knew that he would have to take what he could get. And if all Claire was offering was friendship, then Alex was willing to take friendship - however much more he craved.
A small whimper from the cot beside him was all that was needed before Alex reached into the cot and picked Charlotte up. Holding her carefully, he moved out onto the veranda and sat down, moving Charlotte so that she lay across his lap, so that he could watch her, could stare down into her big blue eyes. Claire was asleep, the trauma of the birth was finally catching up with her - and now she knew that Charlotte was in safe hands, she was letting herself relax more. Letting other people take charge - as long as they did things her way. Claire had left Meg a list of things to do if Charlotte woke up while Claire slept, a list that Meg had read through and then 'adapted' to reality. Much as Meg adored little Charlotte, the world did not revolve around the baby, however Claire felt at the moment. Meg had things jobs that she needed to be getting on with, and Alex had turned up just at the right moment.
"Alex, would you mind watching Charlotte for a moment while I put the washing out?"
Alex grinned at Meg.
"Me? Baby-sit? What does Claire say?"
"She's asleep and what she doesn't know, won't hurt. But for the sake of our sanity, perhaps we shouldn't tell her just yet?"
Meg grinned back at Alex, knowing full well that Claire wouldn't object to Alex looking after Charlotte - not really anyway. Sure she might SAY she objected, but Meg knew Claire. Knew that if there were anyone outside the family that she would trust with her daughter, that it would be Alex Ryan. That Claire would ultimately trust Alex with anything and everything - Drovers Run, her family, her daughter and Meg hoped, eventually her heart.
Alex stared down at the baby on his lap; her small fist wrapped tightly around his little finger. She stared up at him, and Alex fell in love all over again. He smiled at her and began to talk.
"You and I need to talk, Charlotte. I need to tell you something, and I need you to keep it between the two of us. Yeah, right - who are you going to tell?" He smirked down at her. "Anyway, I need to tell you this Charlotte, you need to know this." Alex paused again, the words rattling around inside his head - he had to say this, it had been eating away at him for some time now, and he had to say it out loud - even if it were to a tiny baby who wouldn't understand him - let alone be able to respond.
"Charlotte, you are a very lucky young lady. You have a family who love you, an Aunt who adores you and a bunch of adopted Aunts who would do anything for you. Your Uncle Nick finds you fascinating and then there's me." Alex stopped, closing his eyes as he cast around for the best way to say what he was feeling. It had all seemed so easy to say when he was practicing it in his mind, but now, now he was saying it out loud, when this was a whole other matter. Throwing back his head, Alex laughed out loud - just say it, you knob, he told himself.
"Charlotte, I want to tell you that if there's ever anything you need, anything you want, you can always come to me. Always. I'll be there for you however and whenever you need me. I'm as close as you can get to a father - that Johnson knob doesn't count for anything. You don't need him Charlotte, not when you've got me. And neither does your Mum. I'll always be around Charlotte, I'll take care of you and I'll - I'll love you just as much as any father could. As much - as much as I love your Mother. She's a good woman, Charlotte; she's beautiful, strong, independent and extremely stubborn. And I love her, Charlotte. I always have and I always will. You should be my daughter, Charlotte." He sighed. "But you're not, and there's not much I can do about it. But you need to know this. I love you Charlotte, and I love your Mum, and, well, I'll always be around if you need me."
Charlotte gurgled up at Alex, a small baby smile playing around the corners of her tiny mouth. Alex grinned back at her.
"And you don't understand a word I've just told you, do you?"
A small sound behind them made Alex jump. Meg moved over to sit beside him, smiling down at Charlotte.
"Alex, you need to talk to Claire."
"Meg, no, I - it doesn't matter. I can't tell her, she'd laugh in my face - " at Meg's disapproving look, he amended that. "Ok, so maybe she wouldn't - but she doesn't need me telling her all of this now. Not when she's finally getting herself back on track. Meg, I've always loved her and I reckon I always will, but why rock the boat by telling her now? She doesn't need it and it's not going to happen, Meg. Not a word, not to anyone." Carefully, and with all of the pride of a new father, he handed Charlotte to Meg and stood, gently stroking Charlotte's soft downy hair. "Not a word. Charlotte is all Claire needs right now. I can wait." And with that he moved off the veranda, and into his Ute, the dust roaring as he drove off.
