A/N: Firstly, totally Whouffle with implied RosexTen. Please turn back if that isn't your cup of tea, I don't want to put you through something you dislike. Secondly, I am sorry if this is messy. Clara's frustration at how to refer to Ten and Eleven without using their numbers echoes my own fun trying to write this. Hopefully it is still palatable. Lastly, my appreciation in advance to anyone who takes the time to read/review/favourite!
Disclaimer: The only part of Doctor Who I own is my unabashed love of it. The rest belongs to the BBC and friends.
I have never been particularly bothered by the fact that I am short, not really. But when I'm trying to keep up with two skinny boys in suits, who are both almost a foot taller than I am, and who are trying rather desperately to get myself and Rose away from whatever we call the things that are shooting at us, I am getting annoyed by the fact that I'm obviously slowing our mad dash through the Tower of London…
The Doctor… The Eleventh Doctor..? The Current Doctor..? My Doctor..? Oh my stars this is so confusing right now… There are technically two Doctor's running about at the moment and I can't seem to sort out how to use pronouns for them. I want to call him, the one with the wonderful head of hair, wait they both have great hair… I mean the one with the bowtie; I want to call him my Doctor.
I feel bad calling just one of his faces' my Doctor after I have seen them all, even if I do feel that way about him, this him that is. His Eleventh face was the first one I saw, kind of, I guess that depends on how you interpret the mess of timelines, at the very least he is the one who found me, who finally saw me, he is the one who call's me his.
I also don't like just giving him a number because he is a person… Just calling him 'Doctor' detracts from that fact enough as is, especially since I can remember his name.
And using the Current Doctor doesn't work because current is all a matter of perspective. To Rose, the Doctor she arrived with is the current one and mine is the future one. Not that he is mine but… but…
Uhhh… Somehow I seem to be gaining a whole new appreciation for the phrase 'wibbley wobbley' to try and describe something that you can't find words for. This whole situation is rather wibbley wobbley.
We are being chased and shot at by what the Doctor that I consider to be from the past has described as 'pilot fish.' The Doctor I consider to be current agreed, chiming in that two Doctors, two TARDIS' and whatever we are calling the Doctor who isn't the Doctor, all in the same place, would be enough to bring a lot of attention on us right now.
Rose tossed an accusing look at her Doctor; we both knew that this wasn't her first time with the anomaly that is the Doctor accidentally hailing down trouble. Frankly I feel a bit sorry for London at this point. But she doesn't know that I know this, because my Doctor has avidly avoided mentioning anything to do with what I did at Trenzalore to his past self or to Rose.
I got the feeling that I might be letting off some strange time energy stuff too still, which probably isn't helping the collection of impossible beings we have assembled here go unnoticed. The Doctor and I still aren't quite sure what exactly happened to me at Trenzalore though... All we have had time to figure out is that I get flashes of all the other lives I lived in my head, and it hurts horribly when it happens. Also the nightmares, but I don't want to think about them right now.
There are bigger problems we need to deal with. We lost the Doctor who isn't the Doctor a while ago, he escaped in the confusion when we first started getting shot at. Dealing with him should be our priority right now, but we need to lose the 'angry shooty things' as Rose so eloquently put first.
She and her Doctor as several feet ahead of us now, and have thrown open a very old and very solid looking wooden door. They are waving hands madly at us to get in so that we can shut the door between us and our pursuers…
We're about ten steps away when I feel something sink into my shoulder, and let out a small gasp, more of surprise than pain. It takes a few seconds to process, but I've been hit by whatever has been getting shot at us this whole time.
I more fall through the door than run through it, staggering farther forward as the Doctors both slam the door shut behind the four of us, before grabbing their respective sonic screwdrivers, ready to bolt it shut. There is only one problem with that plan though… No lock. Two large hooks rest on either side of the doorway to anchor something across the entry to bar it. Lovely.
Rose and her Doctor exchange a very worried look while my Doctor throws himself against the door to prevent our definitely not friends from following us in here.
Rose and her Doctor… The more I try to not use 'hers' and 'my' to describe the two Doctors, the more it seems to happen…
It's only when my Doctor turns to put his back into the door that he notices the dart protruding from my shoulder and the black haze appearing around me. When the dart falls to the floor and the haze becomes more of a cloud the colour drains from his face. It's our turn to share a look before I find my feet going out from under me.
Rose and the Doctor in the trench coat catch me on the way down, and I end up slumped against her Doctor's chest. With him looking down at me my head swims with images of him from my other lives… The wash of images and voices is really not helping me keep my focus here… Whatever that cloud is it seems like it is searing tiny holes all over my body.
