Summary: About the process of Lockhart getting the Defense Against the Dark Arts job.
Rating: G
By: Katrine
A Last Resort
Professor Albus Dumbledore sat in his office in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It had been weeks since he had posted the wanted ad in the Daily Prophet, for the Defense Against the Dark Arts job, and no one had applied! It was a well paying job, but still, nobody had applied.
That's probably, he reminded himself, because there were rumors that the post was jinxed because no teacher had lasted more than 1 year there. Well, there had been deaths, quidditch accidents, murders by Voldemort (while he was in power) and of course, old Quirrel last year, who was a servant of Voldemort.
But still, someone had to apply, someone courageous, who thought the rumors were all rubbish. Someone come along, Dumbledore assured himself.
What Dumbledore hadn't planned was for a complete self-centered idiot to come and take the job.
It was two weeks before term, and still no DADA teacher. Professor Dumbledore was very nervous about this, as was Professor McGonagall. Severus Snape had offered to take the post in addition to his Potions position, but Dumbledore had refused him.
"Why Severus, you have enough to do as it is!" Dumbledore had told him in a pleasant tone, hoping he'd buy it. The last thing anybody needed to have around here was Snape for two classes, especially Gryffindors. Dumbledore knew that Severus was nice, at times, but he usually was mean during classes, with exemption to the Slytherins.
"Headmaster, I'm more than qualified to fill the position." Snape had replied.
"No, Severus. I'm afraid the answer is no. You should concentrate on your potions position alone."
Snape had then left the office, cursing under his breath.
But know Dumbledore was beginning to wonder if Snape would have to take the position. No one had applied, and he meant nobody. Not even a prankster, with some goofy name like 'Ura Snotball'. No one!
"What luck." Muttered Dumbledore as he turned around in his desk chair to look out the window. Suddenly, an owl appeared out of nowhere and dropped a letter on his desk. It was labeled: Professor Albus Dumbledore. He opened the note, and read:
Dear Professor Dumbledore,
I have read in the Daily Prophet that you are looking for a teacher for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. As I know all there is to know about the Dark Arts, I would be the perfect choice. I have combated the Wagga Wagga Werewolf, defeated the Brazilian Banshee, and have won the Witch's Weekly Most Charming Smile Award for five years running! But, I don't talk about that. I would be your perfect choice.
Yours Sincerely,
Gilderoy Lockhart
Order of Merlin, 3rd Class Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League Five-time winner of Witch's Weekly Most Charming Smile Award
Well, he seems qualified enough, thought Dumbledore. Cocky enough, also, thought a nasty voice in his head. "Well, he seems to be the only man for the job." Sighed Dumbledore, and he wrote back saying he would like an interview, tomorrow, about 1:00 in the afternoon.
The next day at noon, Professor Dumbledore was having a quiet lunch in the staffroom when who should walk in but Professor McGonagall and Rubeus Hagrid, the gamekeeper. They both walked to the table where Dumbledore was eating, and also took a seat.
"Really, Dumbledore, the wackiest rumors have been going around." Professor McGonagall said, with a note of humor in her voice, which was highly unusual, as McGonagall was normally quite strict and serious.
"What might those be?" Dumbledore asked, with a smile on his face.
"Well...that you've hired Gilderoy Lockhart for the DADA post!" She replied.
"My, My, Minerva, facts travel quite fast." Dumbledore said.
"You've hired HIM?" McGonagall said, obviously shocked. "I mean, that man is such a...excuse my language, but a miserable little git! I had him in transfiguration when he was at Hogwarts, and he always acted like such a nerd! I mean, he was giving me tips on how to run my class!" She exploded. It actually sounded like she had been wanting to get that out for awhile.
"I've not hired him yet, Minerva, but there is a good chance that I will. For he's the only man who has applied. In fact, I'm interviewing him, at 1:00, today." Dumbledore said sadly. "I know he sounds rather...self-loving, but if he's qualified enough, I'll have no choice."
Hagrid frowned. " Professor Dumbledore, sir, I hope yeh understan', if he goes 'round givin' me tips, I'll knock his brains out."
With that said, Hagrid stomped out of the room. McGonagall said, "I do hope you find someone else for the post." She walked away too. Dumbledore looked at his watch and muttered, "I should get going, it's 5 to 1:00."
Dumbledore strided up to his office on the 5th floor, and sat down in his desk chair, waiting for Lockhart. At last, about 5 minutes late, the door to Dumbledore's office burst open. In came a panting, breathless Gilderoy Lockhart.
"Sorry I'm late, Headmaster, but autograph sessions...they can run long. I couldn't refuse those long ladies who wanted my autograph." He flashed a dazzling smile, and it really did take all of Dumbledore's power not to roll his eyes.
"Well, Mr. Lockhart, please tell me any experiences you have had in the dark arts?" Dumbledore said, in a professional manner.
Albus Dumbledore hardly ever made mistakes, as headmaster, he couldn't afford to. But, asking that question was one of the worst mistakes he had ever made. Lockhart seemed to drone on forever, about werewolf encounters, banishing of banshees, and removing of yetis. Dumbledore tried to listen, but after 25 minutes of the droning, he couldn't stand it any longer.
He coughed loudly, and said, "Well, Mr. Lockhart, it appears to me that you have plenty of experience." He smiled weakly. "Welcome to the team, Gilderoy. Or should I say, Professor." Lockhart flashed another dazzling movie star smile, and then gasped, "Oh my! I have yet another Book signing to go to. Good day, Albus!" He walked out of the office, talking about the bothers of being so wonderfully famous. Dumbledore sighed, this time out of pity, for all the students of Hogwarts.
He did pity the students, because this year they got a bragging, self-loving, self-centered, famous git for their Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher. Oh well, it couldn't be blamed on him. Because, after all, it had been a last resort.
THE END
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