Meg looked down at Charlotte, shielding her eyes from the dust.
"Charlotte, Alex is right you know. You are a lucky girl. Your Mum adores you and your Dad? Well, let's just say that as of today Alex is your Dad. He loves you and he loves your Mum and I'm going to see to it that they find their way to each other if I have to bang their heads together to do so. OK?"
Meg stood up and cradled the baby to her, carrying her back into the kitchen and tucking her into the bassinet. Claire shuffled downstairs, rubbing her eyes sleepily as she came into the kitchen.
"Was that Alex causing that dust storm?" she asked. Meg smiled, her new knowledge of Alex's feelings making her more aware than ever of the bond between the two of them. Claire always seemed to know when Alex was around, and vice versa.
"MmHm. He babysat while I put the washing out. He's good with her, isn't he? He could be a good father figure for her." She said, plunging her hands into the hot water in the washing up bowl.
Claire looked askance at Meg, all traces of sleep vanishing.
"Meg, Charlotte has a father, and it's not Alex" - however much I wish it was, thought Claire. Her eyes widened as the thought sank in. Where had that come from? Pushing it away to the back of her mind, Claire continued talking. "Peter has a right to get to know her, and I'm not going to stand in his way. He has a right to see her if he wants to."
Meg turned round and held up dripping hands.
"Claire! Claire, hey, calm down. I'm not arguing. I'm just saying that seeing as Peter isn't around, that Alex would be a good replacement. He obviously adores Charlotte and you and he, well you've always been close - I was just saying - "
"Well don't. Alex isn't Charlotte's father and that's an end to it." Claire scooped Charlotte up and took her back out onto the veranda. Meg sighed and turned back to the dishes, this was going to prove harder than she had thought.
Claire sat in the late afternoon sun cradling Charlotte to her chest. The depth of emotions she felt for her daughter had surprised her. She had known she'd love the baby - that was only normal, wasn't it. But she had been surprised at the depth of the love and at the sudden all-consuming conviction that something was going to go wrong - that something would happen to Charlotte. Claire knew she had a good team around her, that her family would always rally round should she need it. And, she grinned to herself, she had to admit that she included Nick and Alex in that family. Particularly Alex.
Making herself more comfortable, Claire began to think about Alex Ryan. She couldn't remember a time when he hadn't been there for her - whether she had wanted him there or not. He was always there, always in the background, ready with support, attention and a swift kick in the pants when she needed it. Not that she ever had - well, not that often anyway. And Meg was right, really. Alex would make a good father figure for Charlotte - would have been a good father for Charlotte. And again the thought drew Claire up short. Where were these thoughts coming from? Peter was the biological father. Peter.
Claire rolled the name around in her head and found that she had no reaction at all. No small shiver, no clench of the heart, no butterflies in the tummy. Nothing. Just the knowledge that Peter was Charlotte's father and therefore had the right to see his child. If he wanted to. Which he hadn't yet. And was showing no sign of doing so in the near future. Unlike Alex, who had visited daily, sometimes more than once. Unlike Alex who had obviously formed a bond with Charlotte and cared about the baby a great deal. Unlike Alex who was doing all he could for them.
Claire sat back and thought about Alex. About the way he cared for Charlotte and - and cared for her. Claire had never doubted that Alex cared about her, but until now the relationship between the two of them had been one of friendship - a true, everlasting friendship, but nothing more. Until now.
And it was all Meg's fault. Meg had planted the seed. Meg had made Claire think this way. Think these thoughts about Alex. To think about those oh so blue eyes, to think about the way his muscles rippled as he moved, to think about the way those tight jeans move - and you can just stop that RIGHT there Claire McLeod, she told herself.
Except that she didn't.
Meg stood at the window watching Claire. Smiling, she watched as a range of emotions played across Claire's face. Outside, Claire smiled and shuddered simultaneously. What did all of this mean? Was she attracted to Alex? To ALEX? And would it be such a bad thing if she was? Sure he was a friend, a good friend, but would it be so terrible to - well to go that extra step and to allow herself to fall in love with him?