The younger him is looking at me, obviously concerned. He has been watching his older self and I closely, trying to figure me out… Rose is kneeling beside him, with her hands over her mouth. I hate this, I hate being the one slowing everything down…
My Doctor is knocked a few inches forward for a moment before throwing himself back against the door as the creatures pound on it, trying to break in. He must be a lot stronger than he looks…
"Rose, there should be something to bar the entryway with in the gatehouse!" The Doctor whose arms I am in points to the small doorway up a few stairs to the right of the gate. Tower of London, guardhouse makes sense. Keep making sense Clara, breath. Think.
"On it!" She shouts as she jumps up and runs to the small flight of stairs. She is worried about me but she trusts him to sort it out. She trusts him completely.
Another loud bang erupts from the door, pushing it in a bit, tossing my Doctor forward again before he pushes himself back to keep it shut, not taking his eyes off of me for a second.
My lungs begin to feel the searing sensation and I start coughing, the tiny black dust cloud flitting about me again.
"Oh no no no no!" The him whose lap I am laying in says.
"Do something! Please! Doctor, do something!" My Doctor has evident panic in his eyes. He wants to run over to me, but if he does those things get in. He is so close but so far.
Its strange laying here. I am laying in his arms, yet not in his arms at all. For a moment I have pity for River, and consider what this was like for her. To see him, and know him, without him knowing you. But then, I am not River. I'm not a fleeting visitor from his future; I won't be coming and going… I have seen all of him, every face, she didn't know this Doctor when she saw him, not really, all she had were stolen moments from his future...
I have been around since the beginning, in the shadows, but there. Yet the Doctor who is currently trying to hold fast the door is the only one who knows who I am, what I am. His impossible girl. The weight of the loneliness I felt in Trenzalore hits me, surrounded by him yet unnoticed…
I start coughing again, and this time the Doctor swipes a hand at the cloud that appeared during my fit, and some of it moves to comb over him. They only get midway up his wrist before there is a tiny shower of sparks and the cloud falls around him, landing as a pile of dust on my shoulder.
"Ooohhhh! These are rudimentary nanogenes! Can't take on more than one set of data of DNA though, they're like white blood cells; they attack anything they don't recognize! Those things have turned them into a weapon; it'll just paralyzes you without killing you! Well… For a while at least…"
Okay… It doesn't matter how old or young he is. He always gets the delighted expression when he is being clever. But that really doesn't help me right now.
My Doctor is looking near hysterical.
"Yes we are clever, excellent deduction my dear Watson, all cool hats off to us, but we need a way to fix it, seriously, I will let go of this door if I have to."
It almost hurts that he doesn't trust himself. But then, he has no recollection of any of this, meaning that something must happen along the way that forces both his past self and Rose forget everything that occurs here today.
The him whose arms I am in flashes a bright grin at the door as he cocks his head a tad, it's a trademark look and I know that everything will be okay after seeing it, although I don't understand how yet.
"But this is brilliant! Didn't you see what happened when they got a look at me?"
"Yes. They short circuited. Point?" His voice comes out in broken words as he pushes back into the door as our pursuers slam into it again.
"They can't take seeing more than two sets of DNA, they attack the second and get overloaded at the third!"
"So..?"
"Oh yes!"
And with that, my, somewhat horrified Doctor, who is stuck across the room keeping the door shut, watches as his past self grabs my face and kisses me.
I'd always thought it was pretty crude when people jokingly called kissing 'swapping spit'... But that is basically what I know my Doctor is being forced to watch... That was the point of this after all, as near as I can figure, get some Time Lord DNA on me so that these nanogene things would overload, and judging by the hot little sparks landing all over me I would say that it was working.
"Brings a whole new meaning to 'mouth to mouth.'" He says when he pulls back, waggling his eyebrows a bit. "DNA transfer through kissing, brilliant, I'll have to keep that in mind later." He says, looking so pleased with himself.
"This thing is heavy, I could use some help!" Rose's voice comes from inside the guardroom.
"Coming!" The Doctor who was just snogging the living daylights out of me calls before setting me down gently and dashing after Rose, trench coat flying behind him.
I try to sit up, which is harder than I would like to admit… I am mostly upright in time to see Rose and her Doctor return with a wooden beam to put across the door and lift it into place, which frees up my Doctor from his job as a door jamb to come running as I try to stand up.
He whips me off my feet and into his arms before I can even insist that I am alright, which I may or may not be, haven't actually had time to check. Rose and the trench coat are beside us now.
