Numb
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"I'm not angry at him, Piper." He took a shaky breath, "I'm not angry about anything, I'm not even upset. I'm just kind of numb."
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Set after Chris-Crossed.
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"You're angry at him, Wyatt, aren't you?" Piper asked as she looked across at her whitelighter, sprawled out on the couch as she stood in the door.
He shook his head mutely as he pulled himself up, stretching his arms over his head, before walking over to a bag on the floor across the room. Fishing out a clean shirt and sliding off his current one, he was aware of eyes on his back, and Chris felt self-conscious, he knew the scars were horrible, the ones on his front were worse, and he would be damned if Piper saw them, but of course, women were scary and get what they want.
Piper moved quickly, turning Chris around to face her and gasped softly, she thought his back was pretty bad, small scars that Piper thought could be from glass shards, scars from being stabbed, and Piper didn't want to even think about the whip marks.
But, this, she didn't even expect it, there were scars scattering across his body, a large scar across his left side, coming close to the heart, scars from bullets, scars from what she assumed were Darklighter arrows, more whip marks, but what disgusted her was that she could see nearly every single one of his ribs, and she knew she'd would have to fatten her whitelighter up.
"You are, he did this to you, didn't he?" She asked softly, watching as Chris pulled away and pulled on the shirt in his hand. He hated people's eyes on him, he had always been shy, hated the attention whereas his brother loved it..
Shaking his he, he said softly, "I'm not angry at him, Piper." He took a shaky breath, "I'm not angry about anything, I'm not even upset. I'm just kind of numb."
Staring at the wall, he closed his eyes, "Wyatt... he was always a consistent in my life, around the time my mother was killed, I fell into depression while he helped me, then I didn't even notice him falling to the dark side. By the time I did, he was too far gone." Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes. "I was overwhelmed with guilt, I managed to get sent to Valhalla, where Bianca found me, and by then, I didn't know what feelings were anymore. She bought some of them back."
Tears filled his eyes and he blinked them back furiously. "It took months until I finally admitted that I had fallen in love with her, then my sister was killed, most of my family, and I started to lose those feelings again, so I came to the past to change it all." Sighing deeply.
"I forgot what feeling was again, only knew aggravation and frustration, and now, I don't even know what those are. I won't stop until Wyatt is stopped, if I have to die to save him, or to stop him, then it's precisely what I'll do. I can't lose anyone else, and I don't want to be stuck in a loop. I can't let it happen."
"Piper, I don't want to be numb anymore, and if I have to go through a million more torture sessions, or a hundred more darklighter arrows. Even if I have to erase myself, I'll save him, because I don't want to not feel anymore, It'll kill me quicker than Wyatt will."
He noticed he was shaking, close to tears, and Piper's hand came to rest on his shoulder, and he let the first tears fall since Bianca had been killed in front of him.
His breath hitched at the thought of Bianca. It was hard enough that he had lost her, but the unborn child she'd been carrying, and he furiously wiped the tears away.
Crying wasn't okay, he had to be strong and had to save Wyatt.
Pulling away from Piper, he took another shaky breath and orbed away.