And again Claire drew a sharp breath.
Where had that one come from? In love with Alex? In love with Alex Ryan? And yet a small niggle at the back of her mind was screaming out to Claire that all of this, it wasn't anything that she didn't already know, it wasn't something that she hadn't always felt on some level. And would it really be so bad to let herself feel this way?
Of course it would, she told herself. After all, what was the point - Alex only saw her as a friend, nothing more - and to let herself fall for him, well that would only lead to heartbreak.
Meg continued to watch Claire.
Claire sighed, she'd done it now. She'd let it out, and now that it was out it wouldn't go back. Feelings, emotions were a real burden. Claire prided herself in being a strong independent woman, and yet here she was in love with her next door neighbour and now she had realised it, she was unable to stop it. She was unable to stop loving this man, the man who had always been around, who loved her daughter like his own, and who looked so damn good in those snug fitting jeans.
Meg watched as Claire smiled softly.
"Meg?" she said, and Meg jumped, he expression one of a deer caught in the headlights.
"What am I going to do? And don't deny it. You always could read me."
Meg came and sat beside her, gently taking Charlotte from Claire.
"Go and talk to him. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. I promised him I wouldn't say anything, and so I won't, but if you talk to him - well it might just be that you'll find what you're looking for." Meg stood up and with her free arm, she pulled Claire to her feet. "Go on Claire. Go and see him - go now, please. For me, for Charlotte and most importantly, for you."
In a voice uncharacteristically full of trepidation, Claire managed to whisper "Really?"
"Really." Said Meg, giving her a little shove towards Blaze. "Go"
For days now, Alex had been watching Claire. Watching her bond with her daughter, watching her fall in love with her child, watching the woman he loved grow closer and create an invisible eternal tie with the child of another man. Alex sighed softly. It didn't matter now. What mattered now was Claire. The way Alex felt was secondary, Claire was the important one. Claire and the baby. Claire.
Alex sighed again, and pushed his feelings to the back of his mind, allowing himself a small self-deprecating smile. He'd known for a while now that he was in love with Claire. And he knew that she would never love him, well maybe as a friend, but not as he loved her. Not with an all-consuming passion, with a love so true that he had lost interest in anyone else. Claire saw him as a best friend and nothing more. And Alex knew that he would have to take what he could get. And if all Claire was offering was friendship, then Alex was willing to take friendship - however much more he craved.
A small whimper from the cot beside him was all that was needed before Alex reached into the cot and picked Charlotte up. Holding her carefully, he moved out onto the veranda and sat down, moving Charlotte so that she lay across his lap, so that he could watch her, could stare down into her big blue eyes. Claire was asleep, the trauma of the birth was finally catching up with her - and now she knew that Charlotte was in safe hands, she was letting herself relax more. Letting other people take charge - as long as they did things her way. Claire had left Meg a list of things to do if Charlotte woke up while Claire slept, a list that Meg had read through and then 'adapted' to reality. Much as Meg adored little Charlotte, the world did not revolve around the baby, however Claire felt at the moment. Meg had things jobs that she needed to be getting on with, and Alex had turned up just at the right moment.
"Alex, would you mind watching Charlotte for a moment while I put the washing out?"
Alex grinned at Meg.
"Me? Baby-sit? What does Claire say?"
"She's asleep and what she doesn't know, won't hurt. But for the sake of our sanity, perhaps we shouldn't tell her just yet?"
Meg grinned back at Alex, knowing full well that Claire wouldn't object to Alex looking after Charlotte - not really anyway. Sure she might SAY she objected, but Meg knew Claire. Knew that if there were anyone outside the family that she would trust with her daughter, that it would be Alex Ryan. That Claire would ultimately trust Alex with anything and everything - Drovers Run, her family, her daughter and Meg hoped, eventually her heart.
Alex stared down at the baby on his lap; her small fist wrapped tightly around his little finger. She stared up at him, and Alex fell in love all over again. He smiled at her and began to talk.