"Allons-y!" He calls as they grab hands and continue running down the corridor, with my Doctor right on their heels. I can't help but notice that they hold hands when they run. And I know we usually do to. They don't even seem to notice that they do it, and half the time I know I don't make a conscious decision for it to happen either. I know what Rose means to that him, probably still to this him… Seeing similar habits scares me, because I also understand what he means to her, and not just because I have seen them together before.
We arrive some moments later at another massive door, more of a gate, with a twin set of winch systems, suspended somewhere from above, which I can only assume are reached by following the two stair cases on the inside of the entryway. My Doctor sets me back down on my feet gently before he goes to investigate them.
"We need to get them both working at the same time to seal the door. It was meant for a pair of guards, a pair of guards with keys." He says.
"That means we need the sonic screwdriver in two places at once though…" Other him replies and they look worried.
"There are two at the moment!" I say.
"We got two right now!" Rose says at the same time, sounding as frustrated with the pair of them as I assume I do.
The Doctors exchange a look where their faces light up with that realization, while Rose and I can just stare at them. Honestly, two Doctors, can neither of you count? My head rings for a moment, hearing his voice in my head 'two genders is a bit farther than he can count!' I hate these moments, because my body still reacts to the pain, and he sees it every time.
I start towards the right staircase before he can fuss over me, and grab his hand to pull him with me. We climb the stairway, round the corner to a tiny room and the Doctor sets to work on the winch, obviously Rose and her Doctor met no issues as I hear the heavy door fall down into place a moment later, effectively sealing us off from the dart shooters. Now to find that man again, the one who broke the promise…
Unfortunately, the gate isn't the only thing that closes. The passage up the stairs on our side has also shut, trapping us up here.
"Clara, Doctor?" Rose calls up the stairs.
"We seem to be a bit stuck." My Doctor seethes.
"Give us a minute; I'll have you right out of there!" Rose's Doctor calls before I hear the sound of two sets of feet moving farther away.
My Doctor makes a noise of extreme annoyance and flails his hands about a bit before he angrily straightens his bowtie and starts walking back and forth in front of the blocked stairwell.
"Why are you pacing?" I ask him, leaning against the cool stone of the wall and closing my eyes. I still feel a bit hot from whatever those nanogenes tried to do to me, and the cold feels good.
"Trying to find a way out." He says somewhat shortly.
"Please stop it."
Opening my eyes to look at him I see that he isn't using his sonic to scan anything, he isn't even really focusing on the door.
"Why?" He replies, a bit short again.
"Because you're making me anxious and the you outside is going to get it open."
"How do you know that?"
"Because he is you, and I trust you."
At this he looks at me, with wide eyes, like I am wrong to do so, before turning again and making unintelligible noises which I suppose is meant to express his dissatisfaction.
And then I understand.
Oh my stars, Doctor, you are jealous of yourself. You can't content yourself to be let out of here by the you that just said snogging me was brilliant, although not in the context of the snogging itself being brilliant but rather the life saving idea behind it… but still, you are mad at yourself from your, well our, past. A you that won't even remember my face, let alone that he kissed me when this is said and done.
If I let myself think about it, which I probably shouldn't, you seem to want to be the first you I kissed. Okay, technically if we include Christmas 1892, which of all the things I could remember is oddly clear… But with me being this me and that being that you is what you wanted.
Have I already said that pronouns are really confusing right now? Wibbley wobbley. I am appreciating that phrase more and more every minute this day continues.
I take a step away from the wall, and intentionally let my legs give way a bit. As I knew he would, the Doctor spins and catches me before I have even tilted enough to be off balance.
"Are you okay?" He asks, forgetting to be mad at his other self for a moment.
I take a deep breath, knowing this could be a very bad plan…
"I'm not sure, is there any way to make sure that those nanogene things are out of my system? That I got enough of your DNA to really fry them all?"
"Well…"
Come on Doctor, you want to. And I just gave us the perfect pretense.
"Well yes, there is something I could do… well technically do again to… ensure … that they have enough of a look at Time Lord DNA to scramble their tiny circuits."
We share a scared look before he moves one hand up to my chin.
I honestly hadn't seen it coming the last time, it had been sudden and messy and the point of it was to stop me from being paralyzed or worse. But this time, I kind of asked for it. Okay I definitely asked for it… But he's obliging right?
So I see it coming, and it does kind of scare me, but in a good way. Because this is superfluous to my safety and we know it. This is us, doing something we have wanted to do for ages but never let ourselves, this is me saying that I gave up on my trick a long way back and him admitting he hasn't always been keeping his eyes front.
And to steal some words from his past, it's absolutely fantastic.