"You and I need to talk, Charlotte. I need to tell you something, and I need you to keep it between the two of us. Yeah, right - who are you going to tell?" He smirked down at her. "Anyway, I need to tell you this Charlotte, you need to know this." Alex paused again, the words rattling around inside his head - he had to say this, it had been eating away at him for some time now, and he had to say it out loud - even if it were to a tiny baby who wouldn't understand him - let alone be able to respond.
"Charlotte, you are a very lucky young lady. You have a family who love you, an Aunt who adores you and a bunch of adopted Aunts who would do anything for you. Your Uncle Nick finds you fascinating and then there's me." Alex stopped, closing his eyes as he cast around for the best way to say what he was feeling. It had all seemed so easy to say when he was practicing it in his mind, but now, now he was saying it out loud, when this was a whole other matter. Throwing back his head, Alex laughed out loud - just say it, you knob, he told himself.
"Charlotte, I want to tell you that if there's ever anything you need, anything you want, you can always come to me. Always. I'll be there for you however and whenever you need me. I'm as close as you can get to a father - that Johnson knob doesn't count for anything. You don't need him Charlotte, not when you've got me. And neither does your Mum. I'll always be around Charlotte, I'll take care of you and I'll - I'll love you just as much as any father could. As much - as much as I love your Mother. She's a good woman, Charlotte; she's beautiful, strong, independent and extremely stubborn. And I love her, Charlotte. I always have and I always will. You should be my daughter, Charlotte." He sighed. "But you're not, and there's not much I can do about it. But you need to know this. I love you Charlotte, and I love your Mum, and, well, I'll always be around if you need me."
Charlotte gurgled up at Alex, a small baby smile playing around the corners of her tiny mouth. Alex grinned back at her.
"And you don't understand a word I've just told you, do you?"
A small sound behind them made Alex jump. Meg moved over to sit beside him, smiling down at Charlotte.
"Alex, you need to talk to Claire."
"Meg, no, I - it doesn't matter. I can't tell her, she'd laugh in my face - " at Meg's disapproving look, he amended that. "Ok, so maybe she wouldn't - but she doesn't need me telling her all of this now. Not when she's finally getting herself back on track. Meg, I've always loved her and I reckon I always will, but why rock the boat by telling her now? She doesn't need it and it's not going to happen, Meg. Not a word, not to anyone." Carefully, and with all of the pride of a new father, he handed Charlotte to Meg and stood, gently stroking Charlotte's soft downy hair. "Not a word. Charlotte is all Claire needs right now. I can wait." And with that he moved off the veranda, and into his Ute, the dust roaring as he drove off.
Meg looked down at Charlotte, shielding her eyes from the dust.
"Charlotte, Alex is right you know. You are a lucky girl. Your Mum adores you and your Dad? Well, let's just say that as of today Alex is your Dad. He loves you and he loves your Mum and I'm going to see to it that they find their way to each other if I have to bang their heads together to do so. OK?"
Meg stood up and cradled the baby to her, carrying her back into the kitchen and tucking her into the bassinet. Claire shuffled downstairs, rubbing her eyes sleepily as she came into the kitchen.
"Was that Alex causing that dust storm?" she asked. Meg smiled, her new knowledge of Alex's feelings making her more aware than ever of the bond between the two of them. Claire always seemed to know when Alex was around, and vice versa.
"MmHm. He babysat while I put the washing out. He's good with her, isn't he? He could be a good father figure for her." She said, plunging her hands into the hot water in the washing up bowl.
Claire looked askance at Meg, all traces of sleep vanishing.
"Meg, Charlotte has a father, and it's not Alex" - however much I wish it was, thought Claire. Her eyes widened as the thought sank in. Where had that come from? Pushing it away to the back of her mind, Claire continued talking. "Peter has a right to get to know her, and I'm not going to stand in his way. He has a right to see her if he wants to."
Meg turned round and held up dripping hands.
"Claire! Claire, hey, calm down. I'm not arguing. I'm just saying that seeing as Peter isn't around, that Alex would be a good replacement. He obviously adores Charlotte and you and he, well you've always been close - I was just saying - "
"Well don't. Alex isn't Charlotte's father and that's an end to it." Claire scooped Charlotte up and took her back out onto the veranda. Meg sighed and turned back to the dishes, this was going to prove harder than she had thought.
Claire sat in the late afternoon sun cradling Charlotte to her chest. The depth of emotions she felt for her daughter had surprised her. She had known she'd love the baby - that was only normal, wasn't it. But she had been surprised at the depth of the love and at the sudden all-consuming conviction that something was going to go wrong - that something would happen to Charlotte. Claire knew she had a good team around her, that her family would always rally round should she need it. And, she grinned to herself, she had to admit that she included Nick and Alex in that family. Particularly Alex.
Making herself more comfortable, Claire began to think about Alex Ryan. She couldn't remember a time when he hadn't been there for her - whether she had wanted him there or not. He was always there, always in the background, ready with support, attention and a swift kick in the pants when she needed it. Not that she ever had - well, not that often anyway. And Meg was right, really. Alex would make a good father figure for Charlotte - would have been a good father for Charlotte. And again the thought drew Claire up short. Where were these thoughts coming from? Peter was the biological father. Peter.
Claire rolled the name around in her head and found that she had no reaction at all. No small shiver, no clench of the heart, no butterflies in the tummy. Nothing. Just the knowledge that Peter was Charlotte's father and therefore had the right to see his child. If he wanted to. Which he hadn't yet. And was showing no sign of doing so in the near future. Unlike Alex, who had visited daily, sometimes more than once. Unlike Alex who had obviously formed a bond with Charlotte and cared about the baby a great deal. Unlike Alex who was doing all he could for them.
Claire sat back and thought about Alex. About the way he cared for Charlotte and - and cared for her. Claire had never doubted that Alex cared about her, but until now the relationship between the two of them had been one of friendship - a true, everlasting friendship, but nothing more. Until now.
And it was all Meg's fault. Meg had planted the seed. Meg had made Claire think this way. Think these thoughts about Alex. To think about those oh so blue eyes, to think about the way his muscles rippled as he moved, to think about the way those tight jeans move - and you can just stop that RIGHT there Claire McLeod, she told herself.
Except that she didn't.
Meg stood at the window watching Claire. Smiling, she watched as a range of emotions played across Claire's face. Outside, Claire smiled and shuddered simultaneously. What did all of this mean? Was she attracted to Alex? To ALEX? And would it be such a bad thing if she was? Sure he was a friend, a good friend, but would it be so terrible to - well to go that extra step and to allow herself to fall in love with him?
And again Claire drew a sharp breath.
Where had that one come from? In love with Alex? In love with Alex Ryan? And yet a small niggle at the back of her mind was screaming out to Claire that all of this, it wasn't anything that she didn't already know, it wasn't something that she hadn't always felt on some level. And would it really be so bad to let herself feel this way?
Of course it would, she told herself. After all, what was the point - Alex only saw her as a friend, nothing more - and to let herself fall for him, well that would only lead to heartbreak.
Meg continued to watch Claire.
Claire sighed, she'd done it now. She'd let it out, and now that it was out it wouldn't go back. Feelings, emotions were a real burden. Claire prided herself in being a strong independent woman, and yet here she was in love with her next door neighbour and now she had realised it, she was unable to stop it. She was unable to stop loving this man, the man who had always been around, who loved her daughter like his own, and who looked so damn good in those snug fitting jeans.
Meg watched as Claire smiled softly.
"Meg?" she said, and Meg jumped, he expression one of a deer caught in the headlights.
"What am I going to do? And don't deny it. You always could read me."
Meg came and sat beside her, gently taking Charlotte from Claire.
"Go and talk to him. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. I promised him I wouldn't say anything, and so I won't, but if you talk to him - well it might just be that you'll find what you're looking for." Meg stood up and with her free arm, she pulled Claire to her feet. "Go on Claire. Go and see him - go now, please. For me, for Charlotte and most importantly, for you."
In a voice uncharacteristically full of trepidation, Claire managed to whisper "Really?"
"Really." Said Meg, giving her a little shove towards Blaze. "Go"